Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

Triquetra
I root for the bad guy.

First, I’d like to ask you guys a favor. If you’ve read my debut novel, Sire, I’d really appreciate it if you went over to Amazon and gave it a rating. Ratings are one of the things that really help a book sell, and I’d love to know what you all think of it. Thank you.

And if you haven’t read it? It costs less than one of those fancy-dancy farapalates you kids drink these days, and there’s way less nudity in Starbucks. Unless I’m just going to the wrong starbucks.

And with that little bit of self-whoring out of the way:

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries


– The Gilbert House of Pre-Vampire Affairs –

Aunt Jenna: Hi Elena! Have you ever heard the theory that Near Death Experiences are the brain’s way of coping with the terrible realization of our own mortality?

Mama Gilbert: Hi Elena! It’s your birthday!

Pama Gilbert: And Christmas!

Elena Gilbert: Wow! Getting murdered is way better than getting kidnapped! Tee hee!


– Mystic Falls Hospital – FDA Approved Treatments –

Meredith Fell: Don’t worry Jeremy, Elena is going to be fine!

Jeremy Gilbert: But what about the unconsciousness? And the blood? And the hallucinations? And the brain matter dribbling out of her ear?

Meredith Fell: That’s just stress! A nice nap, some hot tea, a little vampire blood, and shell be right as rain!

Jeremy Gilbert: Wait, what was that last part?

Meredith Fell: Hey look it’s time for my rounds got to be going see you later bye bye!


– Highway to Hell –

Jeremy Gilbert (on the phone): Hi guys! You know that minor little accident where Elena lightly tapped her head on that soft-looking fireplace mantle?

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): What did you do, Jeremy?

Jeremy Gilbert (on the phone): Well, it turns out that her minor little injury resulted in a tiny little fainting spell, with a small amount of blood coming out of her nose, and an insignificant amount of brain matter coming out her ear!

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): What did you do, Jeremy?

Jeremy Gilbert (on the phone): But don’t worry, I took her to Dr. Stabface, then ran around town screaming about how the Doppelganger could be found at Mystic Falls Hospital, floor three, room 27, first bed!

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): I really hate you.

Stefan Salvatore: I love it when someone makes me look good by comparison!


– Mystic Falls Hospital – HIPPA Violations from Hell –

Vampilaric Stabman: Hi Meredith! Do you know the Department of Justice’ stance on Sheriffs that harbor vampire daughters with werepire boyfriends and cavort with known serial killers?

Meredith Fell: Um, when did they develop a policy on werepires?

Vampilaric Stabman: After I rounded up all of the werepires in the Appalachian mountains, dragged them to FBI headquarters, and ripped their hearts out with my bare hands!

Meredith Fell: Poop.

Vampilaric Stabman: And hey, do you know how unelected town councils feel about unelected mayors with werepire sons?

Meredith Fell: That the mayor’s office is a hereditary position and Carol Lockwood is the only person fit for the job?

Vampilaric Stabman: Nope!

Meredith Fell: Poop!

Vampilaric Stabman: Oh, and do you know the American Medical Association’s stance on the medicinal use of vampire blood?

Meredith Fell: That vampires don’t exist?

Vampilaric Stabman: That was true, right up until I dragged a vampire into their conference room and staked him right there! Now they have a strict “no vampire blood allowed” policy! Speaking of which, you might want to give them a call …

Meredith Fell: Poop!

Vampilaric Stabman: :-)=


– The Gilbert House – Head Injuries and Hootch –

Caroline Forbes: Welcome home Elena! Giving you alcohol right after your traumatic brain injury was such a good idea that I’m going to offer you tea and vodka!

Elena Gilbert: Caroline …

Caroline Forbes: I know, I’m being smothering!

Elena Gilbert: No, I was going to ask you if you’d be my mommy.

Caroline Forbes: … I have to go over here now.

The Lady of the Manor: Just turn her into a vampire Caroline. Save everybody a button of trouble. Also: tea and vodka is nasty. Trust me. I’ve tried.


– Mystic Falls High – The Ancient Past –

Bonnie Bennet: Hi Elena! Remember back when I wasn’t a witch and you were only stringing alone *one *guy? Those were the days, weren’t they?


– The Gilbert House – Sudden Realizations –

Matt Donovan: Hi Elena!

Elena Gilbert: Matt, you’re right! The way I strung you along is the same way I’m stringing along the fans Stefan and Damon and I need to put on my big girl panties and sack up and make a choice and choose a Salvatore!

Matt Donovan: I was … gonna ask if you wanted dinner, actually, but I’m glad I could help you out.


– Mystic Grill – History and Horror –

Vampilaric Stabman: Hi Jeremy! We need to have a hard discussion …

Jeremy Gilbert: Poop.

Vampilaric Stabman: So while I agree, *Call of Duty *is an excellent game, I don’t think it’s an appropriate topic for your history report. Also, your sister cousin is a vampire boffing whore who’s demented predilections bring pain and misery to everyone around her, and I think you should help me commit vampire genocide. Also, you misspelled you own name. Come on, man. Come on.


– The Gilbert House – Entrance of Elijah –

Matt Donovan: Hey Elena, I have an idea! What if, instead of staying in town while vampire and werewolves and hybrids oh my murder everyone you love, what if you packed a bag and got the hell out of our lives town?

Elena Gilbert: Matt, that’s silly! How can I enjoy the tears of my loved ones if I’m not here! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go put on some skimpy clothing and take a run through the seedy part of town!

Matt Donovan: Bro, any chance you could talk some sense into her?

Stefan Salvatore: Sorry bro, I left awesome me back in Chicago. It’s Doormat Stefan from here on out.

The Doorbell: Ding Dong!

Elena Gilbert: I bet that’s someone terribly dangerous! Let me answer it!

Elijah: Hi guys! I was just-

The Twitters: SQUEEEEEEEE!

Elijah: Does that hurt your ears as badly as it hurts mine? I mean, it’s nice to be loved and all, but … wow.


– Mystic Grill – Teacher of Terror –

Vampilaric Stabman: Okay Jeremy, so what I need from you is a ten page paper, properly cited, on how no one in Mystic Falls, especially the Salvatores, owned any slaves, the location of Klaus’ body, and your summary of Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Get that to me by Monday, or I’ll have to dock you a letter grade. And tear out your throat with my teeth.


– The Gilbert House – Perfect Planning –

Elijah: So here’s the plan: you guys help me find Vampilaric and steal his Witch Weapon of Supernatural Slaughter, and give me Klaus’ body, and we’ll run litle scared little bunnies, taking Vampilaric with us. And as an added bonus, if you act now, not only will you receive one lifetime free of my psychotic brother’s machinations, you’ll recieve a second *lifetime free of Klaus’ machinations absolutely free!

* Second lifetime free of Klaus’ machinations only redeemable by children of the Doppelganger. All bets are off if Elena becomes a vampire. No purchase necessary. Offer void where prohibited.

Elena Gilbert: Since trusting you has never gone horribly, terribly wrong in the past … I accept!

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): Facepalm.


– Lockwood Estates – Outtings and Outrage –

Carol Lockwood: Hi guys! You know that horrible, terrible secret you two are keeping? The secret that would make the Founder’s Council and every law enforcement officer in the town crave your death the way a fat kid craves cake? The secret that we promised to hold close and never, ever reveal?

Tyler Lockwood: …

Caroline Forbes: …

Sheriff Liz Forbes: We done fucked up.


– The Gilbert House – Friends and Felonies –

Matt Donovan: Jeremy, I’m so sorry! You’re in a terrible predicament! What are you going to do?

Jeremy Gilbert: Well, he knows to check Wikipedia, so I think I’m gonna try and buy a report off of EssayMill.com. I’m pretty sure there’s no way it’ll be completely obvious that I wasn’t the one who wrote it, even when I suddenly start turning in A-level work.

Matt Donovan: I meant about Vampilaric and Elena and Klaus’ body.

Jeremy Gilbert: Oh, that. I figured I’d just kidnap Elena and take her somewhere safe. Everyone else does it.


– The Gilbert House – Twists, Turns, and Terror –

Jeremy Gilbert (on the phone): Hi vampilaric! Damon is on his way to burry Klaus’ body in the woods, the same way he “buried” Viki’s body under a thin layer of leaves!

Matt Donovan (on the phone): That was my sister!

Jeremy Gilbert (on the phone): Also, Elijah helped me with that term paper. That’s cool, right? Also, Elijah totally isn’t back in town, and we’re absolutely not planning to double cross you.

Elena Gilbert (on the phone): I am!

Jeremy Gilbert: Elena, hush! That’s supposed to be a surprise!

Elijah: Facepalm.


– Lockwood Estates – Montagues and Capulets –

Caroline Forbes: Hi Tyler! This latest threat to our lives really sucks! But I’ve come up with a fantastic idea! Let’s get a friendly monk to marry us, and then run away, forsaking the violence and strife of this city forever!

Tyler Lockwood: That worked really well when it happened in Romeo and Juliette, so let’s give it a try!

Caroline Forbes: Great! I’ll go get my curling iron!

Tyler Lockwood: I’ll meet you in two hours!

Caroline Forbes: Two hours! I said I have to get my curling iron, not pass the Civil Servants exam.


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Bonnie! For some unknown reason, I’m going to go ahead and listen to another one of Elena’s terrible plans! So here’s Klaus’ body!

Bonnie Bennet: Great! Say, can you leave us alone for a few minutes, so I can fuck this up even worse than it already is?

Damon Salvatore: Yeah, sure, whatever. I’ll be in the car. Drinking.


– The Gilbert House – Marking Territory –

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Elena! I’m about to go on a terribly dangerous mission, mostly to protect your scrawny ass! And before I go, I need to do one thing …

Elena Gilbert: Stefan, oh Stefan … wait, Stefan, what are you doing?

Stefan Salvatore: Peeing on your leg. I want to make sure Damon knows you’re mine.

Elena Gilbert: Aw, that’s so romantic!


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): Hi Stefan! Hey, have you ever noticed that I’m willing to do what’s best for Elena, even if she hates me for it, and you’re willing to do what’s worst for Elena, as long as it slightly increases your chances of seeing her naked?

Stefan Salvatore (on the phone): And that’s why I get laid all the time, and you go through bottles of lotion like Alaric goes through whiskey.

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): …Good point. Oh, hold on, Rebekah is here.

Vampilaric Stabman: No she isn’t.

Damon Salvatore: Goddammit.

The Lady of the Manor: Why is super vampire hearing only a sometimes thing? It seems like it would have been really useful in a situation like this.


– The Gilbert House – Toss her in the Trunk –

Matt Donovan: Hi Elena! I made you some tea! Pay no attention to all of the sweetener I put in it … I’m totally not trying to mask the taste of roofies!

Elena Gilbert: Okay! Hey, would you mind if I talked to you about my boyfriend and my kinda boyfriend? Also … Durthump!


– Mystic Falls High – The Ancient Past –

Elena Gilbert: Hi guys! I got into a fight with Matt! Also, I really need some extra guilt to go along with all of this guilt on my guilt sandwich, so can you come and pick me up and then drive off Wickery Bridge and die and leave me all alone?

Mama Gilbert: Sure can!


– Road to Ruin –

Matt Donovan: Hi Elena! Sorry, but I kidnapped you!

Elena Gilbert: Eh, it’s no big deal. I just call that “Thursday” now.


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Rebekah: Hi Damon!

Vampilaric Stabman: Hi Rebekah! Headsmash! Brothersteal! Klausstab!

Thomas: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Rebekah: Well it was nice to see you again but hey look at the time got to be going I’ll tell Elijah you said hi bye bye now!

Damon Salvatore: Well, since I’m as good as dead anyway … Super Damon ass kicking powers activate!


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Damon Salvatore (on the phone): Hey bro, just wanted to let you know we’re kinda fucked.

Stefan Salvatore (on the phone): Wow, that kinda sucks. Well, I’m gonna go have goodbye sex with Elena. I’ll be sure to tell her you said hi!

Jeremy Gilbert: Hey, um, Stefan? About that pity sex you planned on getting from my sister … she’s kinda not available right now, due to a slight case of kidnapping.

Elijah: This? This right here? This is why I’m getting my own show. I seriously cannot deal with the ever growing clusterfuck that is the Salvatore-Gilbert Brain Trust.


– Highway to Hell –

Matt Donovan (on the phone): Really? You don’t say? Wow, that’s harsh. Yeah, I’ll let her know.

Elena Gilbert: … ?

Matt Donovan: So, if you *had *to choose a Salvatore to visit one last time, like maybe because Klaus got staked and they were both gonna die, which one would you pick. I know this is hard, so think about it carefully …


– Ten Seconds Later –

Elena Gilbert: Hi Damon! Goodbye Damon! I’m gonna go have raunchy goodbye sex with Stefan now Damon!

Damon Salvatore: And once again I’m gonna go hang out with Rosey Palm.

Elena Gilbert: I mean, *maybe *if we had met first, like if you had come back to Mystic Falls before my parents died and then compelled me to forget that we ever met because you didn’t want anyone to know I was in town, *maybe *we could keep these shipper wars going for another few seasons, but since that’s just totally wacky and there’s no way they”d ever retcon it that way, Team Stefan is the Official Winner of the Elena Gilbert’s Vagina Award 2012 now and forever no takebacks!

Vampilaric Stabman: Hi Damon!

Damon Salvatore: Hi asshole! It’s awfully convenient that you showed up just now, because *wow *do I have some aggression that needs an outlet!


– Lockwood Estates – Slave Cell of Sexing –

Caroline Forbes: Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler!

Tyler Lockwood: Hi Caroline! You seem really upset for someone who’s about to spend the rest of eternity with a super hot werepire!

Caroline Forbes: Yeah, about that “eternity” thing …

Tyler Lockwood: Poop.


– Highway to Hell –

Elena Gilbert: Hey Matt? You know how you said my presence leads to the misery and ruin of everyone around us? Well I’ve got good news! Tyler died even though I wasn’t anywhere near him!

Matt Donovan: …You really are special, Elena.

Elena Gilbert: That’s what the nice child psychologist lady said, too!


– The Lost Woods –

Rebekah: Hi Elijah! Klaus is dead!

Elijah: That’s odd … if Klaus turned Rose, who turned Katherine, who turned the Salvatores – which is totally cannon by the way and not a lie – then why are the Salvatores still alive?

Rebekah: I don’t know! It’s almost as if someone used dark magic to loophole their way out of this mess!

Elijah: But whoever could that be?


– Lockwood Estates – Slave Cell of Soul Swapping –

Kyler: Hi Bonnie! Thanks for the muscly new body, which just so happens to be the body that the girl I want to shag wants to shag! Looks like everything’s coming up Klaus!

Bonnie Bennet: Yeah, that’s nice and all. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go desecrate some sacred ground, thumb my nose at the Spirits of a Hundred Dead Witches, and buy a shitton of dark eyeliner.

Kyler: Wait … that sounds suspiciously like you’re getting an interesting plot line next season!

Bonnie Bennet: Shh! Dont jinx it!

The Lady of the Manor: Klaus’ body and Klaus’ accent went away. That makes me sad.


– Wickery Bridge –

Rebekah (on the phone): Hi Stefan! In the grand tradition of fucking idiots everywhere, I just called to tell you my evil plan! It involves killing Alaric by killing your girlfriend! Hope that’s okay with you!

Elena Gilbert: Matt! Look out! It’s a tiny blond girl that would do no damage whatsoever to this twenty year old tank you drive!

Matt Donovan: Don’t worry! I’ll just drive over the side of the bridge, just like your parents did a couple of years ago!

Elena Gilbert: Wow, nice symmetry!

Matt Donovan’s Dodge of Doom: Sploosh.

Everyone Who’s Read the Books: Flips the fuck out.


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Vampilaric Stabman: Facepunch! Gutkick! Ribsmash!

Damon Salvatore: Hold on, I’m gonna have a nice lie down and flashback.


– Mystic Falls – The Ancient Past –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Katherine! I’m just chillin in the middle of the road, like you do.

The Lady of the Manor: And that is when you blow the rape whistle. Even if he looks like that.

Elena Gilbert: I’m not Katherine! I’m Elena! Tee hee!

Damon Salvatore: Well, it’s nice to officially by the first Salvatore brother to meet you. I look forward to having my cock teased by you for the next five years or so. But for right now, loooook into my eeeeeeyyyyyyeeeees, ignore my crow, and forget that we met tonight, just like I’m going to make you forget that time I’m going to make a heartbreaking declaration of selfless love to you. See you later!


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Damon Salvatore: Thanks Vampilaric! You’ve helped me learn a valuable lesson! Love conquers all! Well, love and a whole lot of violence. Facesmash!


– Wickery Bridge –

Matt Donovan: Huh, we’re under water!

Elena Gilbert: Maybe we should roll down the windows!

Matt Donovan: Or open the doors!

Elena Gilbert: But that sounds so hard!

Matt Donovan: And strenuous!

Elena Gilbert: We should just give up and die!

Matt Donovan: Okay!

Stefan Salvatore: Really? You drove off the goddamn bridge again?What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have a drowning fetish or something?

Matt Donovan: Who told you I like water sports?!?

Stefan Salvatore: … I was talking to Elena.

Matt Donovan: Oh.

Elena Gilbert: Hi Stefan! Thanks for coming to rescue me, but we really need to advance this plot! So why don’t you rescue Matt, and I’ll pretend that I’m physically incapable to undoing my seatbelt, crawling out through the door you just opened, and swimming to safety!

Stefan Salvatore: Okay!

The Lady of the Manor: Oh come the fuck on.


– Self Storage of Slaughter –

Vampilaric Stabman: Well that’s inconvenient … dies.

Damon Salvatore: Wait a second … if your life is tied to Elena’s life, and the only way you can die is if *she *dies …

Vampilaric Stabman: Wait for it …

Damon Salvatore: Noooooooooooooo!


– The Gilbert House –

Alaric Saltzman: Hi Jeremy! Your much-maligned ability to see ghosts gives my, the real Alaric, the chance to say a fitting goodbye before I wander off into the nether! Be sure to check me out on The Cult, the new CW show in which I ironically confront a violently rabid fanbase!


– Mystic Falls Hospital –

Elena Gilbert: x_x

Stefan Salvatore: …I done fucked up.

Damon Salvatore: And cue violent lashing out in three … two …

Meredith Fell: Damon, wait! I have great news! When Elena broke her head on the fireplace and Caroline “helped” her headache with all of that booze, I had to take special measures to make sure she’s be okay!

Damon Salvatore: …Define “special measures” …

Elena Gilbert: :-)=

Thomas: FUCK AND YES! FUCK AND YES! FUCK AND YES! Happy dance!

The Plot:* Thickens*.


– Post Mortem –

Seriously, the TVD writers are the best trolls in the game.

When Stefan kissed Elena, I was pretty sure that Elena was going to end up with him. And when she literally said *she loved Stefan, had never fallen out of love with Stefan, and would always love Stefan, well … I figured that was the endgame *for that storyline, and that we would move on to something new next season.

“Maybe if we had met first?” That was just a throwaway line, nothing significant, nothing special.

Teams Stelena rejoices. Team Delena rends their garments, unleashes a torrent of Twitter hate, and starts filling envelopes with white powder.

And deep in the bowels of her super villain volcano fortress of evil, Julie Plec rubs her hands together and laughs.

Because of course *”who I met first” is the criteria by who Elena chooses to spend the rest of her (now eternal) life, and *of course Damon was really the first Salvatore to come back to Mystic Falls. He literally met Elena fifteen minutesbefore Stefan, but that’s enough. The Shipper Wars rage on.

Here’s why that’s not a bad thing.

Yes, it seems like we’re just spinning our wheels right now. Yes, Elena is with Stefan but has “feelings” for Damon. Yes, there’s a glimmer of hope offered to Damon(‘s fans).

But everything changed in the last scene, because Elena is a vampire now.

All of the things Damon has compelled her to forget? Their first meeting, that heartbreaking declaration of love, the realization that he loves her enough to hurt *himself *to give her what she wants?

Elena’s going to remember that now.

And, like Caroline and Tyler, she’s going to be horny, all of the time. Her feelings for both brothers are going to be turned up to elven, her panties are going to be on perpetual fire, and there are two hot guys conveniently nearby.

Same story, vastly different rules.

As an aside, Damon told Elena, under compulsion, that he wants her to get everything she wants. I doubt that it was intentional, but wouldn’t it be *hilarious *if all of the terrible things Elena’s done, like having Damon mind-rape her brother, or letting Bonnie’s mother get killed, etc etc, were all because Damon unthinkingly *compelled *her to be selfish?

I’m really hoping that Vampire!Elena gets the same personality upgrade Vampire!Caroline got. I hope the indecisiveness, the selfishness, and the whininess all fall away, and Elena becomes … well, Katherine, maybe with an extra dash of empathy.

I love how this show pays homage to the books without being a slave to them. For those that haven’t read the books, Book!Elena became a vampire because she drove over Wickery bridge. The circumstances were vastly different (Elena was running from a murderous Damon, if memory serves), but the symmetry is there. It’s a nice touch.

But I swear to god, if Elena sprouts magic wings, I will murder a bitch.

I don’t know how I feel about Kyler. I mean, I’m glad that Klaus is still alive (and that there’s still a show), but … I don’t know that Michael Trevino can do a good enough Joseph Morgan impression to make us *believe *that Klaus is still alive. JoMo’s mannerisms and speech patterns are a big part of what made Klaus awesome, and I hope we don’t lose that.

Also: Caroline can totally sleep with both of her suitors at once now, and it won’t even be weird. Diabolical Devil’s Threeway for the wein.

And it was Bonnie fucking Bennet that saved the day in this episode. The writers have done a *lot *to turn her character around lately. She’s still not my favorite character – and as long as Damon, Caroline and Katherine are around she never will be – but she’s about a million times less annoying and judgy than she used to be.

And I loved her characterization at the end of this episode. “I’m done getting pushed around. I don’t care what the Spirits think. I did this because *I *wanted to.”

Dark Bonnie,y’all. Dark Bonnie. Evil Stefan (briefly) turned a block of wood into the best character on the show, and gave Paul Wesley a chance to show that he was a way better actor than his storylines had implied. I really, really hope this does the same for Kat Graham.

I know a lot of people have been disappointed with this season. And honestly, it has been uneven; there were more episodes that I didn’t care for this season than in the previous two. But there were also more *amazing *stories. The flashbacks to Chicago, Evil Stefan, the maturation of Damon and Elena, Klaus, Evilaric … there were a *lot *of reasons to love Season Three.

And I’m really excited for Season Four. The love triangle is moving to the next level. Bonnie is on her way to the dark side.

And Elena is a motherfucking vampire. Finally.

On to the next season!

0 responses to “Vampire Diaries – S03E22 – The Departed”

  1. Andrea says:

    loved this episode, loved this recap! can’t wait for season four and the sequel to sire which by the way is amazing! everything i love about vampire books without the usual shameful stupidity! seriously, good job!

  2. Isabel says:

    I really love your blog, but I hate when you call Elena selfish.
    Elena is probably the person who has THE BEST heart in this show. In 3×22, she asking Stefan to take Matt away FIRST from that car was so fucking altruistic. HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT? SHE DIED FOR MATT!

    She’s always protecting Jeremy, she cares about her friends and she would, no doublity, die for them. SHE DIED FOR MATT IN THE LAST EPISODE! I mean, she’s a vampire now, but when she was on the car, she didn’t know that.

  3. Amanda says:

    Thomas, I just don’t agree with you that the writers handled the triangle well. They didn’t. How in God’s name does it matter who she met first? I don’t believe that makes any difference whatsoever or that it signifies that she’s now going to fall in love with Damon. Even if she remembers Damon compelling her in “Rose”, so what? All it tells her is Damon loves her. She knows that very well now. She has known it since 2X22. If she hasn’t recognized Damon’s good qualities all of this season when he was the super supportive boyfriend without the sex, she never will. If the writers want to tell me that Elena will now love Damon for as superficial a reason as who she met first, no thank you. Then that relationship would be as shallow as Stelena for me. UGH!! The triangle is dead for most of the Delena fans I know, RIP Delena.

  4. Lana says:

    First question: Was it just me, or did both Matt Davis and Daniel Gillies look way tanner than usual? Definitely Daniel Gillies. It was a little strange and un-vampireish.

    This was an AMAZING finale. I defintely paused at several intervals just to catch my breath and say “HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?” and sometimes even cry. Rebekah’s agony at Klaus’s stabbing? The momentary return of Good!Alaric, Damon’s heartbroken-ness at Elena’s dumbass “It was always stefan, see you soon!” call…so fantastic. I actually have to say that Matt’s scene when he starts crying and pounding the wheel at hearing that Tyler’s going to die was fantastic. A lot of the death on this show is met with “Oh no!” and two minutes later “whatever, lets move on!” Matt’s desperation at losing his best friend seemed a lot more real.

    The writers are amazing. They brought the triangle to a head, Elena made a choice, AND YET it’s far from over yet now incredibly fresh, thanks to VAMPIRE!ELENA, which I’m SO excited for.
    Also, when Caroline is saying goodbye to Tyler they’re kissing..I watched that back and realized Klaus is already in him at that point…so that was technically the first Klaroline kiss.

    So sad to see Matt Davis go. “Saltzatore” “Blood&Beer” and “Team Badass” was one of my favorite parts on the show.

    Also, Julie Plec confirmed that Klaus’s regular body vessel is not destroyed. I believe her words were “a little crispy, but salvage-able.” So your Lady gets more Joseph Morgan at some point!

    So now it’s summer, what used to be my favorite time of year until I became a tv addict, at which point summer turned into a giant countdown until premiere dates. CURSE YOU, TELEVISION. jk, I love you.

    Excellent recap for a breathtaking finale, Thomas, kudos! Can’t wait to read your recaps again come September 🙂

  5. Lana says:

    Ooh, wait, one more comment. They totally cheated with the Damon/Elena meeting flashback moment. Look how Ian looks in the pilot, then back at the S3 finale. Their hair isn’t even the same color! They should’ve put a tiny more effort into that flashback, and while it was a great twist that should play out well next season, it kind of retconned Damon’s personaly in the Pilot era. Just sayin’.

  6. rettak8 says:

    I am glad to hear someone else say they’re glad Elena is a vamp. I can’t wait to see how it changes the dynamics of the triangle. I am also looking forward to seeing the fall out between the brothers when Damon realizes that Stefan saved Matt and let Elena die, that shit is going to be intense! Also am excited to see where the writers take Bonnie and am hoping it is somewhere dark. Great recap as always, I am going to miss reading these every week over the summer!

  7. Carolin says:

    Oh my god! I thought that it would be typically TVD to do something unexpected and turn Elena, but then she ‘recovered’ and in the end still dies. That was a roller coast for sure.
    Absolutely amazing.

    I loved the dramatic ‘last words’ and the line Elena said, that if he had been first… And even though she died while having decided for Stefan, all cards are now mixed again. As a vampire she will remember all the compulsion. (Of course also the compulsion of Stefan rescuing her…)
    We’ll see. I’m not sure if she’s going to be like you hope to. Since the strongest traits get amplified, she will probably be extra self-sacrificing and emphatic for others. But hopefully the Petrove/Vampire-Gene will be activated!! 🙂

    When Klaus was killed by Evilaric I was so surprised, but Bonnie is getting to be interesting now. Though I wonder about Tyler. I think that when he said his first good-bye to Caroline and turned he was still himself (he told her about their mothers, Klaus wouldn’t have known that).
    Hope Tyler is still in there, because else Bonnie would just have sacrified him.

    Oh it seems that Klaus really turned Mary (not Rose, who was turned by Mary btw). Funny when Elijah and Rebekkah talked about it. I loved the sibbling scene with those two.

    I really liked season three despite the faults sometimes. The last three episodes alone were amazing. I’m glad that you two are still avid fans and I love your wonderful recaps. You never answer anymore *pout*.

    By the way I feel terrible for those trolls who fight a war here at the comments. Hopefully they will stop writing hateful comments.

    Hope you are well and have a nice time with your supercute dog Neville (we haven’t heard much from him…) until the next season!

  8. Carolin says:

    Just something I forgot:

    What I really liked was that the two Salvator brothers were getting real brothers again in the last part of season three. Like when Damon told Stefan that he was ‘all he had’ and would help him with the blood issue. Or when they agreed to let the other live with Elena and go away, when she choses the other one. And that they will see each other some 60 years later (assuming that Elena died as a human, which is now mote). And then in the finale when Damon thought that Stefan wanted to say good-bye to him (and a crappy good-bye it would have been), but instead Stefan thought how terrible it was for his brother to not say good-bye to Elena.
    They are really looking out for each other now.
    The chemistry of them being ‘enemies’ changed into the close brotherly relationship, while still being snarky with each other.
    But with Elena as a vampire it changes everything. Season 4 will be amazing with Kyler and Vamp!Elena and maybe Darkwitch!Bonnie.
    We’ll see……

  9. Eve says:

    Hi Thomas! So glad to see this! Your recap completes the show. 

    Stefan Salvatore: Peeing on your leg.

    LOL! Seriously.

    The Lady of the Manor: Why is super vampire hearing only a sometimes thing? It seems like it would have been really useful in a situation like this.

    Just about everything is only a sometimes thing. Except for inconsistency.

    Well, I sure was wrong! Elena will be a vampire and she *did* make her choice. Not at all surprised it was Stefan. Felt bad for Damon but he took it like a man. I think he knew all along she’d choose Stefan. This “If only I’d met you first” – if the writers make that into a big deal – well I hope they don’t because it’s silly. If Vampire Elena remembers that meeting, why should that make any difference at all in her feelings for Damon and Stefan?

    Loved how Damon stood up for Rebekah against Alaric. And then she goes and causes Matt and Elena to die. She sucks, in spite of her grief over Klaus.

    I found the flashback to sophomore year disturbing and sad. Elena and Jeremy were normal, human teenagers with parents. They had human friends. I hate to admit it, but I can see the Council’s point in wanting to rid their town of vampires. Since Stefan and Damon showed up in Mystic Falls, the place really did go to hell in a hand basket and look what became of Elena’s and Jeremy’s lives! Nothing good, in spite of Elena’s love for Stefan. So many died. Her parents’ deaths aside, all the other deaths are linked to the presence of the supernaturals in town.

    The underwater scenes were very creepy but also very stupid. If you’re under water you *don’t* mouth “I love you” or anything else! You don’t open your mouth, period, until you can’t hold your breath anymore. That was ridiculous. But still very creepy that Elena died in the same spot her parents died.

    Elena had to know she had vampire blood in her, right? When she gestured (and ridiculously “spoke”) under water? Did Stefan know? I have to think he did because otherwise there is absolutely no way he’d save Matt and let Elena die.

    So now Tyler is not dead but Klaus is in his body, so where the heck is Tyler??

    It was a very exciting show and I guess Elena becoming a vampire was inevitable but I’m not glad she did. There are almost no humans left in Mystic Falls. Vampires are supposed to lead a fugitive-like existence, always trying to keep the secret, but now that vampires (and other supernaturals) outnumber humans there isn’t any secret. They may as well stock the local grocery stores with TruBlood.

    It’ll be interesting to see Elena adjust, for a little while, but not for long. Soon she’ll be just another vampire and whether she loves Stefan or Damon, what’s the difference? Being immortal changes the dynamic completely, IMO. She can choose Stefan for 100 years and then Damon for the next 100, and on and on. Her choice only matters if it means one brother wins and one loses, permanently.

    Bonnie suddenly became a lot more interesting! Her storyline finally has some promise. That’s good to see.

    It’ll be a long wait until September.

  10. Kathleen says:

    Awesome recap Thomas! Salvatore-Gilbert Brain Trust. LOL

    Holy epic season finale!! Jesus rollerskating Christ. I almost cried. And I’m a cold hearted bitch, so that’s saying something. I sat for the final 20 minutes with my hands on my head, mouth agape and twitter feed sitting blankly before me. I was utterly GOBSMACKED.

    Let me get this out of the way first: I knew that she was going to pick Stephen for two huge reasons

    1. Our Heroes made a deal that one of them would leave town. There’s no way the show would send Stephen away for a portion of a season AGAIN. He already left town last season, its Damon’s turn. Side note: think of all the angst we’ll get out of Damon being gone for a few months. Wouldn’t it be great if he skipped town to Tahiti and feasted on some local flavor? Just sayin.

    2. There’s no way they were actually planning on ending this love triangle. Hate the Shipper wars all you want, but it’s the driving force behind this show. If they really wanted to end the triangle, she’d have picked Damon. Picking Stephen just drags it out even longer. The DE chemistry isn’t going anywhere. ESPECIALLY NOW. at least i hope not.

    Was I disappointed she didn’t go with the elder Salvatore? A little. Mostly b/c if this show has done anything its change characters on us. I love Damon and Elena right now; who knows what people they’ll be next season. Part of me feels like this is the opportunity to see them together; and that has passed. Also, I hate to see Damon so devastated. My heart broke for him. On the flip side, I actually do think that Delena is the endgame (like 70% sure). The fact that she picks Stephen now gives that more credence in my mind. Then again, at when all is said and done it might turn out to ‘always be Stephen’ in which case I’ll be extremely disappointed (30%).

    As for the Retcon—I liked it. It was def out of character for season 1 Damon. But maybe he was feeling generous in that moment? IDK. I don’t really care if she met him first or not, but I liked the exchange. The ‘you want a love that consumes you’…I died a little. Goosebumps. Shivers. Swoon.

    Enough of that. WTF happened to Tyler? No, I know that Klaus is in his body, but where is Tyler? And why the hell would Bonnie let Klaus loose? That bothers me more than anything else. What is she up to? I’m guessing (since Klaus is on the poster for S4) that when Alaric slammed the coffin lid shut the flames were smothered (or Bonnie did some asbestos spell: ‘blah blah blah plot point’ to steal your phrase) and we’ll see our beloved JoMo sooner than later.

    That brings me to another point: how the HELL did Bonnie get to the warehouse and back to MF so fast? Was she in the trunk or something the whole time out there? So she can (and Bex for that matter) make it back and forth in under an hour, but Elena has to make a gut wrenching decision? WTF? BTW, I love how JP and ND were all, “Elena was under no pressure to make a choice or anything like that”. Yeah, right. >coughcough<

    Also, why didn’t Matt just run Bex down? She’s 1000 years old. The truck would have probably bounced right off. And seriously, Elena is the only girl in the world who would be huffy while drowning. She was pretty cavalier with her air supply. Take your goddam seat belt off, for christ’s sake. Why don’t you travel with one of those window breaker things anyway? So many fails. So many.

    Lastly….I’m a little sad to see Elena become a vampire. Only b/c THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING, and I loved the show I was watching. I do understand that it was inevitable, and its best to be a thing for a finale than a random ep—good thing she has her mom’s necklace. I’m sure I’ll love where the writers take us. Shits about to get REAL. So, until September…..sayonara Bitches!

  11. Kari says:

    Perfect ending to Season 3, which I have really loved despite its ups and downs. I loved the set-up for season 4 with the potential for Dark!Bonnie (who I may be more excited about than I was about Ripper!Stefan) and the obvious changes as Elena becomes a vampire. I doubt she’ll do anything with her new memories of Damon right away, but there’s no way those won’t be significant and it will be awesome to see how this all plays out next year. Your recap was great, especially the part about Elena completely failing to undo her seat belt and attempt to get out-so frustrating! It would have been much more believable if she had gotten out of the car and started towards the surface but been unable to make it. I definitely sounded like The Lady at that part 🙂 I did have one small problem though.

    “I hope the indecisiveness, the selfishness, and the whininess all fall away, and Elena becomes … well, Katherine, maybe with an extra dash of empathy.”

    Since when is Katherine not selfish? Her motto is literally “Better you die than I.” It’s pretty much her number 1 personality trait lol. I will agree on the other two traits you mentioned, that one just stuck out to me. Anyway, other than that I agree with everything you said and thanks for the great recaps! 🙂

  12. nvo says:

    Okay this is gonna be long so here we go.

    1) Stefan. What the fucking hell! I can’t believe he let Elena die! The weird thing is you can’t call it out of character because the writers have been setting this up since s2. Stefan always let Elena choose. But this is ridiculous. I don’t know a single person who would’ve done what he did. He sacrificed her for her choice. what?! Damon and Elena are very different but they have some fundamental similarities and one of them is the willingness to do whatever it takes to protect the ones they love. I mean Elena had Jeremy compelled twice and the second time it was definitely wrong. She was planning on using a vervain dart to drag Stefan’s ass back from Chicago. There’s no way in hell Elena would have done what Stefan did. I can’t believe it. I’m shocked in a good way.

    2) This episode was awesome just because it got the audience to feel. Damon’s phone call with Elena broke my heart. Ugh. Too bad he doesn’t know he’s adored by millions of fangirls everywhere =)

    3) Elena will be a vampire now. If it had to happen, this is the most perfect way possible. I didn’t want her to choose it to be with one of the Salvatores forever (gag me). No, it was forced upon her and now she has to deal. And she died where she was meant to the first time. The place she didn’t die because Stefan saved her is the place she died because Stefan failed to save her. So poetic.

    4) There goes Stefan and Damon’s new found bond. Damon is gonna be beyond pissed.

    5) The flashback. I thought it was beautiful. Ian Somerhalder could’ve played it creepier but otherwise it was perfect. A lot of people think it doesn’t fit S1 Damon but now his early soft spot for Elena makes so much more sense now. Honestly, I didn’t get his thing for her in the early half of the first season. Also the fact that Damon met Elena first is not what is gonna confuse Elena in regards to her feelings for him. It’s what he said during their first meeting, because he was right about the things she wants. Compound that with his love declaration in S2 and well…Elena’s Salvatore problems just got more complicated.

    6) Season 3 as a whole. S3 has followed S1 and S2’s pattern by having one half being slightly better than the other so I still don’t have a favorite season. Which I quite like because this show has managed to have consistently good seasons which is very impressive.

    Sorry that was so long. Stefan peeing on Elena, so funny =D

  13. katherine_fan says:

    Well done,Thomas,well done!Elijah had the best lines!!And Jeremy and Evilaric’s conversation about his paper->priceless!!IMO this dialogue could have been on the episode,too.Evilaric is (or ‘was’ *sniff sniff*perfect at mutitasking)
    I wanted Klaus to die!Klaus needed to die!I just feel like I’m back (emotionally) to where I was last year!Nothing’s changed for me!There was no closure regarding the whole “kill Klaus” storyline (which was basically,the only storyline this season).The way I see it,Elijah should have been the originator of the bloodline!It would have fit perfectly to what we already knew about Elijah,Trevor and Rose from season 2;Elijah could have turned Trevor in order to make him work for the Originals and Trevor could have turned Rose (who turned Katherine) b/c she was his BFF-simple yet perfect!But NO!Klaus is never going to die!!I love Tyler and I worship Forwood but if I had to lose Tyler b/c Evilaric killed Klaus (best scene of the ep),I would be okay with that,b/c that’s what made TVD so legendary;no one is safe!This season,however,everyone was safe!And that’s boring!
    LotM:’come the fuck on!'<-WORD!The editing of the scenes was perfect,the music that played was perfect,the writing was not perfect!It just made Stefan look stupid!
    Elena becoming a vampire:meh…It made perfect sense since her human blood was the key ingredient for every spell since the dawn of time,but what new is her transformation gonna bring to the table?We've already seen so many transitions (original ones,regular ones and hybrid ones),and with different outcomes,but Elena's storyline (now that Klaus is still alive) is gonna be similar to Katherine's.And I don't want that,because I hate it when shows repeat themselves!Plus,Elena's personality is gonna be magnified like 1000 times and just thinking about it makes me want to drive my car into the nearest lake!
    Finally,Evilaric,I love you!U were the best!Psychotic and the voice of reason at the same time!The definition of a true BAMF!Yours is the only ghost I ever want to see on TVD!

  14. katherine_fan says:

    @eve your comment is perfect!I agree with everything you said!

  15. Eve says:

    Thanks katherine_fan! And I totally agree with your point about how Elijah should’ve been the start of the bloodline through Trevor and then Trevor turning Rose. That does make a lot of sense.

    “The best Psychotic and the voice of reason at the same time” – yeah, Alaric was one awesome Bad Guy. I’ll miss him too.

  16. muppet says:

    Awesome recap as always! While I had some issues with the episode, overall it was a great finale and has definitely piqued my interest for S4.

    Combining Elena and Bonnie as they have both been set up to be far more interesting next season than they have ever been. And I say this as one of the 18 people who was a fan of Bonnie prior to th is episode. Please don’t drop the ball on this one JP! Vamp Elena -yes! Dark Binnie – arise! Sidenote: Totally agree with the Lady of the Manor about Elena blowing the rape whistle. When Elena said ‘nothing bad ever happens in MF’ I thought if this wasn’t 8pm on the CW we would have seen her defiled with her own entrails 60secs later.

    Curious to know if Tyler was a willing participant in the Kyler scenario. Glad to know Klause’s body is recoverable. I also agree, as much as I like MT, JM has uniquely defined who Klause is and I really don’t want to see some gross imitation of what’s made him such a pleasure to watch. Hopefully, Travino can pull it off. Plus it’s an intriguing premise for the 2nd biggest triangle on the show.

    As for the main triangle, I’ve always been apathetic about it, but after last night I’ve officially dipped into actively disliking. I agree with @Amanda in that the Damon was the first bro she met retcon was ridiculous and one of the top 3 eye rolling moments I’ve had on this show. Yes I know why they did it, but it still read incredibly revisionist just to me to keep both Stelena and Delena fans on the ropes. It feels more like a soap opera now than clever drama with this storyline.

    Was hoping for a bit more arse kicking from both Jeremy and Matt. When are they going to finally realise their potential as the Batman and Robin vamp hunting duo? They already have th shotgun and crossbow as their go-to weapons. I hope they’re unleashed next season.

    For once I was a bit meh over Caroline. She’s usually one of my favourites but I’m growing tired of her constant waterworks. CA is a great actress but that doesn’t mean she needs to be tortured (emotionally or physically) into her crying acting chops each episode. She and Stefan are the only 2 characters I preferred in the 1st half of the season rather than the 2nd.

    All in all not my favourite season, but, despite my long list of grievances they did a great job with the last 2 episodes IMHO, so I’ll definitely back for more in September!

  17. Merriska says:

    Klaus will be back as Joseph Morgan. Julie Plec said his body didn’t fully burn up. Also Tyler is still alive in his body, just blocked out like Alaric and Rebekah.

    A slight correction though is Elena thought she was fleeing from Damon turned into an animal (because they could do that in the books), but everything bad that happened was Katherine.

  18. Jim S says:

    I thought you would make special note of the fact that Damon pointed out all of Elena’s decisions ended badly.

    But I do think you’re being hard on the character, a lot of bad things happened because of her. Damon and Stefan turning Bonnie’s mom into a vamp, but that was the brothers’ decision. Aunt Jenna killed, again because the original plan (admittedly Tyler and Caroline) was thwarted.

    Remember Elena made a deal with Elija with an end point of her being dead just to protect her friends and family. She has found herself in a situation where forces beyond her control have taken over. Again, having Stefan save Matt, not selfish. No one else was going to die because of her.

    Anyway, it will be interesting to see what kind of vampire she’ll become.

  19. katherine_fan says:

    @Jim S You’re right!Not everything bad happening to the characters is Elena’s fault.But since you mentioned the sacrifice ritual from s2,I have to say I disagree with you on that:Elena may have decided to sacrifice herself so that Klaus wouldn’t kill her family and friends,but she did know that aside from her 2 other people would have to die for the curse to be successfully broken and still,she agreed to Elijah’s plan.So,I can’t see her being the hero in that situation.

  20. Tara says:

    Not my favorite TVD final ep but it had moments of greatness! Many powerful scenes and the Klaus twist was great with the promise of Bonnie stepping up her game next season. Not crazy about Elena turning already. Seems too soon to me but I’ll hope I’m wrong. The thing that bothered me the most and made this not a good ep. was the love triangle. The scenes with Elena and Stefan lacked true passion and she looks at him now like he’s a cute puppy she loves. Shes on the phone with Damon saying she loves Stefan but she seems in pain saying this stuff to Damon. It was painful to watch and listen too because I feel like the writers think we are stupid. We have watched Delena build up for years now and this season it really came to head with them. That kiss at the hotel! Jesus if Jeremy hadnt walked out the would have been naked soon. Elena couldnt breathe! I like both brothers and honestly I’m not that convinced Elena desearves Damon. Damon is everything he said consumming,passion,fire,and danger. Elena lacks the guts to take that on which is why she always chooses Stefan. He’s comfy slippers. I get that but after all the Delena build up to get an answer of I care for you! Please! The least the writers could have done was have her say I love you, but just like those crappy old chucks I wear I love Stefan like I love those shoes and your stiletto heals my friend. They should have left it at what she said last week…she couldnt choose, at least that was true and felt real.

  21. Ellyria says:

    I admit, I squeed as loud as twitter did when Elijah appeared. I <3 him and how Daniel Gillies portrays him so much.

    "Elijah: This? This right here? This is why I’m getting my own show. I seriously cannot deal with the ever growing clusterfuck that is the Salvatore-Gilbert Brain Trust."

    HAH, I wish Saving Hope were an Elijah spinoff and not a hospital show. I did read an interview where he said that SH tries to accommodate him so he can do stints on TVD, so I'm sure there will be more Elijah in the future. (YAY!)

    Tyler's still dormant in his body, I'm sure. It's like when Klaus hijacked Alaric or Esther hijacked Rebekah. But I'm worried that MT won't be able to pull Klaus off like JoMo does. Not dissing MT's acting, he's great as Tyler.

    Vampire!Elena better be awesome or else I will cut a bitch. If the only thing that's heightened is her sense of martyrdom I will weep buckets. I'm not asking for Katherine 2.0, but you're right, she does need a Vampire!Caroline upgrade.

    And as an aside, congrats TVD, you're now the only CW show I will watch until you are cancelled. Eff you CW, for getting rid of the Secret Circle. *goes into a corner and wallows in sorrow*

  22. SoccerMom says:

    Thomas, I will miss you for the next several long months. Bravo. Bravissimo. Thursday nights, I start drinking bourbon at the beginning of the show, really am on for the middle thanks to the buzz, and then have to re-watch the last fifteen minutes or so on Friday in fear I might have missed something vital. You must have timed your drinking for this recap extremely well, because it just got better and better as I read along to the end.

    Raise a glass to Alaric. Long may he live as a ghost. Raise another glass to Elijah. Let’s hope Gillies can do both shows.

    Looking forward to the new and improved Elena next season. Can’t wait to see a Vampire!Elena and Katherine scene. Oh my!

    I tried reading the books – you get a big gold star in the middle of your forehead for reading them – and started to read Wikipedia summaries of them after the second one because I found the actual books unbearable. Think Elena will have the same reaction to Damon she did in the books right after she turned? You pegged all the reasons Damon will move up a whole bunch of pegs on her continuum of Salvatore brother yumminess. Sucks to be Stefan on so many levels. New excuse to get REALLY, REALLY morose, Stef. Self-flaggelation, Self-immolation, and a few other self-prefix torture words come to mind. Hope he doesn’t go too far down that ugly road.

    So Jeremy, the vampire hunter wannabe, now with a vampire for a sister. And, a but-for causation analysis suggests he’s kind of partially responsible… And Matt is going to feel pretty bad, too. Stephan, Matt and Jeremy can form a club. There will be underage drinking, and guilt, and a lot of time to watch Damon saunter in. Damon for the win! Yay! After the Diabolical Devil’s Threeway for the win! They have to pursue that one, don’t they? They just really have to… Think Caroline would notice the difference in the sack: 17 year-old hybrid vs gazillion year-old original vampire/hybrid. Klaus for the win!! Actually, Caroline for the win!!! Once you’ve had the best, forget the rest. Real Tyler just wouldn’t measure up after Kyler, methinks.

    As an aside, I think once it equalizes, i.e., when the car fills up with water and the pressure is the same inside and out, even a car with electic windows will allow doors to open. Am I wrong? And, for sure, you are right, that pick-em-up-truck has the roller windows. Plus, as my husband pointed out with disgust, Stefan the all-powerful vampire, surely had the strength to take up both Matt and Elena, no? Maybe even a couple extra Gilberts at the original Wickery Bridge Dunk.

  23. Tara says:

    @Ellyria- I am with you on the Secret Circle! I am so upset and if it wasnt for TVD I would boycott the network! They r crazy for not giving SC a second season! Esp after that season finale! It was sooo good! I keep hoping they will somehow change their minds!

  24. Misty says:

    Thank you for the great recap Thomas & thanks to The Lady for her sharp wit too!
    I agree with a lot of what you said above, I love that she made her ” Choice” and then they proceeded to take all of the rules, tear them into pieces, set them on fire and throw them in the blender by vamping Elena. I liked the Damon-Elena retcon & I thought it fit quite nicely into Season one. Yes, at the time Damon was a homicidal maniac with no remorse, but he was also a flirt. When you add that to his 150 years of pining for Katherine and I have no problem believing that speech came from the Season One Damon who was under the influence of his own consuming love for Katherine. Hell, he probably didn’t believe that it wasn’t Katherine until Elena’s parents showed up and he was able to compel her.

    I’m with you, I hope vampirism makes Elena awesome and dark magic makes Bonnie awesome too.

    Thanks again, see you for True Blood!

  25. Marlene says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed the finale and your recap was awesome and hilarious as usual! Thanks for the laughs! I always look forwarding to reading what you and The Lady have to say.:)

    I was yelling “FUCK yes Yes YES” as well when I realized Elena was turning vamp! No more “Disastrous Plan 57, Protect Elena from Bads or Bad Ideas AGAIN” plots for a bit, I hope. Next season…maybe a kickass Vamp!Elena who can actually take care of herself instead of being a sweet fragile flower of helplessness? YAY!!!

    Elena, while still sympathetic for the most part, had REALLY begun to grate on my nerves this season. Her character is doomed to ALWAYS be the damsel in distress until she can meet the other characters (the Salvatores AND her friends) on some kind of equal ground. The writers gave her a major weakness (doppelganger blood that makes her a HUGE target for Baddies) but no special power to balance that out. She is simply the Designated Damsel in Distress of Mystic Falls, which pays nothing and costs pretty much everything for her and anyone in her remote vicinity.

    This imbalance also shortchanges the potential of the love triangle, too, I think. She can’t mature because she’s forever stuck as perennial helpless child. She is so dependent on everyone else to protect her that there is no way for her character to truly be a love interest/real partner for either brother, IMO. The relationships with BOTH brothers have always been unbalanced.

    Give me an Elena who doesn’t NEED either brother to protect her but WANTS and LOVES the brothers and it’s WAY more interesting I think. THAT makes both sides of the triangle more complicated and genuine.

    That being said, I still enjoyed the triangle and the season overall. I’d like to see her with Damon eventually, but I’m glad she made SOME choice. (Even if Vamp!Elana means all bets are off and now ANYthing can happen lol). I’ve been feeling like Charlie Brown this season and the TVD writers were Lucy snatching away the Delana football for sheer kicks. At least she made A CHOICE.

    What you said is so true — Vamp!Elena as Katherine-ISH would be awesome. I vote for Kickass Katherine, but with a conscience. Sort of a hybrid of the current “If it’s you or me, screw me!” Elena and “If it’s you or me, screw you!” Kat. And bring on more Caroline. And Klaus. And Rebecca. And….Hey….Is it Season 4 yet?!:-)

  26. Nicki says:

    Great Recap and I agree with a lot of your after commentary. I hope that they don’t make her sprout the friggin what, wings of redemption? Blech. But I’m wondering if they will do what they did in the book, which was have her kind of amnesic when she turns. Like in the book, she was scared of Stefan and attatched to Damon (which makes the team Delena in me happy). But they haven’t strictly followed canon anyways, so I doubt it. Thanks for the great job all season!

    Lady of the Manor….I had the same exact thoughts with the whole super hearing. I was like, really? You can hear a camel fart in friggin Saudi Arabia and you can’t hear Vampilaric. They need to fix that before next season!

  27. Sara A says:

    Damon meeting Elena first doesn’t change jack. Nohing, nada, zippo. It was a bullshit breakup line from Elena that Damon took literally, poor sucker. He never learns.

    I will miss your recaps Thomas. They’re a hilarious way to try to make sense of the crazy shit the writers throw at us.

  28. Mona says:

    Thomas, I seriously checked your blog like 10 times on Saturday (well, what was Saturday here in Australia). And boy was it worth the wait!
    I am SO excited as to what next season will bring. Based on the show’s track record, Elena HAS to become more awesome as a vampire. At least, a more interesting. Plus, she might actually seem more grown up and be worthy of a relationship with Damon (whose awesomeness overshadows hers). I couldn’t buy them together with Elena as a human, but as a vampire I might just buy it.
    And I can’t WAIT to see a Vampire!Elena and Katherine confrontation.
    Season 4 promises so much fun. Looking forward to your Teen Wolf recaps… the show is a poor sub-in for TVD but your recaps are worth it.

  29. Ner says:

    I don’t like the episode. It is just emotional balloon except Elena’s death.
    And season 3 was like running on a treadmill thinking you were on road. Sad .
    Love your recap.

  30. Anita says:

    This show makes me feel so brain-dead sometimes. Like when Klaus took over Tyler’s body and I thought, “Oh, that’s too bad that Trevino will have to leave the show”. Duh.

  31. Rachel says:

    Excellent recap, as always, Thomas.

    I think a lot of viewers where thinking the same bit when Elena and Matt where in the water. Unbuckle your damn seatbelts, roll down the windows and swim out.Or, Stefan’s a vampire w/super-strength and super-speed so why could he only save one? But that was necessary to have Elena turn into a vamp. I hope that makes her less annoying and more interesting.
    Never cared for Bonnie, but I’m hoping that her turn to the darkside makes her more interesting.
    Also, I share your concerns as to whether Michael Trevino can pull off Klaus. I personally don’t think that he can. I’m looking forward to seeing Joseph Morgan again.
    I thought that they royally screwed up with how casual the Elena/Damon first meeting was. The malevolence of the Season 1 Damon wasn’t there.
    After all is said and done though, I’m very much looking forward to season 4.

  32. Rachel says:

    Sorry – the “where’s” in the first sentence should’ve been “were”s. It was early and coffee and the brain hadn’t kicked in.

  33. Saggie22 says:

    I`d just like to say thanks Thomas for making me laugh every Saturday this past season, it`s gonna be a long summer with little comic relief!Great recap!

    Funny thing is I enjoyed TVD recaps more than I enjoyed this episode. It had nothing to do with the episode as a whole, but my mood changed when Elena agreed to that deal with Elijah that made no sense to me whatsoever, and from then on I was kinda sad that the badass, smart Elena from the previous episode was MIA, again. I can`t believe that that little deal she made with Elijah – who predictably, betrayed her when he let Rebekah to go ahead and kill her so they could kill VampAlaric – turned me off for the remainder of the show and I ended up enjoying nothing and believing nothing that happened afterwards. I liked certain scenes though, like Rebekah crying for Klaus, and Ric dying in Damon`s arms.

    I think I`m one of those very few people who aren`t enthusiastic about next season. I`ll probably be reading recaps more than I will be watching, because I don`t want to raise my hopes up thinking that next season, the grating triangle is going to be bearable, and that Elena is going to be bearable. Since JP said the tringle isn`t going to get less complicated anytime soon, well… It`s not that I don`t agree with the premise of the triangle, I`ve watched many shows with that plot and loved them. It`s the way it`s being executed that grates on my last nerve. And as for Elena, I really hope she becomes more badass and smarter as a vampire. But then won`t her martydom complex and stubbornness and bad-decision-making only get magnified?

    Maybe Dark Bonnie and the more powerful Founders Council and the new characters coming will balance things out. We shall see. My expectations are set very low though.

  34. Sonia says:

    I don’t know why everybody says Flashback Damon was out of character. I didn’t think so at all. I dont think season 1 Damon was malevolent all the time. He was that way to piss off Stefan mainly. At other times, especially with women in the absence of stefan, he must have been charming, because that was his shtick he learnt from Sage, no? He was pretty sweet to Caroline too, on their first meeting. Apart from that, her resemblance to Katherine certainly took him aback and could have brought out the real him.

  35. Vic says:

    I know you love Elena as a vampire, but for me, unless they do some serious witchy to turn her back – I won’t be watching. And I hope for your sakes she will be a lot less whiny and selfish and all things Elena that she’s been for the last season – you’re probably right – it IS Damon’s fault she’s being a whiny brat HAHA

    I hated her turning in the books as well, so as soon as I understood where the SL was going, I was Bummed. Out. Yet another season of Stefan and Damon arguing over Elena and the best way to handle her…? *mega yawn*

    On a separate note – I am very happy Klaus is not dead-dead and I’m looking forward to him coming back and Caroline realizing that she’s been grinding with him. AWESOME.

    I’m also enjoying Bonnie- her character’s grown (in complete opposite to Elena….) I’ll still be reading your recaps even if I’m not watching the show – they’re usually better than the actual epi anyways! AND you feel what I feel about Elena- you always have (except for the vampire issue, but I also want Human!Damon by the end of the show – not in the middle – the very VERY end! And I know you. do. not.) HEHE

    Great recap per usual.
    Vic x

  36. noirgirl says:

    “And, like Caroline and Tyler, she’s going to be horny, all of the time. Her feelings for both brothers are going to be turned up to elven, her panties are going to be on perpetual fire, and there are two hot guys conveniently nearby.”

    Oh, I beg to differ. Elena has three hot guys conveniently nearby to lust after. you forgot about ELIJAH!! Seriously, she needs a break from the Salvatores.

    More ELIJAH sexiness please!

  37. Jawly says:

    Elena: Nothing ever happens in Mystic Falls
    Jawly: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Now THAT’s the best line in the show. XD

    Elena being a vampire–Meh. Knowing her she’ll just complain about it for the rest of the season about how bad it is to be a vampire. I’m not looking forward to this. Caroline became awesome, but Abby was as dramatic as Bonnie. She’ll find a way to be human like in the books. This won’t last long.

    Elena picking Stefan–That goes without saying. I mean really, was there any doubt? Now that they’re the same species, that won’t be such a complication…if she isn’t crying about it every fifteen minutes.

    Elena and Stefan underwater-again–Their ideal date. Seriously, this should happen again sometime in season 6. Preferably mid-season XD

    Elena meeting Damon first–Total ass pull. He had his S3 personality, but if you people can’t remember S1, he was a complete assface. This feels like a consolation prize for Delena fans. He killed anyone just for fun. The only thing that saved her was her appearance. To quote from Tumblr:

    “Damon was lying in the middle of the road in the flashback because he was hunting, waiting for his next kill. The only thing that stopped him from feeding on Elena was her resemblance to Katherine. Stefan jumped into the water when he saw the car crash BEFORE he ever saw Elena’s face. Before he ever knew she looked like Katherine, he was going to save them. A random family. People who he didn’t know and had no obligation to whatsoever. He tried to help them. That is Stefan Salvatore. And that is why Kevin Williamson said that Stefan is the true tragic hero of the show. And that is why he will always be better for Elena than Damon is. Because in Elena’s final moments of her life, he gave her the same thing that he gave to her father before he died. Hope. Hope that this one person who jumped into the water would save their loved one. Hope that if they couldn’t survive, at least their loved one would. Elena, like her father, chose to save someone else, and both times, Stefan obliged. And the strength of that decision is a strength that Damon doesn’t have and probably never will have. To do what is right over what you want. Everything was screaming at Stefan in that moment to save Elena, to save the girl he loves. But he chose to honor her wishes over his own. He chose to save someone she loves first. Because Stefan understands Elena. And he knew that Matt’s survival meant more to her than her own. And he gave that to her. In her dying moments, he gave her the thing she wanted most. I don’t care what ANYONE says. Stefan is selfless. And his decision to save Matt was THE single most selfless act I’ve ever seen on the show. That is why I choose to always believe in Stefan, no matter what the writers put him through or whatever trial he has to overcome, I always know at the end of the day that, it’s STEFAN. He will pull through. Because deep down, he is good. He may forget that every once a while, go to dark places, but he will always return. He will always be Stefan. And I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.”

    Elena met Damon first, but she fell in love with Stefan first. Damon doesn’t respect her. He only does what he wants to. He says he loves her, but he loves himself. He doesn’t care about her friends. Just her. With Stefan, she died comforted. If it were Damon, she would hate him forever and never pick him. He’d just leave town anyway. What a sad way to live “She’d hate me, but she’d be alive”? She wouldn’t want him in her life anymore. She’s not Katherine. She doesn’t want to live if it means sacrificing her friends to do so. She can’t stand the thought of having sending her friends to their deaths just so she can save her own skin. In that case, he’s better of with Katherine.

    Jeremy–Officially the new village idiot. I didn’t think anyone could outdo Bonnie, but I guess miracles happen like candy.

    Matt–Jeremy’s partner in stupid. Seriously, drugging her? Wow.

    Caroline–She should have noticed the candles…

    Bonnie–Actually doing something useful? This makes my head hurt.

    Tyler–He should have taken Caroline by now and ran.

    Klaus–I wonder how this will turn out.

    Rebekah–Can’t wait till someone guts her and Kol.

    Elijah–Nice going protecting Elena. To be fair, she trusted a traitor.

    I’m not rushing to get into Season 4. I just hope it won’t be so lackluster, and more epic.

  38. Jawly says:

    I have just realized that I am a complete assface.

  39. Emily says:

    overall we got a lot of good things out of season three yeah it wasn’t as polished as 2 but we still got cool Stefan, awesome Klaus, barbie Klaus, Elijah! and fairly even doses of Stelena and Delena so all in all everyone should be pretty happy.

    Those who stress about her choosing Stefan if she had chosen to keep driving to Damon then she wouldn’t have been driving across that bridge and probably wouldn’t have died so we wouldn’t be able to experience Vamp!Elena.

    I’d like to see Joseph Morgan back because i don’t think i could deal without his voice.

    I’m excited for season four now they just have to keep going down the interesting Bonnie route and also make sure Elena is a badass vampire, I’d love to see Katherine come back to see what she makes of Vamp!Elena i think that would be interesting.

    Now to a long summer of getting my vampire fix from true blood which is less than ideal.

    A lovely recap as per usual
    Emily

  40. Kim says:

    Thanks for the great recap once again! I really enjoyed this episode although it was quite emotionally draining! I see where Elena was coming from when she made her choice but I felt bad that Damon was possibly left to cark it all by his louse. Hopefully her becoming a vampire will make the whole triangle thing more interesting, if they want to maker it a true triangle they have to develop her and Damon’s relationship without it being in reference to Stefan all the time – like you say ( I think?). Then again, who am I to say – writing this show cannot be an easy task. I feel sorry for the writers for how much abuse gets hurled at them. I just hope they don’t follow the books too closely, I’ve tried to read a couple of them and just couldn’t do it – granted I am not in the target age group :). My age may also be why I found Elena’s cheer leading outfit so, to put it nicely, “revealing”. Cheerleaders aren’t a big thing in my country, is that outfit your average garb for a high school cheerleader? I was a bit gobsmacked by it :). Thanks again for the most amusing recap!

  41. Jamie says:

    “Elijah: That’s odd … if Klaus turned Rose, who turned Katherine, who turned the Salvatores – which is totally cannon by the way and not a lie – then why are the Salvatores still alive?”

    Wasn’t Rose turned by the vampire named Mary who was killed by Kol?

  42. Ner says:

    I hope season 4 won’t be all about 16 years old girl’ daydreams about vampires. I know they are selling fantasy and drama but again I am hoping real vampire stories.I like vampires hot or not. And I like your recap.

  43. Jawly says:

    To the dildo that called me an assface:

    Unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful. Maybe next time 😉

  44. Spikeabunny says:

    Top three wishes for S4 in reverse order:

    3. A sleek, tight, toned plot.
    2. Some steel in Stefan’s leg of the triangle.
    1. Thomas to write awesome recaps.

    Thank you Thomas, The Lady and Capslock Corgi. #Tequila slammer virtual salute!

  45. Jagna18 says:

    While it’s going to be fun to see Klaus try to take advantage of having Tyler’s body (b/c we all know he’s gonna go for Caroline), I’m not so sure we should count Joseph Morgan out. The rule is, the bad guy ain’t dead till you see the body, and I never saw the body fully burn. While I have no clue if it’s possible to stop the fire, I’m still holding onto the hope.

    It bothered me that Stefan saved Matt over Elena. He claims to listen to her decisions, and I understand his obsession with free will, but he supposedly loves her (any progress he made over S3 is officially gone). However, if he saved Matt over her, their relationship would be over. I wonder if Elena knew about the vampire blood in her system.

    The major question that I have is: whose blood did she drink? Who’s the sire?

  46. Jennifer says:

    Yesssssss. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard at the recap, and I agree with EVERYTHING you said in the post-mortem. COME QUICKLY, SEPTEMBER!!!

  47. skittledog says:

    God I loved this episode. Vamp Elena changes all the rules, in all the best ways. Huzzah!

    I also rather enjoyed this recap. Particularly the idea of Alaric approaching his teaching duties with the same new zeal as his vampire-hunting duties. Oh and Stefan peeing on Elena’s leg, because he basically totally did.

  48. Pauline B says:

    Hi Thomas ! I’ve been reading your recaps for over a year now (since 2×21) but never commented before. I thought it was about time to correct that :

    – “Vampilaric Stabman: Okay Jeremy, so what I need from you is a ten page paper, properly cited, on how no one in Mystic Falls, especially the Salvatores, owned any slaves, the location of Klaus’ body, and your summary of Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Get that to me by Monday, or I’ll have to dock you a letter grade. And tear out your throat with my teeth.” : best line ever;

    – “Matt Donovan: Hi Elena! Sorry, but I kidnapped you!
    Elena Gilbert: Eh, it’s no big deal. I just call that “Thursday” now.” : lol, it reminded me of Buffy “Dawn is in a danger, it must be Tuesday”;

    – “Why is super vampire hearing only a sometimes thing?” : I may be wrong about that, but I think it’s an on/off thing, like super speed. Vampires can choose to use their vampire speed, but the rest of the time they walk like humans, so it could be the same with hearing;

    – I have the same feelings than you about Bonnie, can’t wait to see her become evil !

    – I had the same fear concerning Kyler, MT is a good actor, but he isn’t JM. Luckily, JP said that Klaus’s body didn’t burn. I’m guessing Kyler will bite one of the Scoobies (or Bonnie’s mom), that way Bonnie will be forced to put him back in his body, then awake him. But he’ll probably try to sleep with Caroline first;

    – I love the way they turned Elena. First, it was against her will, a complete opposite to Bella’s transformation. Second, we have no idea of whose blood she drank, which means that they’ll have to forget their stupid “let’s kill the best family ever” plan. Unless Meredith only had Damon’s blood in her fridge. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Elena was sired to Damon ? I DON’T want it to happen in the show, but I’d love to read a humorous fan fiction about it. Or a M rated one…
    And just like you I hope Elena will never have wings, but if I have to choose between that and human Damon, it’s an easy choice. I don’t think it’s really an issue, in an interview, JP was talking about Elena becoming an angel in the books, and she seemed to think it was complete bullshit so…

    – Did Katherine changed her phone number (with her being on the run)?. Because the Salvatores could have told her she was (perhaps) about to die. I get that Stefan didn’t care, and Damon probably didn’t want to hear her say “Oh I have to call Stefan to tell him I love him”, but she did save all of them in 3×09, and she should have the possibility to spend her last hour doing tequila shots and dancing;

    – Why did Matt let Elena choose between Damon and Stefan ? His best friend and his ex-girlfriend were in Mystic Fall, he should have drove to them, right ? Instead he offered to drive to Damon, maybe he is a secret Delena shipper lol.

    – the DE phone call. I loved it, and I’m a DE fan. It was so beautiful and heartbreaking, and the “maybe if you and I had met first” added a star-crossed lovers touch to the scene. “He came into my life when I needed someone” -> in my opinion, it shows how superficial Stelena is. I mean, she would have fallen for anyone new and reassuring (it’s just the feeling I had after Elena’s speech). And this is probably why she choose Stefan at this point : Stefan is the one who made her feel safe and alive after her parents died, and after spending an entire day thinking of how her life was more simpler before the accident, she chose to be with the guy who once made her feel better when her world had fallen apart, and I can’t blame her for that.
    “she said […] she would always love Stefan” : actually she didn’t. Damon said so, and she contradicted him by saying she couldn’t think about always, only now. And that’s why I still have faith in DE, not because they met first (I agree with Amanda on this one, even if I loved this twist).

    – finally I agree with your thoughts one this season, it wasn’t perfect, but it had tons of good stuff, contrary to True Blood that was even in is mediocrity last season.

    Anyway, my iPhone finally let me read rebook so as soon as I’ve finished re-watching the first 3 seasons of TVD I’ll be able to read Sire 🙂

    Oh, and I apologize if I made any awful grammar mistakes, English isn’t my first language.

    Greetings to you and The Lady (and Neville of course) from France !

  49. Tia Serena says:

    Hello Thomas

    I have just watched Season 3 of Vampire Diaries at breakneck speed, and finding your blog just threw me off! I don’t remember laughing out loud from some text I found in the Internet since the Lord of the Rings answering machine messages… 😀

    This episode was wonderful, and yet so many parts of it bothered me on so many levels…

    The flashback where Greyson refuses Stefan’s help and directs him to save Elena has always bothered me… Just break the window and let Greyson swim to safety, hopefully dragging his wife while Stefan saves Elena.

    But on the second accident, with Matt, no amount of suspension of disbelief could help… Elena was still conscious, so instead of discussing with her who to save, please Stefan, just snap open that seat belt so that she could swim to the surface while he saves Matt. Wasn’t it Stefan who told Elena that Damon should realize that she can save herself? Great time to demonstrate that!

    And really, after almost dying in a flooding car, Elena did not Bing “How to escape from a sinking car”? I did, look how useful! Step by step instructions with photos and videos!
    http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-from-a-Sinking-Car

    I also hated the whole “Elena has to choose NOW” deal. Can everybody just stop the pressure? Why does she have to chose today??? She just almost died, this morning! Even Ensign Kim had a couple of days off to deal with death! It has annoyed me so much, that right now I am wishing that Vamp!Elena decides to throw human morality out of the window, mimic Katharina and choose to stay with both Salvatore Brothers!

    Was disappointed that team Damon/Bex could not resist Evilaric, not even a single blow? Come on, Team Vampire Barbie/Barbie Klaus managed to stake him (though he did not die…) I was looking forward a nicely choreographed fight instead of <>

    Klyler had a chance to leave Mystic Falls with Caroline, take her to London, Paris, maybe Tokyo and draw pretty pictures of her while she still believes its only Tyler, but instead he is all “Run Caroline, RUN!!!!” What is wrong with him? Maybe it’s part of the deal he made with Bonnie…

    By the way, what happened to her premonition powers, you know, those she had before she learned she was a real witch?

    Did Elijah offer the SAME assurance that he was honest in his deals?
    “If I wanted to kill Elena, she would be dead the minute I walked in”
    You really HAVE to thrust someone who says that right (even if it is true that any supernatural could have killed Elena already if they really wanted to… anytime now… Rebekah killed her with ONE blow, once she made up her mind!)

    “Nothing bad ever happens in Mystic Falls” HAHAHAHAHAHAH
    Not only that was a lie, that line was totally out of place there, specially accompanying “You, here alone, it’s a bit creepy…”

    The more I think about it, the less I believe that the first accident in Wickery Bridge was “just an accident”. There is something to it…

    Heartwrenching to see Evilaric die in Damon’s arms… Not only did Damon sees Alaric die a second time, he is also crushed by the realization that Elena is probably dying too…
    But why the hell did he not get into the car and drive out of there as fast as he could? Away from Evilaric, and towards Elena after Klaus was staked?
    Why did he just sit there until Evilaric returned, we will never know.

    The other thing that bothered me to no end was the inconsistency of travel time between the storage and MF. Alaric arrives there even before Rebekah, who arrives back to MF in no time at all (Vampiric superspeed, no doubt, Bonnie comes and goes (witchy teleport, apparently), but Matt is driving for hours and he is only halfway between Damon and Stefan – REALY?????
    OK, it’s an old truck, but DAMON should have superspeed, No????