Secret Circle – S01E11– Fire / Ice

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Meade Manor – Growing Girl Crush -

Diana Meade: Hi Cassie! Do you like my bathrobe? It’s all silky and slinky and it’s so short I have to hold it down or I’d totally flash the audience! Tee hee!

Cassie Blake: I don’t have time for your flirtations! I’m researching demons!

The Lady of the Manor: No one wanders around in a robe that short.

Thomas: …

The Lady of the Manor: I mean, unless you’re trying to seduce someone.

Thomas: …

The Lady of the Manor: And the only person she has around is Cassie.

Thomas: …

The Lady of the Manor: …Oh.

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Secret Circle – S01E10 – Darkness

And lo, the prophets did speak of a dark time that should fall upon the earth, when fangs would not flash, whiskey would not clang, and eyebrows would not act. In this dark time, sarcasm would not echo in the air, and nary a forehead would be touched in intimacy, for the dark sorceress Plec had retreated into the night, to recoup and to recover.

The prophecy was true, but it was incomplete.

For the fell necromancer Williamson, long a cohort of the Dark One, and himself schooled in the ways of the macabre theatre, had followed Plec into seclusion.

Gone from our televisions were the exploits of a bubbly blond demnspawn. Absent from our Thursdays were the deep-V shirt of her blond counterpart, who is not her half-brother and if you say otherwise I will stab you with a fork. Missing from the air was the bead-bedecked bosom of a young Australian model.

The hellatus, that vile thing spoken of is harsh tones and acidic whispers, had grown strong, and another show had fallen to its appetite.

And the days did become weeks, and our spirits did suffer.

For a dark power stirred in the blond hellchild, brought forth with renewed vigor by the rested and refreshed Williamson. A force both wild and wicked surged through her, compelling her to acts of power and darkness. And as she felt the untamed magics rushing through her, she did speak … “I kinda like it.”

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Grandma’s Gingerbread House – Bedroom of Blond Badassery -

Jake Armstrong: Hi Cassie!

Cassie Blake: Eep!

The Lady of the Manor: Call a girl. Jesus, you people. Does anyone on the CW own a phone, or is it all “sneak into your dark room and deliver a cryptic message” mail these days?

Jake Armstrong: Sorry about selling you and your friends out to a bunch of guys that wanted to murder you for the vile crime of being born! On the bright side, I’ve turned over a completely new leaf, and an ready to proceed with sexytimes!

Cassie Blake: Your proposal is interesting, however … Super Cassie force choke powers activate!

Jake Armstrong: This crushed larynx and ruptured spleen are most uncomfortable!

The Lady of the Manor: Go on now, Cassie Vader!

Thomas: Darth Blake!

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Recap Roundup – Vampire Diaries and Secret Circle

Welcome to the hellatus, friends and family. No new Vampire Diaries or Secret Circle until the new year. But we can still relive old memories, can’t we? So here you go, the last Recap Roundup of 2011.

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Secret Circle – S01E09 – Balcoin

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Grandma’s Gingerbread House -

Cassie Blake: Hi Grandma! Any idea what this Satanic Parchment, which coincidentally has your initials in flowing, Gothic script, is all about?

Grandma Jane: I have magic Alzheimer’s!

- Chance Harbor High – Lockers of Love -

Holden Glaser: Hi Melissa! I will be playing the part of Supportive Out of Town Relative this episode! And also probably Quickly Murdered Extra!

Diana Meade: Hi Holden! I’m going to pretend that I don’t really remember you!

Melissa Glaser: But that’s silly! You had the biggest crush in the world on him! You remember! You were always over at our house, trying to impress him with your homemade jewelry and academic accomplishments!

Diana Meade: I’m going to go hang out with someone emotionally supportive! Like Faye!

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Secret Circle – S01E08 – Beneath

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Grandma’s Gingerbread House -

Cassie Blake: Hi guys! Just wanted to let you all know that I can do magic by myself now! Jake taught me, in between rounds of incredibly athletic sex.

Faye Chamberlain: I hate everything about you.

Cassie Blake: Also, that odd-yet-friendly shopkeeper the police found lying on the side of the road, suffering from an advanced case of an as-yet unidentified Super Virus? He left me this scroll covered in Satanic markings. I’m pretty sure it’s harmless, but I figured we should ask my grandma about it anyway.

Diana Meade: Awesome! Let’s all come up with some flimsy excuses for why we have to go to Faye’s grandpa’s house this weekend!

Faye Chamberlain: Dibs on rubbing salt in my mother’s “I killed grandpa” wound!

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Secret Circle -S01E07 – Masked

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Chance Harbor – Little Shop of Horrors -

Faye Chamberlain: Hi Cassie! I’m slutty!

Cassie Blake: Don’t you mean a slutty witch doctor?

Faye Chamberlain: …That too! Speaking of slutty, you know what would be a great follow-up to ruining the longest-lasting relationship in the history of Chance Harbor High? Inviting that guy from episode three whose name no one can remember! And buying me this voodoo doll which is probably not possessed at all.

Calvin Wilson: Hi Cassie! Please pay no attention to the fact that touching my hand causes things to explode!

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Secret Circle – S01E06 – Wake

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Grandma’s Gingerbread House – Bedroom of Bad Omens -

Cassie Blake: Um… why is the world on fire?

Jake Armstrong: Well I’m certainly not burning an ancient symbol of vengeance and persecution into the lawn, that’s for sure!

Cassie Blake: Oh good. Well I’m going back to bed then.

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Secret Circle – S01E05 – Slither

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Nick’s Nook of Nookie -

Melissa Glaser: Hi Matt! It’s the start of a new episode, and you know what that means! I’m naked! And also possessed by a demon. But mostly naked.

Nick Armstrong: …Kinky, but I think I can work with that.

Melissa Glaser: I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.

Nick Armstrong: …I liked you better when you had no self esteem.

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Secret Circle – S01E04 – Heather

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Nick’s Nook of Nookie -

Melissa Glaser: Hi guys! Are we ever going to start an episode with my clothes on?

The Producers: Nope.

Nick Armstrong: I can get my girlfriend naked with my brain!

- Grandma’s Gingerbread House – Bungalow of Binging -

Cassie Blake: “About this strange and mystic ho, tell me everything I need to know!”

Bing: Um, Cassie? You don’t have to rhyme to make a search engine work.

- Chance Harbor High – Hallway of Heather Hounding -

Cassie Blake: Hi Diana! I binged this week’s exposition!

Diana Meade: Great! I have a conveniently scheduled meeting with a heretofore unmentioned school council, but I bet my boyfriend Adam, who is my boyfriend, would love to take you!

Adam Conant: No, not really.

Diana Meade: Great! Have fun making sex metaphors together!

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Secret Circle – S01E03 – Loner

Previously, on The Secret Circle

- Chance Harbor High – Hallway of Hijacked Hexes -

Faye Chamberlain: “I still have power, that’s what I’m hoping, magic spirits, make this locker open!”

The Locker: Yeah, no.

Faye Chamberlain: Hey Diana? It’s kind of lame that I can’t do magic without the rest of the Circle any more.

Diana Meade: Yeah, I know. Almost as lame as nearly murdering the class president with your brain because she cock-blocked you with Cassie.

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