The Producers: So, Alan, we kind of need to have a talk…
Alan Ball: Yeah? What about? Want to congratulate me on how I managed to basically remove vampires from this show about vampires? Give me props for creating one of the least likable heroines in television history? High-five me for bringing Faeries roaring back into Prime Time television?
The Producers: Yeah, so, no. We actually wanted to talk to you about all of the useless characters you have on this show.
Alan Ball: What are you talking about? I murdered like eleventy billion people last episode!
The Producers: Yeah, and we’re really grateful for that. But see, there’s this guy, a… ‘blogger’, or something, and he keeps mailing us this list of people he wants killed off.
Alan Ball: So delete his emails.
The Producers: No, we mean he actually mails them to us. Like, five or six times a week. It’s actually kind of impressive. And scary. We think they’re written in blood. Anyway, we think the best thing for everybody is to just give in to his demands.
Alan Ball: So, who does he want killed off?
The Producers: You might want to sit down…