Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

Triquetra
keep at it until you get lucky. -Joe Konrath

Hey everybody,

I thought I was going to be able to handle two series over the summer, True Blood and Teen Wolf. Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that it’s just too much.

The thing is, I kind of like Teen Wolf right now. I’m watching last week’s episode as I write this, and the whole thing with Chris Argent kidnapping his daughter in order to “train” her is wonderfully awful. I want to know what the Lizard Thing is – and if it’s Lydia. I want to know if Stiles will ever make First Line.

Okay, I might be lying about that last part.

So, it’s not Teen Wolf, it’s me (and this post just became every guy breaking up with every girl ever). I don’t want my writing to become work, and juggling two shows at once is too much. A recap post takes about four hours by the time all is said and done, and that doesn’t count responding to comments (which I really do hope to be better about in the future). And since Teen Wolf doesn’t have as big a draw as True Blood, and since Teen Wolf‘s 22-episode season will run right up to, and maybe overlap with, the next season of Vampire Diaries … I have to call it a day.

I’ll still be watching, and still be around on Twitter to talk about the show, but that’s as much time as I can commit to it.

– A Quick Glimpse Behind the Scenes –

The Producers: Okay guys, it’s time to get season two out the door!

The Art Department: Great! How can we help?

The Producers: Well, first things first … let’s have an awesome credit crawl!

The Art Department: Sure thing! What did you have in mind?

The Producers: Well … hey Tyler! And Tyler!

Tylers Posey and Hoechlin: Yeah boss?

The Producers: Take your shirts off!

The Art Department: Okay, what else?

The Producers: Ooh, lacrosse! Let’s get some lacrosse in there!

The Art Department: We’re still doing that? All right then.

The Producers: And hey! Did you guys see Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? That credit sequence was amazing! Can we do something like that?

The Art Department: You bet we can!

The Producers: You guys are the best! Oh, by the way … our budget for this season is twenty two dollars, plus the corn chips Dylan found in the couch cushions.

The Art Department: Well, I guess we could just smear someone with motor oil …

The Producers: Fantastic idea! Hey, Crystal and Holland!

Crystal Reed and Holland Roden: Yeah boss?

The Producers: Take your shirts off!

Crystal Reed and Holland Roden: Wait, what?

Previously, on Teen Wolf

Continue reading »

This still looks cheesy as all hell, but I’m not gonna lie … there are a couple of moments and plot-points that sound kinda cool. Massive werewolf outbreak at Sunny Falls High? Yes please.

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Parking Lot of Panic –

Scott McCall: Wolfface!

Allison Argent: Shockedface!

Chris Argent: Well, looks like Scott is about to eat my daughter. I guess I should probably do something about that. Let’s see… I’m a highly trained hunter, an expert marksman, a weapons dealer… I know! I’ll honk my horn!

One of the many, many Chevies on this show: Honk!

Scott McCall: Yipe yipe yipe!

Continue reading »

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Argent House of Hunters – Dungeon of Doom –

Allison Argent: So, Derek’s…

Kate Argent: A werewolf, yeah.

Allison Argent: I was going to say “naked,” but yeah, I guess you could call that makeup “werewolf”, if you squinted really hard. And maybe did a few shots.

Kate Argent: No, I’ll prove he’s a werewolf! Look at these! They’re called “canines!”

Allison Argent: …Humans have canines, too.

Kate Argent: But his are longer!

Allison Argent: That’s what she said!

Kate Argent: …That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, there are two more wolves out there, an Alpha and your boyfriend, and you’re going to help me catch them. See you tomorrow!

Continue reading »

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Locker Room of Lycanthropy –

Everyone: We’re number one! We’re number one! We’re number one!

Allison Argent: Hi Scott! Your prowess at lacrosse has convinced me to give you another shot at getting into my pants!

Scott McCall: 😀

Jackson Whittemore: And if you make me a werewolf, I’ll help!

Danny: I forgive you for everything, Scott.!

Thomas: Is too lazy to go look up whatever it is Danny is supposed to be forgiving Scott for.

The Lights: Go out.

Scott McCall: D-:

Derek Hale: Brood!

Scott McCall: Oh thank god! I thought it was-

Peter Hale: Hi Scott!

Scott McCall: That. Yeah, that’s what I thought it was.

Peter Hale: Lacrosse is stupid! Werewolves should play basketball!

Subtle 80’s Movie Reference: Is subtle.

Peter Hale: Anyway, I have a long list of people to kill, and I’d like your help doing it!

Scott McCall: But you’re a crazy madman!

Derek Hale: He’s just misunderstood!

Scott McCall: You’re not helping!

Peter Hale: Anyway, I want you to see this through my eyes.

Scott McCall: I don’t want to try and think like you!

Peter Hale: No, I mean I want to give you a psychic vision of when my family was burned to death by hunters, by stabbing you with my magic memory-implanting claws.

Scott McCall: …fuck this show.

Continue reading »

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Chemistry Class of Chaos –

Prof. Adrian R Harris: Well, here I am, at school, in the middle of the night, for no reason. Like you do.

Alpha Wolf: Hi there! I can talk now! And I’m pissed at you!

Prof. Adrian R Harris: PleasedontkillmePleasedontkillmePleasedontkillme

Derek Hale: Don’t worry, I’ll save-

The Police: Nobody move! We have you surrounded!

Derek Hale: …who the hell told them that I was here?

The Writers: We did!

Continue reading »

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– The Lost Woods –

Scott McCall: So… two guys, alone, in the woods…

Stiles Stalinski: That’s right, big boy. You know what we’re here for…

Scott McCall: Emotionally vulnerable… going through terrifying yet thrilling changes…

Stiles Stalinski: Oh yeah…

Scott McCall: Just broke up with a girl that he never actually had sex with…

Stiles Stalinski: I hear you man, I hear you…

Scott McCall: So we’re going to…

Stiles Stalinski: Drink Jack until we puke!

Scott McCall: Oh! Oh. Oh.

Continue reading »

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Hallway of Horror –

Scott McCall: We have to jam the door closed!

Stiles Stalinski: I know! I’ll run back outside, grab the bold cutters I used to open the school, and cram them in the door handles!

Scott McCall: No! Stiles! Don’t! You might die!

Thomas: Yeah, please. Don’t. That would be terrible. Really.

Continue reading »