Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

Remember: if you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget. -Welcome to Night Vale

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries…

Dorm Rooms of Doom

Damon Salvatore: Hi Elena! I know that for very logical and totally valid plot reasons you don’t remember how much you love me, but I think we should have tons of sex anyway!

Elena Gilbert: Sorry, I’m sleeping with some guy named Liam now!

Damon Salvatore: Excellent! Why don’t you just give me his photo and let me know where I can find him, and I’ll start my destructive spiral of murderous hate!

Hospital of Horrors

Damon Salvatore: God damn it Alaric! I can’t believe you wiped out Elena’s memory of that time I was kind of not a dick to her, but left her with the memories of that time I murdered her brother, that time I murdered Stefan’s best friend on his birthday, that time I snapped Matt’s neck, that time I threatened to murder Bonnie, that time I turned Jeremy’s girlfriend into an undead fiend, that time that I compelled Caroline into being my girlfriend, that time I compelled that other chick into being my girlfriend, and that time I … huh …

Alaric Saltzman: Yeah?

Damon Salvatore: I guess I am kind of evil.

Dr. Jo: Hi guys! I just dropped by to tell you that it was a complete fluke that Alaric died a human and then came back to life due to my super advanced CPR techniques and that there’s a perfectly good reason that Elena is still compelled even though Alaric isn’t a vampire anymore and trust me this makes perfect sense and wasn’t at all contrived to stir up more angst but it’s super complicated witch stuff so I’m not even going to bother explaining it all and also we’re never going to talk about it again okay bye!

Tripp Fell’s Pit of Despair

Enzo: Hi Tripp! Stefan wants to murder you! I want to torture you until you tell me everything I want to know! And Matt thinks he’s being the good guy by helping us, a group if immortal murder machines who have caused more pain and havoc that can be rightly accounted for!

Stefan Salvatore: Also I have a ball-peen hammer.

Tripp Fell: I’ll tell you anything you want!

Stefan Salvatore: Yeah, mostly I just want to hit you with this hammer.

Matt Donovan: I feel good about my moral choices!

Whitmore College of Carnage

Elena Gilbert: Hi Caroline! So I met with Damon, and I was super scared because I remember all those times he’s murdered someone I love, but I was also kind of turned on because his eyes are blue and I’m sorta dumb!

Caroline Forbes: Hold on, let me check the script and find out how I feel about Damon today! Okay, it turns out in this episode I’m on board with you tossing Damon to the curb and banging that guy who’s probably gonna be dead in a few episodes!

Liam: Hi guys! I violated a ton of HIPPA laws, and now I have questions about that girl you brought back from the dead with a band-aid and a shot glass full of your blood!

May 10 1994 – Again – Castle Salvatore

Bonnie Bennett: Wow, that arrow to the gut didn’t actually kill me, and now I must engage in a game of cat-and-mouse with a psychotic mass murderer in order to escape back to my own timeline! Who could have foreseen this!

Kai: Um, literally everybody?

Dorm Rooms of Doom

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Caroline! I just dropped by to tell you that Tripp Fell knows you’re a vampire and has a team of assholes out to murder you. Also, I was really hoping you’d be in a towel again.

Caroline Forbes: Stefan Salvatore, just because my wall is plastered with your photograph and I call my vibrator “Little Stefan” doesn’t mean I’m just going to tear my clothes off the moment you walk through my door! I mean, maybe if you helped me save my mother’s life or something …

Sheriff Forbes (on the phone): Hi Caroline! Funny story …

Tripp Fell’s Pit of Despair

Caroline Forbes (on the phone): God damn it Enzo, why did it take so long for you to answer your phone?

Enzo: My fingers were covered in blood and the touchscreen wouldn’t work.

Caroline Forbes: … that is so hot. Also please don’t murder Tripp because his goons have my mom and I love her a bunch.

Tripp Fell: So Matt, you do realize that you’re buddies with a bunch of murderers, torturers, rapists, and tax evaders, right?

Matt Donovan: I drink a lot. It helps keep the part of my brain that does the thinking quiet.

May 10 1994 – Again – Hospital of Healing

Bonnie Bennett: Om nom nom I love prescription pain killers nom nom!

Scull Bar – Party of the Paranormal

Liv Parker: Tyler Lockwood! You are getting champaign all over the place! And also humping everybody’s leg!

Tyler Lockwood: I’m just trying to pay you back for murdering that guy in order to stop me from turning into a dog!

Alaric Saltzman: Hi Damon! Nice of you to crash this party so you can stalk your not-girlfriend!

Damon Salvatore: Alaric! I am shocked and horrified at your lack of trust! I came here to spend time with you, my best friend, recently back from the dead! We haven’t seen each other in – hold on, Elena’s here with her douche cannon, and I have to go ruin their lives real quick.

Liam: Hi Elena! Would you like me to get you some alcohol that we are both clearly too young to consume!

Damon Salvatore: Yes she would! By the way, I’m that guy she told you died! I bet that’s awkward!

Tripp Fell’s Pit of Despair

Caroline Forbes: So let’s get this straight: Stefan and Enzo hate each other, and Stefan teamed up with Tripp to murder him, except Tripp somehow managed to convince Enzo to spill his bitter enemy’s dirty secrets, so Stefan teamed up with the guy who murdered his girlfriend and tossed him to the vampire hunters to murder the vampire hunters that Stefan originally threw Enzo to?

Enzo: Yeah, but at least I don’t want to shag him.

Caroline Forbes:

Stefan Salvatore:

Caroline Forbes:

Stefan Salvatore: :-)=

Scull Bar – Party of the Paranormal

Damon Salvatore: Hey, remember that time my brother went on a murdering-high-school-prom-queens bender and left you standing at one of the millions of balls we used to go to, and I stepped up and danced with you and it was magnificent?

Elena Gilbert: I remember that time you murdered the entire Freshman class because you wanted Coke and the cafeteria only had Pepsi.

Alaric Saltzman: Man, I am in so much pain! Not being able to heal from life-threatening injuries is awesome!

Dr. Jo: Speaking of, this is a great time to explain that I didn’t lose my magic, I just stuck it in an inanimate object for safekeeping! That probably won’t be important later!

Lucas: Hi Liv! Just wanted to remind you that we’re siblings and that we belong to a coven and that we’re going to get pulled out of college to die soon! Talk to you later!

May 10 1994 – Again – Hospital of Hocus Pocus

Bonnie Bennett: Okay, I’ve almost finished reassembling the Plot Device, so if I can just wrap this up without some kind of psycho shutting off the power and threatening to kill me …

Kai: Hi Bonnie!

Scull Bar – Party of the Paranormal

Elena Gilbert: Okay Damon, even though I hate you, I want to sex you, but I can’t do that until I love you! So you should take me on a bunch of dates and help me remember all the times you weren’t a horrible asshole!

Damon Salvatore: Off to White Castle we go!

May 10 1994 – Again – Cavern of Chaos

Kai: So Bonnie, I realize that you probably think I’m a monster, mostly because I’m a monster, but is there any chance I can convince you that I’ve redeemed myself?

Bonnie Bennett: Not really, no.

Kai: What if I stabbed you in the gut a ton? Would that change your mind?

Mystic Falls – Border of Bargaining

Thug One: Fuck you!

Caroline Forbes: No fuck you!

Thug Two: No fuck you!

Tripp Fell: Guys, it’s okay! I’m free!

Sheriff Forbes: Thank god!

Tripp Fell: Wait, I somehow forgot that Enzo fed me his blood, cut my throat, and turned me into a vampire!

Matt Donovan: That seems like the kind of think you’d remember!

Stefan Salvatore: Oh well! I’m going to go brood for a few decades! TTYL!

May 10 1994 – Again – Cavern of Chaos

Kai: Okay Bonnie! Use your magic and take us home!

Bonnie Bennett: Sorry! I stashed my magic in a teddy bear and sent it back to Mystic Falls! Which is a spell that I totally knew about before, and was in no way invented earlier in this episode by Dr. Jo, who I also haven’t met!

Kai: I hate you so much.

Mystic Falls – Memories of Morbidity

Damon Salvatore: And this is where you decided to jump into my car, a mint condition ’64 Mustang, and drive it into the Bar & Grill, causing it to explode because of reasons! And then we both died, but then we came back, only causing your best friend Bonnie a tiny little bit of unbearable pain! Except I didn’t make it back, and got stuck in 1994 with Bonnie and a serial killer named Kai! And then you told Alaric to make you forget me because it hurt too much to be without me!

Elena Gilbert: That sounds like something I want to remember! Hold on, I’m just gonna jump into the no-magic zone and get my memories back and also die a bunch!

Hospital of Horrors

Stefan Salvatore: So Sheriff, any chance you can help me get into your daughter’s panties?

Sheriff Forbes: Yeah, no, that doesn’t seem super appropriate.

Caroline Forbes: Stefan Salvatore, you are a dick and I hate you and I also love you and we are going to do this over and over again until Sweep Week, at which point I will demand you tear my clothes off and ravish me like an entire boat full of Viking warriors!

Stefan Salvatore: …I can deal with that.

Sheriff Forbes: I can’t.

Dorm Rooms of Doom

Elena Gilbert: Hey, do you remember that time we made out under a meteor shower and a rain shower?

Damon Salvatore: Boy do I …

A Super Romantic Moment Under the Stars and Clouds That We’re Just Learning About

Elena Gilbert: Damon! I’m all wet!

Damon Salvatore: That’s what I’m talking about!

Elena Gilbert: No, because it’s raining!

Damon Salvatore: Oh. Nevermind.

Dr. Jo’s Sexytimes Funland

Dr. Jo: This seems like a fantastic time to take off my clothes! And also show you my wicked cool scar! And also tell you that I’m the sister of the season’s Big Bad, whom you haven’t even met yet!

Alaric Saltzman: That should all probably freak me out, but honestly, I haven’t gotten laid in months, so ….

Dorm Rooms of Doom

Liam: Elena Gilbert! My continuing streak of HIPPA violations leads me to believe that you’re a liar! A liar with secrets!

Elena Gilbert: Isn’t that kind of the definition of a liar?

Cemetery of Self Medication

Damon Salvatore: Huh. Bonnie’s teddy bear. I wonder if that’s plot-significant?

The Plot: Thickens.

Post Mortem

I am exhausted, so this is going to be short.

Well, I’m glad they at least addressed the fact that Elena should have gotten her memories back when Alaric un-vampired, and when she crossed the border. I don’t entirely buy their explanations, but I’ll live with it.

Now that I think of it, parts of the whole damon-nesia thing were carefully planned. Having Alaric remove specific memories, rather than just Elena’s love, gives them more room to play, more room for angst. It also means that there’s more to unwind, which make the idea that she isn’t cured the moment she crosses the Mystic Falls border slightly more plausible.

8 responses to “Do You Remember the First Time? (S06E07)”

  1. Eve says:

    Enzo: Yeah, but at least I don’t want to shag him.

    Caroline Forbes: …

    Stefan Salvatore: …

    Caroline Forbes: …

    Stefan Salvatore: :-)=


    Best wordless dialogue ever! πŸ™‚

  2. Gorgia says:

    Thank you!!! Next!! ps. best recaps ever.

  3. Katie says:

    Do you think Bamon will happen? I think it will.