And lo, the prophets did speak of a dark time that should fall upon the earth, when fangs would not flash, whiskey would not clang, and eyebrows would not act. In this dark time, sarcasm would not echo in the air, and nary a forehead would be touched in intimacy, for the dark sorceress Plec had retreated into the night, to recoup and to recover.
The prophecy was true, but it was incomplete.
For the fell necromancer Williamson, long a cohort of the Dark One, and himself schooled in the ways of the macabre theatre, had followed Plec into seclusion.
Gone from our televisions were the exploits of a bubbly blond demnspawn. Absent from our Thursdays were the deep-V shirt of her blond counterpart, who is not her half-brother and if you say otherwise I will stab you with a fork. Missing from the air was the bead-bedecked bosom of a young Australian model.
The hellatus, that vile thing spoken of is harsh tones and acidic whispers, had grown strong, and another show had fallen to its appetite.
And the days did become weeks, and our spirits did suffer.
For a dark power stirred in the blond hellchild, brought forth with renewed vigor by the rested and refreshed Williamson. A force both wild and wicked surged through her, compelling her to acts of power and darkness. And as she felt the untamed magics rushing through her, she did speak … “I kinda like it.”
Previously, on The Secret Circle…
Jake Armstrong: Hi Cassie!
Cassie Blake: Eep!
The Lady of the Manor: Call a girl. Jesus, you people. Does anyone on the CW own a phone, or is it all “sneak into your dark room and deliver a cryptic message” mail these days?
Jake Armstrong: Sorry about selling you and your friends out to a bunch of guys that wanted to murder you for the vile crime of being born! On the bright side, I’ve turned over a completely new leaf, and an ready to proceed with sexytimes!
Cassie Blake: Your proposal is interesting, however … Super Cassie force choke powers activate!
Jake Armstrong: This crushed larynx and ruptured spleen are most uncomfortable!
The Lady of the Manor: Go on now, Cassie Vader!
Thomas: Darth Blake!
Bonnie Bennet: Wait, this happens to you, too?
Adam Conant: Hi Cassie! Just dropped by to see how you’re feeling!
Cassie Blake: Aside from the recurring dreams of murder and mayhem, I’m feeling great!
Adam Conant: So, still evil?
Cassie Blake: Still evil.
Adam Conant: Hey! Maybe your mother passed down good magic, and that will trump your father’s bad magic!
Cassie Blake: And maybe pigs will fly out of my butt!
Adam Conant: I actually know a spell for that. I’m planning to use it if Jake ever comes back into town.
Diana Meade: Grandma Kate! How nice of you to drop by with no warning and for an extended period of time! What brings you into town?
Grandma Kate: Oh, you know! Just came by to catch up with you, emasculate my son, murder your new best friend, and sacrifice a child in order to remain looking like I’m thirty years old, despite being a “grandmother.”
Diana Meade: Great! See you after school!
Faye Chamberlain: Hi Melissa! Why so mopey?
Melissa Glaser: Because my boyfriend was murdered by a demon?
Faye Chamberlain: Yeah, like three episodes ago! The audience has already mentally dubbed Jake into all of the scenes Nick was in! Which kind of means you had sex with him! Which kind of makes me hate you! Bee Tee Dub, wanna go practice black magic in the shady part of town?
Melissa Glaser: …I hate you. Pick me up at six.
Grandma Kate: Hi Dawn! Just dropped by to offer threatening condolences about all of the mysterious harm befalling the Elders in this town, and to call BS on your fake romance with Charles. Have you ever seen a frog in a microwave? Because I can do that with my brain! See you at the PTA meeting!
Dawn Chamberlain: …Swear words.
Diana Meade: Hi Adam! Mind if I ask why you’re googling “how to tell if the blond girl I totally want to have sex with is a demon succubus from the pits of hell and if so do I still need to use protection”?
Adam Conant: Oh, you know! Cassie is going through a lot of changes these days, and she wants to know if she should go on the pill before she inevitably sleeps with Jake me. And if she’s going to manifest as the antichrist and destroy the work in a hail of smoke and brimstone.
Cassie Blake:
Diana Meade: So that’s a “yes” on the antichrist thing, then?
Melissa Glaser: So is anyone worried about how Cassie keeps trying to choke people with her brain?
Faye Chamberlain: To be fair, this is the first time she’s actually chocked anyone with her brain.
Cassie Blake: Thank you!
Faye Chamberlain: She lit the other guy on fire with her brain.
Cassie Blake: Never mind.
Adam Conant: Cassie, it’s all right! I don’t mind if you’re a little rough, we just need to think of a safe word. Maybe “ack ack I’m dying oh God I’m dying”.
Cassie Blake: And it is once again time to blow this popsicle stand.
Dawn Chamberlain: Hi Charles! Your mother dropped by the office and threatened to turn me into a goldfish in a blender. And then turning that blender on.
Charles Meade: Fear not, my beloved! I shall talk sternly to my mother, and she shall never bother you again!
Dawn Chamberlain: Yeah? ‘Cuase I was thinking we should just kill her.
Diana Meade: Hi Cassie! Nice attraction spell you’ve got going there, but you really don’t need it. Adam has been humping your leg with his eyes since you got into town. But you probably know that, because I came over her last night crying about how I had to break up with the only man I’ve ever loved because he was in love with you.
Cassie Blake: Oh, I’m not trying to attract Adam! I’m trying to attract Jake.
Diana Meade: You mean the guy who tried to murder us with his herb garden? Why would you want to attract him?
Cassie Blake: Well, I’m not trying to attract his clothes.
Diana Meade: …Oh.
Melissa Glaser: Um, did you steal this page out of Cassie’s Book of Shadows?
Faye Chamberlain: Oh come on, it’s not like she’s going to discover my treachery and remove my gall bladder through my nose with her brain or anything! Besides, this page is a totally new kind of magic that we’ve never ever tried before, and have no knowledge of, and might summon the dark forces of hell! And I think I can do it solo!
Melissa Glaser: Faye, you’re the hottest girl on this show. You don’t need to do it solo.
Faye Chamberlain: Right? That’s why I found this guy!
Melissa Glaser: TotallyGenuineVoodooNoReallyItsLegitAndNotFakeAtAll.GeoCities.com? Is GeoCities even still alive?
Faye Chamberlain: See! He can bring web sites back from the dead! He’s a necromancer!
Melissa Glaser: You’re going to wake up in a parking lot wearing some dude’s shirt again, aren’t you?
Faye Chamberlain: Hopefully!
Diana Meade: Hi Grandma Kate! This is Cassie Blake!
Grandma Kate: Oh, you must be the daughter of the witch who nearly destroyed us all by consorting with the demon, and did in fact bring forth the vile spawn of woe, AKA you!
Cassie Blake: …
Grandma Kate: I mean, so nice to meet you, and sorry for your loss.
Dawn Chamberlain: Hi Charles! Let’s open our mouths and angrily jam our tongues together, as we have so often done in the past, and are completely comfortable doing!
Charles Meade: 0_o I mean: :-*
Grandma Kate: …Yeah, that was authentic.
Grandma Kate: So, about the strange deaths and illnesses befalling my peers?
Charles Meade: So, about the obviously poisoned wine that is obviously poisoned?
Dawn Chamberlain: Charles, honey? If I was going to murder someone, I’d do it by letting you touch a boob in exchange for making their head explode.
Faye Chamberlain: Hi Lee! Nice bungalow! How long have your parents owned it? Do you do really serious magic like making a rabbit appear out of a hat, or do you just do the small stuff, like picking the wrong card out of a deck?
Lee LaBeque: I am descended from a long line of powerful priests, and command the forces of darkness with my very words!
Faye Chamberlain: Great! Maybe you can command the fell spirits to get you your safety blanket and a warm glass of milk!
Lee LaBeque: I know a spell that involves getting naked.
Faye Chamberlain: Let’s go!
Adam Conant (via brick through the window): Hi Diana! Can I come up and talk about you like you aren’t even there? XOXO -Adam
Cassie Blake: So, did you come here to make sure I didn’t murder your ex with my brain?
Adam Conant: No, I came here to see you two in your underwear. And to let you both know that you’re way more important to me than Diana ever was. See you guys in class!
Lee LaBeque: Okay, in this spell, you take off your shirt, and I rub your boob, and then I use my magic wand to
Melissa Glaser: Aaaaaand we’re done here.
Grandma Kate: Hi Cassie! I couldn’t help but notice that you have dark magic inside of you!
Cassie Blake: So … is there like a cream I can use?
Grandma Kate: As a matter of fact there is! It’s made out of mandrake root!
Cassie Blake: … Isn’t mandrake the stuff witches use to murder other witches?
Grandma Kate: Meet me in Dead Body Woods at midnight, and I’ll give you a jar!
Diana Meade: Hey Cassie? Do you remember how our parents told my Grandma’s generation about their magic, and then there was all this fire and sorrow and death, and then they couldn’t do any magic any more?
Cassie Blake: …Yeah?
Diana Meade: Great! Because I just wanted to tell you that I trust my Grandma completely and you should do anything she ever asks you even if its something weird like cutting your hand open and bleeding on a magic death totem!
Cassie Blake: Okay!
Faye Chamberlain: “Stupid bowl made out of glass, shatter with a big old crash!”
The Glass Bowl: …
Faye Chamberlain: …I really need to stop falling for that old “let me touch your boob and something magical will happen” line.
Melissa Glaser: Don’t beat yourself up, Faye! I mean, which one of us hasn’t taken out clothes off for some guy just because he has a really cheesy GeoCities site and a web cam and he says he’s going to make you a star and of course you have to be naked that’s how everyone gets their start no really the big roles where you get to leave your clothes on come later!
Faye Chamberlain: … So can we go murder him with our brains?
Melissa Glaser: No?
Grandma Kate: Okay, I’ve prepared the ceremony site. Now, this might seem a little creepy, but I just want you to know that
Cassie Blake: Oh, its okay! Diana told me that you’re cool and that I should do anything you ever ask me even if its something weird like cutting my hand open and bleeding on a magic death totem!
Grandma Kate: …Well that was easier than I expected. Super elder knocking Cassie out with my brain (and a death tree root) powers activate!
Diana Meade: That’s odd … why does Grandama have a copy of Murdering a Cute Young Demonspawn Before She Can Usher In The End of Days for Dummies? … Oh poop.
Diana Meade: Hi Adam! I think I might have done a bad thing with Cassie last night!
Adam Conant: Yeah you did, you bad girl you!
Diana Meade: …I told her to go into the woods with my Grandmother, who is carrying a bottle full of mandrake and a subscription to Witch Murder Quarterlyin her suitcase.
Adam Conant: …The picture in my head was a lot hotter than that.
Charles Meade: Hi Dawn! I found out that my mother is lying to me, and probably plotting some nefarious plot!
Dawn Chamberlain: You know what would solve this problem? Giving me the crystal so I can murder her with my brain!
Charles Meade: You know what else would solve this problem? Sucking my big old magic wand.
Dawn Chamberlain: … I liked you a lit better when you were whipped.
Grandma Kate: Hi Cassie! I waited until you woke up so I could tell you that my cleansing spell is foolproof, and has no lasting ill effects! Except death. Super elder burying Cassie alive with my brian powers activate!
Cassie Blake: Grandma Kate! No! I’m not Ryan Reynolds!
Adam Conant: Well, we’re at Pile of Corpses Canyon, but Cassie could be any
Cassie Blake: Super Cassie blowing up the coffin and exploding out of the ground with my dark brain powers activate!
Adam Conant: where.
Diana Meade: Cassie! Are you all right?
Cassie Blake: …Your grandmother is not a nice person. And for the record? If she offers to give you a cookie and tuck you into bed? Say no.
Charles Meade: Hi Mom! You seem to be acting all nefarious and shifty tonight! What’s up with that?
Grandma Kate: Oh, you know, made a casserole, did some knitting, tried to murder Cassie Blake, watched Dancing With the Stars.
Charles Meade: … I have to register my strong objections to this development.
Grandma Kate: Also, I know you killed Uncle What’s His Name and mind-whammied Grandma Jane.
Charles Meade: Right then, carry on, avert the apocalypse, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, et cetera et cetera.
Faye Chamberlain: Let’s see … fake blood, fake chicken feathers, The Big Book of Fake VooDoo… yep, this guy is getting brain melted.
Lee LaBeque: Hi Faye! I see that you have seen through my cleaver ruse! But! What you don’t know is that I really am descended from a long line of powerful Voodoo priests, and that I can give you back your magic, if you’re willing to engage in a simple series of tantric sex rituals!
Faye Chamberlain: Okay!
Diana Meade: So yeah, I’m totally sorry about telling you to trust my grandmother. You’d really think I would have remembered all of the children she lured into the house with candy, and their anguished screams as she slowly, lovingly drew the life out of their very marrow.
Cassie Blake: Oh, no, it’s cool. I mean, I thought she made a really good chicken francaise. Mistakes were made on both sides.
Diana Meade: You’re so understanding!
Cassie Blake: Yeah, well, it helps that I’m picturing you on fire, burning but somehow unable to die.
Diana Meade: …
Cassie Blake: And that, you know, I could make it happen.
Diana Meade: Wibble.
Cassie Blake: Being a satanseed is awesome! Hey, did you remember to DVR Gossip Girl?
The Plot: Thickens
Guys? I kinda love Cassie.
She wasn’t anything special in the first few episodes. Just kind of a bland, go-ahead-and-insert-yourself-into-the-story lead character. But now? Now she’s turning evil, and she’s turning awesome. And it’s really cool that Britt Robertson has the chops to pull it off.
It’s no secret that I love a good anti-hero. What’s interesting is that, until now, this whole “walk on the dark side” thing was talked about, but never shown. Sure, she’s had access to powers denied the rest of the circle, but she always used them for good, to protect herself and the others.
Not anymore. Now she’s straight-up force choking bitches, in true Darth Vader style. And I love it.
I’m kind of disappointed with the turn Faye has taken recently. I think they’ve lost sight of the mean-girl-with-a-broomstick thing she had going earlier on, and that I found so interesting. Fortunately, it looks like this will be fixed in the next episode.
Also: “hey, I know this great spell, all I have to do is feel you up?” Kinda brilliant, not gonna lie. I am convinced that that’s how the whole “skyclad” thing got started.
Adam walking into Diana’s room to tell Cassie (and Diana) that Diana didn’t deserve to know what Cassie and Adam were doing? Dick move, my friend. Dick move. Also: way to make sure you never hit that ever again.
Finally: to everyone suggesting that either Adam or Jake is the other Balcoin child? Jesus Christ riding a pink raptor, stop it. Cassie has macked on both of them, and if there’s one thing television does not need, it’s another freaking incest plot. Personally, I still hope that Diana is the one to freak out and go all Maleficent on everyone.
I love Cassie too! But they need to do something with Adam…He’s such a pushover!lol Maybe this new guy with Faye will be more interesting and jake’s come back so that’s good!
10x better than the episode. Cassie’s worried about her witchmare but Bonnie just shrugs them off because she’s just stressed LOL. The ep had good ideas but executed them poorly. Dark Cassie is more silly than scary but at least she’s more interesting now.
I’m a little concerned that this show takes you to a very, very twisted place. Of course it is possible (probable) that you were already in that twisted place and this show just brings out the best in you. Either way, I’m glad we get to benefit, because this recap is absolutely hilarious! I laughed loud & often. Thanks!
I hope that Melissa is Cassie’s sis. She is another character that could be way more fun when she is wicked.
Also Jesus Christ riding a pink raptor is my new favorite saying.
This was a pothole in a show that WAS starting to grow on me.
TSC has a smaller ‘main’ cast than TVD, but it doesn’t seem as though they can sustain any momentum for a character besides Cassie. She was awesome and welcome to Team Cassie. But they haven’t shown me they can keep multiple plates in the air.
Diana and Adam didn’t really have a lot to do, except show up in time to see Cassie handle her own business TYVM. Oh, and Diana having a completely unbelievable need to be besties with the girl her ex is gonna bang next. C’MON! Gimme some territorial female, already!
Melissa showed some chops back in Slitherin, but she’s back to being Faye’s designated driver.
And Faye was downright contemptible in this episode. That girl would fall for one of MY lines.
Charles’ and Dawn’s little pissing match was OK for what it was, but it shouldn’t have been one of the highlights of the episode.
The cameo characters are carrying the story more than the regulars, and IMHO, that ain’t good.
They oughta just rename it The Secret Cassie if they’re going to neglect the other four or five members of the circle so badly.
Oh, and it’s SO obvious, it’s almost hard to see coming, but, yeah, Faye is gonna turn out to be Cassie’s half-sister.
Shoot, they’re already having a sibling rivalry over doing solo-magic, and she’s ripping the pages out of Cassie’s Book of Shadows already. If Faye weren’t so much taller, Cassie would already be borrowing her clothes.
Hi Thomas! Hi Lady! Welcome back!
Awesome recap as usual. “Pile of Corpses Canyon” –>LMFAO. This show.
So, my thoughts… Evil Cassie could be interesting, but it kind of feels like the rest of the characters just don’t have that much to do and are kind of killing time until Jake comes back to stir up more trouble/drama.
Diana’s “grandmother” just killed me. I know that in TVland they rarely cast people of appropriate age for roles – but, this one just took me out of the show a little every time she was on screen. Gah, at least with Jasmine Guy on TVD they make-up-ed her into her granny role. This one was just pretty absurd.
Also, I am now pulling for Melissa as a dark horse candidate for Devil-Spawn 2.0. I think it would be kind of a fun bait and switch/misdirection to have Faye sniffing around looking for a power up – only to have Melissa’s untapped power manifest themselves. Faye would be so pissed/jealous/encouraging M to act out. Also, I kind of like Melissa and her side-eye.
Hi everyone!
Yay for no more hellatus!
I’m going to go ahead and guess that Faye is the other Blackwell spawn. But only because in one episode earlier in the season (I’m too drunk and lazy to look up which one), Jane mentioned that Dawn and John Blackwell used to be a thing.
Also, Faye’s already kind of evil.
- Lady
Hey Thomas !
Hellatus finally over means your recaps (and price’s) are back. Which is kind of awesome !!
Loved the introduction on both TVD and TSC’s recaps, well done, sir !
Anyway, Cassie suddenly got awesome. Which is nice. I was kind of getting tired of her basically just leaving rooms in a huff.
My money’s on Faye being the sista’. Though, I admit it’s be WAY more interesting if it was Diana. I guess we’ll see.
And Faye would just be so pissed !
In any case, I’m wondering why the other spawn doesn’t have any individual powers (so far).
As far as Grand Ma Meade goes, I looked up the actress. She’s 10 years younger, than MY grd Ma and I’m 9 or 10 years older than the circle.. So not THAT offbase ! ;-)
Admittedly, it’s not the average age difference between grand children and grd parents..
So much Charles Meade this episode = win.
The “young grandparents” thing doesn’t bother me because the former circle had their kids young (like, 17-20 I’m guessing). I went to school with a girl who’s mother had her when she was 18, and then the girl had a kid at 18, so her mother was a grandma at 36. Crazy.
This show keeps on winning. When it comes to me at least.
I laughed so much when two shows in a row started with a witch dreaming creepy dreams. Oh well, very creative, producers.
That aside, the episode was quite great, awesome actually. It’s been a week and I’ve lost half of what happened, but I think it’s somewhat restored.
Cassie is freaking phenomenal, I was scared at the start of the series about her being all goody-calm-down-and-talk-it-out, but wow. So glad she has evil blood in her. And statements like that just makes me weirder. Oh well.
I worry what is going to happen with Grandma Jane, she was supposed to be the badass grandma, but the other grandparents (or just Kate?) are kind of right there in the line, if not way passed her. I mean – killing Cassie, or testing her, whatever? We all knew it wasn’t going to work and Cassie will come out even stronger, but it was nice to see another character taking initiative.
Not so sure what to comment on Faye… So I’ll just pass that one up. Wonder what happens next (still haven’t watched the new episode).
And definitely agree Adam’s awkward moment with Cassie and Diana was a complete dick move.
I really have no idea what to think about another Balcoin child among them. It’s cool how main speculations are that it’s Diana or Faye. I refuse to think it could be Jake or Adam. Though Melissa would be a surprising, rather interesting twist. But Diana would be the most interesting choice. Faye is kind of been hinted on a lot, so not sure what to think.
What else happened? Ahh Charles, Dawn and all that… Judging on what Kate says (about Dawn, mostly) there is a whole lot we don’t know about their past. Looking forward to possibly more of that.
Anyways, loved the recap, as always. Looking forward to this weeks. Off to watch the episode.
Nice recap! I still stick to my Diana-is-the-Blackwellspawn theory. This ep we got the little hint that her family book is full of dark magic. And up to now there must be a lot penned up agression ready to drive poor Diana over the edge
The new and improved Cassey is far more enjoyable then the old one. Well done.
But why did her mother, virtuos, nice and clever Amelia, ever fall for her dickish demon lover???
I am also a bit disappointed by Faye. The new boy locks nice and all but I prefered the earlier eps with all the Faye/Melissa tension.
I am SO with you on the Diana as half sister thing. She (Diana) seems so secure in her ‘goodness’ that I’d love to see her struggle with having to accept she has dark magic, and also struggle with not actually being blood related to her one remaining parent.
I’m pretty much convinved it’s going to be Diana, and I think her and Cassie being so close in the last couple of episodes is a set-up for the inevitable fallout when the bomb drops.
Hi emily :-)
I agree, Adam is kind of a not-character. But I honestly don’t like Lee LeQhatever (or Gray Damon, for that matter) Jake is Cassie’s OTP, as far as I’m concerned.
Hi @sepiriz47 :-)
I agree … good ideas, not so good execution. I don’t really think Cassie is scary yet, but she’s way more fun when she’s being bad. Of course, that’s true of pretty much everyone.
Thanks Misty :-)
I definitely think this show brings out the best in me, rather than corrupting me. I’m kind of incorruptible ;-)
Hi Bird :-)
Melissa could be a lot of fun, if they gave her something to do that doesn’t involve following Faye around.
I’m particularly proud of Jesus Christ riding a pink raptor :-)
Hi Brian :-)
I’m not even sure Cassie has “momentum” … I’m digging the Dark Cassie thing, but I’m not dying to find out what happens next. Jake is the only one I really care about, and that’s probably because of his deep-v.
I would love to see Diana go a little feral. On Cassie, on anyone.
Hi Amanda :-)
I think Jake is the best thing on this show right now (Faye hasn’t been given much to do), so I’m perfectly willing to watch him stir things up. I just wish we didn’t spend so much time *waiting* for it to happen.
Yeah, there’s a definite bias in casting, especially on the CW. Everyone gets pushed up toward twenty or down toward thirty. But it is the network that shows shows about pretty people, so …
Melissa really would come out of nowhere. Particularly because she’s has so little to do so far.
Hi darkmaxou :-)
I agree, blasting out of a grave is *way* better than huffing out of a room.
It is strange that no one else is manifesting any blackwell black magic.
Hi Ellyria :-)
Honestly, the chronology of this show is pretty much hopeless. I’m not going to invest a whole lot of energy in figuring it out.
Hi Korina :-)
It was funny that both shows had dream-openings. It must have been a coincidence – why would they coordinate something like that? – but yeah.
Cassie and Stefan (and Angel) prove that if you want to make a character awesome, make them evil.
Hi sarah :-)
I do think Diana is eventually going to go nuts over the damage Cassie’s inflicted on her life. Seeing Diana go dark side would be awesome.
And I agree, Maye was way hotter than Laye.
Damn, Faye’s name is hard to couple up.
Hi grumpasaurusrx :-)
I agree, seeing the good girl go bad would be great :-)