Scott McCall: Wolfface!
Allison Argent: Shockedface!
Chris Argent: Well, looks like Scott is about to eat my daughter. I guess I should probably do something about that. Let’s see… I’m a highly trained hunter, an expert marksman, a weapons dealer… I know! I’ll honk my horn!
One of the many, many Chevies on this show: Honk!
Scott McCall: Yipe yipe yipe!
Allison Argent: So, Derek’s…
Kate Argent: A werewolf, yeah.
Allison Argent: I was going to say “naked,” but yeah, I guess you could call that makeup “werewolf”, if you squinted really hard. And maybe did a few shots.
Kate Argent: No, I’ll prove he’s a werewolf! Look at these! They’re called “canines!”
Allison Argent: …Humans have canines, too.
Kate Argent: But his are longer!
Allison Argent: That’s what she said!
Kate Argent: …That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, there are two more wolves out there, an Alpha and your boyfriend, and you’re going to help me catch them. See you tomorrow!
Everyone: We’re number one! We’re number one! We’re number one!
Allison Argent: Hi Scott! Your prowess at lacrosse has convinced me to give you another shot at getting into my pants!
Scott McCall: :-D
Jackson Whittemore: And if you make me a werewolf, I’ll help!
Danny: I forgive you for everything, Scott.!
Thomas: Is too lazy to go look up whatever it is Danny is supposed to be forgiving Scott for.
The Lights: Go out.
Scott McCall: D-:
Derek Hale: Brood!
Scott McCall: Oh thank god! I thought it was-
Peter Hale: Hi Scott!
Scott McCall: That. Yeah, that’s what I thought it was.
Peter Hale: Lacrosse is stupid! Werewolves should play basketball!
Subtle 80′s Movie Reference: Is subtle.
Peter Hale: Anyway, I have a long list of people to kill, and I’d like your help doing it!
Scott McCall: But you’re a crazy madman!
Derek Hale: He’s just misunderstood!
Scott McCall: You’re not helping!
Peter Hale: Anyway, I want you to see this through my eyes.
Scott McCall: I don’t want to try and think like you!
Peter Hale: No, I mean I want to give you a psychic vision of when my family was burned to death by hunters, by stabbing you with my magic memory-implanting claws.
Scott McCall: …fuck this show.
Prof. Adrian R Harris: Well, here I am, at school, in the middle of the night, for no reason. Like you do.
Alpha Wolf: Hi there! I can talk now! And I’m pissed at you!
Prof. Adrian R Harris: PleasedontkillmePleasedontkillmePleasedontkillme
Derek Hale: Don’t worry, I’ll save-
The Police: Nobody move! We have you surrounded!
Derek Hale: …who the hell told them that I was here?
The Writers: We did!
Scott McCall: So… two guys, alone, in the woods…
Stiles Stalinski: That’s right, big boy. You know what we’re here for…
Scott McCall: Emotionally vulnerable… going through terrifying yet thrilling changes…
Stiles Stalinski: Oh yeah…
Scott McCall: Just broke up with a girl that he never actually had sex with…
Stiles Stalinski: I hear you man, I hear you…
Scott McCall: So we’re going to…
Stiles Stalinski: Drink Jack until we puke!
Scott McCall: Oh! Oh. Oh.
Scott McCall: We have to jam the door closed!
Stiles Stalinski: I know! I’ll run back outside, grab the bold cutters I used to open the school, and cram them in the door handles!
Scott McCall: No! Stiles! Don’t! You might die!
Thomas: Yeah, please. Don’t. That would be terrible. Really.
The Producers: Hi guys! Lt’s do something wacky and daring this week!
The Writers: Like what? Actually give Allison some character development? Give Scott some likable characteristics? Make all of that Derek/Stiles slash canon?
The Producers: Close… let’s kill off the only interesting character we have!
The Writers: …We should have stuck to writing taco commercials. That was so much more rewarding.
The Producers: So, what kind of drama do you have in store for us this week?
The Writers: Well, it’s parent teacher night, and Scott has to go, because his grades are so shitty. But! Now get this, he doesn’t go, because he’s out not having sex with Allison!
The Producers: …
The Writers: God we suck at our jobs.
The Producers: So, what shitty sports can we incorporate into this week’s episode?
The Writers: We are officially out of shitty sports.
The Producers: Well that makes us sad. So… we need to come up with a plot for this week…
The Writers: Well, we saw this episode of The Vampire Diaries, and you’ll never believe what happens when a werewolf bites a vampire’s arm…
The Producers: So, the lacrosse thing didn’t go over as well as we hoped… what other sports do we have?
The Writers: Football?
The Producers: No…
The Writers: Mixed martial arts?
The Producers: No…
The Writers: Oh, how about basketball, you know, the sport that the first movie was kind of famous for?
The Producers: No…
The Writers: God! What, should we have them go bowling or something?
The Producers: Yes! That! Do that!
The Writers: …we really need to stop talking at these meetings.