This Week on the Web bring you Vampire Diaries winning all of the awards, Catwoman, how to write a novel in three days, a mechanical penguin, the Tea Party downgrade, and more!

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“And considering that [the story of Atlantis] was passed down several times before Plato recorded it, we can assume that it has some inaccuracies.” -Answers in Genesis

“Have you heard about this strange new web service, Chatroulette? It makes webcam connections between random pairs of people with the idea that it’ll spark interesting conversations. I like the idea, but I haven’t tried it yet myself because a) I’ve heard that mainly what you get is pathetic exhibitionist men who aim the camera at their crotch, or b) people who want to chat about sex and flick past anyone who isn’t pretty enough.” -PZ Myers

“I knew that if anyone other than me was describing these symptoms I would lovingly handcuff them and take them to the hospital and help the shit out of them, whether they liked it or not.” -Rob Delaney

“So my mom says ‘nom nom nom’ now. It’s hilarious ’cause she’s old.” – AJ Wiswell

“I can’t build an installer on a brick.” – Adrian Maggio

“There is no such thing as a date hoodie. ‘The date hoodie’ is a complete figment of your imagination in which you’ve decided guys like you for your personality and intellect.” -An Open Letter to Girls Who Wear Hoodies

“WHAT IS NOT ROMANTIC ABOUT A WOLF MOVIE? Come on, you have guys in it, you have girls in it, you have kissing probably.” – The World’s Least Romantic Dates, Rhonda Stapleton

“This Friday, the release of Wolfman brings werewolves back to movie theaters for the first time since… well, since November, actually, when that kid with the abs fought the guy who sparkles for the love of the girl who pouts a lot.” -Chris Sims

“In the beginning, YAHWEH created the Heavens and the Earth. It only took him six days with no hired help. He also found the time to include incontrovertible evidence of a Big Bang, presumably to annoy future cosmologists.” -GodChecker.com