Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

Triquetra
The best way to predict the future is to create it. -Peter Drucker

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries

- Mystic Falls Hospital – Damnable Dentistry -

Connor Jordan: Hi Tyler! I just incapacitated every police officer in Mystic Falls using nothing but some bailing twine and my own sharp wits! And now I’m going to paralyze you, stick a thirty-seven inch needle in your gums, and suck out some of your fang juice!

Tyler Lockwood: …I liked it better when I was just subjected to unrelenting pain and terror on the full moon. At least I could plan for that. Stock up on whiskey or something.

- Connor’s Double Wide of Doom – Meth Lab of Mythology -

Martha Stewarts Hybrid Home Journal: Ingredients: 1 part wolfsbane, 2 parts fang juice, 1 splash Doppelganger blood, vervain to taste. Simmer over a low heat in a bunsen burner stolen from the local high school, sprinkle with shavings of magic moon rock, let stand for 300 years, serve under a full moon.

Connor Jordan: Wow, the Mystic Falls Inquisitor has full-page articles on all of my exploits! I better cut them out and post them on my wall! That’s never bit anyone in the ass!

- Castle Salvatore – James Dean’s Ghost -

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Damon! I have a cool motorcycle and a cool leather jacket and cool hair and a cool pack of cool cigarettes rolled up in the cool sleeve of my cool shirt! Don’t I look cool?!?

Damon Salvatore: Yeah, almost as cool as I looked getting a wrist job from your girlfriend.”

Stefan Salvatore: …I am so going to think of a comeback to that, and you better answer your phone when I do.

Damon Salvatore: Speaking of wrist jobs, have you seen Matt lately?

- Mystic Falls High -

Elena Gilbert: Hi Matt! I feel really guilty about turning you into a human blood bag!

Matt Donovan: Honestly? You’re the only person who touches me anymore, so I’m on a whole “bad attention is better than no attention” thing.

The Lady of the Manor: You know how Elena could really thank him?

Thomas: A blow job?

The Lady of the Manor: Well, yes. Or she could heal his gaping fang wounds with her magic goddamn blood.

Thomas: That’s good too, I guess.

Sheriff Liz Forbes: Hi kids! We’ve imposed a town-wide curfew! Because if hundreds of horror movies have taught me anything, it’s that teenagers always respect a curfew when there’s a crazed killer on the loose!

- Lockwood Estates – Hybrid House Guests -

Carol Lockwood: Welcome home, Tyler! I’d like to introduce you to your new best firends, Redshirt One and Redshirt Two! They’re from Klaus and the Expandables Security, LLC, and they’re here to keep you super safe from that mean old vampire hunter!

Tyler Lockwood: How did you get Klaus to come back to Mystic Falls?

Klaus: I am very protective of my hybrids, especially now that I can’t make any more of them! In fact, I’m so protective of them that I’m going to sacrifice five of them in order to keep you safe!

Tyler Lockwood: … You aren’t real good at math, are you?

Klaus: Also, can someone tell me how to delete voicemail messages? This incessant woman has been calling me every fifteen minutes since last Thursday.

- Mystic Falls High – History Class of Horror -

Substitute Sally: Hello, class! As you all know, Mr. Saltzman died in a tragic wombat frenzy last week, so I’ll be teaching World History for the rest of the year. Who can tell me where you left off?

Elena Gilbert: …What’s “world history?”

Stefan Salvatore: …What’s a “wombat?”

Bonnie Bennet: …What’s a “year?”

Rebekah: Hi Elena! Pencil stab!

Everyone Else: Is completely okay with this.

The Lady of the Manor: Elena really should know better than to wear white clothes in that town.

- Mystic Falls High – Hallway to Hell -

Elena Gilbert: I can’t believe Rebekah stabbed me with my own pencil! I’m angry! And hungry! And oddly turned on!

Stefan Salvatore: Hey look! Someone let a strange, heavily armed man into the school! Now he’s walking around bothering students! This place is wacky!

Elena Gilbert: Oh no! How will I ever cope with these two competing issues?

Stefan Salvatore: Tell you what … I’ll take care of Connor and Jeremy, you take care of your uncontrollable bloodlust. I’m pretty sure it won’t get the best of you!

- Mystic Falls High – Bathroom of Bedlam -

Heather: Hi Elena! Rebekah sent me to bleed all over in front of you! I think she wants you to lose control and murder a bunch of people!

Rebekah: No, that would be way too cool. Instead I’ll just smear your blood on her face and head to gym class. I love making the boys cry in gym class.

- A Brief Interlude – Windows 8 Product Placement Interview -

Julie Plec: Hi everybody! I’m the executive producer of everybody’s favorite teenage monster soap opera, The Vampire Diaries! Windows 8 comes packed with all kinds of cool and useful technology! It let’s me connect with the fans in ways I never expected! And now deeply regret! And it helps me stay up to date on all of my latest death threats! Windows 8 is awesome!

@ILuvDamon696969: I hate you! You’re totally biased for Stelena! You’re ruining my life!

@Horny4HeroHair: You suck! You’re totally trying to force Delena to be a thing! I hope you get eaten by a pack of rabbit weasels!

Julie Plec: See? I was instantly alerted to that quick torrent of hate by the Windows 8 notification center! And it auto-corrected their spelling and grammar! Buy Windows 8 and you too can destroy the lives of teenagers around the world!

- Mystic Falls High – Science Class of Secrecy -

Connor Jordan: Hi Jeremy! I wanted to talk to you about … wait, why is this class empty in the middle of the day?

Jeremy Gilbert: Well, at least seventy-five percent on the teenagers in Mystic Falls have been eaten by someone or something. My sister’s boyfriends are responsible for most of them, but my ex-girlfriend got a couple of them, too. So did the captain of the football team and the head cheerleader. And let’s not even get into what the head of Prom Committee gets up to. And everyone else … well, they need to eat lithium like candy just to stop the screaming, so they aren’t really up for things like “learning” or “leaving their beds.”

Connor Jordan: Fair enough! Anyway, I wanted to talk about my magic tattoo, and how it means you’re (potentially) one of the Chosen Ones.

Jeremy Gilbert: I’M BUFFY! :-D

Connor Jordan: Actually, Buffy is fiction. You’re (possibly) descended from a long line of-

Jeremy Gilbert: WHERE’S MY CHEERLEADER OUTFIT? I’M GONNA STAKE SOMETHING!

Connor Jordan: You know what? Let’s just run with it.

- Connor’s Double Wide of Doom – Claymore Calamity -

Damon Salvatore: Well let’s see … Martha Stewart article on homemade vampire poison, large, bordering on “arousing Federal suspicion” weapons cache, Dungeons and Dragons monster manual, newspaper clippings on all of the random puma attacks in town …

Connor Jordan’s Claymore Collection: Thwack! Twang! Sproing!

Damon Salvatore: …Godfuckingdammit.

- Mystic Falls High – Parking Lot of Revenge Plots -

Elena Gilbert: Hey, you know how high school girls are some of the most vicious creatures on the planet? And how the Hot Blonde and the Hot Brunette are destined to clash in an epic struggle written since the dawn of, well, modern American education? And how being a vampire makes everything more heightened? Well I’m unless someone comes up with a better idea, I’m going to find Rebekah, run her over with like a dozen cars, chain her up, encase her in cement, bury her at the bottom of the ocean, and then take the Magic Stake of Vampire Genocide and cram it straight up her-

Stefan Salvatore: Hey Elena, want to go out to the farm?

Elena Gilbert: Sure Stefan yes Stefan anything you say Stefan I love you and I love your abs and I love the farm and we should go there and make all of the little vampire babies just kidding tee hee vampires can’t get pregnant at least not until Season Seven when they’re really out of ideas and they have to hide the fact that the actor who plays Damon got the actor who plays me pregnant for realsies tee hee let me go change!

Caroline Forbes: …I have literally no idea what just happened here, but yay?

- Lockwood Estates – Triangle Trouble -

Faye Chamberlain: Hi Tyler!

The Lady of the Manor: Hi Faye! We missed your boobs!

Faye Chamberlain: Remember when we met in the woods, and then I chained you up all the time?

Tyler Lockwood: I sure do! And I also remember how you kept me from eating anyone when I turned into a wolf!

Faye Chamberlain: So, nice house. Wanna fuck?

- Connor’s Double Wide of Doom -

Meredith Fell: Hi Damon! Why was your phone call so cryptic?

Damon Salvatore: Mostly because I figured you wouldn’t come if I told you I had been shot with a bunch of arrows tied to a bunch of strings connected to a bunch of bombs.

Meredith Fell: …That is an accurate read on my probable reaction. Say, Stefan and Elena are a real bummer, aren’t they? You know what would be an awesome way to get back at them? Screen-sexing his real-life wife!

Damon Salvatore: Your ideas intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

- Mystic Falls High – Lockers of Love Lost -

Rebekah: Hi Matt! I’m throwing a “damn the man and screw the curfew” party at my new mansion! You should totally come!

Matt Donovan: Yeah, I totally would, except I don’t have a ride, because my car is at the bottom of a lake, because you threw it there. With me inside it.

Rebekah: Okay, so mistakes were made …

- Mystic Falls High – School Scapegoat -

Connor Jordan: Hi Matt! Interesting bite wounds on your neck! And puncture wounds on your wrist! Why don’t you be a good chap and tell me who the vampire is, so I can kill them a ton!

Matt Donovan: Oh, it’s El … Rebekah. Yeah, Rebekah. Shiftyeyes.

Connor Jordan: Thanks Matt! Headsmash!

The Lady of the Manor: Slamming a quarterback into a wall once is certainly going to take him out of the game for the foreseeable future. You, sir, are good at your job.

- Castle Salvatore – Damon’s Den -

Elena Gilbert: Hi Damon! Sorry I broke into your bedroom, but I needed the … bourbon. Yes, the bourbon. To take the edge off of my … vampire … ness. And yours is way better than Stefans!

Team Delena: LOOK SHE ADMITS IT DAMON’S IS BETTER THAN STEFAN’S WHO CARES IF SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT WHISKEY IT WAS TOTALLY A METAPHOR FOR HIS HEART OR AT LEAST HIS PENIS DELANA DELANA DELANA DELANA DELANA!!!!!!!1111ELEVEN!

Damon Salvatore: Your mouth might say “bourbon,” but the murderous look in your eyes says “magic original vampire slaying oak branch of doom!” So let me take my clothes off and I’ll help you look for it. Hint … the stake is probably in my pants, and taking them off will make it much easier to find.

- Connor’s Double Wide of Doom -

Jeremy Gilbert: Hi Connor! Even though my sister and literally all of my friends are vampires, I’ve decided to help you hunt them down and murder them all! Let’s start at the hospital! Meredith Fell used vampire blood to save my sister’s life, and I’d like to make sure that never happens again!

- Mikaelson Mansion – Rebekah’s Rager -

Elena Gilbert: Wait, Rebekah is at Rebekah’s party? I hate Rebekah! Hate hate hate hate hate! I hate her so much that I would say mildly unpleasant things about her at her feuneral!

Stefan Salvatore: …And suddenly I find myself in need of all of the whiskey.

- Lockwood Estates – Triangle Tribulations -

Caroline Forbes: Hi Tyler! Let’s sneak out and have all of the sex!

Tyler Lockwood: Look, I’d love to, but the thing is … Klaus is back in town, and he’s got a pack of hybrids with him, and he’s all about protecting me from Bucky the Vampire Slayer, and I totally don’t have another smoking hot woman upstairs in my bedroom wearing a pair of slippers and a smile, why would you even ask that?

Klaus: So, everyone who’s had sex with Tyler, hands up.

Caroline Forbes: Hand.

Faye Chamberlain: Hand.

Klaus: Hand.

Everyone: …

Klaus: What? That Sire bond wasn’t going to cement itself!

- Mikaelson Mansion – Rebekah’s Rager -

April Young: Hi Elena! I’ve been thinking, and I kinda doubt that my father’s death was an accident! For one, he had a really good sense of smell, and he would have noticed a gas leak! And two, he scrawled “I’M COMING BACK AS A GHOST T MURDER ALL OF THE VAMPIRES HAHAHAHA WHOOSH!” on the wall in his own feces.

- Mikaelson Mansion – Sink of Sorrow -

Rebekah: Hi Elena! Nice Magic Ring of Not Exploding in the Sunlight! Mind if I throw it in the garbage disposal real quick?

Elena Gilbert: :-(=

Bonnie Bennet: Hey, a chance for me to be use-

Elena Gilbert: Oh wait I have super vampire super speed I can just grab it out with my vampire fingers!

Bonnie Bennet: :-(

- Mikaelson Mansion – Kitchen of Killers -

Elena Gilbert: Hi Stefan! I’m still super angry! But it’s okay! Damon gave me his stake! It was in his pants!

Stefan Salvatore: You do realize that using that stake on Rebekah will cause the True Death of like one-sixth of the vampires in the world, right?

Elena Gilbert: Anyone in the main cast?

Stefan Salvatore: No, but …

Elena Gilbert: So the problem is …?

Stefan Salvatore: Hey did I tell you about my motorcycle?

Elena Gilbert: Motorcycle I love motorcycles and I love riding on motorcycles and I love you and I love riding on you and we should go have hot motorcycle sex right now tee hee!

Rebekah: Leaving so soon? But you haven’t even done a keg stand yet!

Elena Gilbert: That’s right, and I never will! Because there is no way I would do something so juvenile and lame! Bye bye now!

- Lockwood Estates – Sitting Room of Sin -

Klaus: LOL YOU TOTALLY FUCKED FAYE AND NOW CAROLINE IS MINE LOL <3 <3 <3

Damon Salvatore (On the Phone): Hi Klaus! I’m about to murder a vampire hunter, and I was wondering if you’d like to start up a new bromance!

Klaus: LOL STEPHAN CHEATED ON ME AND NOW I’M GOING TO DO HIS BROTHER TO GET REVENGE LOL

- Mystic Falls – Highway to Hell -

Elena Gilbert: I’m the king of the wor- WHOMP TREEFACE!

- Mystic Falls Hospital – The Old Triple Cross -

Jeremy Gilbert: Hi Connor! The evil Doctor McFangBang is right there, in that dark, isolated room!

Connor Jordan: Well all right then! I’ll just wander blindly in and-

Connor Jordan’s Claymore Collection: Thwack! Twang! Sproing!

Damon Salvatore: Ha! That’s what we call karma, bitch! Or maybe irony. I don’t know, my brother’s the one studying for SATs, not me.

- Farmhouse of Fornication -

Elena Gilbert: Wink wink wink!

Stefan Salvatore: Nudge nudge nudge!

Damon Salvatore: Hi Elena! I’m all up in your brain, taking over your libido!

Connor Jordan: Hi Elena! I’m all up in your beer, spiking it with werewolf venom!

Elena Gilbert: Okay, aside from the fact that wolves are not, actually, venomous creatures … WHAAAAAARF!

Stefan Salvatore: You know, I might develop a complex if you keep throwing up every time I try to do the sex to you.

- Mikaelson Mansion – Bedroom of Bedlam -

Rebekah: Note to self: take wolf-venom beer off the next imprompute, town-wide rave’s menu. WHAAAAAARF!

Matt Donovan: Hi Rebekah! I just dropped by to tell you that I hate every cell in your body with every fiber in my being!

Rebekah: Oh yeah? Well you’ll have fewer fibers to hate me with when I RIP OUT YOUR GODDAMN HEART.

Team Mashed Potatoes: NOOOOOOO! </vader>

- Mystic Falls Hospital – Supply Room of Suicide -

Damon Salvatore: Hi Connor! Don’t worry, we’ll get around to killing you, but not before you explained this “great looming evil!”

Klaus: Because I thought I was the biggest, loomiest evil around!

Damon Salvatore: Also, we’d like to know all about your Legacy of Hunters!

Klaus: And you vampire poison!

Damon Salvatore: And your magic tattoo!

Klaus: Wait, what now?

Connor Jordan: Super hunter murder suicide powers activate!

Damon Salvatore: Super Damon getting the hell out of here powers activate!

Klaus: Super Hybrid this guy intrigues me and may further my quest for world domination so I better save him (at least for now) powers activate!

Meredith Fell: Super hospital administrator oh God I hope they don’t cancel our insurance policy because of all of the explosions powers activate!

- Farmhouse of Fornication -

Elena Gilbert: Hi Damon! Why am I hallucinating you?

Damon Salvatore: Mostly because your vampire hooha wants a ride on my vampire joy stick, but let’s go with the whole blood-sharing thing for now, okay?

Klaus: Hi Stefan! I’m here to fix your girlfriend. And to get a new phone number. Christ I wish the people in this town would stop leaving me voice mails.

Elena Gilbert: Hi Klaus! I’m super happy that our plan to murder you failed miserably!

Klaus: And I’m glad that your ancestors and The Five Vampire Hunters … but we’ll get to that later LOL

- Mikaelson Mansion – Bedroom of Bedlam -

April Young: Hi Rebekah! I’m cleaning up your house so I don’t have to deal with the fact that everyone I’ve ever loved is dead, either from cancer or mysterious explosion! Did you know that Mystic Falls has too many orphans, so instead of giving them to loving families they just hunt them down like stray dogs? I got shot twice on the way over here. It made me sad.

- Mystic Falls Hospital – Crime Scene of Cover Ups -

Damon Salvatore: Hi everybody! The sniper was in the supply room! But don’t worry, I blew him up! Along with the entire east wing!

Sheriff Liz Forbes: …

Carol Lockwood: …

Meredith Fell: …

Damon Salvatore: No need to thank me, this is just the kind of thing a hero does! Self high five!

- Castle Salvatore – Credibility on Credit -

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Caroline! Do you remember hat you were like before you were a vampire!

Caroline Forbes: Ha ha ha nope we don’t talk about that retcon what retcon I’ve always been awesome tee hee!

Stefan Salvatore: Well becoming a vampire made you awesome and I want Elena to be awesome but I suck and not in a vampire way I’m afraid of making Elena suck but not in that way!

Caroline Forbes: Stefan, don’t worry! You’re smart and handsome and kind and wise and helpful and good and noble and a great teacher!

Stefan Salvatore: Oh no! Caroline has been replaced by an evil Doppelanger!

- The Gilbert House of Unguarded Minors -

Matt Donovan: Hi Elena! Sorry I told Connor about the convenient gathering of vampire victims! Would you like a snack-

Elena Gilbert: OM NOM NOM TASTY QUARTERBACK NOM!

Damon Salvatore: Elena, no! You’re going to kill him! And that’s my job!

Elena Gilbert: Oh no! I’m so embarrassed! And quite ashamed!

Damon Salvatore: Eh, it ain’t no thing. You’re a vampire now, and you just need to learn how to be a vampire … and I’ll teach you.

Team Delena: Fucking explodes.

- Connor’s Double Wide of Doom -

Klaus: Hi Connor! I saved your life because of reasons! And that means you’re worth more to me alive than dead! Don’t worry, that always works out great for people! Tee hee!

The Plot: Thickens.

- Post Mortem -

Okay, guys. We have to talk about something, and a lot of you aren’t going to like it.

This wasn’t a fantastic episode. It was a good episode, better than a lot of the crap that’s on television these days, but it wasn’t the balls-out great television that we saw last week. And the difference between this week and last? Stelena.

There was very little Stelena last week. Sure, the triangle was a focus; Stefan and Damon were both doing their level best to pee on Elena’s vampire leg. But it was all about the tension. This episode had Elena and Stefan just hanging out … and every time they did, the show’s momentum ground to a halt.

Elena’s keg stand … I really don’t know how that got out of the writer’s room. Elena never comes across as cool when she does something like this … she comes across as someone who’s trying to be cool. And The whole thing with the motorcycle … just no.

I’m not sold on the whole “Elena hates Rebekah” thing, either, but only because of how it’s presented. Elena should hate Rebekah, but she doesn’t need to tell us so often … a few snide remarks and projectile pencils would be enough. As it is, it comes off the same way as Elena being cool … she doesn’t seem angry, she seems like she’s pretending to be angry, trying to be angry.

And then there’s Caroline, who vouched for Stefan’s vampire-teaching skills twice. On that I call shenanigans. Just because Caroline is awesome and her feet don’t touch the ground when she walks doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to become Team Stefan because her evil twin claims Stefan’s interesting.

But then there was the rest of the show, which was excellent.

So, Damon and Meredith? Yes please. Damon was eyebrow-fucking the shit out of her, and she was totally into it … right up until Damon blew up her hospital. I hope these two get more time together. Damon needs a wingman.

Damon and Klaus? I love them. Bad boys being bad together. They have amazing chemistry. They looked like they were having the best time ever when they were interrogating Connor.

Speaking of, that whole “arrows and claymores” thing was a dick move. He could have just set off the bombs, but no, he wanted to hurt his victim first, and then blow them up. He really is such an asshole. I love it.

When I watched this on Thursday, I thought that Connor survived due to his Magic Fading Tattoo. And since “only a hunter could see it,” I thought that maybe it was tied to the Magic Rings of Not Dying … like if Alaric had worn his long enough its magic would have become a part of him and manifested itself as a tattoo. But now I realize that Klaus just yanked him out of the blast. That makes more sense, but I would have liked to see a connection between the Gilbert’s hunter magic and Connor’s.

And then there’s Damon’s offer to teach Elena how to vampire. Not only is this really the only way she’s ever going to learn to control her blood lust, it also promises to be goddamn amazing to watch. I don’t ship Delena, but if her can turn her into another Katherine … you, sir, have my attention.

I have to imagine that every single house in Mystic Falls is up for sale, but whenever a prospective buyer checks the out the town, the shockingly, impossibly high murder rate makes them decide on a safer, quieter town … like Detroit. Or Philadelphia. Or Beirut.

On to the next episode!

0 Responses to “Vampire Diaries – S04E03 – The Rager”

  1. Jennifer (AllThingsDelena) says:

    …You DO realize that those two Twitter handles will now be taken by the end of the day, right?? LMAO!

  2. Thomas says:

    I really hope so! ;-)

  3. Jennifer (AllThingsDelena) says:

    Haha! I got the first comment AND the first reply. Sweeeeeet. But yeah. I think you KNOW where I stand on Stelena. Obvs. Delena IS coming, and I’m fucking excited as hell. :D

  4. Nina says:

    Tomas, thanks for a lot of fun. You are the best!

  5. Jen says:

    For me the problem with the Stelena scenes are 1. Corny as hell this episode(fake looking motorcycle stunt?) and 2. There’s no chemistry coming across to me this season. In my opinion the relationship between Stefan and Elena was never properly re-established so it seems so impersonal. On the other hand this is great for Delena scenes because that chemistry was built slowly and culminated finally after about 2 1/2 seasons. That much tension and suspense makes their scenes together the talk of the town(literally).

    On another note if a Meredith/Damon thing happens the show will loose out on the great explosion of Delena lust that the everyone’s been waiting for. Plus like you hinted at-how awkward for Ian to be sexing up Paul’s wife while Paul is sexing up Ian’s girlfriend. That’s got to make lunch in the break room awkward.

  6. Mey says:

    Being a true hard core non-shipper I’m ok reading the tensions between Stefan and Elena are critical to the show’s quality. After all, that one romance is the one of 2 relationships that were a given (other being Bonnie/Elena friendship)& it’s critical for any show to not damage its own roots.
    This said, there were things I loved around this episode, randomely:

    Rebekah being her unique flavour of legit mean a ton? YES! Check ;) (Seriously, that ring trick? So tempting, don’t know why but I was desperate to see someone pull it at some point on the show :-)
    Damon and Klaus teaming up? O YES! Check ;)

    ‘Safari Sam’ being ignorant about his own history thus promising an episode full of analespes? Yes! Check ;) (why, yup, I’ve always been an analespes and mythology nerd :-)
    Also? I love the idea the bloke would dedicate his whole existence to carving wooden bullets, soaking drummer gloves in vervain… without having no bloody clue why :p Quite hilarious xD

    That episode was so full of hope, like: Rebekah, Rebekah, Rebekah… <3<3<3 Damon, Damon, Damon… <3<3<3, Klaus! Even Meredith was a bit cool (except when she basically suggested Damon to expose himself to Elena again and grow a new mullet, eehw! Took us too many tragic hairstyles to get him back missy, do not mess with it!)
    Also? What the fairy vagina is wrong with her?! You do not turn Damon down for drinks, or anything! It’s Damon, in kitten shape :-)

    Team Heart Rip, wasn’t it nice Rebekah thought of us? Rebekah is the best, badass and full of attention :-)

    Since TVD is openly taking from True Blood (first the vamp blood intimate effect, now the make-out scene morph illusion) why can’t they take that trick where when a vampire feeds on a human, they provide bloody healing? That seems like the least someone feeling guilty would do. Thank you lady for having that out loud as well, that’s pretty insane, especially considering how nasty their bites usually are.

    Also, Dear lady, throwing up is *my* reaction to a wench about to have sex with Stefan, who sees Damon and *then* pushes him away ;) That is plain out of this world for me.

    Not to pull a “told you so” move but so much for your choice/frenzy distinction Thomas. Elena is a Saint because it suits the writers; she became a Saint with a weakness because they needed a clear spot to revive the triangle by involving Damon.

    I so want to see Jeremy in a cheerleading outfit singing Macho Man à la Sarah Michelle Gelllar :-)

    Come the sod on Elena, you didn’t stand the shadow of a dying chance’s fart to get at Rebekah, you were just about to get impaled on a shiny stake; which may have been the purpose? I mean that wench hasn’t shagged since she turned right? She’s all heightened but there’s always a belch or the hallucination of an actually interesting personality to prevent her from having at it. Poor sod.

    “Klaus: What? That Sire bond wasn’t going to cement itself!” Lol you reminded me of Matt Davis who last year posted a bit of fan fic including Tyler and Klaus where the latter stated after a1000 years his sexual orientation was more of a mood swing :p I can absolutely see Joseph Morgan deliver those lines :-)
    “Elena Gilbert: I’m the king of the wor- WHOMP TREEFACE!” If only Thomas, If only… :-)
    Overall that was an actual start to a fourth season I could want to watch properly again ^^

    I share your keg stand and motorcycle views (thought the keg stand was for Nina Dobrev to show off but I’m not even sure it was her). But not the Rebekah hate. Though she claimed to feel guilty after daggering her last year, Elena took the first chance at being bitchy, sassing Rebekah, so the fact she’d be more of a pest, opening fire with a peace offering original sounds in “character” to me. It was a bit pathetic, on both sides, as much as I adore Rebekah, it was a bit beneath her, but globally, and only IF it doesn’t become an “episodely” ritual, it felt justified. Elena is fake and not cool, tis only legit she’d come off as that.
    Seems like Caroline is the writers way to re-establish a character in grace, I mean if not for her Tyler would still be that douche no one loved, right? Now he broke the sire bound for her and took one for the team last week, it seems he’s viable and she can be set free and have at a little Klaus greatness but not before she helps us think Stefan is great and not the biggest hypocrite whenever he teaches any self control or happy lesson. These writers! Lol That aside, I don’t think Caroline was retconned, she was smart and caring before turning, turning just liberated her from her “I’m always choice #2 behind Elena” problematic, which was making her annoying, it’s not really a retcon, at least not enough so that I will accept one on Elena, which apparently is planned for next week?
    Yes to Damon and Meredith, Damon and Klaus, times infinity – Damon is bloody back! Can’t begin to explain how happy my faerie hoo ha is about that :-) (yes, I wrote that).
    ‘Safari Sam’ really is an arse, I mean when he head smashed Matt it never occurred to him he may be a compelled blood bag. Connor is like the evil surfers from Point Break according to Bodhi “he only lives to get radical” lol
    I like your idea of the ring becoming a tattoo but the Gilberts never really were hunters, they were just dude and dudettes in the know who wanted to protect themselves with rings, vervain and stakes in case of really close contact.
    You know how I feel about any Elena improvement at that stage, there should always be only one Katerina Petrova and she should be the one having fun with Damon. I do not want to see next week pulling the easy trick of teasing the inner voyeur in most people by exposing a hot real life couple in allegorical situations for deviant sex; that really just bores me. But do develop Rebekah showing that her bitchiness to Elena is a specific reaction to her and she is in truth a good hearted person by having her buy Matt a new truck or whatever to start making amends; I am dead convinced she has it in her and she is by far my favourite lady at the moment on this show. She has a bit of the Buffy weighing destiny/desire to be normal dilemma at an interesting stage in her and she is so much for more layered than that sorry excuse of a lead.

  7. sophy says:

    I think your expectations are too high! Elena will never be particularly Katherine-y, mostly because Nina has to have a way to keep the two separate in her head for her own sanity’s sake. I’m still wondering how in the world the Elijah we know and love would have just vanished from Mystic Falls (seriously, one minute he’s hugging Bex in the woods with manly tears in his eyes, and the next he’s just gone and nobody mentions why) without securing that damn silver stake. And Klaus! He would NEVER have left town without getting ahold of the one fuhreaking thing that could cause his death. Bex even let Damon attack her with it, and then neglected to try and get it back. But there Elena is, with it in her purse all tra la la . . . and Damon *gave* it to her? The gal with the world’s worst decision making track record? Don’t think so.

  8. Kelly says:

    Yeah, it was a good episode. As you said, some parts were better than others. Basically, just about anything’s going to pale in comparison to last week anyway.

    Jeremy Gilbert: Well, at least seventy-five percent on the teenagers in Mystic Falls have been eaten by someone or something. My sister’s boyfriends are responsible for most of them, but my ex-girlfriend got a couple of them, too. So did the captain of the football team and the head cheerleader. And let’s not even get into what the head of Prom Committee gets up to. And everyone else … well, they need to eat lithium like candy just to stop the screaming, so they aren’t really up for things like “learning” or “leaving their beds.”

    This line should have been in the show. Sums up things perfectly. :)

    Definitely enjoyed the Klaus and Damon interactions. I’ve been a fan of them since Damon called Klaus “honey” last season.

    Damon’s “exploding kitten” line was pretty hilarious.

    I get what you’re saying about Elena constantly talking about her hatred of Rebecca. There should be more showing, less telling.

    I’m not a fan of Stelena, but I can deal with it most of the time. This week just felt too forced. I was totally waiting for Elena to smack into something when she stood up on the motorcycle. :)

    “The Five” sounds like something from the Buffy days. It’ll be interesting to see what that’s all about.

    Anywho, great recap!

  9. sophy says:

    Totally forgot to say that my guess is that Elena does not heal Matt with vamp blood because he does not want her to. I don’t think Matt wants for there to be *any* possibility of him ever becoming a vampire. He was not pleased when Stefan healed him in the barn, either, so I think she’s just respecting his wishes there.

  10. Rachel G. says:

    Since there is another Rachel floating around I have added my initial so we can be individual beings. Anyway first Thomas, thank God for your recaps. I was in a really foul mood today after the ACTs(redneck SATs in Arkansas) and then the recaps was like “Do not despair! Enjoy comedy and vampires!”. So thanks for being awesome, sir Galvin.

    Okay, this episode was off. It wasn’t bad, but it had it’s little moments that sort of kept it from being awesome. I guess not every single episode can be a gem. Buffy certainly didn’t strike out every time if we’re looking at other great example of great supernatural television and great fucking television in general. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who felt like the whole murderous Elena think was super forced. I couldn’t put my finger on what they were doing that made it feel forced, but I guess it’s the whole her talking about how much she hates Rebekah. I think you’re right. It would have been better if they laid off the “tell” and just stuck more with the “show” they had. That said I appreciate what they were trying to do in develop her character. In a series of a pretty well developed cast, our female lead needs to be fleshed out more, and wander from the straight and narrow. And she does share certain qualities with Damon but I’m not exactly sold she’ll end up like him. She has enitrely too much empathy and morality, that human Damon had, but it was sort of superfluous. His focus was on the people that he cared about and his rebellion.

    So I am really hoping we can drag Jeremy into this vampire hunting shit. Come on, writers, please do not make this just a thing he part takes in for information. You do understand all the potential drama and character shit that you can work on there? The next episode I think will maybe be part flashback part Elena/Damon hijinks. Klaus will be telling Not Robin Wood shit, and Elena will be eating frat boys with all the subtlety of a hammer. I am really excited to see what the 5 are. I’m afraid they stole my idea and it has something to do with 5 original families who have descendants that have vampire hunting abilities. Also Connor is a slayer and Jeremy is a potential. I just had to say it :)

    I like how Damon takes Elena to go eat the gender equivalent to sorority girls. Yummy frat boys? Like I said on twitter, I am pretty sure they would taste like cheap beer and pizza grease. I don’t know or they could taste like smoking hot, athletic douche bag who thinks he’s much better in bed than he really is. Anyway it looks sort of Halloween-y what with the Monster Bash, which is nice. We haven’t one of those since season 1, though this episode will technically be after Halloween.

    You guys, Stefan didn’t do the best with Caroline. Yes, he helped her through the roughest bits, but a lot of that shit she sort of figured out on her own and adapted. It’s not like he was a constant in her young vampire life. I think Caroline is sort of a rarity, she adjusted really quickly and smoothly with only a small hiccup at the beginning. Damon might be right about the fucking up miserably right at the beginning to ensure they’ll learn smoothly.

    I feel like the last episode actually had more Delena. Sure there was Delena, that awkward undressing scene and him rudely barging in on hot vampire sex via hallucination(seriously let that girl get laid!). I think the thing is that the Delena in this episode didn’t fit as well with the last episode, and was overall distracting to the Stelena bits. There needs to be a balance. This is kinda new territory for me, I have never watched or read something that this consistently had a love triangle this long. Usually the pairings have changed to entirely new love rectangle or octagon by now, or one of the suitors had died at the end.

    On a final note, I was sort of oblivious that Tyler and new sexy werewolf chick with the bad American accent, probably had sex. I naiively was like “Oh they were probably really good friends!”. Then my brain was like “oh wait this is Tyler. And he’s being sketchy about the ordeal. OMFG HE FUCKED HER. It’s perfectly in character!”. Tyler was/is a major douchebag, and it’s pretty easy to forget that because there is a lack of focus on it. He did pretty much leave Caroline to die in season 2. Though if he really did sleep with that girl it would make that little temper tantrum he had over Klaus when he came back in season 3 really really hypocritical.

  11. Rachel G. says:

    Also I would enjoy a Meredith New Drinking Buddy 2012 sign to put on my lawn, thank you. To compete with all the obnoxious Romney/Ryan signs.

  12. TeamElijah says:

    love your recap

    I don’t ship no one on this show(just wanted to give an unbiased opinion)

    BOTH stelana and delena suck, they both sucks the life out of this show i don’t see ANY chemistry between none of them at all. (Still counting down until elena’s death)

    matt is a dummy he doesn’t owe elena anything imo.

    i love the friendship between caroline and stefan this episode.

    rebaekah is my queen!!, anybody that doesn’t kiss elena’s ass is a ok with me.

    klaus bores me and he’s overstaying his welcome

    jeremy..? blah

    Where was bonnie? the preview i saw for next week looks good(minus the delena scenes) i love the snark between bonnie and damon she’s the only one that stands her ground with him.

  13. Anna says:

    I love you Thomas,Your recaps are the BEST :)

  14. Mey says:

    @Sophy I like you loads, Elijah, the White Oak Esthered stake? So much sense and sensibility in those points :-) It is in character with Matt to not want vampire blood but he could always pull a Bill Forbes if he really doesn’t want to vamp, not being healed is a bit daft considering there’s a hunter around who’s already asked you about your neck bite?

    @Rachel G “needs more showing less telling” could be TVD’s headline. It’s ultimately what makes it more of the best soap ever rather than an excellent show. For that it will never come close to Whedon telly. Which actually is good, we don’t need twice the same thing even if it were genius. TVD is a great instant entertainer not a mythological, soul shaping story teller :) Damon *is* absolutely right about vampires because he owns ever inch of himself and he is a vampire. I too was innocent about Tyler and Shewolf because to me Phoebe Tonkin is always a bit of a little mermaid :p

    @TeamElijah Amen about both Stelena and Delena sucking:-D (I have more tolerance for the former because it was there from the beginning but ultimately you’re so right!) Yay to Rebekah being your queen, I call her my totem ;) Elena’s tushy needs holidays; it doesn’t deserve any of the kissing it gets.

  15. First off, Bonnie (all witches in general) and ghosts were part of this episode in exactly the right proportions.

    You do not want Connor giving you your seasonal flu shot.

    Someone has been spending a little (but not enough) quality time on Google. Herpetologists actually milk snakes like that for medicinal purposes, to make anti-venom. Too bad wolves aren’t snakes or even reptiles. Also, we had to wait until the next scene for Damon to tell us exactly WTF we actually saw.

    I thought THAT was the weak spot in the episode. LOT OF telling instead of showing. And a LOT of what was told was info even the rankest noob ought to be hip to anyway. It was exposition overkill.

    JP said last week’s Ep was the ‘proper’ finale to season 3 (Bye!), so this was what is ‘properly’ the premiere of the new season. So a TON of exposition to lay out what’s happened (for the newbies and slow children) and put the elements in place to set up what’s going to happen.

    So taken on it’s own, this episode had a broken, uneven feel to it.

    Everyone and literally their Mother has Klaus’ number, but NO ONE has Katherine’s?

    Yeah, if Elena is going to insist on wearing white, M’Lady, she needs to start carrying around a product placement Tide Stik or at least a bottle of peroxide. Especially is she’s going to hand the stake to Stefan then pick a catfight with an Original.

    Stefan should write a textbook for Vampire 101 like Mitt Romney ought to write a book on benevolent corporatism.

    Phoebe Tonkin [/Standing "O"].
    And she’s badass. She made Klaus for an Old One in one note.

    I liked how they cut that scene back-and-forth between Klaus-Hayley and Tyler-Caroline. Tyler says “I’m no fun to be with right now” then (cut to) Klaus smiling and saying “I think I know why Tyler’s never mentioned you.” Hybrid Hearing as Remembered Phlebotinum. Oooh, if they keep shit like that up… Is it? Could it be? Continuity?!

    But, yeah, Tyler totally hit it with Hayley. Only they did it doggie-style with her in back while she had him chained up. Because Phoebe Tonkin! Takes one to know one, and Klaus is one. I guess Klaroline is back in play (cue spontaneous mass panty combustion).

    Anyone who didn’t know Brady the Werebilly’s repainted RV was booby trapped, raise your hand… (dopes!). Fresh take on it though with big bad trap connected to bigger, badder trap. Something a vampire couldn’t survive though?

    Damon may have put Meredith at unnecessary risk. Trip it, get blowed up real good, and go feed. Unlife-ish-ness would go on.

    Own petard hoist, Connor? “You left out the part about blowing up the hospital.” “Hi, I’m Damon, thought we’d met?” I could tweet that cookie-dough ice cream cures breast cancer and it wouldn’t get re-tweeted that much.

    Book canon said Meredith was the one person who could unbalance Damon, and he could never get to her. TV Damon’s thinly-veiled bullshit isn’t working on her, and she got his brain gears turning. May be fun to see where/if it goes.

    And yeah, TVD Wife Swap would be appointment TV, especially if they show the outtakes and bloopers over the end credits.

    I like how this Connor guy puts stuff together. He blasted Tyler twice last week and only knocked the wind out of him, but he had his werewolf side figured out by the cold open this week. He’ll get Klaus to give him a Bad Guy Explains The Plot speech sometime during this week while everyone thinks he’s dead in time for next week’s cold open.

    A competent Bad Guy whose life expectancy isn’t directly correlated to how long Team Elena stays dumber than he is? This guy is for real? I like it.

    “Yours is better than Stefan’s.” (O_o) Have at it peanut gallery. It really IS only. Ever. About. The Triangle. Isn’t it?

    Elena, Damon has way too much elan to keep alcohol in his underwear drawer. I like to think he keeps underwear in his alcohol drawer. Y’know, in case of emergency.

    Could’ve done without all the anviliciousness of the spiked keg, or Stefan’s “wow, we didn’t have to be invited in.” Showing their feet crossing the threshold should’ve been plenty. I DO pay attention. Use dialogue for more important points, please. Hallucinations too. Comes with wolfbite. (All together now:) WE KNOW!

    Team Klaus/Damon is a nice thought, but never going to happen. Klaus is always playing Xanatos Speed Chess, and Damon just wants to be a real boy.

    Wolfbite tangent almost worth it to see Stefan have to stand there with his arms folded having to watch Elena bloodshare with Klaus. “I fed your dog while you were on vacation/covered all your shifts for your operation/but when you got back you still wouldn’t show me your brand-new silicone boobs” (‘Broken Record’ – Refreshments. Great song).

    The keg stand and motorbike ride were the stupidest things I’ve ever permitted on my TV screen. Frivolous, and nothing about it those scenes leading toward any payoff.

  16. Sara A says:

    I liked this episode, mainly because Brian Young finally wrote something that didn’t totally suck (even though it definitely had moments).

    The motorcycle scene speaks for itself as the probably the lamest most awful goddamn scene TVD has ever filmed.

    Stelena is a snoozefest, and the Stefan/Caro scenes were a total WTF? moment – Stefan is the role model for new vampires? In whose universe is an unstable Ripper the fount of how-to-be-a-vampire wisdom?

    I loved Damon/Meredith and Damon/Klaus. Looking forward to seeing more of both in upcoming episodes.

    I was hacked off at the writing on the Elena/Damon/stake thing. I liked the scene where Damon tricks Elena into thinking it’s in his underwear drawer (duh, Elena, where does EVERYONE keep their underwear? In the top drawer…) and how he stripped to get her to go away.

    So how in the name of all things unholy did he end up just giving her the White Oak Stake and giving her carte blanche to go up against an Original who would kick her ass and kill her for good measure?

    It made no sense. Really shit cover for bad plotting.

    On another note, I love how everyone in town has Damon’s number on speed-dial. Whenever shit hits the fan in Mystic Falls, the first thing anyone does is call Damon.

    The Damon/Jer thing was cute too. Jeremy trying to be badass is just adorable.

    But the thing that got me worried about this episode was the fact that Klaus now seems to have hope that Elena will be ‘useful’ again. The only way she could possibly be useful is if her blood can make hybrids for him, which involves her being human.

    If this hunter is somehow the key to turning Elena human again, then I am pissed. The books turned her human again, so there is a precedent if that’s where they are going with this.

    Sure, so far Elena is a crap vampire, but once you go down that road, at least try to have fun with it.

    It just smacks of a magic bandaid to put over Stefan’s idiot decision to save Matt. If they can turn Elena human again, then everything’s okay and Steffie is off the hook for letting his girlfriend drown.

  17. Taki says:

    TeamElijah, you’re about as unbiased as a political commercial. Elena hate is smeared all over your post. I’m used to the trend though.

    I’m not unbiased (Team Delena), but I think my opinion could slightly matter, so here we go.

    Am I the only one who loves both Elena and Rebekah? I feel like they have some similarities that cause them to clash – and their relationship is what Caroline and Elena’s should’ve been (side note: I’m probably one of the few that dislikes Caroline). Elena has the love and general compassion that Rebekah craves, but I also think Rebekah has the power and carefree-ness that Elena wants/lost. I want them to be constant frenemies (that pillow fight).

    Also, I don’t think that keg stand was supposed to be anything but forced. Elena only did it to show up Rebekah which was the real focus of that scene. That being said, I don’t think Elena is uncool, just lost and a shell of the girl she can be. I think that now that she’s a vampire, she will be more like Katherine with the Petrova genetics and all, but more importantly she’ll be a more complete Elena. I hold the belief she basically died the day her parents did, but her actual death and new outlook as a vampire will (super slowly) bring her back to life.

    Damon and Meredith is pretty generic for me. She’s the new girl with the objective opinion that gets to appease the fans of the bad boy – I am a huge Damon fan, but not a fan of this move. Hopefully this friendship stays a friendship if I have to deal with it. (Or better yet, give me Damon/Matt or Damon/Jeremy instead. *evil stare*)

    I didn’t realize Bonnie wasn’t in the episode until someone mentioned it. Whoops. Not looking forward to her reappearance, honestly. But I am interested in seeing her judgmental attitude return because that was one thing that made me feel *something* for her.

    Oh… Nice recap, Thomas. :P I didn’t like your post mortem but that’s just ’cause I’m picky about the serious stuff.

  18. sophy says:

    Aw, thanks @Mey!

    I’m not super on board with the idea of turning Elena human, but Julie and team has an uncanny knack for selling me things I had no idea I wanted/actively did not want. So we’ll see. Anyway, my uniformed spec for how they are going to set up the whole hat trick of turning our gal human again: There has to be a ritual (duh), with witches involved (double duh), and Elena has to drain each one of The Current Five (this is assuming that new ones are called when one dies) during the aforementioned ritual. So we will have a sitch where Klaus wants this to happen (and we all know what that means), and Damon wants this to happen, and perhaps even Stefan is fully on board with it happening . . . but Elena is obvs going to balk at eating five people. And one of them will be Jeremy! Because he’ll get called up when another hunter dies. And Klaus will do the Klaus-thing of threatening to kill EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER MET if Elena doesn’t go through with it, and Jeremy will be all self-sacrificing, and then . . . I don’t know. Something will derail it, but whether it’ll be Bonnie and Prof Shane magic-style, or Caroline whooping Klaus’s ass until he agrees to let go of the idea, no clue. Personally, I would write it as part of Klaus’s redemption arc – that he has to give up the idea of building a hybrid family and stop being so freaking selfish, and he will be able to do so because ‘love does that, Klaus, it changes us.’ Something along those lines. OR Katherine will show up, and it will be KATHERINE that becomes human through the ritual. We’ll think it is Elena all the way up til the big reveal, even while Katherine is slurping down Jeremy. Chills, right? If this doesn’t actually happen on the show, I may have to make it my next fic. (COPYRIGHTING THIS ‘kay?)

  19. Tweeky says:

    Well that whole motorcycle scene with Elena standing up on the seat had wondering how long it’d be before she was knocked off by a low-hanging tree branch. I was also amused by her werepire-venom induced hallucination of Damon caused her freakout when things were starting to get hot and heavy between her and Stefan.

    I liked the Damon/Meredith interactions and i’m wondering when they’re going to start hanging out at the MG, and how long before Meredith, who’s a women and Damon’s straight, is going to hop into bed with him and discover the joys of hot vampire turbo-sex:).

    It looks like Rebecca is getting sweet on Matt our favourite pudding-pop (TM Cindy McClennan from TWoP) and is falling in wuv with him; I loved the wicked werepire-venom induced bad-trip she had and I think it made her face some hard truths concerning Matt. I think Matt and Rebbeca could make an interesting couple (what would we call that combination, Rebatt, Makah, MaBecca?). I think Klaus would be simultaneously appalled, amused and bemused by a Matt/Rebecca romance. I’m all for a Matt/Rebecca romance if it brings out the better side of Rebecca and makes her growup. Anyway I wonder what Klaus will think when he learns that werewolf-venom doesn’t kill Originals it just gives them wild hallucinations that can turn into bad-trips.

    Connor is an arsehole with a capital “A”, firstly he’s an armed stranger going around MF-high and no one is challenging him, he threatens a pupil with a knife to the throat and then knocks him out with a head-butt. Then there’s the sadistic Claymore booby-trap. He’s clearly a ruthless vampire-hunter who doesn’t give a fuck about who he hurts and/or murders in the pursuit of his prey (witness the callous gut-stabbing of April in episode-2) and his motivations are clearly Machiallevian in nature (“The ends justify the means”). I hope this toad bites the bullet soon.

    As for Jeremy seeing his magic invisible tattoo you clearly haven’t considered the possibility that Jeremy can see it because he was dead and magically resurrected by St. Bonnie the sanctimonious have you.

    That girl from Elena’s history class (we saw her sitting in the front row) who was compelled to follow her into the girls toilets had a strong resemblance to the late, lamented Anna (who I really, really does make a permanent reappearance in TVD). It would be fun if Damon’s attempts at training her turns her into Katherine-lite aka mini-me :).

  20. Roger says:

    Hi Thomas,

    Love the recaps as usual. I think this is my second time posting here? Loved the line about Stefan studying for the SAT’s. Was that verbatim from the show?

    I noticed there wasn’t much mention of Phoebe Tonkin’s return to the CW in your afterthoughts. I know you liked TSC and her particularly. What are your bets on how long her character survives TVD? Is it weird that I’m team Fayemon now that we might actually see them onscreen together? Any other TSC cast mates you hope might join her? I’m crossing my fingers for Blackwell.

  21. lia says:

    You’re awesome again and your words are my words..totaly agree! Great fun.
    Thanks for sharing,Thomas! :)

  22. Tweeky says:

    I forgot to add that I thought Damon’s growling at Jeremy at MFhospital wasn’t because it was bad form but because it reminded him when he used the same term when congratulating himself and Alaric (right before Alaric slugs him) in late S1 with the Team Dalaric stakefest at Pearl’s Pilfered Pad.

    I also like the pencil duel between Elena and Rebecca too :).

  23. Ilana says:

    So I’m kinda Team Klamon now? I don’t know. I agree that this week wasn’t as amazing as last week’s (but let’s face it, what could they possibly have done to beat that just one week later?) but it really was still great. I almost think the motorcycle scene’s AIM was to be cheesy. Because Stefan as a character is pretty darn cheesy. And obviously it’s pushing Elena and the audience toward Damon, whose dialogue has been utterly fantastic these past 3 episodes.

    I loved see Faye again, but dislike the possibility of “Oops Tyler cheated on Caroline!” story. I get that this is a monster soap, but that’s TOO soapy. I did enjoy JoMo’s facial expressions while interrogating Tyler. Again, fantastic.

    Love your recap as always and your amazing political twitter blogging.

  24. Jefe, I’m thinking the bombs attached to the arrows may have been an attempt at catching a vampire alive for interrogation. He gets skewered, follows the wires… and stands perfectly still until Connor gets back.

    I still call shenanigans. A vamp survives the blast I think, unless they’re REALLY young.

  25. Cecilia says:

    Yeah. Too much Stelena throwing up rainbows on my TV screen. I think that’s why I could never really ship them together. I…well. I can’t take them seriously.
    I can’t even go into how much that motorcycle scene made me laugh. They’re facial expression. And yeah, I mean who couldn’t help but hear in their heads: “I’m flying, Jack!” Just the helmets alone…

    I loved me some Klaus and Damon partnering in crime! I hope that’s not the last of the duo!

    Wasn’t overly shocked about Tyler being a cheating douche. I shipped them back in season 2. But ever since the start of season 3, and every scene is them jumping each other’s bones? Wasn’t feeling it. And this really was just the end of the line for me.
    Wonder how long it will take for Klaus to keep this information to himself…
    Caroline should go solo. :)

    Still. FAYE! AHH. *tear* So good to see Phoebe back. Witch or Werewolf. I don’t care.

    And I’m glad someone else thought that Elena with that keg was kinda ridiculous! It seemed really forced. “Now I’m leaving! HA!” Or whatever the hell it was she said. Idk. Kinda childish.

  26. Mal says:

    Wow, a lot of people like a Klaus/Damon bromance, huh? For me it’s just not as good as Damon/Alaric or Stefan/Klaus.

    Damon/Elijah, however… Maybe. I thought with Elijah being in the promo photos for this season he’d be around more, still early days so lets hope that happens as the season progresses.

    I couldn’t stop laughing at that ridiculous bike scene, with the helmets. Why do vampires need helmets?!

    Also I miss the Rippah. I bet Paul Wesley’s ripping (heh) his [hero] hair out reading these scripts.

  27. Eve says:

    Connor Jordan: Wow, the mystic Falls Inquisitor has full-page articles on all of my exploits! I better cut them out and post them on my wall! That’s never bit anyone in the ass!

    Lol.

    Matt & Elena: You know, this is just sad. They meet in the ex-make-out place so Elena can feed on him.
    And yes, Lady of the Manor, why didn’t Elena just heal his wounds?? Bad oversight there.

    Everyone in the class is totally okay with Rebekkah stabbing Elena with a pencil in class: lol, yeah, that was weird.

    Elena and Rebekkah bitching at each other with the added ingredient of vampire violence: This was cool and funny. Even though Elena is supposed to be in this murderous rage. I have to agree with you, Thomas. Murderous rage doesn’t really work with her. She *should* feel it for Rebekkah but it’s so out of character.

    Tyler’s werewolf indiscretion with Faye: Bummer. I’m sorry this storyline showed up. It’s boring. We know what will happen. Tyler will awkwardly try to keep it from Caroline. Sooner or later Caroline will find out and be hurt, angry, heartbroken, etc. etc. What’s the point?

    Klaus and Damon teaming up: Lol! That was cool. And this:

    Klaus: LOL! STEPHAN CHEATED ON MY AND NOW I’M GOING TO DO HIS BROTHER TO GET REVENGE LOL!

    Lol! Exactly.

    Connor is part of The 5, okay, whatever that is, when Klaus said that all I could think of was Big 5porting Goods lol.

    I really enjoyed the episode. The Stefan & Elena scenes were fine with me. Damon and Elena: also fine, I don’t really care. Stefan saying he can’t let himself go and enjoy Elena as a vampire without flipping into ripper mode: Oh come on, that makes zero sense.

  28. nvo says:

    I actually think you were on to something about your blood lust theory, Thomas. But it may not be about choice and frenzy but emotions. Elena was controlling herself around Matt fine in the beginning then Rebekah pisses her off and she loses it. And the whole thing with Rebekah was fun to watch but Elena had no chance in hell of killing her in a rage. Maybe if she had calmed down, played nice, and then shanked her in the back like she did last time then yeah.

    Stefan’s vampire life sucks. He’s afraid a enjoying a keg stand, a cheesy motorcycle ride, and aggressive sexy times is gonna bring out the ripper in him. Well that explains a lot is all I have to say.

    Let’s talk character retcon. It’s a rule in TVD where this must happen after one turns into a vampire. Stefan, Damon, Katherine, and Caroline are all very unlike there human selves so I expect the same for Elena. I definitely like this whole she’s more like Damon than Stefan thing.

    Damon and Klaus will always be made of win. However, my favorite part of the episode was Damon telling Jeremy that bad asses don’t say they’re bad asses

  29. Eve says:

    Connor Jordan: Wow, the mystic Falls Inquisitor has full-page articles on all of my exploits! I better cut them out and post them on my wall! That’s never bit anyone in the ass!

    Lol.

    Matt & Elena: You know, this is just sad. They meet in the ex-make-out place so Elena can feed on him.
    And yes, Lady of the Manor, why didn’t Elena just heal his wounds?? Bad oversight there.

    Everyone in the class is totally okay with Rebekkah stabbing Elena with a pencil in class: lol, yeah, that was weird.

    Elena and Rebekkah bitching at each other with the added ingredient of vampire violence: This was cool and funny. Even though Elena is supposed to be in this murderous rage. I have to agree with you, Thomas. Murderous rage doesn’t really work with her. She *should* feel it for Rebekkah but it’s so out of character.

    Tyler’s werewolf indiscretion with Faye: Bummer. I’m sorry this storyline showed up. It’s boring. We know what will happen. Tyler will awkwardly try to keep it from Caroline. Sooner or later Caroline will find out and be hurt, angry, heartbroken, etc. etc. What’s the point?

    Klaus and Damon teaming up: Lol! That was cool. And this:

    Klaus: LOL! STEPHAN CHEATED ON MY AND NOW I’M GOING TO DO HIS BROTHER TO GET REVENGE LOL!

    Lol! Exactly.

    Connor is part of The 5, okay, whatever that is, when Klaus said that all I could think of was Big 5porting Goods lol.

    I really enjoyed the episode. The Stefan & Elena scenes were fine with me. Damon and Elena: also fine, I don’t really care. Stefan saying he can’t let himself go and enjoy Elena as a vampire without flipping into ripper mode: Oh come on, that makes zero sense.

  30. Raven says:

    Thomas, I accidentally got to read your recaps last week and I have been coming back to read from previous recaps.You are incredible.I don’t remember laughing out loud with many things I read on the internet.
    You do a majestic job satirizing the good, the bad and the ugly.

    You are simply magnificent in you approach and extrapolation of each episode and then redemption with a well rounded Post Mortem. I will definitely purchase any book you have written you do this so well I trust your other work will be as titillating as this small sample.

    These are my impressions of 4×03 The Rager,
    In this episode Elena was not vomiting but I was.With every Stelena scene emetic urges were overwhelming me.
    Where to begin-just remembering, the nausea returns with a vengeance -but I will dare go on because I have to vent.
    Stefan is such a prick. Elena tells him that she hates Rebekkah and wants to kill her and he so cowardly replies “Let’s leave the murdering to Damon”. Really Steffie? The Ripper speaks of others murdering?In his defense even as the Ripper he was hilarious trying to be a bad-ass,no matter what he tries he will forever be the Boring Vampire.

    Is the irony lost on these writers or are they suffering from collective amnesia?Why does he need to bring Damon in every conversation, what the hell is his problem?Okay, I will not attempt to analyze his pathetic attitude nor his psychosis which is just under the surface, because that will require a dissertation and I have no inclination or desire to :go to that lesser place” as Damon told him once.

    Moving along to the motorcycle ride.Speechless.They both looked like idiots.Actually they become idiots the moment they have a scene together,please refer to the Ferris Wheel incident and the roof thing.
    Stelena a perpetual snoozefest which Julie Plec and the other guy have perpetrated on the poor fans for way too long.I hope against hope they will redeem themselves soon with some Klaroline and Delena moments.

    To be honest even though I adore Caroline her obsession with the righteous Steffie baffles me as her convenient morality. She is allowed to screw every single breathing male in MF but is so judgmental when Elena shows the least interest in Damon.This why I want her with Klaus karma is a bitch,bitch.

    If you haven’t guess yet I’m so Team Damon my teeth hurt.Therefore, the elder, better looking Salvatore made the show for me once again with a little help from Klaus.
    I also liked their scenes together because a little humor and a lot of sexiness does go a long way,especially after been subjected to Steffie and Elena.

    Elena, you twit when your hallucinations are so delicious you don’t push away you let it take you away,it’s an opportunity of a life time you moron,and it gives you a legitimate reason to block Steffie out for the remainder of the sex session .Memorable quotes:

    Klaus to Steffie: For future reference one voice mail is effective as nine” you idiot I added and not silently.

    Damon to the Bald Dude:Did I say germophobe? I’m sorry I meant vampire.

    Damon to Baby Gilbert:Shh bad-asses don’t’ say that.

    I can wait for next week’s episode but I cannot wait for your recap.I’m hooked

  31. Pauline B says:

    Hi Thomas !

    “The Lady of the Manor: Well, yes. Or she could heal his gaping fang wounds with her magic goddamn blood.” My thought exactly. Also, who had the idea of letting the baby vamp feeding on Matt without any supervision ?

    “- A Brief Interlude – Windows 8 Product Placement Interview – “ : that explains some of the tweets on my thread.
    Also, were those tweets real ? Gosh, I hate those shippers who make the rest of team DE/SE look bad. Is it too much to ask both both teams to get along and be nice to JP ? That’s one of the reasons why I like your blog so much : even though people ship different couples (or don’t ship at all) and have different view on characters, plots etc, we all manage to stay civilized & respect each other decisions.

    “Jeremy Gilbert: WHERE’S MY CHEERLEADER OUTFIT? I’M GONNA STAKE SOMETHING!” : okay, they need to shot this as a bonus scene.

    “I love how you’re calling the new girl “Faye”. I think it’s her name in every TSC fan’s mind.

    “Elena Gilbert: I’m the king of the wor- WHOMP TREEFACE!” Glad to see I wasn’t the only one who thought “Elena is pulling a Titanic”.

    @Jennifer : I share your excitement : DE : IS happening this season, no doubt in my mind – also, now following you on twitter (anyone who loves DE & Thomas is a must follow for me).

    @Mey : The “fake” (because no one them is actually for real, but you get what I mean) heart rip was not enough for me. I think it’s not enough for the writers to tease Team Delena with dream sequences, now they’re teasing the new Team Heart Rip with hallucination ! But as a DE shipper, and a Kat, Elijah, Kol fan, getting teased is my life purpose ;)

    @Sophy : For now, I think Becca is the only one who knows about Damon having the stake. But why her brothers aren’t worried about it… that’s a good question.
    Elijah went to get Kol, and they’ll make a glorious return by both doing a double heart rip ;)
    Actually, I think I’ve already told on those things on twitter : you’re the Sophy I follow on twitter & translating fics, right ?

    @Taki, nope, I love Becca & Elena too. I don’t get people who thinks you can’t like both. Or those shippers who think that because you ship Elena with one bro, it means you have to hate the other. Though, if I’m being honest, I used to hate Stefan, but only because he was such a bore at the beginning of the show – I’m now a huge fan of him.

    @Tweeky : never thought about Damon correcting Jer because of the “we were bad-ass” from season one, but it’s a good theory.

    Some thoughts :

    The SE scenes didn’t bother me. The fact that the universe doesn’t want to let SE have sex keeps me laughing. Also, the writers are trying to make team Delena explode via awesome scene.

    Am I the only one who thinks Faye hasn’t sleet with Tyler ? I mean, she’s here to stay, and introducing her as the girl who breaks up Forwood doesn’t seem like a smart move.

    I used to think the title of 4×04 “The Five” referred to the 5 Originals, but apparently, I was wrong (then again, I’m rarely right with this show). Or maybe they are five hunters because they are 5 Original (well, were, RIP Finn, aka Pilot!Stefan 2.0).

    Why does Klaus needs Elena ? Two options :
    because she’s a Gilbert : but then, wouldn’t Jer do the trick ? Unless he saved her to have some king of leverage on Jeremy;
    because she used to be the doppelganger. I hope so, because that way, Kat will do the trick too. She’ll be able to negotiate with Klaus and be back in the show #FingerCrossed

    The Damon/Klaus scenes were fantastic, I want more of those (even though I’m still a member… okay, the only member, of team Kol/Damon). Actually, any Damon/Original Bro is fine by me.

    All in all, this ep wasn’t as good as 4×02, but I never expected to be. What’s is more, it’s stuck between 4×02 and 4×04 (yeah, I know, obvious since it’s 4×03), and 4×04 promises to be amazing – even if my stupid “chargé de TD” decided to give us our first test this Friday. Damn him, it’s like he doesn’t even know TVD airs on Friday morning – I’ll never understood those people whose life doesn’t revolve around fictional vampires ;)

    Oh, and Julie Plec better be careful while reading her tweets next week :
    when Elena is going to dance/flirt/trying to sleep with Damon, SErs are going to hate her;
    and I might be wrong about this, but I think Damon will tell her to go eff herself towards the end of the ep. Something like “Look, not that I don’t want you, but I gave you a shot, and you’ve choosen my bro, so find someone else to scratch your hitch”. And as a DE fan, I’m actually hoping it will happen. Seeing how Elena is handling being rejected by Damon should be… interesting. And the angst that will eventually come with it, delicious. But most of the Delena team will probably be pissed.

    Thanks again for the recap !

  32. fray says:

    I agree with every “post mortem” word excpet for one thing. Damon turning Elena into Katherine? No, please. I’m not a Stelena shipper, not a Delena one, though. And even if I wanna see how Damon is going to teach her, I say there’s one and unique Katherine. SO BRING HER BACK! ;)

  33. Tweeky says:

    So Fray you want to see Katherine return and corrupt Elena turning her Katherine-lite aka Mini-me :-)?

  34. Jennifer (AllThingsDelena) says:

    Hahaha! Thanks, Pauline B! See you over there! ;)

  35. Mey says:

    @Pauline B As I said, it’s an attention thing :p Also? Dream trope is always better than no trope. My heart is about to rip its own self from missing Damon’s signature neck snaps :'(

    On a different note I wouldn’t be playing Julie Plec’s game so much. The woman decided on her interactions with the fans. Lots of other shows suffer from the shipping virus (like OUAT or Teen Wolf for example) without their show runners following the lead and stating it *is* about love triangles and what not, pushing the submission to inserting scenes which only purpose is to feed future fan vids (like Elena’s entrance with both brothers at the Originals’ ball) or even dedicating the biggest part of a whole episode to heavily state a dynamic that have never been portrayed in 3 years to force the legitimacy of a “ship” not an actual character relationship, a pure fan ship, on the audience (Rose’s Delena speech to Jeremy in that car ride: ridiculous and insufferably heavy. Never in 3 years has Elena been challenged by Damon’s ways, she’s always condemned him for his actions, even when he turned Abby with the help of his brother to save her life, her first reaction was to blame him and let Stefan be, which will make it even more ridiculous, and hypocritical (just like Stefan’s righteousness after murdering half of Mississippi) when next week Elena is magically attracted by Damon’s lifestyle. The relationship between them as shown is horny at best, that does not make the romance the writers have all the characters talk about).
    I am of course not condoning being rude or sending death threats (which I proved by remaining excessively polite even when I was insulted out of nowhere on other comment sections) but Julie Plec is herself very rude and I’m not talking about her lexicon. I saw her many times on Twitter ignore people who criticised politely and with real points when she had time for the blindly gushing tweets or play victim and say they were bashing when they were actually asking honest questions. She, more often than not, wraps up little questions on her work she takes by asking the viewers to question themselves, claiming it’s our failure at reading subtexts, which is plain insulting considering she’s writing a teen show, not a Nietzsche piece and TVD is infamous for precisely not showing but stating, so much for subtexts. I would perfectly get that as a show runner she doesn’t have the time to question her art as a writer in public but at the end of the day, her relationship with the purely “fan” base of this show is what she made it. Considering most of the people insulting her are children or just fragile beings with obvious emotional issues who seek help in the distraction telly is, I would certainly not be sad for *her*. I am just sad such pathos surrounds what could be one of the best shows ever, desperately keeping it in a commercial soap zone (of excellent quality for that kind of specific telly, but still). The Vampire Diaries gets most of its success from too equally unhealthy extremes: adults who bear with half of it and are regularly disappointed with the plot wrapping and absence of continuity and teenagers who re-write everything based on their hormones’ wild desires. I know there’s a network on top of Julie Plec but if she really wanted to she could instil some subtlety about what the show targets instead of casting her net so wide tis vulgar. You get the fans you write for.
    A vouloir bouffer à tous les râteliers, on finit par faire les poubelles ;p

  36. Aili says:

    Loved the recap, as usual :D I’m reading those for quite a while as I am an amateur scenario writer/critic and TV Tropes fanatic. I think you are great in parody, really ^^

    I agree about the episode not being a great one and Elena constantly repeating “hate” seemed rather stiff. I wanna see hate, not be told about it. I cheered for Rebekah in this cat fight, she is much more convincing in her bitch mode. I’d rather see Elena boiling from the inside, plotting revenge and slowly breaking, I love when she snaps. She has a short fuse after all, she needs to learn how to let off some steam. I liked that she wanted to murder Rebekah but I believe she should try to hide it more. It would be more in character.

    Still, I believe that making her a vampire is the best thing that happened to the Petrova line since Katherine ;D and finally we get to see the Petrova fire after all. As I said to you on twitter I DREAD her turning back. That would be shooting one’s leg with a cannon but these lousy books keep changing Elena’s species and I’m afraid Klaus’ quest with the hunters (and saving Elena) will be about turning her back. The only way I can accept if they turn her back and she willingly turns again.

    I really do not want to comment this cheeSE fest at all, but I get along with it as I believe this relationship finally needs closure. I kinda hate that Caroline is team Stelena now, she is such a plot device recently it hurts. She was cool for a while in previous seasons, but it seems they have no idea what to do with her. The only good choice in using her character is exploring this vanity trait further into a relationship with Klaus. Still, they should be very careful about it and not show it as typical romance but I believe the “good girl turned bad” trope would be much more suitable. Klaus is playing with her and I will never believe he really cares. He just has the Bekah complex and I wish Julie had balls to portray it that way.

    I am glad finally we’re getting to Team Delena’s needs. I am shamelessly on this ship not because I am your typical shipper, but because it’s the only logical scenario onward. With the Rose exposition “Stefan is good, Damon is either best or worst” they already told how it’s supposed to go. This is a teenage show, so it needs to say a message – message is either “stick with boring” or “try something new” so with this assumtions there is really no other course that would be consistent with that. Of course the viewers should fear that Damon is worst (because we will be expositioned with CarolinexKlaus relationship to show that bad boys are dangerous), but in the end of course (happy ending and stuff) he should be best. 101 of consistent plot :D

    Plus, I really agree, I want more Katherine in Elena and that’s only what Damon can provide.

    I hope they’re watching other shows and they know that the choice of action I-wanna-be-human-fuck-supernatural is reserved for Sookie and This-is-so-tragic-but-I-turn-for-my-first-love is for Bella. So, Team Delena with vampire Elena (who actually enjoys it) is actually the only somehow original ending to a vampire show, so I hope they’ll proceed in that direction ;D

    On the way I wanna see more Deredith. They’re awesome and finally some real competition for Damon’s attention. I’m glad he is so over with all the angst and yet he keeps getting dragged in, because in the end he really is a softie. He is the best written character on the show, badass enough not to be boring and sensitive enough to gather shippers. Good job, Julie, on that one.

    Oh, I love the stake references ];D After all Damon’s stake is really effective ];>

  37. Oooooh,

    Aili sent my train of thought down Hate Tweet Rd.

    “Rebekah in much more convincing in her bitch mode.”

    Hmmmm… wasn’t Elena blonde in the books? And wasn’t it the source of some furor when brunette Nina Dobrev landed the role on the TV show with an Adaptation Dye Job?

    If you could do it all over again, and assuming Claire Holt can do a credible American accent, would you?

    ND has mostly been great, especially visually differentiating Elena from Katherine. And CH’s scenes have given here more dynamic ranges to play than a week-in, week-out main character does, but still, fun to play the ‘what-if’ game, for me at least.

  38. Mey says:

    @Brian in Shortsville
    I think I love you, in that very distinct internet way :-)

    I am particularly fond of you specifying “visually” because as much as I don’t want to “reduce” Nina Dobrev’s work, I do think that her acting is very conventional (good girl whine, frown and hugs herself wearing a cardigan, vixen wears more eyeliner, lowers the voice, pull one hip out and purse her lips) and a bit automatic after 4 years (which I ultimately don’t blame her for, everyone needs to sleep and when the script is out of breath for your character, well, you’re not going to do a keg stand in the middle of a scene? wait.).
    I adore Claire Holt and I think she’s amazing in bringing the layers of a young girl yet 1000 years old vampire and I’m sure she could handle being a lead.
    The TVD what-if games can be teasing in a way that is deadlier than its “heightened” drinking game :p

  39. Mehreen says:

    So to sum up, you hated everything related to Stefan: not only you ignored completely in your recap his strong scene with Klaus (and the beautiful line “I don’t want anything from you) but you’re also dismissing his relationship with Caroline :

    “And then there’s Caroline, who vouched for Stefan’s vampire-teaching skills twice. On that I call shenanigans. Just because Caroline is awesome and her feet don’t touch the ground when she walks doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to become Team Stefan because her evil twin claims Stefan’s interesting.”

    Stefan is awesome from Caroline’s point of view because he saved her life her with Elena’s help from Damon who wanted to kill her when she turned, he helped her to calm down when she was in panic in the bathroom, he stopped her when she lost control and almost killed Matt and protected her from the werewolf who attacked her in the woods, he listened to her and support her when she wanted to help Tyler even if he was hostile to the werewolves, he saved her life when she was kidnapped and tortured, organized for her the slumber party when he felt that she needed comfort and refused to admit it.

    So the support and admiration that she showed for him in this episode doesn’t come from nowhere: it’s called gratitude and it’s based on the gradual construction of their friendship over a large part of the season 2.
    No matter what his flaws are, Stefan has proved with Caroline’s example that he can be “kind and wise and helpful and good and noble and a great teacher!”
    Personally, i think that’s a pity that some people can’t appreciate it because this is the only relationship that the writers were able to correctly develop.
    But if you prefer Damon the drama queen, there’s no problem: all tastes are in nature…Mine make me think that I’m less sensitive to your recap since you decided to fangirling about Damon (which can be funny if done by a teenage girl but not by a grown man) and give up the good quality of the analysis of the plot and the characters.

  40. @badwolflil says:

    Awesome recap. I agree with your criticisms and then some. Particularly about Elena/Rebekah.

    That motorcycle thing (which I didn’t even mention in my review because I had plenty of other stuff to say) was nothing short of lame. It made them both look like epitome of goofy uncool and imo NEITHER of them is really uncool. Except when they’re together.

  41. Ellyria says:

    I love the fake twitter names. I’d almost be afraid to see what Julie Plec’s email/twitter feed/fanmail looks like. >.>

    “Elena Gilbert: I’m the king of the wor- WHOMP TREEFACE!” – Yep, I was waiting for it to happen, and it never did. =( Would have made the totally ridiculous scene better IMO.

    Phoebe Tonkin! Phoebe Tonkin! ZOMG! Make the girl a regular please, I <3 her so much (and miss TSC so bad ='( ) Make her a werewitch or something and get rid of Bonnie. (who, by the way, had a perfect amount of screen time this episode)

    *crosses fingers and toes* I hope if there's flashbacks and wigs next episode we get to see Elijah. I mean, he and Klaus hung out for 500 years before Katherine came between them. NEED ELIJAH! *ahem*

    As always, love your recap and look forward to the next! <3

  42. Aili says:

    @Mehreen

    “Stefan is awesome from Caroline’s point of view because he saved her life her with Elena’s help from Damon who wanted to kill her when she turned”

    That would be believable before he went on his Ripper spree. But even if he helped Caroline, he still almost killed Elena on the bridge himself among several other people and countless unnamed victims. That should make everyone weary about him even mentioning the inner ripper. Caroline reacted as if he were an emo teen, shy and all, as if it were enough to say “believe in yourself, you are great”. If he says “the ripper is being teased” it is freakin’ NOT GOOD.

    Caroline may dislike Damon (although he saved her and Tyler’s life too on another occasion too) and appreciate what Stefan did for her, but it shouldn’t blind her to the fact that Stefan has a very ugly side. The best she can do for him and for her is to ask him to take a break from teaching, let someone else do it (like her, for example if she doesn’t want Damon there), not encourage him further and simply offering to go to her for support. That’s kinda lame considering the fact that dozens die if Stefan snaps.

    Shortly, she’s just downplaying the danger and it makes her look stupid and biased. Also, she’s not using the Stefan’s bunny diet herself, so somehow we’re supposed to believe that Stefan’s way is so good, even for her? Yeah, he is supportive, he knows the problem, but he himself needs help. He actually did well going to someone, but apparently he chose poorly. Caroline is not ready for such a responsible role.

  43. Rachel says:

    you know, you’re recaps are better than the show.

  44. Rachel says:

    sorry – that should be ” your”

  45. Raven says:

    @mehreen,

    so let me get this straight; liking Damon is for 17 year old girls but liking a 163 year old vampire who is stuck at 17 is for grown ups who desire character analysis.I sincerely hope that you realize that your analogy is trifle hypocritical at best.The most lazy analysis of a character and the most flawed progression of one in TVD is only Stefan.He has gone no where but in the land of perpetual denial.

    Personally I like Damon because after all he’s done- and he has done some despicable things- he owns up to it whereas St Steffie is continually taking the path of righteousness and that pisses me off to no end.
    This meme of the Good Brother vs the Bad Brother has gotten very monotonous and it lacks the depth that these characters deserve.
    Truth be told Paul Wesley has been given a rotten deal playing this monochromatic,pathetic character and the way they played even his evil side was laughable.
    All that goes back to the deification of Stefan and the “epic love” theme that started out side the boy’s bathroom.
    It’s a shame because the actor has potential.

    Additionally, I find it rather ironic that you write a comment reprimanding people for not liking Stefan and you then proceed to call Damon a “drama queen”, I call that ballsy!
    Damon is the soul of this show,its Raison d’être,because it encompasses all the horror, the angst and complexity of an entity that was human and continues to exist with remembrances of that humanity with the constant struggle of been a Vampire. Damon portrays these elements flawlessly.

  46. Mal says:

    “Personally I like Damon because after all he’s done- and he has done some despicable things- he owns up to it”

    What? No he doesn’t. He revels in being a vampire and considers all the bad things he’s done to be natural and is unapologetic about it. It’s part of what makes him such a fun character to watch and what made him a compelling villain in season 1.

  47. Raven says:

    @Mal
    Well actually that is what I was going for.By owning up to it I meant he does not deny it nor he feels he needs to apologize for it because that is his nature as opposed to Stefan who does it and sweeps it under the rug.

  48. lacysos says:

    Thomas, You misspelled Delena 5 times and Stefan once. It’s understandable though. You might not be a Delena shipper but you are a Damon lover.

    That said, I agree with some of the comments here about Stelena. TBH I haven’t seen the deep S1 love between these two in a long time. Don’t think it’s the acting cause both Paul and Nina can act their asses off. So I can only conclude it’s the writers/directors slow dismantling of Stelena. Frankly, as far as I’m concerned, and I say this as a former Stelena shipper, that girl can go play with Damon yesterday. I think the entire fandom is exhausted with the constant tease. Just do it already!!!

    In the meantime you fastforward Stefan scenes and I fastforward Damon scenes. Fair!

  49. Tweeky says:

    I really, really want to see Anna back for good!

  50. Marly says:

    Thomas, I LOVE your recaps and this one was hilarious as always! Thanks for making me laugh so hard and so often. I like your take on the overall episode as well. Your “Elena Gilbert: I’m the king of the wor- WHOMP TREEFACE!” comment was awesome! I was hoping as I watched that scene that something would smack her off the bike — a bird, a branch, a low-flying plane…anything. It would have been classic and unexpected — both humorous AND a chance to show her amazing vamp recovery powers. LOL The motorcycle and keg stand scenes both made me want to whaaaaarfff from a sudden lactose intolerance. What were they thinking??? As you said, just NO.

    I’d love to see Elena develop some fire and independence but running around saying “I’m so mad, I’m so mad, I’m so mad! This is my mad face!” wasn’t what I had in mind. I think if she had lost control early in the episode at school and physically attacked Rebecca, only to have Rebecca kick her ass, I would have believed it. Instead, she threw a pencil (and got it thrown back into her shoulder in return). That was more like a slap than murderous rage. The suspense was low because I never thought she’d really use the stake… She seemed to be more in a girly snit than actually murderous or truly out of control. Maybe if she’d lost control with Matt at the beginning of the episode rather than the end, I would have believed it more. I do like that she’s at least heading in the badass-in-training direction though.

    I enjoyed the episode overall very much, but it was uneven for me, too. Looking forward to next week’s show — and your recap! Thanks again for the fun each week!

  51. Jawly says:

    As for Rebekah throwing Elena’s ring down the sink? Sweetheart, THIS is a ring:

    http://shattered-tranquility.net/index.php/07/23/suicide-ali-pureblackgothiclabo/

    “But those look like ass too!”

    Can’t be any worse than the crap these people buy. Seriously, you’re vampires. Just compel someone for an epic ring. Suicide Ali is a great band BTW, but that’s going off topic.

    Also, nitpicking here, but that’s not Klaus’s mansion. That’s Rebekah’s new place since Stefan and Elena fussed about not needing to be invited in. It looks more modern as opposed to Klaus’s traditional style house.

    Also, I really liked how they were just hanging out like two old friends. No touching, kissing, sex, or anything gratuitous. Just closeness and companionship. Everyone should find someone like that. It’s nice to see them get away from all the drama and finally see them have some alone time together. Goes to show that there’s definitely a difference between love and sex.

    The problem? They did it at ELENA’s MURDERER’s place. Seriously?! Morons! Note to self–when trying to relax, DO NOT GO TO A MIKAELSON’S ABODE. I feel like I’m in a Looney Tunes cartoon. I hope every second of her burning hurt. Retard.

    Also, as for Stefan talking Elena out of killing Rebekah? That actually happens in reality-you remember an anger that makes you want to really hurt someone, but showing someone love can make it all go away, or at least calm them down a bit. It was nice to see that kind of realism. Again, the problem with that it that it’s Rebekah. Would anyone really miss her? So she helped Elena turn. Big deal. She provoked Elena and stabbed her with a pencil.

    As for Delena, I feel like it’s happening in a superficial fashion. First she feeds from him in a very gratuitous, fanservice way. Then she has delusions of him when she and Stefan were making out? Come on Julie, you can do better than that. I don’t ship either couple, but come on. Do it right or not at all.

    As for the motorcycle ride? I also thought she’d hit a tree too. The CGI was so painfully bad it HURTS. And also, those helmets are ass. Again, an Equilibrium clip to illustrate (Helmet at 1:35)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RVTT4i-Hic

    I don’t expect anything fancy from a show like this, but still put in a little effort.

    Yeah, I slammed on this episode for goofy shit rather than the episode itself. XD But really, I feel like it’s more of a “villain of the week” style of a show now. The only interesting thing was the thing about “The Five” and that was at the end.

    As for the episodes, they can’t all be awesome, but this hasn’t been a great season starter so far. More asskicking please.

  52. Tweeky says:

    Jawly, in regards to your remarks on the motorcycle helmets well when I saw the helmet Elena was wearing I flashed back to that scene where Tom Arnold’s character on “True Lies” talking to a then 14 year-old Eliza Dushku putting on such a helmet. Said “I remember the first time when I was shot out of a cannon” because that’s exactly the sort of helmet it was.

    Anyway Thomas i’m disappointed when you commented on size the syringe’s needle that Connor used to extract the werepire venom from Tyler that you didn’t mention dentists. Because just thinking about that seen gave me a flashback to times when i’ve had to have a filling done and before the dentist got to work he’d give a shot of the local anasthaetic withwith a syringe with a huge-arse needle. Of course the alternative without anasthaetic is worse. I’ve had fillings done as a boy at primary-school without anasthaesia and it fucking hurts; the really twisted thing is that the dental nurse’s name was Ms. Jolly.

  53. Spikeabunny says:

    Agree with you on the patchiness of this episode but overall I’m much happier with the structure and pacing of S4 so far, it feels more solid than the tail end of S3.

    I’ll reserve judgement on the plot/ continuity/ myth making. The gay abandon with which the WOS is getting tossed around suggests it has fulfiled its usefull/less purpose and will join the growing trash heap of pointless plot devices which is representative of this show’s tendency to favour the epic moment and cheap joke over extended slow burn storytelling.

  54. Spikeabunny says:

    The above made me realise that the show is like Damon, it has poor impulse control. :-D

  55. katherine_fan says:

    I loved it,Thomas!The producers should definitely hire you to write one episode or better yet,the entire season!

  56. Tweeky says:

    Thomas you know what i’d to see in a TVD fanfic? I’d love to a TVD/Survivor crossover and it’d be called “Survivor: Mystic Falls” what do you think? Although a series of Survivor with all the various TVD characters would be entertaining to watch :-).

  57. saggie22 says:

    I’m with you on very word in your PM Thomas. The keg and the motorcycle scenes…just…uh…uh. I really want to root for Stelena as I did in Season 1, but boy do they make it hard! They really need to write Stefan and Elena better. They can do that with their other characters. Why are they so he’ll bent on making their leading characters so lame? I don’t get it.

  58. moonflea says:

    Hey Thomas, et al,

    Good episode, not nearly as good as episode 2, though.

    That motorcycle scene… I tried to look away. I tried so hard. Of the many problems with it, what drove me nuts were the hideous helmets. Um guys, head trauma won’t kill you. You’re vampires.

    Note to Damon: neither would an explosion.

    Am I wrong? Stake, fire, decapitation. That’s what kills a regular vamp in TVDverse.

    Favorite part: Damon and Klaus teaming up. Love the way they play off each other. More please.

    And loved Rebekah as always. She’s just fun to watch. I enjoyed the surprise heart grab… and sorry to say, I wasn’t sad about Matt’s demise for the few seconds it appeared to be so. He’s keeping Elena “alive” these days, but I find him so dull.

    Stelena is consistently painful to watch. They are so freakin’ BLAH together. It amazes me that they remain the central romantic relationship of the series.

    I’m bummed that dear, sweet Caroline has more pain to endure in the near future, when she learns of Tyler’s infidelity.

    Your mentions of Bonnie in the recap sullied a wonderfully Bonnie-free ep. Shame on you ;)

    So if Connor is one of the five, I wonder if the big bad of the season will actually be 5 vampire hunters, not just him. Would love to see what other 4 badasses they’d bring in. And why is Klaus so interested?

    Totally looking forward to Damon teaching Elena how to vamp! Endgame, who knows? But Delena has got to happen. You can’t let all that chemistry go to waste.

  59. Poppy says:

    What do you think of the whole Tyler cheated on Caroline and Klaus gets all happy thing?

  60. Tweeky says:

    Anybody know where Thomas is? Because by now now he’d have answered the queries piling up by now.

  61. Mey says:

    From what I saw on Twitter Thomas was firmly refusing to freak out about Sandy and then regretting hanging Halloween decorations…. in other words: busy living? :-)

  62. Sofia says:

    Hi Thomas!
    I’m late to the party again, but here goes =)
    I agree with you; this episode wasn’t great, but after last week anything would look a bit… lacking. But I’m ok with it, some episodes have to be fillers/transport to greater things (404, or so I hope).

    This time your recap definitely surpassed the actual episode. I loved all the Klaus LOLing and talking in all caps. And I would have absolutely loved a treeface for Elena. It would not have been more random than that whole horrid scene. All SE scenes in this episode were too much, except when Stefan is talking her down from killing Rebekah. But I’m ok with the cheese overdosing because the way I see it it’s the writers’ way of dismantling Stelena. There is absolutely NO excuse for the latest nauseating interactions if they are not a way to put us off the whole thing and prepare us for the inevitable end. Somebody commented that it’s like the Universe itself is trying to prevent Stelena to have sex. Actually. Have they? At all since Elena turned? There was a lot of clothes in the forest scene in 401. I don’t know. Anyway. Love that she hallucinates about Damon while making out with Stefan. It’s like her subconscious is getting seriously sick of her rational (or whatever) mind. Go jump him already!

    With the thing about Elena killing Rebekah. What did she think she was going to accomplish? She definitely has a right to all the hate and rage in the world, but… And what was Damon thinking giving her the stake and not being there to save her life while she was out making decisions? Or is she officially allowed to make her own decisions now even when they’re shit stupid? I don’t even know.

    Connor is such an awful asshole. He officially scares me more than any bad guy this show has ever had. He cares about nothing. He wants nothing. He can’t be bought, he can’t be reasoned with. To be all human and still be like that, that’s a really sick individual. A lot worse than Damon ever was, even worse than Ripper!Stefan. And with zero charm. I’m really fucking uncomfortable with this guy. And four more? *shudder*

    Don’t really care if Tyler cheated. It wouldn’t surprise me that much because of his personality, but it feels like he has grown lately and he and Caroline have been through a lot. It would be a really douchey move, but somehow in character.

    I still think it’s just weird how ANYONE would want to have anything to do with Klaus. Sure, he’s charming as hell and I love Joseph Morgan. But just THINK for a second about all the shit he’s done. He and Damon were pretty bad ass together, but for the love of all that is holy don’t make them buddies. I couldn’t even wrap my head around a scenario when that would be ok. Same goes for a relationship with Caroline, even if they’re sexy together. Just no. I have no problems with Meredith being Damon’s wing(wo)man though. Just no sex, ok? But plenty of day drinking and snark please. And thank you.

    Immensely looking forward to Damon teaching Elena how to vampire properly, but I don’t need her to be a new Katherine. I think they can and should make Elena awesome as herself. They can give her edge and a bit more attitude without being a Katherine clone. Katherine should stay unique and come back to kick some hunter ass.

    And @Spikeabunny “This show has poor impulse control” LOL! Spot on. Love it.

    Now bring on The Five and some delicious Delena blood spilling and Original flashback hair!!!!

  63. Thomas says:

    Thanks Nina :-)

  64. Thomas says:

    Hi Jen,

    The “corny as hell” thing is the worst part, for me. Even if Stefan and Elena had more chemistry than Mendeleev and Bunsen, that Titanic on a Motorcycle thing would have yanked me right out of the show. Complete facepalm.

    I think Delena can still be on the back burner while Deredith is at a rolling boil. Delena was still a thing while Andi was around, after all.

  65. Thomas says:

    Hi Mey,

    Yeah, Stelena is one of the pillars of the show … it will never be completely off the table. But that’s why it needs to be one of the best written aspects of the show. There’s no reason for Damon to get all the hot “I’ll teach you” moments and saddle Stefan with all the “idiot on a motor bike” scenes.

    Damon took Stefan’s ring in the very first episode … I was surprised when he just gave it right back.

    What’s an “analespes”?

    Matt Davis is an … interesting fellow, isn’t he? I honestly can’t tell how much of it is an act.

  66. Thomas says:

    Hi sophy,

    Since Katherine is such a rare treat, I was kind of hoping Awesome!Elena could just sort of … take her place.

    Elijah left town because he was SO GUILTY OMG. You’re right, though … Klaus never would have left that stake around, and Damon never would have given it to Angry!Kitten!Vampire!Elena.

  67. Thomas says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Damon and Klaus are fast becoming one of my favorite things. They’re no Dalaric, but the interaction between them, the bag guy and the worse guy, is amazing.

    The Five does harken back to Buffy, you’re right.

  68. Thomas says:

    Hi Rachel G,

    ACTs aren’t just an Arkansas thing … I took the ACTs and SATs back in high school.

    I think you hit on the real difference we’re seeing in TVD the last few episodes … it’s not that it’s lacking in awesome, it’s that there’s more that isn’t awesome than we’re used to. Too many girls standing on motorcycles and too many family logging companies.

    Murderous!Elena would have been fine if they hadn’t needed to make her elaborate how unusual that was for her. Sometimes you have to trust the audience.

    They keep hinting around at Jeremy being a slayer … they’re too much smoke for there to be no fire.

    Tyler is a douche. He’s basking in Caroline’s awesomeness, so that gets overlooked, but … he is not trustworthy.

  69. Thomas says:

    Hi TeamElijah,

    So other than everything, what bothers you about the show? ;-)

  70. Thomas says:

    Thanks Anna :-)

  71. Thomas says:

    Hi Brian,

    I’m still good with witches, if they’re awesome witches. There have been very few Crowning Moments of Awesome that match up to Jonas walking into the forest, head down and hands out, melting the brains of every asshole in the place. But in general, yeah, I agree.

    I agree with Price Peterson (about most things) … this is when they decide to get science-ey? And their “science” is “wolf venom?” All right then.

    I thought last week was supposed to be the “proper” finale. I don’t know. I love Connor and I’m glad Faye is back. Where the dividing line gets drawn is irrelevant to me.

    From what I know of vampires, and what I know of explosives (my knowledge on both subjects frightens those around me), there was enough C4 in those claymores to (probably) decapitate anyone in their path. That would be lights out for Damon, so yeah, he needed the assist.

    Yep, too much tell, not enough show.

  72. Thomas says:

    Hi Sara A,

    Yeah, Stefan is about as qualified to talk about vampire self control as the guy who runs Mezzaferro’s Deli (phone number: 866-MEAT) is to talk about vegetarianism.

    I bet there’s a hilarious explanation for Damon giving Elena the stake. Or she just whined like a puppy until he got sick of listening to her.

    NO HUMAN ELENA. NO.

  73. Thomas says:

    Hi Taki,

    I love what they’ve done with Caroline, but you’re right, Rebekah is very much what I would have imagines Season One Caroline would be like as a vampire.

  74. Thomas says:

    Hi Tweeky,

    If nothing else, Damon and Meredith can bond over losing Alaric. Now they’re both down one love interest.

    I think I’ll call Matt and Rebekah Mekah. I’ll leave the jokes to you guys. Klaus will probably start tripping on wolf venom when he finds out … guy’s got to be bored after a thousand years.

    I agree with you completely about Connor, except I love every second that he’s on screen and want him to stay around forever.

    I did consider that Jeremy could see the tattoo due to his temporary inconvenience, but ruled it out when Connor literally said that there was a different explanation. That would be too much of a red herring for it to be bullshit.

  75. Thomas says:

    HI Roger,

    No, very little of what I write here is verbatim. Pretty much only a handful of Damon lines.

    Faye didn’t get to do a whole lot this episode (Guest Starring Phoebe Tonkin as: Tyler’s Maybe Love Interest!) I’ll have more to say when she does something. But I am really glad she’s around, and I think she’ll be it for the long haul.

  76. Thomas says:

    Thanks lia :-)

  77. Thomas says:

    HI Ilana,

    Pretty much everyone is Team Klamon :-)

    I really, really hope that the Titanic scene wasn’t supposed to be that shitty, and that that’s not what Team Stefan wants to see. Jesus.

    Tyler is, like someone mentioned above, a douche bag, so him cheating on Caroline (or kinda cheating, I don’t remember the exact details of their relationship then) is in character.

  78. Tweeky says:

    Thomas I thought the angry, ragey kitty VampElena trying to go after Rebecca was rather amusing.

  79. Thomas says:

    Hi Cecilia,

    I think the motorcycle scene is going to be the dad horse of this season. They’re never going to live it down.

    Oh! And there’s definitely going to be a Faye/Caroline catfight! That’s going to be interesting …

  80. Thomas says:

    Hi Mal,

    The great thing about TVD (well, one of them), is that yo udon’t have to chose your favorite bromance. Sure Alaric is gone, but there’s plenty of room for Stefan/Damon, Klaus/Damon, Stefan/Klaus, and whatever other slash pairing you can think of.

    And yeah, PW is probably longing for something (or someone) to sink his teeth into.

  81. Tweeky says:

    Thomas i’m looking forward to the inevitable Elena/Katherine catfight when Katherine returns to MF, you know that Katherine is going get into a cafight with Elena over Stefan now that she’s a vampire or Katherine is going to try and, much to Damon and Stefan’s chagrin and horror, corrupt Elena. By the way does the Lady of the Manour think?

  82. Thomas says:

    Hi Eve,

    Elena could make murderous rage work … she’d just have to channel her inner Petrova. Nina Dobrev can totally do it … she just needs to be given a script that let’s her do what she does.

    I actually understood where Stefan was coming from … like someone said, new members of Alcoholics Anonymous aren’t supposed to sponsor each other, because they’d be bad influences on each other. It’s just that Stefan is boring as shit when he’s being right.

  83. Thomas says:

    Hi nvo,

    You’re probably right, emotions are probably a big part of controlling the bloodlust. And yeah, if Elena want’s to survive to the end of the season, she needs to be smart, not violent. That’s something Katherine could help teach her …

    Bad asses don’t say that was priceless lol

  84. Thomas says:

    Hi Raven,

    Thanks so much, I’m glad you like the recaps :-)

    I loved Stefan as The Ripper, and I’m sorry that that storyline is done with, at least for now. He was so much more interesting when he was giving in to his darker urges. Sanctimonious Stefan is just boring to me.

    I’m pretty sure Delena fans will get some service next episode. And Klamon.

  85. Tweeky says:

    I know it could never happen real life, but it would certainly make an excellent cross-over fic, Thomas however it would be fun to watch Survivor: Mystic Falls with all of the TVD characters (dead or alive) playing in it.

  86. Thomas says:

    Hi Pauline B,

    Matt is self-sacrificing enough that I can buy him letting Elena go at him without a leash or a safe word, and Elena is so … Elena that I can see her doing it.

    I made those tweets up, but they’re based on real things that real assholes have really said to Julie Plec. There are a lot of people who take this show way too damn seriously. And that’s coming from a guy who writes about the damn show every week.

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one in the world who thinks Tyler didn’t hit that like a pro boxer. ;-)

    Most TVD titles have double meanings … like “the rager” refers to Rebekah’s raging party and Elena losing her cool. So we’ll see what “The Five” means.

  87. Thomas says:

    Hi fray,

    I love Katherine, but since she’s scarce … I’ll settle for an Elena upgrade. ;-)

  88. Thomas says:

    He Mey,

    Julie Plec has something like three gagillion followers. She has to ignore most of them, because otherwise she would spend all day, every day on Twitter. I don’t even respond to every @-tag I get, and I have a fraction of her followers.

  89. Tweeky says:

    Elena really needs to stop giving the Pudding-pop aka Mashed Potatoes and Gravy wrist-jobs (next thing you know she’ll being Palm-jobs or would that be Hand-jobs ala Anna going down on Jeremy style). She really needs to learn how to stomach blood-bags and I think the whole Wrist-job situation is contrived and poor Matt needs to move on. Anyway if Caroline and Tyler do breakup over his werewolf hijinks I want to see Caroline hook up with Matt and not Klaus. Aside from the fact that VampCaroline is awesome (unlike her lame human self) and so likeable, i’d like to see her hook back up with Matt because he’s a nice decent sort of chap (in wholesome white-bread kind of way) and Matt to realise what dick he was towards her in S2 after he found she was now a vampire and realise what he was missing out on, plus the fantastic hot vampire turbo-sex he’d get to have with her too :-).

  90. Thomas says:

    Thanks Aili, glad you like my brand of humor :-)

    I agree, Elena needs to burn then pop. We’ll be able to figure out that she’s angry on our own. We don’t need to in-story voice-over.

    I’m really, really happy Elena is a vampire now, and if they make her human again … heads will roll and sets will burn. But it’ll be the heads and sets of Beauty and the Beast. That fucking show.

    Right now, Damon will be at his best bringing out a little bit of the worst in Elena. I’m super excited to see that begin next week.

  91. Thomas says:

    Brian,

    Nina Dobrev acts the shit out of Katherine. I don’t know that Claire Holt could do both of those characters justice.

    For that matter, Paul Westley acted the hell out of Ripper. This cast is amazing. It’s just that they aren’t always given the best material to work with.

  92. Tweeky says:

    So Thomas are you looking forward to Elena’s douchebag-fratboy feeding frenzy next episode. It’ll definitely give her a chance to become Katherine-lite.

  93. Thomas says:

    Mehreen,

    There are plenty of other blogs, and lots of them aren’t even written by grown men. Feel free to read them instead.

  94. Thomas says:

    Thanks @badwolflil,

    Yeah, Stefan and Elena kind of bring out the worst in each other. At least from a dramatic point of view.

  95. Thomas says:

    Thanks Ellyria,

    Yeah, just the @-tags Julie Plec gets on Twitter are revolting. I can’t imagine what happens when douche bags have more than 140 characters to play around with.

  96. Thomas says:

    Thanks Rachel :-) I love the show, but I’m glad you like the recaps.

  97. Thomas says:

    Hi lacysos,

    I’ve never made my love for Damon a secret. He’s the reason I watch the show. But I seriously have no interest in Delena happening … I think he’s a better character when he’s on his own, slightly drunk and a bit angry.

  98. Thomas says:

    Thanks Marly,

    It kind of hurts to see Elena trying to be cool. I mean, the writers know how to make her cool (it’s spelled “Katherine”), but … I don’t know what they’re going for here.

    Elena needs to kill someone. That would sell murderous little bunny.

  99. Thomas says:

    Hi Jawly,

    Yeah, I know that isn’t Klaus’ mansion. I just didn’t want to write a new macro for a new location ;-)

    You’re right, being anywhere near Rebekah was seven shades of dumb.

    I think they’re worried about actually making Delena happen, because of the epic shitstorm Team Stelena will kick up. The devil you know and all.

  100. Thomas says:

    Hi Tweeky,

    For years I used to have dental work done without Novocain, just to show how metal I was. I’ve gotten soft in my later years.

  101. Thomas says:

    Hi Spikeabunny,

    Yeah, I think in general this season is an improvement over last. Not that last season was particularly bad, but it did have its off moments.

  102. Thomas says:

    Hi katherine_fan,

    I would crap my pants if I had to write an entire episode of this show. :-)

  103. Thomas says:

    Hi Tweeky,

    Survivor: Mystic Falls would be over before the first commercial break. Klaus would be standing next to a pile of hearts within fifteen minutes.

  104. Thomas says:

    Hi saggie22,

    I kind of think that Stefan and Elena are supposed to be the “healthy” alternative. Although that doesn’t exactly work anymore, since Stefan is now the most prolific serial killer in American history.

  105. Thomas says:

    Hi moonflea,

    They were just worried about getting pulled over! It’s not like they could hypnotize the cop into letting them go or anything!

    I’m pretty sure there was enough C4 in those mines to cut Damon in half, which would be pretty fatal.

    Matt needs something to do other than stand around and be human. Guy needs his own arc.

  106. Thomas says:

    Hi Poppy,

    It doesn’t get talked about much anymore, but Tyler is kind of a raging douche bag, so … I’m looking forward to all the Tyler / Faye / Klaus / Caroline drama / cat fighting / scrabble matches.

  107. Thomas says:

    Tweeky and Mey,

    I was actually caught up with work stuff. And I like to take a couple of days off after a recap to clear my brain.

  108. Thomas says:

    Hi Sofia,

    I don’t want to damn this show with the “subtle racism of low expectations” … Seasons One and Two were basically one long train of WTF and Holy Shit. This show does not need filler or breaks. They’re capable of hitting it out of the park every. Single. Time.

    I don’t think Stelena have had sex since she turned, actually. And you might be right about this being a ploy to dismantle Stelena, which is fine, but I hope they don’t overplay their hand and turn people off from the show when they’re turning people off from the couple.

    I love Connor and how plain bad he is. He’s legitimately scary, a great villain.

    Klaus gets the same Get Out of Jail Free card Damon carries. Nothing sticks to him past three or four episodes.

  109. Tweeky says:

    Thomas I don’t know if you’re a Star Wars fan but this bit of news appeared over at the wikipedia website:

    “On October 30, 2012, The Walt Disney Company announced a deal to acquire Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion, approximately half in cash and half in shares of Disney stock. Lucasfilm and Disney had previously collaborated at times to create Star Wars and Indiana Jones attractions for various Walt Disney Parks and Resort attractions worldwide. A new trilogy of Star Wars films was announced at the same time, starting in 2015.”

    It’ll be interesting to see if they’re any good, I don’t want to see another Jar-Jar Binks/Ewoks charcter(s) too appear though.

  110. Thomas says:

    Hi Tweeky,

    I don’t know … Matt is just so much furniture now that I have a hard time picturing him with Caroline, though I’m sure they could make it work.

  111. Mey says:

    Hey Thomas :-)

    Agreed on Stelena, especially since all of Damon’s “cool” moments with Elena all end up in long looks and dim lights that bring out Elena’s horniness (which, good ! flesh the girl out ;) but never make her actually tolerant of Damon’s lifestyle (until apparently this week, which too little too late too hypocrite if you ask me :p) as if Damon was just hot. He’s mostly damn layered.

    Damon took Stefan’s ring at night, the WTF sizzling hue on Elena is what I’ve wanted to see for so long xD (not necessarily on her though ;)

    Oopsey, analepses (plural of analepsis, greek ;) is the technical word used for flashbacks in literature :) (a flashforward is a prolespsis, both can have tons of more subtle second meanings) I enjoyed college a little too much :p

    I am –eeee about Matt Davis too :p The whole Ernesto Riley persona has some delicious fun to it : batshit fan fic, naked breakfasts and eastern wisdom to indie music but he’s an actor … ^^ Has the Lady an opinion ? I dot on her, she has to be a fantastic judge of character :-)

    My single problem with Julie Plec is not so much the nice polite people she ignores but the perfectly rude and insane ones she replies to. I think it’s a disgrace when an adult with a fine situation lowers herself to throw F* bombs at teenagers, as overwhelming as it can be. I gathered more knowledge on shipping from following her for 6 months than I did commenting and reading yours and Price Peterson’s recaps for a year. I am not thankful for that ^^

  112. Thomas says:

    Hi again Tweeky,

    It would be hard for the new Star Wars movies to be worse than eps. I-III, so … whatever. I still want a working light saber.

  113. Tweeky says:

    Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Episode_VII.

    As for a working lightsabre, Thomas, well there was this Discovery channel series “Scifi science” hosted and written by the physicist Michiu Kaku to investigate various scifi gadget ideas and one of them was a lightsabre possible and the short answer is yes. But it would be a form of a high-tech plasma torch not a laser.

    Anyway I would like to see Caroline and Matt together and after having sex with her he’d discover what all the fuss was about:-) (that vampires are dynamite in bed). I’d really also like to see Anna back for good (she did leave of her own choice with the implication being that she return if she wanted) and solid and together with Jeremy, not only would she be a great ally for the Scooby-gang against both Klaus and Connor she and Jeremy (Janna) have wonderful chemistry (a couple that should be together).

  114. Mey says:

    Hey some more Thomas,
    Have at all the time you need, I’m pretty amazed by your replying dedication, truly a pleasure :-)

  115. Tweeky says:

    Thomas, I don’t if they can figure out a way to get Pearl back in the show ala Grams style or something but it would be good if the could, here’s this clip of Kelly Hu from a recent CSI episode (I refer to this character as CSI Pearl) where she plays the owner of a Chocolate factory called “Sinful chocolates” and she’s a couger. Oh boy is Kelly Hu not only beautiful but seriously hot and oh boy does she smoke in this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYFdPrGaP1c

  116. Tweeky says:

    I forgot to add in the above post that watching that CSI clip has me wishing and wanting to do sinful things with Kelly Hu :-).

  117. k says:

    HI–

    so glad this show is back. you’re recaps are awesome and i look forward to them every week.

    I liked this ep. Motorcycle was dumb. I mean really? I enjoyed the Damon Klaus team up too…but at the same time i’m getting tired of this show turning our enemies into team mates.

    One last thing– Damon’s ‘and I’m gonna teach you’ line definately tells us that some awesome television is about to come our way…but am I the only one who was hearing the ‘we can rebuild him’ lines from the $6million man, or bionic woman?

    well…gotta go. cant’ wait until next week!

  118. Sofia says:

    HI again =)
    I agree with you that they *could* be mindblowingly good every single week, the capacity is definitely there. It’s just that since *expect* greatness every episode i can accept slightly lower level of awesomeness once in a while. Does that sound weird? As long as they don’t make a habit of it of course, and so far I don’t think they have. The over cheeseiness (sp?) is getting old fast, though, so you’re right; they have to be careful to not overdoing whatever it is they’re doing.

    When it comes to Klaus’ Get out of jail card, well I guess it’s only fair to extend the same amnesic courtesies to him as to Damon, but I still think them being friends is just too weird. Fortunately enough, though, Klaus already seems to be plotting evil evil things. That’s comforting! ;)

  119. Tweeky says:

    I can’t wait to see tomorrows episode when Damon accompanies Elena and shows her the ropes by getting her to feed on greasy fratboys and likely setting her down the path to becoming Katherine-lite.

  120. Tweeky says:

    So, Thomas, what did you think of the CSI Pearl clip? Anyway can’t wait to see the inevitable Delena mayhem amongst the fratboys today :-).

  121. Tweeky says:

    It would seem that if Elena isn’t careful she’s going to turn into Katherine-lite.

    Anyway Thomas have you looked at my last post for episode 4×1 because i think the song is so appropriate for the way Father Fuckhead destroyed the Founders Council?

  122. Tweeky says:

    Just posting to say i’m waiting eagerly, and impatiently, for your episode 4 recap :-).