Previously, on The Vampire Diaries…
Vampilaric Stabman’s ToDo List:
- Grade papers
- Smash students’ civil war dioramas
- Torture Caroline
- Fail Elena Gilbert
- Vampire genocide
The Lady of the Manor: I think I prefer Dr. Jones to Evilaric as a history teacher.
Caroline Forbes (on the phone): Hi Tyler! We should have all of the hot sweaty sex!
Tyler Lockwood (on the phone): Love to babe, but I have to pretend to be Klaus’ bitch for a while longer! Today I’m giving him a mani-pedi!
Rebekah: Hi Caroline! In order not to totally ruin this plot, I’m going to pretend my ears aren’t sensitive enough to hear a mosquito fart in a hurricane!
Caroline Forbes: That’s really nice of you! Almost as nice as coming over to clean up after yet another dance that you didn’t get to attend! Sorry your mother hijacked your body, wore you around like a meat suit, used you to steal the Ultimate Weapon of Vampire Vanquishment, then had Evilaric stab you in the heart with a Magic Dagger of Kinda Dying for a Little While!
Rebekah: Aw, thanks! And I’m sorry my mother turned your history teacher / vampire hunter / contributor to the delinquency of minors into a rage-driven, unkillable stab machine! He seemed really nice!
Caroline Forbes: He was! Totally not the kind of guy who would kidnap you, tie you to a chair, ram pencils through your hands, then gag you with a vervain-soaked rag!
Rebekah: That’s … oddly specific.
Caroline Forbes: You’re right! I sure hope that doesn’t come back to haunt me later!
Vampilaric Stabman: Funny you should say that … necksnap! Carolinedrag! Sunburn!
The Lady of the Manor: YOU KEEP YOUR WHORE HANDS OFF OF CAROLINE!
Rebekah: I’ll just be … over here, then …
Stefan Salvatore: Hi Elena! Just stopped by to see if there was any way I could use your delicate emotional state to get your panties off!
Elena Gilbert: Sorry Stefan, but I’m busy remodeling Alaric’s bedroom! Tee hee!
Stefan Salvatore: Are you … ?
Elena Gilbert: Turning the whole thing into a walk-in closet? You bet I am! I mean, where else am I going to keep all of those thousand-dollar historical ball gowns?
Jeremy Gilbert: Hi Stefan!
Stefan Salvatore: Hi Jeremy! I-
Jeremy Gilbert: Came over to apologize for ruining our lives, after which you’ll collect your asshole brother and leave town for good?
Stefan Salvatore: No, actually I just came over to try and bang your sister.
Jeremy Gilbert: Oh. Well, that’s almost the same thing, really.
Damon Salvatore: Hi guys! We have a serious problem!
Bonnie Bennet: Hi guys! I kinda sorta gave Alaric all of my tasty blood, and he’s kinda sort a merciless vengeance machine with an unlimited factory warranty.
Stefan Salvatore: Oh no! I can’t believe it!
Damon Salvatore: Right? He had her right there, fangs in her neck and everything, and he just let her live. This city deserves a better class of criminal.
Stefan Salvatore: Did you just quote The Dark Knight?
Damon Salvatore: What? DKR comes out in a couple of months! I’m excited!
Stefan Salvatore: Damon, what have we said about pimping products that don’t pay for placement?
Damon Salvatore: Sorry, my bad.
The Lady of the Manor: I want Bonnie’s lipstick. Any makeup that can stand up to being nommed by Evilaric is a-ok by me.
Rebekah: Hi Klaus! Long story short, mama fucked us over again!
Klaus: Well that’s the last time I give a free pass to someone who wants to destroy me for personal revenge and because of the abomination I have become!
Rebekah: So, Chicago? Belize? Paris?
Klaus: Sure, whatever. Just let me go pack up the Doppelganger and we’ll be on our way.
Rebekah: Seriously? You’re still all about those damn hybrids? They’re fucking useless!
Klaus: Words hurt, Rebekah. Words hurt.
Stefan Salvatore: I can’t believe you let Alaric become a vampire!
Damon Salvatore: Don’t blame me! She’s the one who brain fried me and let her history teacher do literal body shots off of her!
Bonnie Bennet: If you’re so angry, why did you save me?
Damon Salvatore: Because your fans would murder the producers if we killed you off, and I’m the only character popular enough to save you without losing the audience!
Stefan Salvatore: Guys! This isn’t helping! But you know what would help? Killing Vampilaric before he kills us!
Bonnie Bennet: Good news! This problem can easily be solved with magic!
Damon Salvatore: Awesome! So what do we do?
Bonnie Bennet: Oh, not any magic I know. I’m just saying, in general, magic would probably be really handy in this situation.
Damon Salvatore: Why do I even try?
Elena Gilbert: Boy, I sure hope my boyfriends aren’t downstairs talking to my best friend about a menacing evil that’s about to invade our lives!
Vampilaric Stabman (on the phone): Hi Elena! Are you busy this afternoon?
Elena Gilbert (on the phone): No, just repainting your room because you’re dead! Why, what’s up?
Vampilaric Stabman (on the phone): I was hoping you could come over to the high school to talk about your midterm paper!
Elena Gilbert (on the phone): Why, was there a problem?
Vampilaric Stabman (on the phone): Kind of! For one, I don’t think the town founders would appreciate you talking about how many vampires there were back then! Also, the Civil War didn’t happen long long ago, in a galaxy far far away! That was Star Wars!
Elena Gilbert (on the phone): Darn it! I always get those two mixed up!
Klaus: Hi guys! So it turns out my mother created a remorseless engine of destruction last night, and I figured it would be a good idea to get the hell out of town!
Stefan Salvatore: If I knew it was that easy, I would have created a remorseless engine of destruction weeks ago!
Klaus: So anyway, I figured I’d drop by, warn you two, collect Elena, and head for Maui.
Stefan Salvatore: Wait, what was that part?
Klaus: Maui. I know, right? Turns out there’s a huge werewolf population in Hawaii. Wolves love to surf.
Stefan Salvatore: No, the part about Elena!
Damon Salvatore: That’s right! See, we’d never let her out from under our watchful eyes and protective … protection. Elena is safe as long as she’s with us!
Stefan Salvatore: Exactly! Hey Elena, come down here so we can taunt Klaus with how safe you are! Elena! Elena? Elena …
Damon Salvatore: Facepalm.
Elena Gilbert: Hi Vampilaric! I’m here to talk about my midterm! Why is Caroline tied to that chair, why are there pencils shoved through her hands, and why is she gagged with a vervain-laced rag?
Vampilaric Stabman: I caught her plagiarizing wikipedia. Have a seat!
Damon Salvatore: Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! You can’t come iiiiiiiin!
Klaus: This is true. However, have you ever seen that photo of a toothpick driven through a block of wood by a hurricane?
Damon Salvatore: …Yeah…
Klaus: …
Damon Salvatore: …Poop.
Klaus: Super vampire throwing a newspaper through the window powers activate!
The Lady of the Manor: I am in love with Klaus. Sorry, honey.
Thomas: Don’t worry, I am, too.
The Lady of the Manor: Oh. That … went differently in my head.
Damon Salvatore: Super Damon diving to the ground and covering my head powers activate!
Klaus: Super vampire throwing a soccer ball through the wall powers activate!
Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire hiding behind Bonnie powers activate!
Klaus: Super vampire throwing a picket fence through the house powers activate!
Damon Salvatore: Super vampire throwing that picket fence right back powers activate!
Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire taking a phone call at a ridiculously inappropriate time powers activate!
Klaus: Super vampire I have a torch and a can of gasoline powers activate!
Stefan Salvatore: Okay, okay, you win! We can’t afford to build another set!
Klaus: Aw, but I wanted to burn the house down … Pout.
Stefan Salvatore: Also Vampilaric has both of our not-girlfriends.
Klaus: And you expect me to risk my life to save them?
Stefan Salvatore: No! If you die, there’s a one in four chance that we’ll die, too!
Damon Salvatore: I’ll risk it.
Stefan Salvatore: And a one hundred percent chance that Tyler will die!
Klaus and Damon Salvatore: So?
Stefan Salvatore: What about Caroline? Don’t you want to save Caroline?
Damon Salvatore: Or did she just reject you one time too many?
Klaus: Really? You’re going to play the “rejected by a girl” card? Tell me, how many girls have chosen you over Stefan? Katherine? Kept you around as entertainment until there was room on Stefan’s junk. Elena? Biggest cock tease on the Eastern seaboard.
Bonnie Bennet: Guys! Stop fighting! I can solve this problem with magic!
Everyone: …
Bonnie Bennet: I mean, I could, if I knew the right spell, and if I was powerful enough, and if the wind blew just right, and if everyone at home clapped their hands and said “I do believe in witches!”
Klaus: We are so fucked.
Elena Gilbert: Vampilaric! Why are you gagging Caroline with a vervain-soaked rag?
Vampilaric Stabman: I caught her talking in class.
Elena Gilbert: I don’t believe you! We never go to class anymore!
Abby Bennet Wilson: Hi Bonnie! I’m here to help!
Damon Salvatore: Oh thank god! I was worried things couldn’t get any worse!
Klaus: So when this is all over with, you know I’m totally throwing Elena in the trunk and heading for Toledo, right?
Stefan Salvatore: Yeah, I kinda figured. I call shotgun.
Klaus: Really? What’s the catch?
Stefan Salvatore: No catch, I’m just really turned on by the idea of Elena being vulnerable while Damon isn’t around.
Damon Salvatore: Hey, remember that time we signed the deed to this place over to Elena, so vampires couldn’t get in? And then remember that time she died, so that the seal broke and vampires could get in again?
Abby Bennet Wilson: Hey, remember that time I was alive and I could talk to plants, and then you murdered me and I was dead and also a vampire and I couldn’t talk to plants anymore?
Damon Salvatore: Hey, remember that time when zzzzzzzzzzzzz sorry you’re boring the hell out of me wake me up when you’re useful or interesting OH WAIT that’ll be never guess I’ll just get drunk then.
Bonnie Bennet: Hey remember that time you fought an unkillable vampire so instead you desiccated him and wrapped him in chains and buried him in a crypt? Because we’d kind of like to do that again.
Abby Bennet Wilson: But Bonnie! To desiccate a vampire you’ll have to tap into … ~*~ dark magic ~*~
Thomas: DO IT DO IT DO IT GIVE IN TO YOUR HATE FEEL THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE STRIKE HER DOWN AND RULE AT MY SIDE wait what’s going on?
Abby Bennet Wilson: Also, to perform the spell you’ll have to kill someone!
Thomas: DO THAT TOO I HAVE A LIST DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY LIST LET ME SHOW YOU MY LIST HEY IS THAT YOUR NAME AT THE TOP OF THE LIST WHY I THINK IT IS YOU KNOW MARTYRDOM IS IN THIS SEASON.
Bonnie Bennet: Hey, did you know that Samsung has this neat app that let’s you track your friends’ every move? See, I just enter Caroline and Elena’s names and this Samsung app shows me that they’re somewhere within a mile of here! If only Elena had had this awesome Samsung app the last several dozen times she’s been kidnapped!
Damon Salvatore: Is there an app that will make you shut up?
Jeremy Gilbert: Hi Bonnie! I got your text message, and you’re right! You did break my heart! And I’m interested to hear how you plan to fix it!
Damon Salvatore: …The Gilbert kids aren’t real good at reading comprehension, are they?
Klaus: Speaking of reading comprehension, look at what I just found on Ancestry.com! It’s proof that I’m the vampire that created Katherine, and thus the Salvatores, not to mention Caroline and Tyler! So nobody better let me die, or there won’t be a show any more!
Damon Salvatore: Bro, you totally just printed that out at home. Ancestry.com doesn’t even do vampires.
Klaus: Sure, just keep telling yourself that.
Bonnie Bennet: Speaking of bloodlines, here, take a shot of witch blood! That’ll let me blah blah blah plot point!
Vampilaric Stabman: Bad news, Elena. I really don’t think you’re going to qualify for the Junior Vampire Hunter scholarship. You know, because you’re sleeping with a vampire. And making out in seedy motels with another vampire. And your best friend is a vampire. And your other friend’s mother is a vampire.
Elena Gilbert: Oh shucks! I was really counting on that scholarship now that you aren’t alive to pay for my education!
Vampilaric Stabman: But I have good news! You might still qualify if you do a little extra credit … like staking a vampire1
Elena Gilbert: I’ll do it! Just find me a vampire!
Caroline Forbes: Whimper.
Elena Gilbert: Oh! I see what you did there. Super Elena stake fake to vervain grenade smash powers activate!
Caroline Forbes: You can be sure the school board will be hearing about this, Mr. Saltzman!
Klaus: Caroline, honey? Why don’t you go eat one of the locals while I murder everyone in the building.
The Lady of the Manor: Still in love with Klaus over here.
Vampilaric Stabman: Super vampire Elena smashing powers activate!
Elena Gilbert: Super main character making puppy eyes at the bad guy and convincing him not to eat me powers activate!
Stefan and Damon Salvatore: Super vampire tag team powers activate!
Vampilaric Stabman: Super vampire neck snap rolling DDT powers activate!
Klaus: Super vampire … just kind of standing here and poking him with my fingers a little but it’s enough for the spell shut up powers activate!
Bonnie Bennet: Okay, here we go! “Stop Jeremy’s heart at my bequest, and give Vampilaric cardiac arrest!”
Vampilaric Stabman: Super vampire breaking Klaus’ wrist powers activate!
Bonnie Bennet: Sweet! The spell didn’t work! Vampilaric is still undead and ready to murder us all!
Jeremy Gilbert: And why is that a good thing?
Bonnie Bennet: Because it wasn’t my fault this time!
Elena Gilbert: Hi Vampilaric! I’ve been thinking … Esther didn’t want you to live forever, and she said she needed my extra special Doppelganger blood to turn you into a vampire, and that probably means that killing myself would kill you to!
Vampilaric Stabman: Jesus, you pick now to become smart again? For fuck’s sake.
Klaus: Hi Elena! Thanks for saving my ass back there. Speaking of … I’m really sick of my mother using your blood to send violent abominations after me, so I figured I’d drain you dry and drop your corpse on the Castle steps.
Vampilaric Stabman: Hi guys! You’re probably wondering why I haven’t killed you yet. Well, funny story! You see, Esther bound my life to Elena’s, because Elena is the dead center of the universe, around which all other plot lines revolve! And Klaus figured that out, so he’s going to stock up on hybrid juice and then kill her! And me! And since it’s still daytime, and I can’t go outside, I need you two to do what you do best?
Damon Salvatore: Drink?
Stefan Salvatore: Inspire incestuous slashfic?
Damon Salvatore: Stir up the Shipper Wars?
Stefan Salvatore: Wax my eyebrows?
Vampilaric Stabman: Save Elena. Jesus. Why is everyone on this show so stupid?
Elena Gilbert: But Klaus! If you kill me, you won’t have enough blood to make an army! I mean, with six quarts of my blood, you can only create what, seven, eight million hybrids?
Klaus: Yeah, I was thinking about that. Turns out, I don’t really need a hybrid army.
Elena Gilbert: Because you have your family?
Klaus: Because they’re fucking useless. Anyway, enough shop talk! Let’s talk about boys! Come on, just between us girls … which Salvatore would you pick? I mean, if I wasn’t going to kill you.
Elena Gilbert: I’d pick … HAHAHA JUST KIDDING WE’RE GOING TO RIDE THIS SHIPPER WAR TRAIN STRAIGHT TO HELL LOL
Tyler Lockwood: Hi Elena! I’m here to save you!
Klaus: Hi Tyler! So what happened to that Sire bond thingie?
Tyler Lockwood: I’m not your little bitch any more!
Klaus: Oh yeah? Then why am I bitch slapping you all over my house? Bitchslap! Bitchslap! Bitchslap!
Neville the Devilcorgipire: You leave that nice doggy alone!
Damon Salvatore: Super vampire grabbing Klaus’ left arm powers activate!
Tyler Lockwood: Super vampire grabbing Klaus’ right arm powers activate!
Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire grabbing Klaus’ cock powers activate!
The Producers: Whisper whisper whisper.
Stefan Salvatore: Oh, sorry! I must have read that on FanFiction.net, not in the script! Super vampire grabbing Klaus’ heart powers activate!
Bonnie Bennet: “Klaus’ death would unleash terrible fan rage, so instead we’ll put him in a cage!”
The Lady of the Manor: Bonnie is a dirty, dirty whore.
Klaus: Dies desiccates.
Thomas: NO! NO NO NO NO NO FUCK NO NO NO NO FUCK!
Elena Gilbert: Hold on guys, I have to fall in slow motion and hit my head on this ice pick! Don’t worry, I’m sure this won’t be important in a few minutes!
Jeremy Gilbert: Um, Bonnie? Kind of dead over here. Little help?
Bonnie Bennet: Don’t worry! I had to learn CPR in order to become a babysitter!
Jeremy Gilbert: Bonnie, you’re not a babysitter …
Bonnie Bennet: Oh well!
Stefan Salvatore: So Elena, you’ve lost pints of blood, hit your head, and have been talking backwards since we left Klaus’. You sure you’re okay?
Elena Gilbert: Me fine! Head good! Brain work not bad all! Pixies!
Caroline Forbes: Don’t worry guys, there’s a drink that will fix her right up!
Damon Salvatore: My blood?
Caroline Forbes: Tequila!
Elena Gilbert: Drink tasty! Thin blood good head hurt! Cantaloupe!
Damon Salvatore: So yeah, we’re gonna go drop Klaus in the ocean …
Stefan Salvatore: And it might be a long time before you see us again …
Damon Salvatore: So if there’s anything you want to tell us …
Stefan Salvatore: Or tell one of us …
Elena Gilbert: Choose boy hard! Person horrible me am! Sex both of you do! America!
Vampilaric Stabman: Hi everybody! I just wanted to let you know that the Sheriff’s daughter is a vampire, the unelected Mayor’s husband was a werewolf, her son is a hybrid, you’re all shitty protectors, I’m an uber-vamp, and you’re all going to die. Did anyone bring pretzels? I like a little salt with my slaughter.
Damon Salvatore: You know what my favorite part of today was? The part where we didn’t die. That was pretty neat.
Stefan Salvatore: So I’ve been thinking … Elena’s going to have to chose one of us sooner or later. And if she choses you … I’ll leave town and let you two be happy together.
Damon Salvatore: Oh, I see how it is. You stick me with the whiny teenage neanderthal, let me watch her get all old and wrinkly, let me be the one that puts her in an assisted living facility, while you take all the credit for being a good guy! Oh no, I don’t think so! You can have her!
Stefan Salvatore: 
Elena Gilbert: Funny feel I do! Aneurism having me probably am! Save vampire blood need me! Tacos!
Thomas: YES! YES YES YES YES YES FUCK AND YES THIS IS AWESOME FUCK AND YES YES YES YES YES YES! #FUCKANDYES
The Plot: Thickens.
Wow.
The cold opening alone makes this one of the best episodes of the season. Hell, of the show’s entire run. When Alaric chased Caroline, snapped her neck, and dragged her back into the school, all while burning beneath the sun’s harsh gaze, we knew for certain that Alaric was dead and Vampilaric was here to stay.
And having Vampilaric go after Caroline was brilliant. Nobody touches Vampire Barbie, and that move instantly got the audience over their post-Alaric mourning and hating the latest big bad.
I liked Jeremy’s reaction to Stefan. My biggest gripe about any character is when they have no personality and no initiative. Jeremy didn’t do a whole lot this episode, but he at least had a voice. It was perfectly natural for him to be pissed at Stefan – and vampires in general – for taking his friend / mentor / dad away from him, and he let Stefan know that he wasn’t blinded by the Return of the Hero Hair. Good on you, Jeremy.
The Siege of Fort Gilbert was almost my favorite thing that happened this week. The frustration and anger was visible as Klaus stalked back and forth in front of the house, and his choice of weapons was both slapstick and genuinely threatening. It was a fantastic balance. And the pouty look on his face when he didn’t get to blow the house up as priceless.
Vampilaric’s torture of Caroline was seven kinds of messed up, and perfectly acted by everyone involved. His cold malice while Elena tried to comprehend what was happening, the joy he took in soaking Caroline’s gag with battery acid vervain … this was a totally different character than the Alaric we all knew, and Ernesto hit it out of the park.
This show kind of had a Season One feeling to it, too … but in the right way. Damon had his snark back, Stefan had his Hero Hair back, Bonnie is distrustful of vampires but not awful about it, and Elena is freaking the fuck out … but also doing what she has to do. I’ve missed these characters.
Also, it was fantastic to see Klaus being a bad guy for a change. The Siege did a lot to remind us that he really is the most powerful thing walking around … which made it all that more impacting when Vampilaric kicked his ass.
“Just between us girls” was one of the best lines ever uttered on this show.
Klaus’ desiccation was perfect. It was a perfect solution, because Klaus and his family have kind of been overwhelming the show, but he’s too popular (and too good a character) to kill off. This way they can just put him in a coffin until they inevitably need to wake him up to help defeat the Wendigo or something. And it was perfectly acted, too. The look on Klaus’ face … the disbelief, the empty betrayal, was amazing. It’s no wonder Joseph Morgan has made such a bastard so sympathetic. The guy is awesome.
Did anyone else notice that Bonnie got some Dark Willow-esque scary veins when she cast the desiccation spell? This is the only thing that could possibly get me excited about her character, and I’m glad they (apparently) have the balls to do it.
All in all, this was an excellent season finale. I can’t wait to see how they set up Season Four next week.
And as to Elena’s impending death, and near-certain vamping? I have only one thing to say:
[...] On to the next episode! [...]
You do realize that the season finale is next week right? Cuz it is! We still get one more epiosde of awesomeness! Great recap!
I love your recaps!!! =D
So, um, that was kind of amazing? Like for real, I adored the episode as much as it broke my heart to see Klaus go. I thought he was really dead for a minute and was just depressed for the rest of the episode before realizing he didn’t burst into flames therefore he was just dessicated. His return will be as glorious as the Elijah’s I bet. Unless they ya know bring him back in the very next episode, but I don’t think that’ll happen.
Also was it just me or was the Evil!Alaric and Elena interaction beautifully amazing? I love the idea of Alaric pointing out the fact he used to be Elena’s mentor, that she should despise and want to get rid of vampires as much as him. It works better than Klaus’ mom actually. There’s just something so powerful and great from a character stand point about it.
I always knew our Matt Davis(that’s Alaric’s actor right?) could pull off evil. Man does it look good on him. I guess we exchanged Stefalus for Alaralus. I can deal with that.
I think Joss Whedon once put it very well in explaining that he quickly realized he if we wanted to upset the characters or audience all he had to do was put Willow in danger during earlier seasons of Buffy. I think Caroline is being used in a similar way. Because damn do the fans suffer when she suffers. Her torture was so horrendous, and I though to myself “Wow I think this is even worse than the other two times she was tortured by maniacs!”.
On a sadder note, with Klaus conveniently out of the way the Potential Great Mystic Falls Civil War of 2012 is probably not coming to fruitation. A moment of silence to mourn the great head canon.
Bonnie’s really starting to revert to her self righteous vampire hating ways. Why I do like that it gives her ya know, actual character, I never liked how bitchy it made her. I wanted to strangle her late season 1. Also the writers seemed to remember she hates Damon’s guts with all her passion. Yay returning character traits!
They are setting up vampire Elena so hard right now. It just seems like it’s going to happen, and I think it will be the big game changer that everyone seems to be theorizing and hinting at. I want her to be crazy and fucking confused as hell when she turns. It will be beautiful.
I realize this season has been catching some flak lately, but honestly I don’t think it’s that bad. I think people who are bitching about it are bitching about it because of shipping. Which sort of enrages me.
Hilarious!
Finally, a good episode. There was some poor writing/plotting but still. The producers know Bonnie is useless and are playing it up for laughs! :D
Yeah, that one will play. An episode that good is faith-nourishing on one hand, and raises so many questions on the other. But taken on it’s own, that was fun.
We finally got a truce and temporary alliance between Vampire Barbie and Barbie Klaus. It wasn’t long-lived, but it was something…
…Until they played their go-to trump card – torture Vampire Barbie- to get the audience to accept that the Alaric they knew was gone and replaced by…
…I’m not sure. I questioned how powerful Mikael v2.0 was going to be when Abby Freaking Bennett took the Beta Version down with the Dessication Spell, then he went down and out with one shot from Klaus. So reboot the dessication spell, give Klaus one shot and what’s the problem? Errr. Talk amongst yourselves for a second. OK so the stake didn’t work. Tying his lifespan to a suicide bunny with a martyr complex is more sure and certainly fatal anyhow. But really, as always, the final solution is JUST EAT ELENA. And all the problems are solved.
Esther is a total bust as a villain. She linked her kids, Bonnie unlinked them; she re-made the ultimate hunter, but gave him an Achilles Heel with a giant bulls-eye on it. And she must’ve thought of the ‘lifespan’ thing during her 1,000 years on the other side. It obviously wasn’t part of the Original Genesis spell.
I didn’t think of it as The Siege of Fort Gilbert, more like This Old House – TVD style. Elena and Jeremy were redecorating, Klaus just wanted to help them with the demo. Damon or Stefan can always compel the building permit later. Hey, we finally addressed Vampire Property and Estate Law this week, might as well tackle Zoning while we’re at Town Hall.
Skipping to the end, as long as we’re at Town Hall, odd that Evilaric outed Liz/Caroline and Carol/Tyler to the Council, but not the Salvatores. At least not yet anyway. Wonder if that’s significant, some vestige of his old self flickering in the meat suit.
Are we sure turning Elena makes Evilaric drop dead? The rules regarding magic and vanilla cream doppelganger blood are whatever the hell Julie Plec says they are at the current moment and Big Book o’ Continuity be DAMNED. Seems counter-intuitive that you could kill the Ultimate Vampire Hunter by… making another vampire?
The spares have had a pretty good Season 3 in the Crowning Moment of Awesome department. Jeremy beheaded a hybrid, Matt got Finn original dead real good, and Tyler dropped his Bitch Boy act and assisted on the procedure that put Klaus in deep storage Han Solo-in carbonite style. If I were Damon, I’d have Jeremy and Matt toss Klaus’ dried out rump in the Original Cave of Vampires Not Allowed (if it’s possible). If he woke up, he’d rather he didn’t.
Now inquiring minds want to know why Bonnie, whose nose bleeds every time she heats up a burrito, did NOT get a nosebleed casting a spell that drained all her mother’s power for all time?
As for Elena’s nosebleed, I hope hope hope it’s nothing magical. Because Bonnie should be a dead battery needing fifteen or more years to recharge after dessicating Klaus. Unless they changed the rules again offscreen. And Esther has no motivation to go after Elena from the other side with Evilaric still having work to do.
Elena DID take three pretty nasty shots to the head, and lost (to my nurse’s eye) almost half her blood volume before doing a shot of tequila (when I recommended via Twitter apple juice and cookies), heading into a room full of paint fumes and repeatedly bending over to dip her paintbrush in the paintcan. She could’ve just gotten dizzy and fainted, or have something really serious like a hemorrhage going on.
Whatever, I hope they take her to Meredith and not Bonnie. That’d get the finale off to a BAD start in my living room.
I can see Dark Bonnie going places, but I wonder if they’ve got enough story to work with in Season 4 if they turn Elena? Her magic vanilla cream doppelganger blood is the source of SO much conflict and drama.
First they have to make sure the Big Bad STAYS beaten, then beat the other Big Bad that was brought in to deal with the Original Big Bad.
My face is numb.
Awesome episode! I found myself going Klaroline shippers/Stelena shippers/Delena shippers/Thomas will love/hate that at one point or another during this episode. I had two favorite parts. The siege on the Gilbert house was awesome. Stefan and everybody else hits the floor but Damon’s like “bring it!” Love him. And Alaric outing Liz and Carol to the council was brilliant. It tied back in nicely with Alaric joining the council earlier this season because Liz and Carol were now biased.
Klaus: Because they’re fucking useless. Anyway, enough shop talk! Let’s talk about boys! Come on, just between us girls … which Salvatore would you pick? I mean, if I wasn’t going to kill you.
Elena Gilbert: I’d pick … HAHAHA JUST KIDDING WE’RE GOING TO RIDE THIS SHIPPER WAR TRAIN STRAIGHT TO HELL LOL
That was hilarious! Hope you’re feeling better, Thomas.
Fantastic Recap Thomas!! You literally had me laughing hysterically, so much so that my husband wanted to know what was so funny. So I had to read it to him. And, yes, it was THAT part. I think he was really concerned about what kind of stuff I’m reading…before he ran off to check out fanfic.net.
I’m a little concerned for my mental health, but I absolutely love Evil Alaric. I’ve always had a soft spot for Klaus too, so I apparently just love the bad boys. So, that said, does Vamping Elena kill Alaric or immortalize Alaric? Or, is it whatever is behind door number three, which we could never see coming because the writers create an ass-pull to circumvent the rules they created? Yeah, probably that. Either way, I think EvilAlaric is safe for a bit, I’m betting on him leading the villagers with their torches into Season 4 “The Season Where the Humans Finally Kick a Little Ass for a Change.” I think Jeremy will be a nice wing man for EvilAlaric in that journey.
Also…Excited for Dark Bonnie. Did you see her face when she was getting all full of Dark Magic? She liked it. A lot. Also, I don’t hate her nearly as much for being judgey right now. I think it’s because she’s taking more of a only speaking when spoken to approach instead of a preaching on a soapbox approach. If the objects of her judginess approach her, she isn’t going to take their shit, or their half-hearted apologies. But, other than that she just tries to pretend they don’t exist. Grated it’s pretty hard when they’re leading her around by the nose so she can cast spells for them, but I think she’s coping rather well.
My money’s on Elena’s spell being a normal, human, vampires were playing kickball with my noggin, something or other that leads her too…
*******SPOILER******NOT REALLY MUCH OF A SPOILER, BUT JUST IN CASE YOU WANT TO REMAIN COMPLETELY PURE*****
Be nostalgic for the “Good Old Days” when her biggest problem was deciding what color of nail polish to wear with her cheerleading uniform.
********END SPOILER***** I TOLD YOU, IT WASN’T MUCH OF A SPOILER AFTER ALL**********
Again, excellent recap Thomas, and nods to the guest appearances by The Lady of the Manor and Neville.
*Granted…not Grated. Dammit. I hate it when typos spell new words so not even spell check can save me.
I guess Klaus was out of quarters. Where’s a street musician when you need one.
Also, they set up tension between the other originals and our happy band of brothers quite nicely. As long as Elena lives, Vamplaric lives and Kol and Rebecca are in danger. So they want to kill Elena before she can breed further dopplegangers, but the Brothers and everyone else would have too big a hole in their social calanders without her, so alive she must stay.
In other shows, that would be a whole season’s worth of plot. In Vampire Diaries, that’s like half an episode.
I suspect next week could be a good show, but I’ve been wrong before.
Wow, you guys. Wowwwww. Tonight was a REALLY great epi. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:
That scene where they take Klaus out was really intense, wasn’t it?? And was it just me, or did Stefan seem, like, REALLY emotional about it? Aww, you’re still in there, Rippah!! Come out and play with your friend! ♥
That little moment between Klaus and Caroline was really nice. For ONCE, I actually believed he was being genuine and caring. Annnnnd then he turned right back into a heartless bastard and tried to kill Elena. Soooo, yeah. lol
You guys? I don’t know what happened to me at the end there, b/c I do NOT ship Forwood, but you know what? I was happy for them! I mean, Caroline loves him, okay? And as annoyed as I was at her last week over her ridiculous “Stefan is your epic love” speech (BARF), and the week before with her “Damon doesn’t care” crap, I can’t stay mad at her for long. She is mostly flawless and wonderful and I love her. So, if she is happy with Tyler, then I’m happy for her. And you know what? I’m even a little happy for Tyler, too. I know, I can’t believe it either. lol
The scene where Klaus is committing all those crazy shenanigans trying to get into Elena’s house was HILARIOUS!!! Damon’s “You missed me!” and all the throwing of stakes back and forth?? I was LMAO!!!
Jeremy died and came back again, the grass is green, the sky is blue, blah blah. What I saw (and LIKED) was the beginning of the DARK BONNIE storyline!!! YES, PLEASE!! :-D
Matt at the end was so cute. Loved his lines about being bummed that they didn’t call him to help take out another Original. haha
Not NEARLY enough Delena in the epi for my taste, but I did appreciate Elena’s little speech to them at the end, and I loved the brothers’ convo in the car.
I *would* be worried about that cliffhanger they left us with, but, ummm, the promo showed me that she’s fine, so… haha.
All in all, it was an AMAZING epi, and I’m feeling excited for the finale next week, but also REALLY sad that we’re SO close to a massive FOUR MONTH TVD drought! *sob!*
Great recap, Thomas! You hit this one out of the park. But that’s probably easier to do when the source material is so great. :-)
I love it when the solution to everyone’s problems is to kill Elena. I can’t share your optimism that they will do it, or that Vampire Elena would be less annoying than regular Elena, but I will be pleasantly surprised if it happens :)
I can’t mourn Klaus, because I never saw him as much more than a whiny toddler asshat. I am totally ready for a new Big Bad.
This episode was awesome, and I hope that next week’s will be at least as good.
Haha this inst the season finale there is still one episode left to go. We are unprepared. Loved the opening it was disturbing and surprising. Favorite episode of the season so far. Also loved the scene of Klaus destroying Elena’s house it was great.
This was an action-packed ep! I loved Tyler standing up to Klaus. :)
Elena dead or a vamp? Nah. Of course not dead, she’s the main character. And not a vamp either, I just don’t see that *ever* happening. The show needs her to stay human. There sure are not many humans left!
They really set up how impossible Elena’s choice is. I bet she doesn’t choose. Somehow the choice will be avoided forever.
Tyler & Caroline: really like them a lot!
Evil Alaric: Assuming he stays on the show (thought I read somewhere the actor has other commitments but maybe it was someone else), I’d bet anything “good” Alaric is still in there and we’ll see glimpses of him.
Jeremy needs more to do than roll his eyes.
As always, the Stefan/Damon scenes steal the show. Their conversation at the end showed that their relationship is more important than either one of them with Elena. Another reason I’m guessing she will never choose either one.
This is great:
____________________
Stefan Salvatore: No! If you die, there’s a one in four chance that we’ll die, too!
Damon Salvatore: I’ll risk it.
Stefan Salvatore: And a one hundred percent chance that Tyler will die!
Klaus and Damon Salvatore: So?
________________________________
Lol!
Elena Gilbert: Turning the whole thing into a walk-in closet? You bet I am! I mean, where else am I going to keep all of those thousand-dollar historical ball gowns?
LOLOL That thought never occurred to me, but yeah!
Damon Salvatore: What? DKR comes out in a couple of months! I’m excited!
I totally think Damon would have a man crush on Batty, hehe.
Damon Salvatore: Oh, I see how it is. You stick me with the whiny teenage neanderthal, let me watch her get all old and wrinkly, let me be the one that puts her in an assisted living facility, while you take all the credit for being a good guy! Oh no, I don’t think so! You can have her!
If only he had said that!
Ditto on loving this episode and the season one feel, I so missed that.
Hell yeah, that was a blast! Thank god it was the bump on her head, I’m embarrassed to admit I thought (because of the nose bleed) it was yet more incomprehensible and inconsistent magic that meant if Klaus died, Elena died and then Alaric would die, so some kind of supernatural Mexican stand off! I really need to get out more.
Vampire Elena has one major drawback -it voids the salvators brothers’ truce damn it! I have a cunning plan however, why don’t they give the triangle it’s own spin off? The secret Triangle diaries or somesuch?
LMAO!!! I always laugh from your recaps but I literally could not stop laughing reading this one! WOW Thomas, you are awesome! “Because your fans would murder the producers if we killed you off, and I’m the only character popular enough to save you without losing the audience!” DEAD! LMAO Thank you for the great laugh!
Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire grabbing Klaus’ cock powers activate!
The Producers: Whisper whisper whisper.
Stefan Salvatore: Oh, sorry! I must have read that on FanFiction.net, not in the script! Super vampire grabbing Klaus’ heart powers activate!
BAHAHAH
Elena Gilbert: Hi Vampilaric! I’m here to talk about my midterm! Why is Caroline tied to that chair, why are there pencils shoved through her hands, and why is she gagged with a vervain-laced rag?
Vampilaric Stabman: I caught her plagiarizing wikipedia. Have a seat!
—-
GOLD. Wish I could use that on my students, then they might listen about academic credibility!!
I absolutely loved the scene where they took down Klaus. Especially the sadness in the eyes of both Klaus AND Stefan. Shit, Paul Wesley and Joseph Morgan are awesome.
Dear Thomas:
Good show, my dear. Good show.
-Lady
“Klaus: Because they’re fucking useless. Anyway, enough shop talk! Let’s talk about boys! Come on, just between us girls … which Salvatore would you pick? I mean, if I wasn’t going to kill you.
Elena Gilbert: I’d pick … HAHAHA JUST KIDDING WE’RE GOING TO RIDE THIS SHIPPER WAR TRAIN STRAIGHT TO HELL LOL”
Great recap as always Thomas. I think Joseph Morgan killed it in this episode – the scene w him and Paul Wesley was perfect – great eye acting!!
And yet another self-serving Gilbert Porch conversation – but I enjoyed the Salvatore bonding bit.
Looking forward to next week – but if the past is any indication – this weeks ep was really the season finale.
Cheers!!!
Hi Thomas, loved the recap, especially the Siege of Fort Gilbert and all of Evil!Alaric, the hardcore history teacher, scenes. I really like Alaric as the bad guy, it reminds me of Angelus in S02 of Buffy – because he was someone so close to the Scoobies, his attacks are more personal and have more of a resonance. Also, Matt Davis does creepy so well!
What a great episode for Joseph Morgan as well. I understand some people are tired of the Originals, but I really hope Klaus and Rebekah return in S04 as regulars (though not as Big Bads), although I have no idea how to tie them into the story… I am also excited about Dark!Bonnie, I agree with Misty that she definitely seemed to enjoy doing the spell.
Finally, did anybody else think of the Scary Movie parody of the Million Dollar Baby when Elena hit her head in the Klaus Haus? I don’t know about her turning vampire, but if she really gets to choose between the Salvatores in the next one, I wish she would go with Damon and get more and more Katherine-like, than watch Stefan goin all noble ol’ Stef again. Come back Rippah and Klefan forever! =D
Hi Thomas, loved the recap, especially the Siege of Fort Gilbert and all of Evil!Alaric, the hardcore history teacher, scenes. I really like Alaric as the bad guy, it reminds me of Angelus in S02 of Buffy – because he was someone so close to the Scoobies, his attacks are more personal and have more of a resonance. Also, Matt Davis does creepy so well!
What a great episode for Joseph Morgan as well. I understand some people are tired of the Originals, but I really hope Klaus and Rebekah return in S04 as regulars (though not as Big Bads), although I have no idea how to tie them into the story… I am also excited about Dark!Bonnie, I agree with Misty that she definitely seemed to enjoy doing the spell.
Finally, did anybody else think of the Scary Movie parody of the Million Dollar Baby when Elena hit her head in the Klaus Haus? I don’t know about her turning vampire, but if she really gets to choose between the Salvatores in the next one, I wish she would go with Damon and get more and more Katherine-like, than watch Stefan going all noble ol’ Stef again. Come back Rippah and Klefan forever! =D
Hi Thomas! Brilliant recap, you actuelly made my day ;)
3×21 already, huh? That was TVD I fell in love with. Impossible for me to choose the best scene.
- Broody and scary Devilaric in the classroom;
- Vampire Barbie & Barbie Klaus’ fight against Vampilaric;
- Jeremy’s burst out;
- The Siege of Fort Gilbert;
- Elena saves Caroline;
- Sweet Carolaus;
- The Salvatores team up with Klaus and…
- … and then with Vampilaric;
- The Salvatores’ reunion.
I think The Siege of Fort Gilbert wins :) Joseph Morgan is amazing, can’t stand the idea of missing him. The Writers did amazing job with this character. We see his soft side with Caroline, and then we are reminded he is still Big Bad when he tries to kill Elena. And his excuse is great: he just cares about The Brothers LOL Such a benefactor he is :D
Matt Davis continues proving his talent. Dragging Caroline while burning in the sun… I was speechless. But still I love Good Alaric too much and wish there is a chance he’ll prevail over dark side.
I saw a hint to Dark Bonnie, that would be very appropriate.
Don’t know what exactly happened to Elena at the end of the epi, but I hope The Writers are not going to turn her. It would be too much. There were too many sacrifices for her human life, John gave his life for her. If she turns into a vampire – all these sacrifices were vain.
Now I just wait for grandiose final and exciting Season Four Set up.
Thanks for your recap :)
awesome recap – per usual!
loved all about bonnie. hilarious – so much better than the actual show.
damon and stefan in the car. they need to get de-vervained and have elijah compel them to forget about the pouty princess and move the hell on!
i loooove matt davis as vampilaric. amazing AND compelling. also: joseph morgan – genius actor. favorite scene. and for as much as i am in love with damon salvatore – i hated what he and the other two douchebags did to klaus. my love for klaus is getting stronger.
the shift has gone from the triangle, which is now bordering on yawn-inducing, to the originals. klaus will be well-pissed when he gets back that’s for sure.
can’t wait for the finale. can’t wait to see evil-bonnie appear. she must get evil, right. she seems to have lost her powers, don’t you think? it didn’t seem to be her waking jeremy up again….
thanks for this entertaining recap. awesomesauce!!
super recap! ): that next week’s tvd recap will be the last one until september and we’ll be back to pussy whipped vampire castration.
was wondering, how come vampilaric didn’t just take caroline’s magic ring-of-not-exploding-in-the-sun? the show’s never mentioned that the rings are vampire-specific but also don’t recall any of the vampires using rings other than their own.
This more than makes up for last week. Happy face. :)
Elena: Always saving her pals. She really is the savior of the cursed and the damned like Caroline put it. Probably some of that Petrova fire too.
Jeremy: His competence is showing. Now get to stabbing!
Stefan: He finally got back at Klaus. It’s been ninety years coming.
Damon: That bit with the Klaus standoff was great.
Caroline: Damsel in distress as usual. But hey, it’s all good.
Tyler: About time he stands up to Klaus. He had it coming.
Bonnie: She really couldn’t have thought of that before? Dumbass. But hey, Klaus is gone, so it’s all good. Now do that for Alaric and we’ll be fine.
Matt: Meh. His usefulness ended at that whole thing with Finn.
Klaus: Bitch got SERVED. Now he and Ester can fight each other forever.
Rebekah and Kol need to go die in a hole somewhere.
Elijah: Get your ass back here!
As for the murderer, I don’t think it’s Alaric. My guess is Tatia.
“Damon Salvatore: Right? He had her right there, fangs in her neck and everything, and he just let her live. This city deserves a better class of criminal.”
HAHAHHA. 1) Your product placement is so much better than the show’s and 2) I was thinking the same thing! Why didn’t Alaric drain Bonnie dry? Why didn’t Damon just leave her instead of healing her? WHYYYYYYYYYY.
“The Lady of the Manor: I am in love with Klaus. Sorry, honey.
Thomas: Don’t worry, I am, too.
The Lady of the Manor: Oh. That … went differently in my head.”
GOLDEN. I <3 Klaus. His assault on the Gilbert House was awesome. I almost choked on my laughter when he came strolling onto the porch with the torch+gascan combo, only to give a seriously disappointed look at not being able to torch the place. Hopefully Klaus isn't out of the game for too long.
I'm thinking the Elena passing out thing at the end is just another Vampire!Elena tease. If they're not going to bring Katherine (<3) back, give us Vampire!Elena with Katherine leanings for godsakes.
I'm not sure if Bonnie is going Dark!Willow or if she's lost all her powers like her mother did. And I'm not sure if I want the former or the latter. Useless witches get killed off and get (hopefully) replaced by better witches!
I'm definitely going to miss your and Price's recaps over the summer. =( And TVD got an early renewal (although none of us should be surprised, right?). Here's hoping TSC gets renewed as well.
Oh, you had a chance to use my favorite colloquialism when Klaus told Stefan he was going to get the hell out of town. Of course, Klaus is English and probably never watched Gunsmoke so he wouldn’t say he was going to “get out of Dodge”.
Best part of the show: when Klaus and Damon were throwing fence stakes at each other. So very spur of the moment and funny. Sort of like reindeer games, vampire style.
@Diana -get the hell out of dodge – is one of my favourite sayings and I’m English!
I’m sincerely hoping Rebekah or Kol will turn Elena, now that it will both kill Alaric and ensure that the Salvatores won’t stake them.
I had a DIABOLICAL thought to share with the group, and I have to thank Jim S. for getting my brain tuned to that frequency. Also, sort of a spin on the last comment by A:
If Klaus really is the start of the Salvatore’s (and Katherine, Caroline, and Abby as well as Tyler’s) blood line, it kind of avoids the usual Xanatos Pileuup of a Finale in that it clearly defines the teams.
If it were another Original (say, Elijah) who founded Team Salvatore’s bloodline, there’d be a Civil War with Elijah’s offspring the Salvatores on Blue Team, Klaus and Tyler fighting for the Grays, Caroline in the middle, and Alaric stomping the earth like a mad wildcard wanting to kill everyone on both sides.
Klaus is out of play (at least temporarily), so his motivations (keeping the Nubile Keg of Hybrid-mix pumping blood) are moot. But having him at the start of their bloodline lets all of Team Mystic Falls stay together on the same side (Elena’s as usual) since all the vamps in the family are from the same bloodline.
The OTHER Originals have a CLEAR motivation: Get rid of Vampilaric the Original Vampire Terminator. And Vampilaric’s achilles’ heel is Elena.
So as it stands, it’s Originals vs. Team Mystic Falls in a game of capture/kill the flag (Elena).
Too freaking tidy.
Team Salvatore could ally with Team Original to figure out a way to get rid of Vampilaric without killing Elena. Maybe by turning her, but as I said before, it’s kind of counter-intuitive that you could kill A Vampire Terminator by making the human whose lifespan he’s tied to into another vampire.
How about if they throw ANOTHER spanner into the gears?
What if VAMPILARIC could somehow (handwave handwave handwave) his way around the invitation rule, get into Castle Gilbert, be the one to find Elena in a bad way, and feed her HIS blood to heal her out of self-preservation? Maybe he can turn her into his Darth Maul hunter-apprentice without killing himself (or maybe that’s the loophole that makes him immortal)?
Now ALARIC is the start of the vampire bloodline that includes Elena-as-vampire, now instead of accepting Alaric as collateral damage as long as Elena doesn’t get hurt, Klaus’ kids have to side with Alaric against the other Originals to keep them from taking out Elena to get Alaric or taking out Alaric and possibly getting newbie-vamp Elena in the process.
SPOILER
SPOILER
SPOILER
SPOILER
SPOILER
We THINK we the Originals are going after Vampilaric’s Elena weak spot next week.
/END SPOILER(/b>
Wouldn’t that added monkey wrench sound more like the show we know? And the mythology rules are SO loose these days, I could actually believe they’d try to go there.
Oh TVD, this was one BAD ASS episode! Now that I can move on a little from my denial from good Alaric death & Dalaric, I can comment on this week’s fabulosity!!
Ur recap had me nearly choking on my water from laughing so hard!!!
THIS = made me spit out my water: Thomas: DO THAT TOO I HAVE A LIST DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY LIST LET ME SHOW YOU MY LIST HEY IS THAT YOUR NAME AT THE TOP OF THE LIST WHY I THINK IT IS YOU KNOW MARTYRDOM IS IN THIS SEASON.
I loved the Lady on Twitter & here “still in love w/ Klaus over here” LOL & I when Klaus choked Tyler, where I thought it may be the end of him, my first thought was “Neville Corgi is probably screaming, get ur filthy hands off my little doggie buddy” :) And I swear that line about “Stefan gets a phone call at the most inappropriate time powers activate” made me bust out LOL’ing like a loon :)
I swear Joseph plays Klaus like a hilarious maniacal beast sometimes & it’s awesome. The Siege of the house was one of the best things they’ve ever done. His evil grin when he spotted the soccer ball was priceless and then kaaaaaboooommmmmmmmm right at Damon’s head. LMAO. Do you suppose the Salvatore brothers had time to go to the hardware store and buy Elena & Jeremy a new door after that or did they just piece it back together with Bonnie’s magic? ;)
I love all the amazing lines this show had from Damon’s “I don’t speak witch” to Klaus’ “Just between us girls” :) I love when the writing is sharp like that.
I’m having trouble with Vampilaric cuz I feel they made me love this character so much for 3 seasons & now I have to hate him cuz wow, he was a an a-hole SOB. Nobody hurts my girl Caroline like that, nobody! Ugh! But I guess I’ll deal with it and let’s see where this goes from here.
No idea how this is going to end AT ALL, lol. Spoiler/non-spoiler alert, I read the E! interview w/ Daniel Gillies & his description of what’s coming left me even more freaking confused LOL, cuz basically he said nothing with all he said!
Loving the possibility of Dark Bonnie too. I found it fitting that it was Stefan & Tyler who took Klaus down. Karma is a bitch my sweet amazing Klaus! He really did eff up thier lives the most! The looks on Joseph & Paul’s faces were phenomenal – such a mix of emotions – very well played! Both of them have truly been magnificent this season.
Still not convinced the show will turn Elena this early on in the series, but I’ve been wrong many times before, sooooo lol.
Thanks for making me laugh and I really love your post mortems too – your insight is always spot on :) On to the madness of the finale! We’ll be right here next week for what I’m sure will be an insanity of comments, opinions, devastated shippers & all the other good fun Mystic Falls brings us :)
OMG OMFG I just typed an entire book on here and hit Submit Comment and now I don’t see it, whhhatttt, nooooooooooooooooooooooo :( I’m devastated now, noooooooooooooooo :(
Anyway awesome episode and recap!!! I loved so many things about it and you make me LOL so hard every time. I’m going to say this was one of ur best, I laughed non stop for like 15 minutes, so thank you!
On the madness of the finale! I’m sure we’ll have many amazing, exciting, frustrating, awesome & devastating comments come next week :)
I should have said “Finally, a great episode.”
I LOVED this recap!!#fuckandyes should be trending on Twitter right now!!But,honestly,did the writers think the last scene qualified as a cliffhanger??Elena is more unkillable than the Originals!!I love Jeremy this season and I believe he’s gonna be an amazing vampire hunter next season!!Do you remember how bad ass he was when he chopped the hybrid’s head off??Matt Davis was excellent in this ep;I hope we get to keep Evilaric for season 4 b/c MD is sooo good at playing this vampire vampire hunter.I know it’s crazy but I think he was the voice of reason in this ep;what he said to Elena about her and Caroline did make sense.When he said Caroline deserved to die b/c she likes killing people,I thought “Hmmm…Evilaric has a point”.Of course I love Caroline and I hated watching her getting tortured AGAIN but that doesn’t mean that what Evilaric was saying was unreasonable!My favorite quote of the episode was “You don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong,Elena”-I love you,Evilaric!!
The scene where Klaus was throwing stuff at the Gilbert house was hilarious!!!I didn’t think he was menacing,Thomas.I thought he was ridiculous!I don’t believe that he’s the Originator of the Salvatore bloodline…He was lying to save his own ass!And if that turns out to be true,then WTH was the ep 3×19 all about???Other than giving the Delenas false hope,of course!Can the Lady write what she thinks of each episode on the port-mortem section as well??Please???I love to read her comments in the recaps!!”I’m not your little bitch anymore”-I love you,Tyler!!
Brian in Shortsville…I think I love you. Your scenario with EvilAlaric vamping Elena is all kinds of awesome. It’s twisted and I love it!! Of course I’ve already admitted to having a crush on EvilAlaric, my taste may be questionable.
Come to think of It, I’m pretty much crushing on EvilAlaric, Klaus, Thomas and you. That either says really good things or really bad things about you & Thomas.
Absolutely wonderful recap. And I totally agree with your post mortem.
I was thinking about Elena turning vampire, too. It wouldn’t be anything the fans expect. And since it’s TVD and it always does what one doesn’t expect…
I believe that Elena must have gotten some vamp blood after the fight, since her neck with the cut was healed up. And she wouldn’t have been able to stand for the celebration without some of that powerful juice.
Jeremy was great, too, showing how much he cares about Elena, having his own opinion and voicing it about Stefan. And I like how he still is kinda sweet with Bonnie, trusting her to do the heart-stopping spell on him to help his sister.
That Alaric really turned around and is now the evil guy is wonderful. Though I hope that noone else dies except him. And Bonnie, finally she’s getting interesting…
The moment when Elena talked to both of the Salvatore brothers was perfect, I think. Because her explanation really showed that she didn’t deliberately try to string them along. And it’s great that she tells them both at the same time. It was high time for that.
And that leads to the next scene. I absolutely adore the scene of both brothers in the car. Damon gleeful since for once they won, even though their original plan STILL failed. Seeing him happy with Stefan who’s right back to the (late) season 1 cool guy was perfect. I love how both of them agreed to let the other be happy with Elena if she choses and I love how Damon says that after her ultimate death they would still have each other. I and everybody else was really waiting for that brother-bonding moment.
Brian in Shortsville, my brain has just exploded, when I read your thoughts. If The Writers would choose that direction for TVD… that would be freaking awesome! It’s absolutely logical for Devilaric to vamp Elena. By that he saves his life and forces Team Mystic Falls to play on his side too.
I wish you and Tomas would be The Writers :)
Elena Gilbert: I don’t believe you! We never go to class anymore!
Lol so true! To be fair, I think most of the show takes place during the weekend. For instance, last week`s episode took place on Friday night at the dance, and this episode took place on Saturday after the dance. But Elena totally skipped school to go to Denver on Thursday. So I think they still go to class…somewhat. Though I doubt they learn anything useful, like the fact that alcohol is not so good for you if you have lost liters of blood.
This episode was so good, probably `cos the writers were not catering to the shippers, well, except for that tiny moment when Klaus got hold of Caroline and she was acting as if he`s Prince Charming and he had saved her life, which he totally didn`t – it was Elena who saved Caroline`s life. I`m not entirely sure why that scene was necessary, except to just fuel the Klaroline ship, maybe?
It was so refreshing to see the strong and smart Elena again, whew, it`s been a long time! Hopefully she stays that way into Season 4. She even addressed this whole I-know-I-have-been-stringing-both-of-you-along issue. And she told the brothers, at the same time, to their faces, that she can`t bear to lose either of them. I thought that was very mature of her to at least admit that. Now everyone knows where Elena is coming from.
I`m probably in the minority here, but I don`t really want Elena to turn, just yet. I mean the whole show is based on Supernatural beings in MF constantly trying to save the human and very fragile Elena. What will everyone do with their time once Elena doesn`t need saving every other minute? Not to mention there won`t be much to differentiate her from Katherine. Besides, Damon loves her mostly because she makes him feel human. On top of that, there aren`t that many humans left on the show. It`s just her, Jeremy, and Matt. I don`t count Bonnie `cos she has supernatural powers.
One of my favorite scenes was the vampire kitchen fight. I thought it was childish, yet hilarious at the same time. Klaus was acting like a petulant, yet dangerous, child. I loved Damon`s “Missed me,” and “Missed me again” while fighting Klaus back. Damon is so cheeky and reckless with Klaus, I don`t understand how he is still alive. But it makes for great TV to see just how unafraid he is of the Originals.
@Caroline I was thinking the same thing about Elena`s neck cut. But then I rewatched the episode and she still had the cut while she was talking to Klaus, before he threw her against the dresser. And we all know the Salvatore didn`t give her blood after her whole ordeal,otherwise she wouldn`t have fainted at the end of the episode.
I have to say, as much as I love Caroline(minus the “Damon doesn`t care” “You and Stefan`s love is epic” and “You know you have to choose, right?” comments)As much as I was feeling bad for her when she was being tortured, I was totally on Vampilaric`s side. He really was the voice of reason in the episode, Vampires, as nice as they might be, are still preditors to humans, and humans should never forget that. It`s like keeping a lion as a pet, just because it acts docile, doesn`t mean it`s not dangerous and won`
Sorry, I didn`t finish that comment. Point being, Elena`s parents were the ultimate Vampire hunters, because Vampires were dangerous, and her parents wanted to protect humans. Elena has done the opposite and spit in the face of everything her parents stood for. It`s now Ric`s duty to protect the humans, which is why he outsted the Sherrif and the Mayor. Those two are doing nothing to protect the humans. I for one still love Ric because even if he is evil, I totally get where he is coming from. Unlike Klaus who`s evil only because he`s a dick.
Awesome recap of an awesome ep.
I can’t believe there’s only one episode left to the season….
I have a few comments about the impending end of S3.
1- EvilAlaric Stabman is epic. As he was dragging Caroline through the parking lot, I couldn’t help but think of Beatrix Kiddo marching out of the desert to ask for a glass of water.
2- I’m not so sure I think that Elena is going to turn this upcoming ep, but wouldn’t it be interesting? Clearly EvilAlaric has a motivation to make sure she remains alive for as long as possible. I don’t get his motives for calling the Council meeting. They’ve really got me on this one. Unless, he wants to kill all the vampires in the world (except Elena who he would turn) so he can be the only eternal being out there. EvilAlaric thinks pretty highly of himself, so….. IDK
3- Loved LOVED Loved the look on Klaus’ face as he got mummified. Joseph Morgan is awesome. It spoke volumes of ‘ but we never got to see Niagra falls together…’ to Stephen. I think Stephen heard him. I am glad that Klaus went back to showing his true colors.
4- We still don’t know who started the MF vampire line. Klaus was totally making that up. He probably dosen’t even know.
5- I think we all know who Elena is going to choose. I mean really, think about it. I’m writing it down on a piece of paper right now which I will take a picture of and post to twitter after the finale. Unless she chooses herself, which could also happen.
6- What i’m REALLY looking forward to next week? Elija!!
7- Damon remains awesome.
See ya next week!
This really was a phenomenal episode, and an excellent recap.
And I’ve started thinking… they call this the Season of the Originals. Once it’s over (which will make me sad, but I’ll deal), will we see some Big Bad werewolves? Because as it is, the werewolves are just total mooks, and we’ve still got two seasons to go. I’d like to see the Klaus & co. take on the Original werewolves or whatever.
But anyway. Trying to gather my thoughts. Was disappointed that Caroline threw a Yay-We-Killed-Klaus-Everybody-Do-a-Shot-for-Each-Time-We-Could-Have-Gotten-Killed-but-Miraculously-Survived party like, an hour after that sweet moment she had with Klaus.
And yet, Klaus totally took advantage of that scenario! It amuses me, how quick he was to play the hero for Caroline, and be all “We’ll save Elena, you run along home” when the Salvatores kind of had to drag him kicking and screaming into that rescue situation, and he was still throwing around cards like “I started your bloodline” to save his own ass. Moral gray area, how I love thee.
He better get undessicated fast. If the Salvatores really do go through with throwing him in the Atlantic… vampires don’t have to breathe, so… what if he found Atlantis? What if he started an army of hybrid mervamps? (Vampmaids? Incidentally, the male version of a mermaid is a merbutler. No one ever agrees with me on this.)
I hope that Rebekah, wherever she went, runs into Katherine, and starts Team We’ll-Do-Whatever-We-Need-to-in-Order-to-Save-Our-Own-Skins-and-Look-Fabulous-While-Doing-It. And then vamps the hell out of Elena, although she was doing well this episode, up until the whole porch scene. Ugh.
That nosebleed… no idea what to make of it. So confused. Wah.
But yeah. Yeah. Totally with you on Dark Bonnie, Thomas. And thanks for all these recaps. :D
“I mean, I could, if I knew the right spell, and if I was powerful enough, and if the wind blew just right, and if everyone at home clapped their hands and said “I do believe in witches!”
Haha, best line there! Only maybe instead of witches we should say “plot device. If we said I don’t believe in witches, does that mean they’d go away?
You know that if Elena gets turned she’ll discover the joys of super-vamp sex:).
Awesome recap for an awesome episode~!
I am actually really unfazed by Evilaric, I think he is quite boring as a villain and I will be glad when they (hopefully) end his storyline this week.
I AM, however, very excited with a Dark Bonnie storyline, although I am kind of annoyed that they choose this late in Season 3 to reference dark energy she may be tapping into. She would be an awesome villain for SEASON FIVE. I could definitely see the story being hinted at alot in 4, but I think it would just be too soon for Elena’s other close friend to turn evil as well.
Also, hope she stays human. It’s just not the same if she’s a vamp.
Hi, I’m Sonia from Italy. I had been looking for a recap site for a long time and finally I found this one. First of all, this site is great, so are the recaps….
concerning the season finale… well I read some recent spoilers and I can’t wait
ciao…
So, Jeremy can be mad at Stefan for the bad-luck that Elena’s magic blood attracts, but Bonnie can’t be mad at them for killing her mom? Especially seeing as to how Stefan hates it and Damon missing being human? I don’t understand.
Klaus sucked as a villain and I hope he stays gone. Bring back Elijah. He was waaaaaay more interesting.
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