Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries

– Castle Salvatore –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Stefan! Nice backpack … did you join the boy scouts again?

Stefan Salvatore: I tried to, but they wouldn’t let me be a scout master anymore! The said something about my relationship with Klaus setting an ungodly example for impressionable young youths! They must have been talking about all the killing we did.

Damon Salvatore: …Yes, clearly, that is what they were talking about. Speaking of “poor examples” and “impressionable young youth,” are you still planning to teach Elena how to subsist on bunnies and kittens?

Stefan Salvatore: I sure am! If there’s anything my frequent episodes of homicidal mania have taught me, it’s that moderation if for people who don’t like going on murderous rampages every couple of decades!

Damon Salvatore: …

Stefan Salvatore: See you Monday!

– The Lost Woods – Bulimic Bambi Buffet –

Stefan Salvatore: Okay Elena, time to eat a Bambi!

Elena Gilbert: I’d rather eat you! :-)=

Stefan Salvatore: Now now, Elena, you can’t have desert unless you eat your supper!

Elena Gilbert: Pout. Fangs. Noms.

Bambi: 🙁

Elena Gilbert: Can we have the sexytimes now?

Stefan Salvatore: We sure can! :-)=

Elena Gilbert: Smooch! Fondle! WHAAAAAARF!

The Lady of the Manor: I think vomiting blood is the appropriate reaction to almost having sex with Stefan.

– Father Fuckhead’s Fortress of Faith –

Connor Jordan: Let’s see … rigged gas line, Zippo lighter, suicide note to his daughter … there’s only one explanation! Father Fuckhead arranged for his own death so I could use his daughter as vampire bait at his funeral! Self high-five!

The Lady of the Manor: A new manwitch! With guns!

– Mystic Grill – Day Drinking Damon –

Sheriff Liz Forbes: Damon Salvatore, did you murder the entire Watcher’s Council with fire?

Damon Salvatore: Sheriff, we’ve discussed this. If I was going to kill the entire Watcher’s Council, which I was totally going to do before someone beat me to it, I’d use my fangs, not municipal gas.

Connor Jordan: Hi Sheriff Forbes! I’d like to ask you a few questions about pest control in Mystic Falls! Please ignore the military fatigues, weapons, and vervain-soaked gloves!

Damon Salvatore: He seems trustworthy! Hick!

– Mystic Falls High – Orphan Assembly Point –

Matt Donovan: Hey Jeremy! Wait … where are we again!

Jeremy Gilbert: This place called a “school.” I think it’s from a Latin word that means “place to prepare for the weekly costume ball and / or mass funeral. Speaking of, can you help me unload these memorial paper lanterns?

Matt Donovan: Paper lanterns? No one thought it would be rude to pay tribute to a bunch of people who died in a fire by lighting another fire?

Jeremy Gilbert: Not really. All of the smart people in town died in the explosion.

Matt Donovan: speaking of how people are doing, what’s Elena up to?

Jeremy Gilbert: No idea! I drank a bottle of NyQuil and buried my head under a pillow the second she started moaning, and I’m pretty sure that was just because Stefan brought over a snack-sized puppy!

Matt Donovan: I still feel really bad that she died because Stefan saved me first! She must be so mad at me!

Jeremy Gilbert: You’re right! Eternal youth, endless beauty, vast riches, and the unending attention of two of the hottest males ever born is really weighing on her! You should send her an “I’m sorry I got you temporarily killed card!” They stock them at the local hallmark store now!

April Young: Hi guys! My father died in an explosion and took most of the town out with him! Kerblewey! Wait, was that awkward!

– Castle Salvatore – Party Like It’s 1992 –

Elena Gilbert (on the phone): Hi Caroline! I’m having some trouble inking-dray the ood-blay, and I was wondering if you ever omited-vay ofusely-pray over Stefan’s oes-shay. Call me!

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Elena!

Elena Gilbert: Hi Stefan! I was just-

Stefan Salvatore: Whoo you’re a vampire and you love bunnies and you aren’t having any trouble adjusting to your new life and everything is going to be perfect and I was right and Damon was wrong and we’re going to be happy forever and you’re never going to kill anybody and let’s have champaign and sex whoo!

Elena Gilbert: Nevermind.

– Mystic Grill – Bathroom Bloodjob –

Elena Gilbert: Hi Damon! I just dropped by to accuse you of solving all of our problems in the most horribly violent way possible! And also to ask why my guts explode every time I eat a poodle.

Damon Salvatore: Probably because Stefan is an idiot and foreign exchange students are tasty. Speaking of, there’s a nice Icelandic girl over there who-

Elena Gilbert: Damon, no! I am a pure and innocent creature, and cannot suffer the thought of spilling human blood!

Damon Salvatore: Well in that case you should probably just drink my-

Elena Gilbert: Om nom nom tasty fanservice nom!

Damon Salvatore: -Just don’t tell Stefan. :-)=

The Lady of the Manor: Damon is going to ruin those pants.

– Lockwood Estates – Bedroom of Bedlam –

Tyler Lockwood: Wink wink wink!

Caroline Forbes: Tyler, stop! I feel guilty reveling in our eternal youth and raw sexual power when so many people died this week!

Tyler Lockwood: Nudge nudge nudge!

Caroline Forbes: We need to be more sensitive!

Tyler Lockwood: I’ve got a stimulating-

Caroline Forbes: Ew!

Carol Lockwood: Tyler! One of your friends is here, and he wants to know if you can come out to play!

Tyler Lockwood: Mom! What have I told you about interrupting when I’m studying with Caroline?

Carol Lockwood: That you’re studying The Psychology of Anger, and any grunting, shouting, or breaking furniture is normal and nothing to be worried about?

Connor Jordan: Hi guys! I just dropped by the ask if BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Caroline Forbes: There, you see what happens when you do the sex before the allotted grieving period is over? God sends an angry mercenary to shoot you in the chest a ton!

– Castle Salvatore –

Stefan Salvatore: Let’s see … vervain-soaked gloves, large-caliber wooden bullets with arcane symbols carved into them … it can only mean one thing!

Tyler Lockwood: A professional vampire hunter?

Stefan Salvatore: I was going to say that Oliver Queen, star of the hit new show Arrow, was down to his last shot and had to carve his arrow down into tiny bullets, but your guess is better.

– Mystic Falls – Parish Hall of Pain –

Elena Gilbert: Hi Matt! It was so sweet of you guys to throw me this memorial! I’ve never been to my own funeral before!

Matt Donovan: Um, Elena? Nobody know you died. This is the memorial for all the people who blew up in the last episode.

Elena Gilbert: But I don’t understand! That isn’t about me at all!

April Young: Hi guys! I’m supposed to give a speech but I don’t know what to say so I think I’m just going to make a joke about the pilot light going out! Is that a good idea or a great idea?

Elena Gilbert: Why yes I would love to take you into the back room and ravish you, what a lovely idea!

April Young: LOL whut?


– Bennet Bungalow –

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Bonnie I know you’re probably mourning the loss of your entire family or some crap, but I need help ferreting out a vampire hunter. A vampire hunter who is not a billionaire playboy recently returned from five years on a deserted island, as it turns out!

Bonnie Bennet: I don’t trade in magic bullets, Stefan. If I was going to kill you, I’d cast a healing spell on you.

– Mystic Falls – Cathedral of Chaos –


Damon Salvatore: Hi Elena! I brought you a new dress! Because you spilled coffee all over your other one.

Connor Jordan: This is highly suspicious! I demand to watch you change out of your dirty clothes, solely to alleviate my suspicions that you may be a monster!

Elena Gilbert: Nice try, mister, but I’m not falling for that whole “I’m a man of the law, now show me your undies” thing twice!

Damon Salvatore: I had a badge and everything :-)=

– Mystic Falls – Choir Loft of Cutting –

Connor Jordan: Hi young lady! I see you’re mourning the loss of your father! Could I interest you in serving as bait for his most hated enemy?

April Young: I don’t –

Connor Jordan: Gutstab!

– Mystic Falls -Lawn of LIbation –

Elena Gilbert: Thanks for bringing me fresh blood, Damon! WHAAAAAARF!

Damon Salvatore: This is probably a weird-ass doppelganger thing. I’m gonna go track down Katherine and torture her until she tells me what’s going on.

Stefan Salvatore: Damon! What are you doing with my girlfriend and that blood?

Damon Salvatore: Well, I am trying to help her complete the transition into a vampire without having her guts explode, but I was getting a wrist job in the bathroom about five minutes ago!

Damon Salvatore’s Eyebrows: 😀

Stefan Salvatore’s Hero Hair: D-:

– Mystic Falls – Prayer Room of Pandemonium –

Carol Lockwood: Thank you all for coming. We’re gathered here today to mourn the passing of our fleet of bus drivers, who all died in a tragic raccoon frenzy … wait, sorry, wrong tragedy. I meant to say we’re gathered here to mourn Pastor Brigham Young, whose love of house parties and loathing of house maintenance ended in a regrettable explosion. As a woman who lost her own husband in a fire, my thoughts are with all of those who lost a loved one. And as your unelected Mayor, I promise to crack down on the scourge of loose gas fittings. Now, would anyone like to say a word on behalf of the dearly departed?

Elena Gilbert: Oh me I would I would pick me! WHAAAAAARF!

Connor Jordan: Well that’s curious. Gutstab!

April Young: Profuse bleed!

Elena Gilbert: Sniff sniff! Why, my heightened senses detect the scent of blood! WHAAAAAARF!

Caroline Forbes: It must be the hunter! Let’s freak out and kick his ass!

Stefan Salvatore: Let’s storm the choir loft with our fangs bared!

Tyler Lockwood: Let’s get our own apartment, so my mom will stop “accidentally” walking in on me in the shower!

Damon Salvatore: Or, we could not fall into the very obvious trap. You know, just to switch things up a bit.

Elena Gilbert: WHAAAAAARF!

Stefan Salvatore: Nothing to see here, folks. She’s just … grief vomiting.

– Mystic Falls – Memorial Service of Mayhem –

Damon Salvatore: Hey, you know what I realized during the commercial break? Being the reasonable one sucks. So I’m going to go rip Safari Sam’s head off and then shoot over to the grill for a double. Anyone want to come with me?

Stefan Salvatore: Damon, no! The scent of even more fresh blood could send Elena over the edge! And if the people of this town know what she is, they’ll –

Damon Salvatore: Throw her a parade? Build her a monument? Completely forget about it by the next episode?

Stefan Salvatore: She needs to eat!

Matt Donovan: Not for nothing, but I’ve got plenty of fresh blood –


Matt Donovan: I was going to say “in the cooler in my truck,” because I was hoping Rebekah was going to throw me a bone, but this is nice, too.

Stefan Salvatore: Nothing to see here, folks. She’s just … grief nibbling on her ex-boyfriend’s neck.

The Lady of the Manor: Tasty mashed potato blood! Do you think he tastes like gravy?

– Mystic Falls – Funeral of Fatalities –

Damon Salvatore: Okay, so now that Elena’s off her fat kid in a candy store kick, can I go murder someone?

Tyler Lockwood: Not before I jump up in front of the crowd, wave my arms around, and shout “I’m a hybrid and I don’t care who knows it!”

Damon Salvatore: … I hate all of you.


– Mystic Falls – Parking Lot of Panic –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Connor! Since you’re new to Mystic Falls, I’d like to offer you the once-in-a-lifetime chance to chose your own way of passing! “Broken neck” is the old standby, but “heart ripped out of my chest” is significantly more popular. But! This week only we’re having a special on “stabbed with my own gun!” So would you like to –


Damon Salvatore: Ow.

Stefan Salvatore: Damon! Are you all right?

Damon Salvatore: Aside from the dozens of bullet wounds, yes, I’m fine.

Stefan Salvatore: But you look weak. Probably unable to defend yourself, or fight back, or even toss off sarcastic one-liners.

Damon Salvatore: Yeah, probably.


Damon Salvatore: …Totally worth it.

– Mystic Falls – Choir Loft of Carnage –

Elena Gilbert: Hi April! You sure do look delicious! Fangs!

Caroline Forbes: Hi Elena! Since neither Salvatore brother has the sense God gave my pushup bra, I’m going to step in and teach you how to vampire! First, give her your blood to heal her. Second, look into her eyes to wipe her memory. Third, for the love of God start taking awesome lessons from Katherine. Seriously, this is your one change to not suck, let’s not blow it.

Caroline Forbes: Better Than You since 2012.

– Mystic Grill – Bar of Badasses –

Matt Donovan: Hey, do you think we should talk about this town’s deep, dark secrets in public?

Jeremy Gilbert: Sure we should! Right after we discuss this friendly looking fellow’s magic vanishing tattoo!

Connor Jordan (in his notebook): TODO: 1. Laundry 2. Kill captain of football team. Again. 3. Kill that guy with the great hair. 3. Kill that guy with the great hair’s brother. 4 Kill bus boy at grill. 5. Get new door for truck. 6. Dinner. Sushi? Pasta? Chicken marinated in the tears of my enemies?

– Connor’s Trailer of Terror –

Father Fuckhead (in his suicide note): Dear April, Sorry about blowing up dozens of people in a cultish murder-suicide. I know how things like that can be hard on a high school girl’s social life. On the bright side, when I come back as a zombie, you are totally going to be the most interesting girl in town. Oh, just an FYI, 90% of the people in Mystic Falls are vampires, and anyone reading this should murder them a ton. -XOXO Your father the Father

– Castle Salvatore –

Stefan Salvatore: You lied to me, Elena! You don’t love eating bunnies! You haven’t sworn off quarterbacks! You’re still giving wrist jobs in the bathroom!

Elena Gilbert: Yeah, well maybe I’d be more honest if you’d take down the “HAPPY DEATH / REBIRTH / ETERNAL ORGY OF CHASTE LUST” banner you hung up in the living room.

Stefan Salvatore: You’re right! I’ve totally overlooked your need for shitty emotional pastiche!

– Mystic Falls High –

Stefan Salvatore: Hi guys! I brought you all together so we could mourn everybody we’ve lost! And then light lanterns in their honor! I’ll go first! I’m mourning my uncle Zach!

Damon Salvatore: Yeah, sorry about that.

Stefan Salvatore: And Lexi!

Damon Salvatore: My bad.

Tyler Lockwood: And my Uncle Mason!

Damon Salvatore: Oops.

Jeremy Gilbert: And Vicki!

Damon Salvatore: She got better!

Elena Gilbert: And my bio-mom!

Damon Salvatore: She got better too!

Bonnie Bennet: And my Grams!

Damon Salvatore: That wasn’t my fault!

Stefan Salvatore: Anyway, let’s light these lanterns and send them up into the sky!

– Mystic Falls Examiner – The Next Morning –

Dozens Die in (Another) Freak Accident. 37 people died last night when three score Japanese lanterns, thought to symbolize “letting go of the past” and also “ooh that’s shiny,” came falling inevitably back to earth. The lanterns, which were for some reason soaked in gas, caused a fire which quickly consumed the maternity ward of Mystic Falls Hospital, the Lockwood Puppy Shelter, and the Gilbert Memorial Orphanage.

– Mystic Falls – Graveyard of Guest Stars –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Alaric’s grave! Just came by to let you know that your death was in vain and literally everybody in Mystic Falls has managed, somehow, to get dumber since you died. Elena’s a vampire now, because Stefan’s a douche bag, and she is, shockingly, terrible at it. Like, worse than you, and you were so full of self-loathing that you went on a murderous rampage. But at least Klaus is still alive and his sister wants to murder us all. Assuming, of course, the new town hunter doesn’t get to us first. Jesus I wish you were here. You always made me seem like less of an alcoholic. Hick!

The Ghost of Alaric Saltzman: I miss you too, buddy.

The Fans: Weep.

The Plot: Thickens.

– Post Mortem –

God. Damn.

This was an awesome episode. I guess some people didn’t love the season premier (I can only assume because they hate fun), but this was forty solid minutes of amazing. I really can’t think of a single thing I didn’t love.

I really like how they’re handling Elena’s introduction to vampire life. I knew that the fight between Damon’s moderation and Stefan’s total abstinence until I murder a sorority would be a key point this season, and so far I love how they’re handling it. I also love that Elena is trying to take Stefan’s path … because one, it’s totally in character, and two, it’s gonna give Damon a huge “I told you so” moment.

And Elena feeding from Damon in the bathroom? Jesus, I almost got pregnant just watching it.

Elena’s inability to keep blood down is also interesting, mostly because it probably means they’re going to have to bring Katherine back in order to figure out what’s going on, and more Katherine is always a good thing.

And then there’s the New Guy, Connor. Love love love him so far. He’s just a total, remorseless killer. He will do anything to take out his target, and little things like collateral damage aren’t his concern. How cold do you have to be to stab an innocent girl at her father’s funeral just to cap a couple of guys you haven’t even met?

I was wondering how they were going to up the danger when the Brothers Salvatore have already defeated (kinda) the Original Badass Vampires. Well Connor looks like he’s going to be able to do it, not because he’s a greater physical danger, but because his motives are so pure and because the Salvatores have nothing to dangle in front of him to make him blink. He doesn’t need Elena’s blood or Bonnie’s cooperation or Stefan hair wax … he just needs them dead.

This is going to be a wild ride, folks.

On to the next episode!

0 responses to “Vampire Diaries – S04E02 – Memorial”

  1. Jagna18 says:

    I loved the episode too…except for all of the vomiting. Ironically, considering the show’s record of mayhem and graphic dismemberment, I felt like I was going to be sick.

    And I’m wondering why no-one just drafted Caroline from the start to mentor Elena…she’s the most adjusted.

  2. Sonia says:

    Stefan’s a dumbass. Where are the candles for all the hundreds he killed over the summer? He’s such a hypocrite, judging Damon and acting all holier than thou.

  3. moonflea says:

    That was awesome.

    Damon and Elena just standing in the same room is 10x hotter than Stefan and Elena making out. The lack of chemistry between SE always pulls me out of the story a bit. Loved the Lady’s comments on the side effect of “almost having sex with Stefan”. More bloodjobs please.

    Like Jagna, I wonder why Caroline, best of the Barbie vamps,wasn’t involved sooner in Elena’s transition? There was an incredible amount of nasty blood vomit, but I liked that unexpected complication for Elena. Her babyvampdom was way more interesting this ep than the first.

    Would love to have Katherine back to teach Elena some of her tricks; that would be awesome. Nina Dobrev does such a great job with that dual role. I always expect to see the name of a special guest star in the credits when Katherine makes an appearance! Miss her.

    Yes. Alaric and Damon made me weep 🙁 Cool surprise. Loved that scene.

    So intrigued to learn how the Pastor, the dead council and Conor are linked. And what bigger bad inevitably lurks beyond.

    BTW, did anyone else have a sudden Robin Wood flashback? I was half-expecting Spike and his long leather coat to make an appearance when we learned Conor’s a vamp hunter… his height, his looks, his “occupation”, and their similarly disarming personalities… though Conor is way more bad-ass. Just me? I actually had a weird dream that involved Buffy & TVD characters… and kittens… last night. So yeah, could be just me.

    Might be a good idea to lay off the wine before bed 😉

  4. moonflea says:

    Ditto Sonia. Why so self-righteous Stefan? and why does Damon tolerate it?!

  5. Engweri says:

    I loved this. Never thought about the Katherine thing, def needs to make a comeback. This episode was for all the people who think an episode isn’t good without the Originals. Just wish we some more of Bonnie

  6. Rachel says:

    I think it’s incredibly smart idea to step back and have the villains be vampire hunters again. It was the focus of season 1 after all. But a vampire hunter, especially one as brutally efficient as Connor. I think the show kinda broke the scale of baddies (vampire hunters, werewolves and vampires, hybrids, and finally originals), which isn’t exactly a bad thing, BTVS did the same thing. Plus now that Elena’s a vampire, other supernaturals aren’t as much as a threat. I was kinda iffy on the idea of Connor when I first heard of him, but holy shit that dude is effective as all hell.

    I’ve already got the feeling that Connor(and Jeremy apparently) somehow have connections with the mythology of the show. I’m placing bets on Knight Templars or something ancient and Celtic. I hope Jeremy’s connection with Connor brings new life to his character, making him at least slightly interesting. His obviously new love interest April is already more appealing than whatever the hell that way with Bonnie. I love how quietly that relationship was dropped. Maybe the show will build off the stuff we saw in the lost season with Jeremy brutally killing a hybrid with no remorse or hesitation before Elena freaked out and sent him away.

    Okay so that ending is beautiful in every single way. My God, it’s rare that a show handles something like loss and grief that well with that much heart and empathy. Damon’s monologue had a perfect balance of pathos and humor. Loss seems to be a large theme of the series, and I wouldn’t be too surprised if the series isn’t like Lost or Angel by the end. What I mean by that is that I play this game watching early episodes of Angel pointing out the characters that live to see the end of the show. It puts those early seasons in a sadder context especially season 1 and season 2. Hell I almost get the feeling Damon might not live to see the end of the series. It’s clear the show will not have him end up with Elena, or at least it’s pretty damn unlikely, and his death for the benefit of Stelena would play nicely into the themes of family, sacrifice, and loss. Yes I think way too much about this.

    Klaus nor Rebeka was in this episode. Because the writers did not feel the need to jam them in unnecessarily. Take notes True Blood, take notes. If you still give enough of a shit to try to make something of yourself.

    Anyway this episode was pretty much perfect! I know some people are whining and saying they have no interest in the show after season 3 but I think that’s silly. I look forward to season 4, and season 3 is not as bad as people like to think it was.

  7. Eve says:

    >>>You should send her an “I’m sorry I got you temporarily killed card!” They stock them at the local hallmark store now!<<>Damon Salvatore: Well, I am trying to help her complete the transition into a vampire without having her guts explode, but I was getting a wrist job in the bathroom about five minutes ago!<<

    Wrist job, LOL. Yes, Damon enjoyed it but it still seems less than satisfying. But hey, what do I know.

    Awwww, that last scene with Alaric was so sweet and sad! But hopeful because Alaric was there in the flesh, even if the flesh was meant to be in Damon’s mind. Could Alaric be coming back to TVD?? Could he come back to life? Surely there is a loophole to bring him back. Give me 30 seconds and I’ll make it up myself. Let’s see. He comes back from the dead because of…… REASONS! A la Thomas. Didn’t even need all 30 seconds.

    Elena’s transition: I think they’re all doing a great job with it. Her problem with digesting all blood except living human blood – that is *very* interesting and certainly a new twist. I wonder where that’s going? Will she be able to accept animal blood and the blood bags, like all the other vampires? If not, that will be a fascinating development.

    The triangle angle, which normally I don’t care about, came off well for a change. Elena really did exclude Stefan from her troubles and turned to Damon. Stefan has a right to be pissed at that. But I will give Elena a pass this time because of the “new vampire emotional issues” thing.

    Sorry Thomas, usually I'd think it lame but the "new vampire emotional issues" is a thing on TVD. Gotta' put up with it for at least one episode.

    I honestly thought Elena’s transition would be more anti-climatic than anything else. However, it’s turned out to be interesting, with her blood sensitivity and now the super-sensitivity to the grief of others. I did not see that one coming but it makes perfect sense.

    I enjoyed Damon going after Connor outside of the church even though he lost that fight, although it is not clear to me why he lost. Damon has super speed and strength. For that matter so does Stefan. Why didn’t either one of them chase down Connor’s car and kill him? And Stefan punching Damon in the face afterwards and saying “you know why”, ha ha, that was actually kind of cute. Sibling bickering. Oh, and Damon telling Stefan “bite me”. LOL! My favorite part of this show is Stefan’s and Damon’s relationship.

    Tyler and Caroline are adorable together. Glad Tyler is inexplicably alive. Let me see if I can get this straight. The only way (pretty much) Tyler can die is if Klaus dies. Klaus *did* die because Elena died. (Right? Wasn’t that part of his mother’s curse?) So Elena’s resurrection brings them both back? And wasn’t Klaus’ death supposed to result in the Salvatore’s also dying? Maybe I’m missing something.

    Jeremy seeing invisible tattoos on Connor’s arm: okay, that was cool, whatever it means.

  8. Eve says:


    >>Jeremy Gilbert: You should send her an “I’m sorry I got you temporarily killed card!” They stock them at the local hallmark store now!<<


    What I tried to say, but the computer ate it, was that I bet Hallmark sells out of those cards real fast. So there, computer.

  9. nvo says:

    Awesome episode is awesome! Obviously Elena feeding off Damon in the bathroom was the best thing ever. I wondered if I was watching HBO for a second and not the CW.

    But besides all the delena and dalaric goodness I really enjoyed the whole church sequence. The hymn playing in the background was beautifully contrasted with Elena feeding off Matt. To everyone wondering why Caroline wasn’t first in line to mentor Elena, she was at least second but she was a bit busy sexing it up with Tyler so Damon was the next best thing. Seriously that wrist job in the bathroom was hotter than the motel makeout session. whew!

    Nina Dobrev gets the award this week. Elena’s fear in the bathroom after throwing up was so real. It’s not fun when you need to eat but you can’t keep anything down and you have no idea why. Though Price Peterson making fun of Elena’s vomiting skills totally made me laugh. I think I suck at vomiting too though…
    Thomas, I like how you had Elena wharfing all over the place in the church just for the hell of it.

    Connor’s fascinating for all the reasons you mentioned and I’m really excited for Jeremy’s plot line. Now that Elena has to feed on humans and she’s no longer throwing up and she’s, supposedly, eased her grief it’s time for her to start enjoying herself. =)

  10. Megs says:

    Just one thing, tiny correction: Caroline Forbes has been better than everyone since 2011…

  11. sepiriz47 says:

    I give the episode a B-. Connor is better than the average antagonist for the main group but he’s not that smart (e.g. why shoot Tyler again?). It’d be nice to have an antagonist that isn’t The Ends Justify The Means for a change. Connor’s tattoo looked like Original runes. There was way too much vomiting blood. Caroline did more for Elena in 5 minutes than the brothers did in days. Elena exceptionalism is annoying.

  12. sepiriz47 says:

    Oh and funny recap Thomas 🙂

  13. Sara A says:

    I did hate last week’s episode 🙂 But this one was totally awesome – it more than made up for last week.

    It was hilarious watching Elena and Stefan trying to be all ‘passionate’ and all over each other. They should do that every week so I can get popcorn and laugh my ass off.

    I loved Damon ripping the car door off, and his one liners. Crossing himself in the church was hilarious.

    I am not liking this new vampire hunter so much. He’s ruthless, which is good, but when your vamp hunter is so transparently evil – gutting a young teenage girl at her father’s funeral and leaving her to die – it sort of upsets the moral conflict inherent in the fact that our heroes are all basically murderers. If a real white hat vamp hunter came in and tried to kill them, it would mean taking a hard look at themselves. But this guy is so evil that it’s not even worth it.

    I am a sucker for Dalaric, so the last scene definitely got me. Really top episode overall.

  14. Pauline B says:

    Hey Thomas. Once again, great recap !

    “The said something about my relationship with Klaus setting an ungodly example for impressionable young youths! They must have been talking about all the killing we did.”

    “The Lady of the Manor: I think vomiting blood is the appropriate reaction to almost having sex with Stefan.” muhaha, so true

    The Lady of the Manor: Damon is going to ruin those pants.” I’ve already said it, but the Lady truly has the best lines.

    “Stefan Salvatore: I was going to say that Oliver Queen, star of the hit new show Arrow, was down to his last shot and had to carve his arrow down into tiny bullets, but your guess is better.” Damn you Thomas, for making wanna watch Arrow. I’m putting it on my “Watch during college Christmas break” list.

    “Bonnie Bennet: I don’t trade in magic bullets, Stefan. If I was going to kill you, I’d cast a healing spell on you.” EPIC WIN

    “Damon Salvatore: This is probably a weird-ass doppelganger thing. I’m gonna go track down Katherine and torture her until she tells me what’s going on.” I was thinking exactly the same thing, Kat needs to be back ASAP.

    Just wondering, where were Neville & Oliver when Tyler was shot ? They should have ganged against Connor.

    Some thoughts :

    Gosh, how awesome was this episode ? I love 4×01 but this was definitely one of the best thing that ever aired on TV. I mean, after seeing it, I was like “Screw law school, I’m gonna beg Julie Plec to teach me how to write like that”.

    Damon and Elena keep getting hotter & hotter every single episode, which make me nervous : the day they finally have sex (it’s so happening this season, my bet is on episode 19), they’ll make the internet explode, and then, how will I watch the ep ?

    The Church scene was fantastic. Not sure how I feel about a CW dealing with religion, but TVD isn’t your typical CW show (or typical show at all) and True Blood did a great job with that in season 2, and since TVD >>>>> True Blood, I’m not really worried.
    Also, am I the only one who has noticed Damon did the cross sign wrong ? It’s supposed to be up, down, left, right, not right, left. Not that I have a problem with that, I’m just wondering if it was done on purpose. I mean, having a character who has killed hundreds of persons doing the cross sign wrong while saying “it always makes me smile” must be intentional.
    Also, it was amazing to see our doomy gang sticking together “against” Connor. I love how Matt & Tyler took one for the team.
    Oh, and isn’t it sad that people reaction to Tyler getting shot was to run, not help him ? Then again, people fleeing the church instead of helping our hybrid seemed pretty ironic to me.

    The lantern scene was also very well done. And while Stefan was wrong about making Elena stick to the bunny diet, he was right about wanting to take the time to grief.
    I know a lot of people complained about the characters’ deaths not affecting our gang enough, but have you seen everything that has happened to them since the pilot ? When could they have grieved ? And I think it reflects reality perfectly : you’re sometime too busy with your life to take the time to mourn the people you’ve lost. And even though Damon was right saying they had bigger problems to deal with, it was still important for them to do this.

    The final scene just killed me. I’m not the most sensible person on the planet (euphemism), but damn, it was SAD. Poor Damon, he needs a new drinking buddy. Question, am I the only one who wants a Kol/Damon “friendship” ? Yes ? Never mind.

    It’s only after going back to sleep that I’ve realized there was no Klaus or Becca in this ep. And while I love my Mikaelsons, I think that’s what made this episode so strong : it focused on the original cast.

    Anyway, thanks again for the recap, TVD wouldn’t be the same without your comments.

    PS : about last week comment : yes it was an exact quote. During the EW comic con interview, the interviewer asked the TVD cast what they thought about TB, and they said they loved it. Then they asked what True Blood cast said about them. Interviewer “They said : We don’t talk about them” with a wince. That being said, I’ve learned the guy who plays Lafayette is a TVD fan – though the rest of the cast seems to make fun of him because of that. Jealousy is a bitch 😉

  15. Esther says:

    Hi thomas.

    Excellent recap of a fabulous episode!

    Wow, anyone else in shock that Matt got to snark about never giving Elena a lift? Way to pay it forward Matt, now can we be done with your unnecessary guilt!

    Continuing his excellent work from last week Tyler/Trevino was pure awesome from “Wink wink wink” to outing his hybridness!

    When it comes to helping Elena adjust, Caroline is the Guidence Counsellor, Stefan is the geography teacher who thinks he’s hip and Damon is the daydrinking, mark your work at the bar history teacher! **sobs** .

    It’s official Alaric is the Best. Ghost. Ever! (sorry ghost Lexi)

    Roll on next week team TVD!

  16. Mey says:

    Hey Thomas 🙂

    I love how you read Connor, well Safari Sam (whether the fruit of your drunkenness or my consumption of cough syrup, this had me hurting my abs from laughing. Sometimes it’s about the little things 😉 I think it’s great the show can have its first real villain, not someone we’re going to be madly in love with, whose killing is going to become simply impossible (hint: Niklaus ;). Then of course Jeremy wears the same tattoos on his Latin promo portrait so controversy is most likely to be invited, which is still cool cause grey has always been my favourite shade of TVD 🙂

    This said, how can you still hope for Elena? I find super pathetic that she cannot keep the puppy or bag blood down because it keeps her a victim, she didn’t choose to turn, she doesn’t choose to drink fresh human blood… sure it’s in character but could that character have had any character at any point in the series so that I could like her bit? Apparently nope, her so-called compassion and selflessness don’t involve giving an RIP nod to the biological dad who didn’t die for her to live but died so she could live as a human! (which apparently she didn’t care so much for) because well, she was too busy dedicating her lantern to her own self.

    Happy Damon is back a little more each scene, I’ve missed you, love 🙂 Don’t forget to bring Rebekah back and maybe pair up Elijah and Katerina for some interesting badass action? Make me happy show 🙂

    I find you optimistic on Katerina’s return, of course I’d love to see her but I’m afraid Elena rejecting the blood (which really, has no reason, Katerina is a doppelganger and she drinks plenty from glasses, bags, maybe even rats during her tomb time? and if Elena being used in the ritual had to affect her state, it wouldn’t have been given for granted that had she lived as a human she would have carried a doppelganger in the bloodline cause why would nature keep on creating a means to ending a spell that’s already lifted? The show established she was no special doppelganger.) could be linked to a “double doppelganger” contradiction. I don’t want to see Katerina declared redundant or just less (and risk to be killed) and I very much fear in time the writers could go there for their precious Elena :-sss

    Amen to “Caroline Forbes: Better Than You since 2012.” though I would have said 2009 ;-p

    O and am I the only one who finds ridiculous that out of nowhere and while she was starving and displaying the self-control of a recently deprived crack addict Elena fed on Matt so neatly? Like, sweet Caroline killed someone, Rebekah went at someone from a distance, Stefan killed his own father, Abby bit Jaime and had to be stopped…. but Elena? First vampire in history to be 100% strung out on fresh blood and yet have at it calmly without needing to be told to stop? This is why I will never feel for that character. Too bloody unearned praised.
    Should I also mention vampire blood didn’t turn other vampires on when Mikael was feeding on them?

    This cleared, loved the recap, out of Elena matters the episode brought great omens and drunkenness suits you Thomas 🙂 I’m still a fan of your Lady too, does she miss neck snaps as much as I do? ^^

  17. Rachel says:

    Awesome recap! Wickedly funny and uber-insightful.
    Stefan’s even-though-I’ve-killed-more-people-than-Damon-has-but-I-feel-bad-about-it-so-that-makes-me-better-than-him attitude seems so hypocritical and I’m glad everyone else is seeing that as well.
    I’m loving Connor’s brutal efficiency and of course, Caroline rocks!
    The Damon at Alaric’s grave was the best part of the ep.
    I liked this ep much more than the premiere.

  18. Dayna Dawn Small (AKA Dayna Barter) says:

    The Lady of the Manor: I think vomiting blood is the appropriate reaction to almost having sex with Stefan.

    —> Lady of the Manor for the MOTHER-FUCKING WIN!!!

    —> I kind of wondered why the witches hadn’t made some vamp-hunters-on-steroids before, given how they’re all anti-vampire and shit, so I’m happy to see that development now. I mean, he’s an asshole, but it’s an interesting ripple.

    —> Where the hell is Elijah? How about we have HIM take Elena out for a lesson in Vampire 101?

  19. allana403 says:

    great recap thomas and the lady is always spot on. i look forward to your recaps just as much as the show. only wanted to say that it bugged me elena didn’t mention john when he sacrificed himself so that she could live

  20. The Lady says:

    Dear Mey,
    I miss the heart rips more than anything.
    – Lady

  21. Elsa says:

    Great recap as always Gavin!
    I laughed so hard when I read the Connor Jordan TO DO list! So poetic indeed with the addition of ‘tears of my enemies’ in the end! Hahaha!
    My favourite bit though has got to be where you named Mystic Fall High the ‘Orphan Assembly Point’, so wrong yet so true! And Jeremy redefining the meaning of the word ‘school’ – I think it’s from a Latin word that means “place to prepare for the weekly costume ball and / or mass funeral. Brilliant!!!

    What an episode! It felt a bit like Season 1 and I loved how delusional Stefan is with Elena’s blood training. Seriously, let Damon and Caroline do that for you because you need to come out of the ‘ex-ripper (twice) currently on the path of righteousness blood junkie’ state you’re in. He is entirely the wrong person to be teaching her all about being a vampire.
    Finally, I have to say that Damon gets all the awards this week for the best lines-and not just the funny ones.
    Damn he made me cry in the last scene!

  22. Jawly says:

    You’re right about Connor. He’s not like Damon who wanted to wreak havoc on Mystic Falls or Klaus who wanted Elena to make hybrids. Connor doesn’t want some kind of trade and can’t be bought. He’s not in the sleazebag department like them. He’s more like the council times thirty. He’ll stop at nothing to get what he wants and doesn’t hesitate for a second. Still, he comes off as filler drama as someone who needs to keep the plot going. I hope we get some answers soon because if not, he’s just annoying and Damon needs to blow him up like the Pastor’s torture fun house.

    I’m done with the triangle. I’m just watching for the asskicking now.

  23. Pauline B says:


    Well, Katherine doesn’t have a problem with puppy/vampire/blood NOW, but she’s 500 year old. She probably learned to keep it down.

    And I think it has nothing to do with vampire blood. It’s more about how the bite i’s done and about the level of intimacy you share with the person.
    For example, having you throat violently ripped open by a random vampire will hurt, but letting someone you care about/love/wanna sleep with is pleasurable. Andie and Mason seemed to enjoy it when Kat/Damon fed on them.

    True, Elena was a bit too much in control with Matt, but since she would have eaten April without Caroline, I’ll let it slide. I want Elena too eventually slip up and kill someone, but not right. Plus it would have more meaning if she does it for other reasons than blood lust, for example, she’s so angry/sad she’s takes it on someone.

    Totally with you on John, the guy deserved some kind of consideration. He may have been a dick, but he still died to keep her human.

    Officially joining team “someone needs to get his/her heart ripped out” We haven”t had one of those since… Gosh, I cant’ even remember. The last one I recall is Elijah’s in 3×13. It can’t be that long, right ?

  24. Mey says:

    Dear Lady,
    True the heart rips are The Lord Elijah’s signature and as such understandably have more “body” than El signor Salvatore’s necksnaps 😉
    So much about your bloody tastes to look up to… 🙂

  25. Spikeabunny says:

    Excellent episode.

    Two thoughts. We were reminded that Jeremy’s parents were proper vampire hunters and I’m hoping there is a gang with tattoos for that.

    Elena liked the compulsion thing just a leetle too much, I could totally see her od-ing on that. I think nina is doing an awesome job of not being Katherine but Kat’s weakness was manipulation and I think it might be elena’s too.

  26. Mey says:

    @Pauline B
    Sure Katerina have a lot more experience than both Salvatore put together, the way I see it she may well never have bothered trying to get bunnies past the throw up point, vervaine? Yes. Bunnies? nope :p
    My point was that everything is made to rip Elena of any choice she’d view herself as controversial or amoral which at the end of the day makes her hollow and the worst of leads since Joey Potter.
    Because of that (and the other examples I gave that had strongly established the fatality of blood lust on baby vampires) I wouldn’t have your leniency about her not going vamp-ape on Matt’s throat, that she’d try to go for April is no consolation as it’s even more baffling a baby vampire would have more control when starving. Just classic TVD “we care so little about our mythology and details, you might as well be there for the shipping”.
    Finally, sure being attacked and willingly giving your blood is different; but Damon stated blood sharing was intimate, as if it was brand new and it had never been portrayed thus before. Plus, since you take for granted that vampire/vampire and human/vampire blood sharing are the same, he wouldn’t have mentioned it nor would she have asked for further explanations as her and Stefan exchanged blood more than once in the past.

    Exactly, John was a full grown wanker but his intentions were always good towards Elena and his gesture was pretty noble.

    Elijah’s return will be a blessing in so many ways… 🙂

  27. Kiana says:

    Thanks for the great recap.
    Something’s just nagging at me though. Stefan said if Tylar was a regular vampire he would’ve been killed by those bullets…

    So how come a professional badass vampire hunter forgets to load his gun with those “special” bullets when shooting Damon?!!? (Not that I’m complaining!)

  28. Kelly says:

    Awesomely funny recap to go along with an amazing episode!

    Caroline Forbes: There, you see what happens when you do the sex before the allotted grieving period is over? God sends an angry mercenary to shoot you in the chest a ton!


    I agree that Caroline should be the one teaching Elena how to be a vampire. The five minutes that she spent with her were more effective than anything Stefan and Damon have tried so far.

    Loved Damon crossing himself in the church. I’m pretty sure the laugh I let out was nothing short of wicked. I also got a kick out of the way he slapped the pew after Tyler had been shot and everyone was running out. He was pissed that his chance to rip Connor apart had been ruined.

    God, that last scene. I was doing fine until the camera panned over and showed Alaric. After that, everything just went to hell. 🙁

  29. Elsa says:

    Lol! Just realised that I called you Gavin (who the hell is Gavin??!!) in my previous comment so apologies for that Thomas. No idea where that came from!
    I had a question though.What do you think is the significance of Conor’s ‘invisible’ tattoo? Im interested in theories on the whole thing with Jeremy only being able to see it.

  30. epicknot says:

    It seems like Elena kept down Matt’s blood. Does that mean she needs human blood “straight from the vein?”

    Also, Damon is a jerk. lol He knew his blood would not work but now he has a one up on his bro. I guess it all pans out in the end. The battle for Elena’s vamp noni continues.

    I am not at all obsessed with Connor’s plan or that he shot Tyler (who was hilarious during the memorial by the way) twice. He’s on a mission. Kill or be killed. He doesn’t have time to stop and think “oh it didn’t kill him the first time” He’s gonna keep shooting until he snags a vamp.

    BTW um…no one thought it was just a little strange that there was a random professional shooting at the memorial? LOL! This town…is weirder than the supernaturals in the show.

    Good recap!

  31. Saggie22 says:

    Hysterical recap Thomas, I was laughing so hard.
    Loved this:

    Elena Gilbert: Nice try, mister, but I’m not falling for that whole “I’m a man of the law, now show me your undies” thing twice!

    Damon Salvatore: I had a badge and everything :-)=

    HaHa I can so picture that imaginary scene. And that list of the people Damon had killed, or harmed in some way – classic!

    I`m with you on Connor. Boy was he fantastic! He`s so bad ass! The enire episode I kept waiting for him to show some humanity or a little pity for the MF people, but, nothing. I really thought he was going to be so moved by Tyler`s speech and see that these people, even if they are supernatural, they have a lot of humanity in them. But, no. He just went right ahead and shot Tyler, in public! Wow! I`m impressed, and I don`t get impressed easily.
    Yeah I was one of those people on Twitter who were singing praises for this episode, it really was stellar. Loved Damon`s contant snark and Elena`s real, interesting way of handling her vampirism. I`m very interested to see where it`s all going.

  32. lia says:

    I loved your review almost as much I loved the episode! You’re great. I almost died laughing..
    Best line: “The Lady of the Manor: I think vomiting blood is the appropriate reaction to almost having sex with Stefan.” LOL
    “- Mystic Falls Examiner – The Next Morning -” ———-> Genius!
    And the best of the best: “And Elena feeding from Damon in the bathroom? Jesus, I almost got pregnant just watching it.” ——–> SAME HERE!
    Thank you for sharing..see you next week! 🙂

  33. The Lady says:

    Dear Mey and Pauline B,
    Team Heart Rip needs to be a thing!

  34. The Lady says:

    Dear Kelly,
    I work at a Catholic hospital, and I feel the same way when I cross myself if I ever have to go into the chapel.

  35. Rachel says:

    @Pauline B

    Lmao, honey, if Damon and Elena have sex there will be an epidemic of pregnancies and burns from everyone’s panties exploding. XD I’m surprised their make out scene last season didn’t knock us all up.

  36. Pauline B says:

    @Dayna @The Lady @Mey
    I’m prosing Team “Elijah needs to come back and teach Elena how to do a heart rip”

    @Rachel : the possibility of Damon/Elena having sex makes me regret I can’t watch the show live. My twitter thread will explode !

  37. Sofia says:

    Thomas, outstanding recap as usual.

    I could talk about this episode all day, it was absolute perfection. I want to marry this episode, and have a heavy make out session with the blood sharing scene. There will be whole scores of babies getting born come July.

    And when we finally get Delena sex? Forget the Internet, the atmosphere will be blasted into space from the heat wave.

    OMFG! I love this show SOOO much.

    Lady of the Manor: “I think vomiting blood is the appropriate reaction to almost having sex with Stefan”. BEST. COMMENT. EVER.

  38. Kelly says:

    Dear Lady,

    Nice! I know I’m going to have a hard time keeping a straight face the next time I’m in a Catholic church. 🙂


  39. Mey says:

    Dear Lady,
    Dear @Pauline B, Dear @Dayna,

    Team Heart Rips. So shall it be 🙂
    Can I squeeze a “Elijah needs to come back and perform a heart rip *on* Elena”? or is it too much to ask? At least a Damon neck snap? That won’t kill her ^^ (acknowledging the heart rips’ might doesn’t cure me from my fierce vampire neck snap fetish :p)

    I have a Damon-ee reaction just entering a church :p


    Ps: I also miss my precious Rebekah as well… (and Elijah’s old hair-do, suited his Lord butler quality better 🙂

  40. Mal says:

    “The Lady of the Manor: I think vomiting blood is the appropriate reaction to almost having sex with Stefan.”

    Really?! Sure, non-ripper Stefan is boring, but as a heterosexual male even I can admit he is one good looking man. 😉

  41. Mey says:

    Hi 🙂 My take on the Lady’s comment, as a heterosexual woman, is that as a heterosexual man you read too hastily. Try reading again, insisting on “almost”, tell me how it works for you 😉

  42. Mal says:


    I don’t understand… 🙁

  43. Mey says:

    I mean that you can read it as “even just almost having sex with him is enough to make you wanna throw up”, as you had read it, or “the frustration of only almost having sex with him is something that’d make any woman sick”.

    I spontaneously read it the second way when I read the recap but though I find Paul Wesley super endearing I am actually scared by too chiselled abs (human bodies are not meant to look thus, i tell thee :p) so I’m cool with both readings ^^

    The Lady shall eventually tell which is true …or not :p

  44. Tweeky says:

    Now that Elena has been turned, Thomas, how long do you think it’ll be before we see the inevitable catfight between her and Katharine over Stefan?

  45. The Lady says:

    Dear Mey and Mal,
    Nope, Mal has it right. I find Stefan terribly unattractive. Objectively, he’s sort of nice to look at, but his stupid Ken Doll hair and his awful personality are complete turnoffs. I’ve never liked the chiseled, pseudo-self-sacrificing hero.

    I want the actually evil Mikael back. Or Damon when he truly doesn’t give a shit and isn’t trying to be nice to Elena. Or Elijah when he’s ripping out hearts all over the place.

    Or Khal Drogo, before he went all coma patient on everyone.


  46. Tina says:

    Awesome recap as always! The blood vomiting was a little gross but its TVD so I shouldn’t be too surprised. The only thing in this (and the last) episode was that they use the word heightened 10 times. We get it… things are heightened!

  47. Bonnie Hall says:

    BEST. BLOG.EVER! I literally died laughing(seriously! )But there vas vamp blood in my system so I’m moving to Mystic Falls where everyone is hot and always has their hair done. Seriously funny! I’m a believer!

  48. Tweeky says:

    To those wishing for an appearance, ghostly or otherwise, of Mikael unfortunately he won’t be in S4 at all because I got a chance to meet Sebastian Roche (Mikael) last weekend at the armageddon Sci-Fi conference (he’s one of the most hilarious guest-stars i’ve seen on stage) and he told me that he wasn’t involved at all in the filming.

  49. Mey says:

    Dear Lady, Dear Mal,

    Sorry Mal for letting my love for polysemy get the best of my reading and confuse you ^^
    I’m indifferent to Stefan, until he takes his shirt off and I run under the bed, Ken abs combined with the Ken hair scare the faerie hoo ha out of me.

    I want Damon and Elijah pretty much anywhen; that is when the former isn’t displaying the worst taste ever possible in women, (that is you and only you Elena) and the latter isn’t used to state things about Elena she isn’t (compassion, mu tush!).

    When it comes to the TVD men, I am above all Team “if you’ve grown a mullet, you’ve ran after that wench for too long, go get back your balls”.

  50. Thomas says:

    Hi Jagna18,

    Yeah, a lot of people were squicked out by that. I actually laughed out loud the first time it happened.

    If Caroline had been Vampire!Professor from the start, we would have missed all that delicious Salvatore-on-Salvatore angst!

  51. Thomas says:

    That’s true, Sonia.

  52. Thomas says:

    Hi moonflea,

    I agree, Damon and Elena have more chemistry. Honestly, Damon has more chemistry with everyone.

    I forget Elena and Katherine are played by the same actress. She really is fantastic at that.

    I thought of Robin Wood, too.

  53. Thomas says:

    Hi Engweri,

    TVD is always at its best when it focuses on the core three characters. I love Klaus, but he’s an accessory, not the heart of the show.

  54. Thomas says:

    Hi Rachel,

    I like my bad guys up close and personal. Buffy was best when the Big Bad hit close to home … like when Angel went off the deep end. I’m happy that they decided to go with a mean-as-hell human hunter for the baddie this season, rather than try to import a Dark Elf / Merman hybrid mage or something in an effort to top Klaus.

    It would be really interesting if Jeremy stated showing just a little bit of sympathy toward Connor.

    You’re right … TB needs to learn from TVD in a lot of ways, and “focus on the main characters” is one of the most important.

  55. Thomas says:

    Hi Eve,

    Alaric wasn’t in Damon’s mind, he was a ghost. Same way Vicki and Grams were hanging around. I think his return to Mystic Falls depends mostly on how well The Cult does.

    I also like Elena’s blood issues, but I’m not ready to speculate on the whats and whys. I’ll almost certainly be wrong, because WRITERS.

    I have no problem with ~*~vampire emotions OMG~*~ as long as it’s well written, and this was.

    Connor won that fight because they need a bad guy for the rest of the season. Honestly, if the show played strictly by the rules, there isn’t a human alive who could even beat Elena, let alone one of the Salvatore brothers. And Tyler would just be an unholy nightmare.

    Tyler can be killed by removing his heart, decapitation, or de-Klausification. Same with all of the hybrids. He’s more resistant to damage than a normal vampire, so the heart has to be actually destroyed, not just hit with a stake.

    I loved the tattoo thing. And I’m glad it wasn’t some idiot tribal bullshit.

  56. Thomas says:

    Hi nvo,

    I honestly think that TVD is hotter than TB in part because they have to walk around braodcast restrictions. TVD would have just flashed some tits and had a Centaur run by raping a hobo or something. There’s no subtlety on that show.

  57. Thomas says:

    Hi Megs,

    In Mystic Falls time, I’m pretty sure it’s still like 1997.

  58. Thomas says:

    Hi sepiriz47,

    Connor didn’t just shoot Tyler again … he used a giant fucking stake cannon. If bullets don’t work, go bigger.

    Also, Tyler wasn’t his target … he was trying to spot all of the other vamps in town, which is why he stabbed April. Tyler was just the first vamp he spotted.

    Caroline Forbes 4 Ever.

  59. Thomas says:

    Hi Sara A,

    Damon was on the ball this week. I loved how he was written. I’m okay with “Let’s Kill Connor” being a black-and-white issue. Not everything has to be melodrama.

  60. The Lady says:

    Dear Thomas and Engweri,
    The heart of the show needs to be ripped out and replaced with Elijah and Klaus.


  61. Thomas says:

    Hi Pauline B,

    I’m kind of running out of things for Neville to say. And Oliver spends the entire night sleeping on my neck. He’s like a little Doxie scarf.

    This was really fantastic writing. Gives me something to aspire to.

    Different sects actually do the sign of the cross differently. Most of them (Catholics especially) do it left-right, but the Orthodox church does the opposite. I think Father Fuckhead was Episcopalian, and I’m not sure which variant they use.

    Just to stir up the fans … Nina Dobrev is Bulgerian, so she’s probably most familiar with the BUlgarian Orthodox Church. Ian might have done it that way just to placate her family. 😉

    You’re right, one of this show’s strong points is that they know when to let the extras be extras.

  62. Thomas says:

    Hi Esther,

    I’m looking forward to Jeremy getting more badass things to do. And if they want to make him a hunter … I’m all for it.

    I think they’re going to bring Katherine back because she can drink any kind of blood she wants. She probably suffered the same thing Elena did, and figured out how to beat it.

    I have no idea what year it is on this show. I’m pretty sure they’re still listening to MC Hammer.

    Stefan and Caroline were both fighting when they killed Daddy and Deputy, respectively. It wasn’t a blood-lust thing. Mikael was too full of loathing to get turned on by a vamp snack, I think.

  63. Thomas says:

    Hi Rachel,

    I agree, this was one of the best episodes ever. Everything just worked.

  64. Thomas says:

    Hi Dayna,

    I am pro-witch-steroids. And there is almost certainly Elena/Elijah naughty schoolgirl fanfic out there somewhere.

  65. Thomas says:

    Hi allana403,

    Yeah, that bothered a lot of people.

  66. Thomas says:

    Thanks Elsa 🙂

    Yeah, Stefan is probably the least qualified person in the world, including people who aren’t even vampires, to be teaching Elena about self control.

  67. Thomas says:

    Hi Jawly,

    I get more of a terminator vibe from Connor. I could see him carrying a couple months’ worth of episodes.

  68. Thomas says:

    Hi Spikeabunny,

    I would love to see Elena turn into a heroin addict. Or … you know.

  69. Thomas says:


    I think a vampire is better able to control if they decide to feed, rather than actually giving in to their frenzy. Elena chose to feed on Matt, so she was okay, but she nearly lost it with April.

  70. Thomas says:

    Hi Kiana,

    Because there would be a literal riot if Damon died.

  71. Thomas says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Damon was on fire this episode. I love how he gets angry / pouty/ frustrated when he doesn’t get to kill someone.

  72. Thomas says:

    Hi Elsa,

    Speculation is kind of hopeless on this show, but I’d guess that it has something to do with Jeremy having died / being able to see ghosts. And that it will tie into Father Fuckhead and the dead Council members.

  73. Thomas says:

    Hi epicknot,

    Yeah, she’s okay as long as she’s drinking from the vein.

    I love the term “vamp noni.”

    Even Matt and Jeremy were wondering aloud how the shooting was going to be covered up 🙂

  74. Thomas says:

    Hi Saggie22,

    Connor is one of my favorite villains right now. I love the contrast to Klaus, Katherine, and Damon … he doesn’t want anything, especially not Elena … he just wants to kill.

  75. Thomas says:

    Thanks lia 🙂

  76. Thomas says:

    Hi Sofia,

    I agree, this was just pure awesome from start to end.

  77. Thomas says:

    Hi Tweeky,

    No idea, but I hope it happens soon.

  78. Thomas says:

    Hi Tina,

    I loved the blood vomiting. Literally broke out laughing the first time it happened.

  79. Thomas says:

    Thanks Bonnie!

  80. Thomas says:

    Dear The Lady,

    There is no TVD without Damon. Full stop.

  81. Eve says:

    Hi Thomas, oh, Alaric was a ghost, ok. Of course. Well, it would be great to see him back haunting Mystic Falls, not that I wish anything bad for the Cult.

    Thanks for the clarification on what can kill Tylor. I tend to forget the rules since there are so many exceptions. Kind of like the IRS code, lol.

    I’ve watched/read many many vampire stories and have never before seen one where a vampire has a bad reaction to blood. Have you? I like that twist and hope they don’t drop it. Actually I’d like it to be contagious.

    And I agree, Stefan is a bad choice to teach Elena the ropes about feeding. But he did very well teaching Caroline. Although she started with human blood. Maybe that was the key.

  82. Dayna Dawn Small (AKA Dayna Barter) says:

    The Lady says:
    October 24, 2012 at 12:53 pm
    Dear Thomas and Engweri,
    The heart of the show needs to be ripped out and replaced with Elijah and Klaus.


  83. Rachel says:

    the Lady is spot on!

  84. Mey says:

    Hi Thomas,

    You wrecked my last living neurone. Not to launch a philosophical debate but I really don’t get how making a choice can be opposed to giving into a frenzy as I thought the idea of the frenzy was not being in a state to make a choice :p But I do hear that to some Elena is properly written and as you are a writer yourself it amazes me. Beats the faerie hoo ha out of myself, but I’m impressed by the positivity in it 🙂

  85. OK, OK, I’ll play.

    That WAS a strong episode. I don’t necessarily KNOW that it was as good as everyone is making it out to be, or if it just looks REALLY good coming out of Season 3.

    My sense is that it would’ve been an about-par episode for the last-2/3rds of S1 (after Bambi learned to walk -without it getting all foggy or someone writing in their diary about it), or the 1st 2/3rds of S2 (before the Great Retcon of the Curse of Mild Inconvenience).

    But still, that WAS good, fun TV to watch; both back in the day, and this past Thursday.

    It started off with a bang – Stefan swearing (yawn, again) to do whatever it takes to protect Elena (yawn, again), even if it means letting her ride him like a naughty donkey against a tree in the woods. Standup guy you are. Except vampirism has made Elena allergic to the sight of abs and smell of woobies? Elena no longer has ANY Captain in her. Tee-hee. LOVE it.

    Then it devolved into TVD’s version of Freebird/Sweet Home Alabama/Gimme Three Steps on the classic rock station on a Block Party Weekend. Triangle trouble? Spare me. Caroline crying in lingerie? Seen it, but thanks just the same! Another flimsy public memorial service none of the characters really care about? “I hope Neil Young will remember/ a southern man…” BOOM!

    April bores me already. Obvious fanservice analog for Anna, and just what the show was lacking in it’s human characters… an orphaned teenager! Faint yay.

    The $6M, Bionic Handed Vampire Hunter intrigues me, or will until they spin that other side bullshit into his backstory. Any other reason why only Jeremy can see his tattoo which, looks a li’l like the dark squiggly lines we thought were veins on Bonnie’s face when she does dark magic? Just me?

    He’s hardcore and badass though, gutstabbing his dead boss’ (?) daughter to use for vampire chum. Smart enough to shoot first and ask questions later, too. He may live longer than the 43 minute black character quota. He obviously doesn’t know about ghost-seers or hybrids though. I foresee a Crowning Moment of Awesome in either Jeremy, Tyler, or Klaus’ future.

    Remembered phlebotinum for a freaking change! Vampires have super hearing! The way they used it was cool, like a little vampire secret service detachment minus the dark glasses and earpieces.

    Elena HAS been crying since her parents died. It’s the premise of the freaking show. Uncle Snark Daddy – nobody misses you at all.

    Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children. Said the hallucinating, drunk, sexually-frustrated vampire. Welcome back real Damon.

    And yeah, I hope Damon saved Katherine’s cell phone number when she left Chicago. They’re going to need it.

    But, come to think of it, have we ever seen Katherine feed on anything but a human or witch ‘straight from the vein?’ Had a sip of Klaus’ blood to cure her of wolfbite, too. Maybe she can’t do bunnies or vampire either. We have seen her do Capri Sun, though. She is 500+ years-old, too.

    Let me shut up. Keeping the mythology behind a mythological supernatural show straight only gives me a headache. My ONLY hope for S4, if I’m going to stay in, is that the wirters at least learned to SPELL C-O-N-T-I-N-U-I-T-Y over the summer.

  86. Tweeky says:

    Thomas, you know what really urks me about that paper-ballon scene where they mention all the people who’ve died and how many have having a go at Damon because he’s caused most of them. Well what about Bonnie? That arrogant, sanctimonious, self-righteous and judgemental bitch is responsible directly for at least three deaths, Anna, Caroline and Tyler’s dad, all caused by her fake-sabotage of the Gilbert-device. When it went off it led to the capture and murder of Anna by the late, unlamented Uncle Snark, Caroline after she was injured in the car-crash caused by Tyler losing control when stunned by the device’s noise which led to Bonnie guilt-tripping/manipulating Damon into feeding Caroline some of his blood to help her healing. Which led to her being smothered and turned by Katherine because Bonnie couldn’t keep her mouth shut in front of her and finally Tyler’s dad (even though he was an abusive arsehole). Who being a where-wolf was stunned by the device and after being locked in the basement with all the other tomb-vampires killed by Damon. So my real venom is reserved for St. Bonnie the sanctimonious patron saint of the morally smug, self-righteous and the judgemental. I really, really want to see her role in those deaths to be exposed and for her to finally answer for her sins.

  87. Mey says:

    Dear Brian in Shortsville ,

    So much that could be said… but truly, thanks for making me feel less alone 🙂


  88. Pauline B says:

    @Thomas Galvin : thanks for the precision ! It did occurred me that some religions might do it differently. That being said, I thought that Episcopalians were close to Protestants (at least from what I understood from my classes), and I think they do it like Catholic… Muhaha, I should totally ask that to one of my teachers !

    “Just to stir up the fans … Nina Dobrev is Bulgerian, so she’s probably most familiar with the BUlgarian Orthodox Church. Ian might have done it that way just to placate her family. ;-)”
    -> you’ve just started a rumor saying Ian is planning to propose to Nina 😉

    The time-line in this show IS confusing, but I think I’ve figured it out :
    – the show started in real life in September 2009, and it started in September 2009 for the characters as well (it says 2009 on Elena’s parents’ gravestone) & they were starting their Junior year;
    – in episode 1×14 : someone says it’s 2010 (probably January);
    – in 3×06 ; they were starting their senior year, so it was September 2010.

    So it’s probably 2 seasons = 1 year.

    So I guess at the end of season 3, it’s the end of 2010, beginning of 2011.
    And by the end of season 4, they should graduate from Mystic Falls – 2011 promotion.

  89. Mey,

    I love hard, but not blindly or unconditionally.

  90. Thomas says:

    Hey Mey,

    Normally I have a lot of issues with Elena, but this isn’t one of them.

  91. Thomas says:

    Hi Brian,

    “About par for the end of Season One” is that good. “Holy shit that was fucking awesome” is just a return to form.

    Stefan bugged the shit out of me in this episode. And not in the normal, goodey-two-shoes way, but in the “well yeah, I murdered a kajillion sorority girls over the summer, but I’m still better than you” way. Boy needs to get off his fucking horse.

    Although, I did laugh out loud when he punched Damon for tricking Elena into a blow- er, wristjob.

    Baldy McShootsalot’s tattoo looked like roots or branches in the stills I’ve seen. Will… er, Bonnie’s dark squigglies look like infected veins. And Jesus are infected veins something I Never want to see in real life.

    I love the fact that he doesn’t make the usual TVD asshole mistakes. I think you’re right … he may end up being the longest-lived black guy on the show.

  92. Thomas says:

    Hi Tweeky,

    You’re right. I’d forgotten just how much damage Bonnie had done to the Scoobie gang, but there are a whole lot of deaths to be laid right at her feet. Especially Jenna. Jenna was awesome.

  93. Thomas says:


    Episcopalian is a kind of Protestant. So is Orthodox. Christianity is divided into Catholic and Protestant, and everything that isn’t Catholic is some flavor of Protestant.

    I think your timeline is probably pretty accurate, at least with where they end up. No idea how it works internally, though.

  94. Tweeky says:

    I wouldn’t call Orthodox christianity protestant, the Catholic and Orthodox churches are to sides of the same coin. One is basically western-rite (Catholic) and the other is eastern-rite (Orthodox). They split permanently in 1054 over a few doctrinal issues like the fillioque controversy for example.

  95. Tweeky says:

    Thomas, how exactly is Bonnie responsible for Jenna’s death/ You’ll have to refresh my memory.

  96. Ellyria says:


    In my opinion, Jenna’s death is a mix of Stefan’s, Elena’s, and a little bit of Bonnie’s fault. Stefan and Elena mostly for letting Klaus do the ritual so Elijah could kill Klaus instead of sacrificing Bonnie. (Which, let’s count cuddle bunnies, the lives of 3 people + letting a psycho hybrid on the loose is NOT better than sacrificing one useless unless-the-plot-dictates witch). Then Bonnie a little bit because she didn’t let Alaric leave the house to attempt to go save Jenna and magic locked him in and well… yeah…


    I got to your recap late this week, but I loved it and the episode. <3

    @The Lady

    Sign me up for Team Heart Rip please. 😉

  97. Tweeky says:

    Well I saw episode 3 earlier tonight and I have to say Matt’s getting quite a few “Wristjobs” from Elena and I do believe Rebecca is going soft on Matt and is falling in wuv with him:).

  98. Pauline B says:

    @Thomas Galvin @Tweeky

    Thanks for all the infos ! My “Foundation of British Constitutional Law” is pretty brief about the different religions. It goes like this “Episcopalian Church : same hierarchy as Catholic, but no pope”. So I assumed they did the cross sign like Catholics, and since our teacher told us episcopalian was the main religion in the US, I thought it was the religion of our Scooby gang. But these were just assumptions.

    And while I totally agree with you about Stefan, Elena & Bonnie part in Jenna’s death, let’s not forget about Klaus’s part. When Evilalaric was saying “Jenna’s blood is on my hands” I thought “Well, I’m pretty sure it was on Klaus’s when he ripped her heart out”.

    Anyway, I’ve watched 4×03 at 6am this morning (it airs at 2am in France) and I loved reading your & the Lady tweets. Can’t wait for the recap !

  99. Mey says:

    @Pauline B
    Dans mon souvenir Klaus a tué Jenna d’un coup de pieu 😉

  100. Pauline B says:

    Oh oui, c’est vrai, les “heart rip” me manquent tellement que je les imagine n’importe où 😉

  101. Mey says:

    @Pauline B *sympathy hug* 😉

  102. Tweeky says:

    Pauline B. Kalus actually staked Jenna it was that werewolf bitch (both literally and figuratively) who had had her heart ripped, however if you ask me it should’ve been Damon who ripped out Jules’s heart for what she did to Rose.

  103. Pauline B says:

    @Mey hugging you back 🙂

    @Tweeky “it was that werewolf bitch who had had her heart ripped” So that’s why I imagined a heart rip in this ep! Like I’ve said to Mey, I miss the heart rip so bad I’m starting to imagine them 😉
    And yep, Jules totally deserved to get her heart ripped… actually no, dying of an heart rip was to much of a honor for her, they should have taken her to the vet and “put her asleep” (not sure if this if the correct expression in English)

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