Prof. Adrian R Harris: Well, here I am, at school, in the middle of the night, for no reason. Like you do.
Alpha Wolf: Hi there! I can talk now! And I’m pissed at you!
Prof. Adrian R Harris: PleasedontkillmePleasedontkillmePleasedontkillme
Derek Hale: Don’t worry, I’ll save-
The Police: Nobody move! We have you surrounded!
Derek Hale: …who the hell told them that I was here?
The Writers: We did!
Derek Hale: Is faster on foot than the cops are in cars.
Chris Argent: Hey sister! I found Derek! He’s on foot, by the iron works!
Kate Argent: Then… who’s driving his car?
Scott McCall: Whee! Vroom! Screech!
Stiles Stalinski: Um, Scott? You’re doing twenty miles an hour. This is not impressive. At all.
Scott McCall: Pout.
The Police: Release the hounds!
The Hounds: Grr!
Derek Hale: Semiwolfface!
The Hounds: Whimper!
Chris Argent: Well, I suppose I could shoot Derekwith this explosive crossbow thingie, but… that would end the show, so I’ll just shoot the wall, instead.
Scott McCall: Hi Derek! Need a lift!
Chris Argent: Bang bang bang bang bang!
Derek Hale: Boy, sure is a good thing that I got the racing stripes / bullet proof armor package on my shiny new 2011 Camaro, available at a Chevy dealer near you!
Scott McCall: Man, those police sure were angry!
Derek Hale: Well, that makes sense. You know, because you told them I murdered an entire orphanage.
Scott McCall: Geeze, you frame one guy for murder, and you never hear the end of it.
Derek Hale: Anyway, I need you to break into your ex-girlfriend’s house and steal her family heirloom / wolf hunter decoder necklace thing.
Stiles Stalinski: …Don’t mind me… I’m just going to stare fawningly at your rugged, handsome jawline.
Stiles Stalinski: So this is going to be easy! Just ask her to borrow the necklace! So that you can examine it! To see if it contains any secrets! Secrets that will lead you to the Alpha Werewolf!
Scott McCall: …Allison has boobies.
Stiles Stalinski: …Goddammit.
Doctor Nick: Hi Jackson! That sure is an interesting scratch there! Just let me take this chainsaw to the back of your neck, and then I’ll pull some wolfsbane out in the most painful manner possible!
Jackson Whittemore: What?!?
Derek Hale: Hi Jackson! I said, “I’m going to rip your spine out now!”
Jackson Whittemore: What?!?
Doctor Nick: I said, “stop eating wolfsbane, you dope-head assclown.”
Jackson Whittemore: Hi Scott’s mom! Mind if I look something up on the hospital computer?
Melissa McCall: Hi Jackson! I’ve never heard of HIPPA, so sure, go ahead!
Jackson Whittemore: Googles “what the fuck is Scott McCall’s issue?”
Google: He’s a goddamn werewolf.
Jackson Whittemore: Hi Scott! I know what you are!
Scott McCall: I was just holding those playgirls for a friend!
Jackson Whittemore: …I meant a werewolf. And if you don’t help me become a werewolf too, I’m going to tell Allison all about your little secret.
Scott McCall: …Okay, let’s do that. Hey Allison! Jackson has something he wants to tell you. See, he thinks I’m a werewolf. Yeah, no joke. Your new boyfriend thinks I’m a goddamn werewolf. Who’s the weirdo now?
The Writers: Whisper whisper whisper.
Scott McCall: …I mean, “Oh no, please, Jackson, I’ll do anything, just don’t tell people I’m a werewolf. Please.”
Stiles Stalinski: How did he find out?
Scott McCall: He found my stash of gay porn!
Stiles Stalinski: I mean about the werewolf thing.
Scott McCall: Oh, right, that. No idea.
Scott McCall: Hi Allison! I have some stuff I want to send you, okay?
Allison Argent: …Okay.
Scott McCall: It’s a bunch of pictures of us making out!
Allison Argent: Aaaaaaand you’re a douche.
Stiles Stalinski: Hi Scott! How did it go with Allison?
Scott McCall: …
Stiles Stalinski: Oh, that’s right, it was so, you so fucked it up. Okay, new plan, just break into her house, rifle through her panty drawer, and steal the thing.
Jackson Whittemore: Hi Scott! I bet you can hear me with your super wolf hearing! You better make me a werewolf, or I’m going to sex you ex-girlfriend so hard she won’t be able to walk straight until the next full moon!
Scott McCall: …I really hate that guy.
Jackson Whittemore: Of course, if you domake me a werewolf, I’m still going to sex her so hard that she’ll be bow-legged for a fortnight, so… there’s really no upside to this for you.
Jackson Whittemore: Hi Allison! Swimming sure is fun!
Allison Argent: It sure is!
Jackson Whittemore: We should go swimming together more often! Maybe we could do it naked!
Allison Argent: Okay!
Scott McCall: Don’t mind me, I’m just going to go through this here bag, looking for jewelry. Nothing unusual here.
Lydia Martin: Jackson! What is this text message about!
Jackson Whittemore: It’s about me dumping you. Because you suck. And I think Allison can suck better.
Lydia Martin: …Well you’re a stupid head! So there!
Sheriff Stalinski: Hi Stiles!
Stiles Stalinski: Hi… Derek!
Derek Hale: Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Sheriff Stalinski: What was that?
Stiles Stalinski: Nothing nothing at all no serial killers in here that’s for sure hey are you coming to the game that would be great hope to see you there no I’m not hiding anything okay bye bye!
Derek Hale: I am going to tear-
Stiles Stalinski: My clothes off?
Team Sterek: Approves.
Scott McCall: Let’s see… frilly underwear, a bunch of bras I’ll never get to see, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Werewolf Hunting, socks, ah! Werewolf Hunter Decoder Necklace!
Danny: You want me to what?
Stiles Stalinski: Hack into the phone system and find out who sent this text message to this phone that I stole.
Danny: And you think I can do that because?
Stiles Stalinski: It’s convenient to the plot!
Danny: Hey, is that the most wanted mass murderer in California over there?
Stiles Stalinski: …No… that… my cousin.. Miguel.
Danny: And is that blood on his shirt?
Stiles Stalinski: …He gets… really bad nosebleeds. Hey Miguel! Why don’t you borrow one of my shirts!
Derek Hale: Abshot!
Millions of Girls Across the Nation: Squee!
Danny: Squee!
Stiles Stalinski: No, that one’s too small. Try again.
Derek Hale: Abshot!
Millions of Girls Across the Nation: Squee!
Danny: Squee!
Stiles Stalinski: No, that color’s no good, try
Derek Hale: Angryface!
Stiles Stalinski: Or that one’s okay.
Scott McCall: Okay! Well, that was a very successful robbery! Now it’s time to-
Chris Argent: Hi Scott! Why don’t you come inside for a while?
Scott McCall: …I suck at everything.
Danny: Okay, so the Alpha’s text message came from… Scott’s mom!
Derek Hale and Stiles Stalinski: …Shit.
Chris Argent: So Scott! Let’s talk about how you’ve been hanging out with a werewolf serial killer.
Scott McCall: …I really hate my life.
Allison Argent: Well, I think I’ll just go for a run through the… old Hale House. I’m sure that will be completely safe.
Allison Argent: well it looks like this place is totally-
Kate Argent: Hi Allison!
Allison Argent: I hate being afraid and I’m always afraid and being afraid sucks and I’d like you to teach me to murder fear with an assault rifle!
Kate Argent: …You remind me so much of myself. Just… scrawnier.
Chris Argent: You see, Derek is-
Scott McCall: Derek is a good person even though I blamed him for the murders and besides everything I’ve done I did to protect your daughter because she’s awesome and I love her and I want to touch her boobies and I can’t do that if she’s dead well I could but that would be really weird and I’m not into that kind of thing!
Allison Argent: …Now I’m conflicted!
Scott McCall (on the Phone): Hey guys! I got the necklace! There’s nothing special about it!
Stiles Stalinski (on the Phone): Okay! Don’t worry, your mom totally has nothing to do with the Alpha!
Scott McCall (on the Phone): Wait, what?
Derek Hale: Hey Stiles? Facesmash!
Stiles Stalinski: Dude, what was that for?
Derek Hale: You knowwhat that was for. Sullying out love.
Jackson Whittemore: Hi Scott! How goes the “turning this guy you hate into a werewolf” thing?
Scott McCall: It’s not that simple! There’s an Alpha werewolf! And hunters!
Jackson Whittemore: …That must be the Argents.
Scott McCall: How do you know that?!?
Jackson Whittemore: Dude, her dad deals assault weapons, and their name means “silver” in french. And Stiles’ dad is too useless to be a hunter.
Stiles Stalinski (on the Phone): Hey Derek? Your Uncle isn’t here. And neither is his nurse.
Derek Hale (on the Phone): Why, that can only mean one thing! My Uncle must be the Alpha!
Peter Hale: Hi guys!
Nurse Jennifer: Ah ha! I see you’ve stumbled onto our clever plan! Which is-
Derek Hale: Facepunch!
Peter Hale: …Well that wasn’t nice. Asskick!
Derek Hale: Punchingbag!
Peter Hale: Villain exposition speech!
Sheriff Stalinski: So… about your relationship with the girl that murdered the Hale girl?
Prof. Adrian R Harris: Well, I’m a total geek and haven’t gotten laid since the eighties, and this girl asked me how I would get rid of a body using Chemistry!and I told her and then the Hale house blew up. She was wearing a wolf hunter decoder necklace. You might want to look out for that.
Peter Hale: Oh by the way, this horrible facial burn? Gone now! Now let’s talk about my master plan…
Coach Bobby Finstock: Hey guys! I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but if we don’t win this game, I’m going to fail you in Econ. Bye bye now!
Kate Argent: Hey Allison! that boy sure is cute! Why haven’t you had all of his babies yet?
Allison Argent: Well, the wolf bites on the back of his neck are kind of a turn off.
Kate Argent: …Wait a minute…
The Plot: Thickens.
“Derek Hale: Is faster on foot than the cops are in cars.”
That’s from running from the fangirls and Danny. He’s had practice.
LOVE it! Can’t wait until next episode!
Scott does suck at everything!!! Lmao. Most useless newbie wolfboy, ever. Omg Thomas, I know I have been kinda trashing this “fill up my summer tv time becuz there’s no TVD” show, soooooo finally, 9 episodes in and I am finally intrigued now that the alpha finally has a face, instead of being a hairy, low budget CGI cockroach/crab looking thing LOL :) Let’s see where this season 1 ends….long live Stiles!
I can’t believe the nasty factor has been turned up. I thought that the claws coming from Jackson’s mouth was the grossest thing all season, but the doctor’s office topped it.
Team Sterek FTW! :D
I think they should dump Scott, turn Stiles (I want Derek to do it), and turn the show into ‘Stiles & Hale’. For serious.
– Ellie.
Thanks Candi :-)
And yeah, I think there’s a pretty big crowd running after Derek. If only he’d realize their love is true… ;-)
Hi Alicia :-)
I know, right? Whatever Scott touches fall apart. They totally should have made Stiles the werewolf.
I actually called the Alpha’s identity a couple of weeks ago, but I really have no idea where they’re going with it. I want to know why he’s got such a rager for Scott… and it better be a damn good explanation.
Hey Mary :-)
Yeah, the whole “ripping a vine full of wolfsbane out of your spine with a pair of rusty pliers” was a bit… much ;-)
Hey Ellie :-)
I would totally watch that show. Of course, I watch this show, so it’s not like my standards are that high. ;-)
Hi Thomas, and we’re back for another week!! Squeee…..
“Team Sterek: Approves.” Love that! They are my favourite part of the show. I loved the facesmash. I also loved the whole Miguel scene, i’m relatively easy pleased.
If Alison turns all Angelina-Jolie-kickarse then that would be awesome! She has potential!
I actually liked the whole doctor part with the foliage coming out of Jackson, it was scary and well done i thought. Jackson was great this week, front and centre. He’s got the ability to be quite menacing, do you agree?
I’m glad you explained what Alison’s surname meant because i didn’t get that. i had no idea what Jackson said, somehow i don’t believe that Jackson is fluent in French – but whatever.
Last thing, I have no idea why the Alpha’s face is all post-proactive clean again. I missed that bit too.
Until next week, great Re-cap! I look forward to these every week :D
Thank you.
Hi Hayley :-)
I would love to see Allison get some ass-kicking time… and it looks like that’s the direction they’re heading, so yay for us :-)
Jackson is a pretty solid character, and the guy playing him does a really good job. He’s an asshole, but I’m supposed to think he’s an asshole, so it all works out. Also: him speaking French? Only if he thought it would get him laid.
As to the Alpha, Derek has said that werewolves can “turn off” their healing factor with a conscious effort, so the way I read it, this was the first week that the Alpha was strong enough to walk around in human form, but he intentionally left his face burned, for dramatic effect. Then, when he was with Derek, he turned his healing factor back on, and presto, no more makeup.
Hi Thomas :-)!
Love your recap, as always. I’m quite happy I stuck through this series (thanks to your recaps by the way)because, and I can’t believe I’m writing this, this show is actually getting…kind of good? Or at least a little intriguing. I liked that they didn’t recoil from going into the gross wolfsbane dream, Jackson is definitely getting to be an interesting and well-played character, and I’m /finally/ starting to have some unanswered questions…The story-telling is still a little too disjointed for my taste, but they’re getting there!
It’s always a good sign when you, Thomas, start quoting the original dialog (“he gets really bad nosebleeds”);-)
And yes, Scott still sucks at everything he does but it seems the other characters are trying hard to make up for it.
All in all, nice episode, excellent recap!
PS: Would /any/ of these supernatural shows acknowledge that wolfsbane is actually a really deadly plant to humans, werewolves or not (eating that would not just give you nightmares)? And you certainly don’t take antibiotics to cure poisoning, but whatever….
Hi Sara :-)
This whole thing has turned out better than I had hoped. It still has (a lot of) rough spots, but it also has glimmers of quality. And I agree, Jackson is pretty awesome, in his own way.
If only Scott wasn’t so useless… that’s a huge drag on the show. It’s hard when you can’t care about the main character.
And I’ll give the show credit for saying Jackson had wolfsbane poisoning… the doctor didn’t seem surprised that it caused the kid problems. Though if I was the doctor, I would have followed that up with “why the fucking fuck are you eating wolfsbane, you gobshite?”
Random but I found out Tyler Posey has a brother named Derek. Also how confusing must that be on set when they are both Tyler? Ok the opening scene (and many other scenes at high schools like it) is totally unrealistic. First off, teachers do not sit in their classrooms with the lights off and secondly they don’t stay at school that late (unless they really have no lives). Even in TVD sometimes Alaric (back when he went to work) would be at school at night with the lights off. Anyway the car chase stuff was pretty good and the doctor scene was SUPER creepy but Jackson deserved that ;). The scene of Miguel and Stiles was hilarious, as I watched it I wondered what you were going to write about it. I enjoyed the facesmash! after haha. The show is really picking up now that we finally know who the Alpha is. Going to finish watching the new episode tonight. Looking forward to more Sterek bromance! (Nothing can top the Alaric Damon bromance but they can try!)
Hi Tina :-)
I guess some of the “teachers alone in the dark” thing comes from not wanting to dress up anther set, and wanting appropriate atmosphere. It’s still totally rediculous, but I can see why it’s done that way.
The police magically knowing where Derek is bothered me more, actually.
I kind of wish they’d revealed the Alpha earlier… the “mystery” wasn’t all that intriguing, and there’s more drama now that he’s out in the open. I still want to know why he’s got such a boner for Scott, though.
Great post I must say. Simple but yet interesting and engaging. Keep up a good work!