This week on the Web brings you the latest (badass) Batman poster, Klaus’ Original siblings, Breaking Dawn (ten times shorter and one hundred times more honest), Voyager hauling ass for interstellar space, Verizon and Amazon being dicks, a raging bigot running for President, and more!
A Little Less Humbug
Child’s Play: My favorite Christmas charity. These folks are guaranteed not to throw out your donation because it offends their religion.
Sire is going up to $5.99 on January 1st: Get it while it’s cheap.
Sire book club: Come join our discussion on the hottest teenage vampire novel written by a guy named Thomas of 2011! This link is to Chapter One, and you can follow the links inside to the next chapters.
Vampire Diaries: Klaus’ brothers revealed: Commence squeeing and/or calling for someone’s violent death as appropriate.
Chris Zylka joins Secret Circle full-time: He plays Jake, and his chest plays Cassie’s love interest.
Bane leaves Batman broken: The new Dark Knight Rises poster, which is awesome.
Every episode of What Not to Wear ever: It’s kind of horrible.
J.J. Abrams and Mark Schwahn join forces for a new CW pilot: Which is being compares to Felicity and One Tree Hill. Apropos of nothing, Kerri Russel is beautiful.
Theater sets aside seats for Twitter users: I have, on a completely unofficial basis, implemented this same policy at my local theater. The seats are located in the nearest Emergency Room.
Final Fantasty VII remade with the Unreal engine: God, if they would just get around to remaking this game, they could literally print money with it.
If Breaking Dawn 4 Was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest: This is kind of awesome.
The rules of magic according to fifty great fantasy series: Excuse me while I go lose the rest of my day.
I don’t even know what to file this under maybe WTF?
Amazon offers 15% off if you scan an item in-store, then order it online: Genius move or dick move, I’m not sure which. Probably both.
Fireplace for your home: So you can stream video of a fireplace on Netflix now.
Eating fish once a week may cut cardiovascular disease in women by 90%: I’m too tired to run the numbers myself and make sure the “90%” part isn’t bullshit, but regardless, eating fish is a fantastic idea. And as soon as I’m out of Oreos, I will return to doing so. #FuckItTillNewYears
Voyager is about to reach interstellar space: How awesome is it that a man-made object is about to leave our solar system? Very awesome. And it’ll be even more awesome when aliens find it, trick it out, and send it back out way.*
Computers and Technology
Verizon: Excited about Google Wallet? Well fuck you then: Another corporation acting like an asshole. Shocking.
Amazon recruits authors to its lending program: Amazon is doing a bunch of promotion, and offering a bit of money, but there’s a catch: the book has to be a Kindle exclusive. Mark my words: within five years, and probably sooner, we’re going to be bitching about how Amazon is abusing it’s monopoly.
Politics and Religion
Obama channels Roosevelt’s ‘New Nationalism’: I watched part of this speech over lunch; when he flatly said Regan’s trickle-down economics “don’t work”, people started fucking applauding. Good on him for calling the GOP out on their bullshit. Next step: change words into actions.
Why health insurance is a losing bet: Yours truly opines.
Between 2008 and 2010, 30 corporations spend more money lobbying than they paid in taxes: Ask not what your country can do for you…
Little boy talks to Michele Bachmann about his gay mom: “My mommy’s gay but she doesn’t need fixing.” Damn right, son. Also: this kid was not coached to say this, according to an eye-witness. Also also: fuck you, Michele Bachmann.
Rick Perry is a bigot: And it turns out homophobia doesn’t play well on the internets. This thing had 15,2822 thumbs-down when I first saw it. Chances are it will have been removed from the ‘tubes by the time you read this.
This is how you deal with peaceful protesters : What in the flying fuck is so hard to understand about “make no law”? I can kind of understand how these dipshits have trouble parsing “petition the government for redress of grievances”, because that’s a mouthful, but aren’t there supposed to be lawyers and stuff who can explain why these people are exercising a constitutionally protected right? (via The Lady)
Former Delta consultant: Airport security is bullshit: I know, I know, you’re all surprised.
School administrator takes standardized tests, declares them bullshit: Although he’s a bit more eloquent than that. (via Brian Cummings)
Church overturns ban on interracial couples: “Shit, Paw! They done caught us bein’ biggated ass pirates!” “Well fuck, Ma! Guess we durn better pretend to not be shitheels fer a while! Yeehaw!”
A Brief History of the Apocalypse: I would like to point out that the fourth entry on this list is Jesus Christ, who said (sometime around 30AD): “Verily I say unto you, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”