Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

The best revenge is massive success. -Frank Sinatra

Previously, on True Blood

– Sookie’s House of Shagging –

Alcide Herveaux: Hi Sookie! If I’d have known that you’d drop your panties after a mere fifteen shots, I’d have gotten you drunk ages ago!

Sookie Stackhouse: Wink wink wink!

Alcide Herveaux: Nudge nudge nudge!

Sookie Stackhouse: Barf barf barf!

Eric Northman: Huh. Did your penis ever make Sookie throw up?

Vampire Bill: I can’t say that it did.

Eric Northman: Neither did mine. Is there something wrong with your penis, Alcide? Is it broken?

Alcide Herveaux: 🙁

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Previously, on True blood

– Curl Up and Fry Tanning Salon –

Pam Swynford De Beaufort: Hi Tara! You’re a stupid bitch! And I command you to stop trying to kill yourself!

Tara Thornton: But Pam! I’m a horrible character! Nobody likes me! Why won’t you just let me put them out of my misery!

Pam Swynford De Beaufort: Well, mostly because you signed a multi-season contract, but let’s pretend it has something to do with me trying to get Sookie to convince Eric to boff me again.

The Lady of the Manor: Did Pam wear a pink jumpsuit and heels to bed? Pam wore a pink jumpsuit and heels to bed. I <3 Pam.

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Previously, on True blood

– The Lost Woods –

Tara Thornton: Vampire pro: I no longer need to drop acid to get high. I can just go outside and look up.

Sookie Stackhouse: Tara! Tara Tara Tara!

Lafayette Reynolds: Bitch please! Bitch please bitch please bitch please!

Tara Thornton: Vampire negative: I can hear those two fucktards from three counties away.

Random Cute Girl: Why hello there, perfect stranger wandering around in a blood-soaked shirt in the middle of the night! You’re probably not a vampire ora serial killer, so could you help me change my tire! I am ever so in distress!

Tara Thornton: :-)=

Random Cute Girl: That went differently in my head.

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Previously, on True Blood

– Sookie’s Playhouse –

Tara Thornton: Super baby vampire Sookie eating powers activate!

Pam Swynford De Beaufort: Wow … I expected turning her into a vampire to be a complete clusterfuck, but it’s already paying dividends!

Lafayette Reynolds: Bitch please! But if she Tara kills Sookie, Sookie can’t use her magic fairy vagina to make Eric love you again!

Pam Swynford De Beaufort: Christ the story lines on this show are complicated. But all right, Tara, bad doggie. No eating the insufferable blond.

Tara Thornton: :-(=

Pam Swynford De Beaufort: But you can wreck the shit out of her house!

Tara Thornton: :-)=

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Previously, on True Blood

– Bill’s Mansion of Misery –

Eric Northman: Super vampire speed cleaning powers activate!

Vampire Bill: Hi Jessica! I have to go away on business for the next, oh, century or two, so feel free to have all kinds of dirty sex in my mansion while I’m gone! (Except he said it all formal and accent-ey)

Eric Northman: Hey Bill? Wanna help me clean Nan off the carpets? Because you kind of have a very obvious crime scene for an office right now.

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