Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

keep at it until you get lucky. -Joe Konrath

Hey everybody,

I thought I was going to be able to handle two series over the summer, True Blood and Teen Wolf. Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that it’s just too much.

The thing is, I kind of like Teen Wolf right now. I’m watching last week’s episode as I write this, and the whole thing with Chris Argent kidnapping his daughter in order to “train” her is wonderfully awful. I want to know what the Lizard Thing is – and if it’s Lydia. I want to know if Stiles will ever make First Line.

Okay, I might be lying about that last part.

So, it’s not Teen Wolf, it’s me (and this post just became every guy breaking up with every girl ever). I don’t want my writing to become work, and juggling two shows at once is too much. A recap post takes about four hours by the time all is said and done, and that doesn’t count responding to comments (which I really do hope to be better about in the future). And since Teen Wolf doesn’t have as big a draw as True Blood, and since Teen Wolf‘s 22-episode season will run right up to, and maybe overlap with, the next season of Vampire Diaries … I have to call it a day.

I’ll still be watching, and still be around on Twitter to talk about the show, but that’s as much time as I can commit to it.

– A Quick Glimpse Behind the Scenes –

The Producers: Okay guys, it’s time to get season two out the door!

The Art Department: Great! How can we help?

The Producers: Well, first things first … let’s have an awesome credit crawl!

The Art Department: Sure thing! What did you have in mind?

The Producers: Well … hey Tyler! And Tyler!

Tylers Posey and Hoechlin: Yeah boss?

The Producers: Take your shirts off!

The Art Department: Okay, what else?

The Producers: Ooh, lacrosse! Let’s get some lacrosse in there!

The Art Department: We’re still doing that? All right then.

The Producers: And hey! Did you guys see Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? That credit sequence was amazing! Can we do something like that?

The Art Department: You bet we can!

The Producers: You guys are the best! Oh, by the way … our budget for this season is twenty two dollars, plus the corn chips Dylan found in the couch cushions.

The Art Department: Well, I guess we could just smear someone with motor oil …

The Producers: Fantastic idea! Hey, Crystal and Holland!

Crystal Reed and Holland Roden: Yeah boss?

The Producers: Take your shirts off!

Crystal Reed and Holland Roden: Wait, what?

Previously, on Teen Wolf

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This still looks cheesy as all hell, but I’m not gonna lie … there are a couple of moments and plot-points that sound kinda cool. Massive werewolf outbreak at Sunny Falls High? Yes please.

Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Parking Lot of Panic –

Scott McCall: Wolfface!

Allison Argent: Shockedface!

Chris Argent: Well, looks like Scott is about to eat my daughter. I guess I should probably do something about that. Let’s see… I’m a highly trained hunter, an expert marksman, a weapons dealer… I know! I’ll honk my horn!

One of the many, many Chevies on this show: Honk!

Scott McCall: Yipe yipe yipe!

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Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Argent House of Hunters – Dungeon of Doom –

Allison Argent: So, Derek’s…

Kate Argent: A werewolf, yeah.

Allison Argent: I was going to say “naked,” but yeah, I guess you could call that makeup “werewolf”, if you squinted really hard. And maybe did a few shots.

Kate Argent: No, I’ll prove he’s a werewolf! Look at these! They’re called “canines!”

Allison Argent: …Humans have canines, too.

Kate Argent: But his are longer!

Allison Argent: That’s what she said!

Kate Argent: …That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, there are two more wolves out there, an Alpha and your boyfriend, and you’re going to help me catch them. See you tomorrow!

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Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Locker Room of Lycanthropy –

Everyone: We’re number one! We’re number one! We’re number one!

Allison Argent: Hi Scott! Your prowess at lacrosse has convinced me to give you another shot at getting into my pants!

Scott McCall: 😀

Jackson Whittemore: And if you make me a werewolf, I’ll help!

Danny: I forgive you for everything, Scott.!

Thomas: Is too lazy to go look up whatever it is Danny is supposed to be forgiving Scott for.

The Lights: Go out.

Scott McCall: D-:

Derek Hale: Brood!

Scott McCall: Oh thank god! I thought it was-

Peter Hale: Hi Scott!

Scott McCall: That. Yeah, that’s what I thought it was.

Peter Hale: Lacrosse is stupid! Werewolves should play basketball!

Subtle 80’s Movie Reference: Is subtle.

Peter Hale: Anyway, I have a long list of people to kill, and I’d like your help doing it!

Scott McCall: But you’re a crazy madman!

Derek Hale: He’s just misunderstood!

Scott McCall: You’re not helping!

Peter Hale: Anyway, I want you to see this through my eyes.

Scott McCall: I don’t want to try and think like you!

Peter Hale: No, I mean I want to give you a psychic vision of when my family was burned to death by hunters, by stabbing you with my magic memory-implanting claws.

Scott McCall: …fuck this show.

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Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Chemistry Class of Chaos –

Prof. Adrian R Harris: Well, here I am, at school, in the middle of the night, for no reason. Like you do.

Alpha Wolf: Hi there! I can talk now! And I’m pissed at you!

Prof. Adrian R Harris: PleasedontkillmePleasedontkillmePleasedontkillme

Derek Hale: Don’t worry, I’ll save-

The Police: Nobody move! We have you surrounded!

Derek Hale: …who the hell told them that I was here?

The Writers: We did!

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Previously, on Teen Wolf

– The Lost Woods –

Scott McCall: So… two guys, alone, in the woods…

Stiles Stalinski: That’s right, big boy. You know what we’re here for…

Scott McCall: Emotionally vulnerable… going through terrifying yet thrilling changes…

Stiles Stalinski: Oh yeah…

Scott McCall: Just broke up with a girl that he never actually had sex with…

Stiles Stalinski: I hear you man, I hear you…

Scott McCall: So we’re going to…

Stiles Stalinski: Drink Jack until we puke!

Scott McCall: Oh! Oh. Oh.

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Previously, on Teen Wolf

– Beacon Hills High School – Hallway of Horror –

Scott McCall: We have to jam the door closed!

Stiles Stalinski: I know! I’ll run back outside, grab the bold cutters I used to open the school, and cram them in the door handles!

Scott McCall: No! Stiles! Don’t! You might die!

Thomas: Yeah, please. Don’t. That would be terrible. Really.

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