Thomas Galvin
Purveyor of Fine Pulp Fiction

The best revenge is massive success. -Frank Sinatra

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries

– Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry – Mystic Falls Satellite School –

Connor Jordan: Hi Professor Dumbledore! Thanks for sending me into a pack of werepire murder machines without any kind of hint or warning! Do you know how hard it is to kill one of those things?

Professor Dumbledore: You introduce them in Act One and then wait for the inevitable, three scenes later?

Connor Jordan: They kidnapped me! And tortured me! And took off all my clothes!

Professor Dumbledore: That’s a shame, really. Hey, speaking of nudity, there’s this witch in Mystic Falls that’s central to all of my plots, schemes, and machinations. If you could avoid putting any bullets or knives in her, that would be great!

Connor Jordan: I’m sorry, all I heard you say was “murder murder murder murder tea murder murder.”

Professor Dumbledore: Sigh. I’ll occupy her myself. With my penis bibliography!

– Mystic Grill – Kitchen fo Chaos –

Jeremy Gilbert: Well, this certainly is a fine afternoon! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, my sister is slowly transitioning into a blood-crazed, ravening monster, hey boyfriends are both serial killers, everyone I’ve ever loved is dead, and I’m earning minimum wage cleaning up after slovenly rednecks! Wait, what was that odd noise, over in those creepy shadows? I had better investigate!

Connor Jordan: Hi Jeremy! Let’s murder all of your friends!

– Voiceovers of Violence –

Elena Gilbert: Dear Diary, I know I don’t write in you anymore, but since this show is called The Vampire Diaries, and since the whole point of this season is to get rid of all the vampires, I figured I should do my part to keep at least part of the title relevant!

Stefan Salvatore: Dear diary, I will be young, pretty, and powerful forever! And now so will Elena! This is terrible! Le’s see what we can do to ruin everything! Super Stefan douche bagging powers activate!

Klaus (on the phone): Hi Stefan! Another of my completely useless Ultimate Biological Weapons got himself killed by our favorite vampire hunter slash treasure map, which means he’s probably wandering around Mystic Falls with a syringe full of werewolf venom! I’m too busy digging up Italy to save your ass, so be careful! -XOXO

– Mystic Grill – Fatal Five Top –

Matt Donovan: Hi Jeremy! I was really hoping you might actually show up for your shift today! Douchebag!

Jeremy Gilbert: Actually, I’ve been here for the last few hours. Just “chained to the radiator” instead of “setting up the chairs”.

Connor Jordan: Hi guys!

April Young: … Why do I still live in this town again?

– The Gilbert House – Bedroom of Bedlam –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Elena! Stefan’s not home and Stefan’s not answering his phone, so I came over to see if Stefan was in your pants! But it looks like Stefan’s off sulking about our little frat party!

Elena Gilbert: Frat party what frat party I didn’t bite anyone and I didn’t enjoy it and I certainly didn’t dance with you and if you tell him otherwise I will poke your eyes out with my nail file tee hee!

Damon Salvatore: …Give me your phone.

Stefan Salvatore’s Voice Mail: Hello, you’ve reached Hero Hair Enterprises. Damsels in Distress, press one. If I murdered your entire family when I went all Ripper last season, press two. If you’re an Original Werepire with a plan to fix my broken girlfriends, press three. If you’re a vampire hunter who would like to schedule a duel at high noon, press four. All other inquiries press five.

– Mystic Grill – Pool Hall of Pain –

Jeremy Gilbert: Dude, dick move! We have nothing to do with your little rampage!

Connor Jordan: Um … so you don’t remember drawing my sweaty, naked body last night? Or when I stabbed April with a rusty butcher knife just to draw out the Salvatores? Or Vampire Barbie doing her best to get your pants off?

Jeremy Gilbert: Nope!

Matt Donovan: Nuh uh!

April Young: Everything about my life is terrible!

Connor Jordan: Vervain, mother fuckers! Do you drink it?

Jeremy Gilbert: Verwhat now?

Matt Donovan: Too bitter.

April Young: My mother was killed by meerkats.

Connor Jordan: …Killing you would be a favor. A favor I plan to give just as soon as I finish taking on four vampires, two hybrids, a witch, and the entire Mystic Falls police force by myself, armed with nothing but a pocket knife and my own withering glare. I like a challenge!

– The Gilbert House – General Jerkoff –

Every Cell Phone in Mystic Falls: Hi guys! This is Connor! You might remember me from such action sequences as “the choir loft sniper” and “the exploding hospital wing”! I’ve got all o

Every Cell Phone in Mystic Falls (five minutes later): Fucking 150 character limit! Anyway, I”m holding everyone you love hostage at the Grill. Come on down and get stabbed/shot/exploded!

Damon Salvatore: Okay, here’s the plan. I’ll kill him.

Stefan Salvatore: That’s not a plan! A plan involves everyone doing exactly what I say! Because I’ve proven time and again that my judgement if flawless and my intuition beyond reproach! And I’m totally not making deals with Klaus behind your backs! Why would you even suggest that!

Damon Salvatore: Really? Because I can move faster than his eyes can see, I’m stronger than him times ten, I’m pretty nearly indestructible, and I’ve gone toe-to-well-pedicured-toe with Elijah and lived to talk about it. So why don’t we put his heart in my hand, then go our for beers and babes?

Caroline Forbes: And my mom cordoned off the entire block!

Bonnie Bennet: And I can’t do magic, so I can’t screw anything up!

Elena Gilbert: That … actually sounds like a pretty great plan.

Tyler Lockwood: And I called in the Hybrids to help!

Everyone: …

Tyler Lockwood: What?

Damon Salvatore: …Never mind, we’re fucked.

The Lady of the Manor: Stefan is such an asswad.

– Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry – Mystic Falls Satellite School –

Bonnie Bennet: You wrote a book? Here, please take my panties!

Professor Dumbledore: Actually, I wrote three.

Thomas: Please, who hasn’t?

Professor Dumbledore: Okay, let’s get to work! But I have to warn you, my methods might be a little unorthodox!

The Lady of the Manor: His plan involves a twig. And some berries.

Bonnie Bennet: Are you going to poke me with your magic wand?

Professor Dumbledore: No, I’m just going to hypnotize you.

Bonnie Bennet: Oh. 🙁

– Phone Call of Fear –

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Klaus! You were totally right about Connor coming back to Mystic Falls! Also pretty much everyone in town wants and is planning to murder him a ton, so if you still want his tattoo treasure map, you better send in someone useless to get in the way!

Klaus: Well then it’s a good thing I’m not out of hybrids yet!

– Saltzman Slums –

Damon Salvatore: It was really nice of Alaric to pre-pay his rent for the next year!

Elena Gilbert: And leave all of these weapons laying around!

Damon Salvatore: And these maps of the secret Mystic Falls tunnel system!

Elena Gilbert: Okay! So I’ll sneak it, flash my fangs, and offer myself in exchange for the hostages!

Damon Salvatore: Or you could not get yourself killed sue to a crushing lack of combat experience and/or common sense! Crossbow!

Elena Gilbert: Dodge! Tackle! Mount! Stab!

Damon Salvatore: …I am so turned on right now.

Millions of Girls Across the Nation: You are not alone.

The Lady of the Manor: You’ve got that right.

– Mystic Grill – Confirmation of Crazy –

Connor Jordan: So you see, you fill the glass jars with nails and werewolf venom, then sink a blasting cap in the middle, and you have yourself a vampire killing IED!

April Young: Wow, this guy is three sandwiches short of a picnic, am I right?

Jeremy Gilbert: …

April Young: Like, he’s totally crazy, right?

Matt Donovan: …

April Young: I mean, you guys don’t really believe in vampire and werewolves and witches, oh my? Right?

Connor Jordan: …

April Young: …I never should have come home.

– Saltzman Slums –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Stefan! I’ve got Alaric’s maps, Alaric’s vervain, and Alaric’s weapons. Let’s go kill a vampire hunter!

Stefan Salvatore: That’s a great idea! Except Klaus is sending us a hybrid, and we need to take Connor alive, and also Super Stefan stabbing my brother in the back – literally! – with a vervain dart powers activate!

Elena Gilbert: Hey! You’re only supposed to stick things in me!

Stefan Salvatore: It’s okay, Elena! I have a foolproof plan that will save everyone’s life and *cough* restore your humanity! *cough* You just have to trust me!

Elena Gilbert: Trust you? You just literally stabbed your own brother in the back!

Stefan Salvatore: If I kiss you, will you shut up?

Elena Gilbert: Boy will I!

– Lockwood Estates – Intercontinental Cock Block –

Caroline Forbes: Hi hot girl I’ve never met! What the fuck are you doing in Mystic Falls in general and my boyfriend’s house in particular?

Faye Chamberlain: Oh, you know how it is … you spend an entire summer with a guy up in the Appalachian mountains, totally naked the entire time, sharing the most intimate, painful moments with each other … when you need a place to crash, he’s kind of obligated to lend you his sofa.

Wally the Werepire: Okay guys, I’m gonna go throw myself on Connor’s grenade! Literally!

Faye Chamberlain: Okay, I hear what you’re saying, but have you considered maybe not committing suicide?

Tyler Lockwood: Or perhaps growing a spine and some matching balls?

Wally the Werepire: Dude, I can’t say no to Klaus! You know that!

Tyler Lockwood: Oh yeah? Watch this! Hey Klaus, yeah, Tyler here. Oh nothing, just wanted to call and let you know that you’re a big dummy headed poop face!

Klaus (on the phone): Oh really? Hey, does Caroline know you fucked Faye over the summer?

Tyler Lockwood: …Well played, sir. Well played.

Klaus: World record holder for cock blocking distance.

– Mystic Grill – Fatal Phone Call –

Stefan Salvatore (on the phone): Hi Connor! If you let the hostages go, I’ll tell you all there is to know about your tattoo, your sacred order of vampire hunting dickholes, the magic sword, and the spot on the back of Klaus’ knee that drives him crazy when you tickle it!

Connor Jordan: That is an appealing offer. On the other hand, RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE MURDER KILL DEATH PUPPIES RAGE FIRE MURDER KILL!

Matt Donovan: Hey April? Can you watch the door while I inconspicuously chisel through five feet of concrete with a broken beer bottle and my shoe? Thanks.

– Mystic Grill – Heart to Hunter Heart –

Jeremy Gilbert: Hey Connor! Did you know that not all vampires are evil murder beasts from the pit of hell? And that some of them are even nice, respectable people?

Connor Jordan: Hey Jeremy! Did you know that my best friend and fellow hunter got turned into a vampire? And that she promised that she could keep it under control? And that I cut off her head, ripped out her heart, set her corpse on fire, and peed on the ashes when it turned out she couldn’t?

Jeremy Gilbert: That’s way harsh, bro.

Connor Jordan: Bitch, if you’re ever going to be like me you need to shut up, pay attention, and learn from my example!

Jeremy Gilbert: Yeah, bro? Being like you is not exactly on top of my bucket list.

– Mystic Grill – Multiple Mine Fields –

Wally the Werepire: Okay, defused the grenades by the door, snipped the trip cord in the hallway, turned off the motion-activated murdertron, I’m room temperature so I don’t have to worry about the heat seeking sentry gun …

Connor Jordan: You forgot about the pressure mat hooked up to the claymore mine.

Wally the Werepire: …Crap.

– Mystic Grill – Here Comes the Boom –

Stefan Salvatore: Hi guys! I’m here to rescue you!

Matt Donovan: That’s awesome! I was really looking forward to not dying today!

April Young: My cousin was eaten by piranhas. In her swimming pool.

Connor Jordan: Hey Jeremy? Could you be a dear and stand on this pressure mat while I shoot Stefan a ton? Thanks, sweetie.

– Saltzman Slums –

Damon Salvatore: UUUUUUUUGH! God, who did I eat?

Elena Gilbert: Damon Hi Damon glad you’re with us again Damon you see Stefan stabbed you and stole your ring and kissed me into submission and then he called Klaus and then he went to the Grill and then it blew up and now I’m scared!

Damon Salvatore: You know what? I hear Portland is nice this time of year.

Elena Gilbert: But Damon! I have to save Stefan and save my brother and clean up all the pieces of all the people that Connor just blew up!

Damon Salvatore: Let me toss out an idea, just for laughs. You’re super fast, and super strong, and you can grow fangs on command, and your friends are in danger and there’s a killer on the loose. Maybe, and I know this might sound nuts, but maybe you could just kill the guy?

Elena Gilbert: :-)=

Damon Salvatore: There’s my girl.

– Mystic Grill – French Fries and Fatalities –

Elena Gilbert: Hi Connor! Please don’t murder everyone I love!

Connor Jordan: Murder everyone you love? That’s a great idea!

Jeremy Gilbert: Have you ever thought about getting your hearing tested? I think standing so close to all these explosions might have damaged it.

Connor Jordan: Hey Jeremy? Bang bang bang bang bang!

Elena Gilbert: Super vampire kinda saving my brother but getting him shot so we can have a cliffhanger before the commercial break powers activate!

Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire yanking Jeremy off the bombpad and hiding him behind a table which is totally explosion proof shut up! powers activate!

Connor Jordan: Super vampire hunter stabbing Elena in the heart powers activate!

Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire stake blocking Connor but keeping him alive because it serves my nefarious plans powers activate!

Elena Gilbert: Super Elena wait what the hell just happened where did everybody go why am I so alone powers activate!

– Mystic Grill – Reservations and Revelations –

Elena Gilbert: Hi Jeremy! Remember that cliffhanger I was talking about? Well here’s some vampire blood!

Everyone Who Receives a Life-Threatening Inury: Oh no! I’ve been temporarily inconvenienced!

Jeremy Gilbert: Thanks Elena! I totally didn’t think Connor was going to shoot me, since he said we were destined to be best buddies because I can see him magic vampire hunting tattoo!

Elena Gilbert: …

Jeremy Gilbert: Wait, what?

– Mystic Falls – Tunnels of Terror –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Stefan! Sorry I literally smell like poop, but that’s what happens when you have to punch through the septic system because you’re brother stabbed you and stole your Magic Ring of Not Exploding in the Sunlight!

Stefan Salvatore: Super Stefan defending the bad guy powers activate!

Damon Salvatore: Super Damon Jesus haven’t you figured out that I’m stronger than you yet powers activate!


Connor Jordan: I’ll … just be over here, then.

Elena Gilbert: Hi Connor! Fangs!

Connor Jordan: Super vampire hunter stake powers activate!

Elena Gilbert: Hey Connor? My eyes are up here. And my heart is slightly to the left. Also, Necksnap!

Connor Jordan: X-(

The Lady of the Manor: Yay! Elena grew a pair of … boobs? Something girly, because Elena is awesome now but she doesn’t have testicles. Also, I’m drunk.

Stefan Salvatore: Hey Damon? Could I convince you to join my team if I told you there was a way to turn Elena human again, and that it required Connor alive and well?

Elena Gilbert: Hi guys! What about Connor?

Stefan Salvatore: …Nevermind.

– Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry – Mystic Falls Satellite School –

Bonnie Bennet: Look Professor, I appreciate you trying to help and all, but I just can’t get into hypnotism!

Professor Dumbledore: Oh really? Then why have you been sitting here for the last seven hours? And why aren’t you wearing underwear anymore?

Bonnie Bennet: You mean …?

Professor Dumbledore: I do!

Bonnie Bennet: I can light fires with my brain!

– The Lost Woods – Shallow Graves and Secrets –

Elena Gilbert: Hi guys! Don’t mind me, I’m just digging a hole to bury a corpse that I created because Damon is devious and Stefan is shifty and I’m all alone and I can’t trust anyone and what have I done and what have I become and woe is me time to flip the fuck out wheee!

– Lockwood Estates – Den of Denial –

Tyler Lockwood: Hi Faye! I’m sorry that guy we don’t even know died! Let me comfort you!

Caroline Forbes: Hi guys! Sorry to interrupt, but fuck both of you with a rusty pipe!

Tyler Lockwood: Caroline, wait! It isn’t what you think! Faye and I are trying to help all of the hybrids break the Sire bond with Klaus! And we’re letting him think we’re together so he doesn’t get suspicious! And heart rippy!

Faye Chamberlain: Also we’re having a ton of sex. Like, constantly. I can barely walk.

– Mystic Falls – Pagoda of Peril –

April Young: Hi Jeremy! Did you hear that there was a gas leak and a detour and nothing unusual at all happened to day?

Jeremy Gilbert: Hi April! Hey, did you drop this vampire mind whammy defeating wrist charm?

April Young: Hahaha no, I would never wear something that tacky!


April Young: Okay! Jeeze! Hey, did you know my aunt got torn to pieces by a pack of feral bunny rabbits?

Matt Donovan: Man, I am so sick of secrets!

Jeremy Gilbert: Secrets what secrets I didn’t get magic vampire hunter herpes from Connor that’s crazy we were always careful why would you even say that tee hee!

– Castle Salvatore – Bonds of Brotherhood –

Damon Salvatore: Hi Stefan! Thanks for leaving your diary out in the open. And by “in the open,” I mean “inside a lockbox, inside a safe, inside a locked room, in the cellar, guarded by a puma.”

Stefan Salvatore: Hey Damon! Thanks for not ripping my heart out when you had the chance!

Damon Salvatore: Hey Stefan! So I assume we’re going to spend the next few episodes searching for another hunter with magic tattoos, right?

Stefan Salvatore: We sure are, Damon! It’s the one change Elena has to be happy again!

Damon Salvatore: I sure hope the cure doesn’t involve traumatizing and / or murdering the one human left in her life!

Stefan Salvatore: LOL that would be hilarious, wouldn’t it!

– The Gilbert House – Diary of Dementia –

Elena Gilbert: Dear Diary, Well, it finally happened. After hours and hours of fighting my vampire nature, I lost control and murdered an innocent killing machine that stabbed an innocent girl at her father’s funeral, kidnapped my brother and a bunch of his friends, threatened my life and the life of everyone I love, and stabbed me in the stomach (because he failed anatomy)! That poor, poor man! Oh well, I’m going to go write “REDRUM” on the mirrors in my own blood! Tee hee!

– Post Mortem –

TVD is the master of what I refer to as the “reverse cock block.”

Everyone – literally everyone , and I will broke no dissagreement – wanted Elena to kill someone. And even though I love Connor, a lot of us were hoping it was going to be him, because come on, bad ass. They hinted at the idea the entire episode, and set it up so that it was almost inevitable …

And then Connor got away. Cock blocked.

And then Elena found him in the tunnels, and she bit him … and then started having a conversation with him. And since Connor was so important to Stefan and Klaus’ plans (and the main arc of the season), it looked like he was going to live to manufacture explosives in his trailer another day.

And then Elena snapped his neck. Cock block reversed.

I’ve said before that a big part of drama is denying the audience what they want, to keep them coming back for more. But you have to give them something, sometimes. This show has the best of both worlds. They’re able to get us spun up, then dash our hopes on the rocks, and then fulfill them. Watching this show is a roller coaster.

Everyone seemed to love this episode, at least as far as my Twitter feed said. And don’t get me wrong, I loved it, too. But I actually think last week’s episode, the episode everyone hated with the passion of a million dying stars, was better. The reason? This episode wasn’t billed as anything other than what it was. There was no Delena cock teasing, no promises of smokey sexy shenanigans … they let us come into the episode relatively neutral. Because of that, the episode was able to stand on its own merits, and because of that, fan reaction was a lot better.

Jeremy becoming the next Hunter was completely unsurprising (mostly because of pre-season promotional material), but I still love the idea, and I’m going to enjoy watching him freak the fuck out on his sister, since he’s “the only one holding her together.” Also, Stefan and Klaus are going to be doing some very bad things to Jeremy in the near future, which will almost certainly drive Stefan and Elena further apart. To which I say: finally.

I like Bonnie and the Professor. They have a good dynamic, mostly because she sees him as an authority figure slash potential sex partner, which means she doesn’t spend the entire episode telling him he’s a failure as a human being and making constipated facial expressions at him. And if he can rope her into his vampire hunting crusade, corrupt her and make her a little bit evil? That would be delicious.

I do not love Elena’s guilt fetish, but mostly because the foreshadowing was less subtle and more a giant two-by-for with nail embedded in it, slammed into our faces over and over again. I think the scene where “murderer” is written in blood on the mirror would have been a lot more powerful if they hadn’t spent the last month telling us it was going to happen. Still, this plot line has potential.

Damon asked Stefan if he wanted the cure for Elena, or so that he could have Elena, human Elena, back. I love this idea. I said last year that it would be a delicious twist if Stefan rejected Elena because of her vampirism, and I would be thrilled to see that actually happen. Especially after she was so accepting of his minor cross-country murder spree. And I also love that Damon said he would still love her no matter what.

Finally: KATHERINE! We’ve missed you, Katherine. Please kick everybody’s ass until they stop being stupid.

On to the next episode!

0 responses to “Vampire Diaries – S04E05 – The Killer”

  1. sophy says:

    “Damon asked Stefan if he wanted the cure for Elena, or so that he could have Elena, human Elena, back. I love this idea. I said last year that it would be a delicious twist if Stefan rejected Elena because of her vampirism, and I would be thrilled to see that actually happen.”

    This, definitely. It’s in keeping with Stefan’s character, too. But I think they are going to suffer a minor split before we get to that point. Right now, Stefan is all full of hope that he can ‘fix’ Elena without having to come to terms with the fact that she really is this new person now. He won’t have to face the fact that this is their new reality until after the cure plan fails epically. So my spec is that facing her feelings for Damon will cause S/E to break up for now, and then Stefan having to coming to terms with a Vampire Elena as a real thing is going to cause a more permanent break later. But no doubt that they are growing apart.

    As for hybrids, Klaus was so concerned about the possibility of the hunter killing Tyler (who is not even sired to him anymore) that he turned around from being halfway to Chicago *and* set up a personal bodyguard detail for Tyler, but he sent his hybrid Dean into the hunter’s traps willynilly with no protection? He could have at least sent some other hybrids in there with him.

    Dean should have been even *more* valuable to Klaus than Tyler, because Dean was still sired and useful.

    I am just going to take this as evidence that Klaus secretly LOVES Tyler bunches and bunches, but that Klaus always thought Dean was a bit of a twat.

  2. Rachel G. says:

    I can completely buy that Damon loves Elena no matter what. Hell, if he was able to fall in love with human Elena, who’s so not his type(or at least not a right fit) I understand him not really giving two shits about which version he is. It’s just really in character with what we’ve seen with him, he’s a hopeless romantic and loved Katherine passionately even though he knew very well she was a vampire and did all these morally questionable things. It took him over a century to fall out of love with that girl, though I’m not entirely sure he still wouldn’t fuck around with her if he got pissed off enough at the world. But I find it infinitely fascinating that Stefan could possibly prefer human Elena, because it’s simpler and she’s good and pure and doesn’t constantly want to rip out someone’s throat. It was briefly brought up in Twilight(You have to read it to form a good argument against that shit), Bella being worried that Edward might not want her to be a vampire simply because he prefers them human. Of course this didn’t get built upon or anything, but it’s a good possibility in vampire fiction. I’m glad Stefan and Elena are growing apart if only because I think that it will be good for the story, making things more fresh and interesitng. I don’t expect them to really be all that distant and apart for all that long. Hell they might do the Angel and Buffy thing where they say they are apart, but clearly in later episodes they are back together. But some distance is not a bad thing and makes things more interesting.

    Price Peterson complained about how Caroline was being jealous and catty this episode, but actually I’m not bothered by it. It’s perfectly in character. One of Caroline’s traits is her insecurity and jealousy, it was a major problem when she first got turned actually. She just hasn’t had to be jealous because she’s been with Tyler for the better part of a season. Plus, while I’m not wild about jealous characters, it gives Caroline some flaws and keeps her relatable. She’s awesome, but she’s not this perfect thing. So good for that? I am a little disappointed that Tyler was not being a man-slut. Instead he was guilty of being so awesome and perfect with his underground railroad. I am getting tired of the stagnation of their relationship too. Probably because I really love Caroline and Tyler is…eh, he’s just bathing in the sunny glow of her awesome.

    I really like the Professor, he seems pretty fascinating but I’m really fucking distracted by how similar he looks to a guy I’ve had an on and off thing. Hopefully I’ll get over it, because this is the first Bonnie related subplot that I’ve given a shit about in a while. Though I do find it creepy that he was able to just take 7 hours away from her life. What were they doing for 7 hours? I’d also be paranoid if I was Bonnie, I’d be worried he’d hypnotize me to do weird shit like strip naked every time someone clapped three times. Or kill some vampires every time someone says something about yellow flowers in vase or some shit. (Cookie if you get the reference!)

    When Elena starting seeing blood everywhere I yelled “BITCH GOT LADY MACBETH SYNDROME!”. Then I had this awful thought come across my mind, that she was actually self mutilating and all that blood was hers and the normal bathroom was the hallucination. Then I disturbed myself and shoved the thought somewhere in a hidey hole for whenever I try to write horror.

    YAY KATHERINE!!! I’m sure she’s just a hallucination though. 🙁

    So this was a really awesome episode, I’m not sure if it was better or worse than the last one. I need to watch the last one another time after the rage and fear of Elena being turned back fades away.

  3. Laura says:

    Stefan Salvatore’s Voice Mail: PRICELESS!

  4. Mey says:

    Sorry to disagree Thomas but I do, so much :p. Drama means action and while TVD is master at holding and then splashing faerie dust all over the place, so little actually happens whether for the characters or the plot, has been thus for long. I simply don’t fall in TVD’s tricks anymore, not since the Sun and the Moon curse, you may call it a good twist, to me it was just a trust breaker and now the trust is gone those writers have nothing on me unless they actually level their shit up.
    Anyway, disagreement: Connor was obviously *not* essential form the second we knew Jeremy was a potential, distract yourself all you want pretending there was a doubt but he was clearly disposable that ruined the “roller coaster” as it had established his death as a case of the “when” not the “if”. Though it is still pathetic he got written out so promptly and so daftly because: damn he was a GREAT villain. Missing you already Safari Sam, R.I.P.

    Talking about the demise… seriously? Elena does a one handed neck snap? Patheticulous. Let slide the fact she’s never had that training from Damon, a badass trope in the hands of a lame character is like a delicacy in the trough of a pig: a waste. There was absolutely no badassery or loss of control (or sense: like Connor would miss the heart in such a “calm” moment? Poor pet was probably just trying to return the warning, saying “I, too, care about my potential” in his own “murder, murder, murder” way) in the way she wacked him. She wanted to give him a warning after getting there was a link between him and her brother, fine, but she had stopped at that, no extra feeding rush, pretty much in control for someone who was claiming she’d gotten lost like a crack addict during the frat party at the beginning of this very episode? Then he stabs her and she finds the time for a one liner before killing him with a technique she’s never learnt? That has spoilt brat breaking her toy written all over, not badass or mental. Not even mentioning the fact it’s so convenient Jeremy didn’t come clean about the fact Connor had *inherited* the mark, or maybe he did or maybe Elena’s heightened stupidity couldn’t link the dots? Even Rebekah (whom I think she “hates”?) didn’t have her lose control while Jeremy was actually having a one on one with Connor. This was yet another fail in the writing of shocker moments for Elena Gilbert… Of course she’d then pull a Ripper Stefan trying to place the heads back by wanting to bury Connor but her guilt consists in blaming Stefan and Damon for making her do it? Because of course, that is how guilt works, guilt is about blaming other people for shit you’ve done that you find looks crass on your resume. See, I don’t even need to touch the fact Connor was a form of sup and not the nicest guy around because Elena is such a dull character.

    Last week we already saw eating a rapist was enough to alleviate Elena’s guilt but preventing the girl with the spiked drink from getting raped by anyone else was beyond her compassion’s limits. This week I have the feeling this show works on the “fans” like an abusive boyfriend. Last week everyone was all “Elena is so lame” when, she was, but at least she was perfectly in character and this week everyone is all “Awesome, she’s badass now” for soiling the name of one the best Tv tropes? Well, no flowers would ever make up for the fact I was hit and no neck snap (yet my favourite trope ever) will redeem to me a character that the writers have had rely exclusively on Nina Dobrev’s good looks for 4 years now. Her acting too, although with one whining blood goatee scene *every* week, it’s hard to fall for it and not have in mind how automatic it’s become for her.
    And now what? Apparently it reached the writing room even “fans” are bored with the love triangle so the next game is teasing people with a Katerina return via hallucination? How pathetic. Could these people learn how to write *one* story line from A to Z and a lead properly instead of dangling special effects (money) and potential interesting arcs that *never* come to be? As of now it would seem they simply can’t write stories, only come up with teasers. Lame. Worst episode ever, even by soap standards 🙁

    Yours and Price Peterson’s recaps were a lot of fun, as usual, more or less straight up delusional? :p (not being so shallow as to jokingly name them that on the grounds of me disagreeing but you guys globally demonstrate too-kind-too-be-fruitful suspension of disbelief :p), but a lot of fun, thanks 🙂

    Also, I didn’t really get your point about promotion altering fan reaction, you mean fans are just stupid shippers and if not induced to believe ship a or b will sail they manage their hormones better and just enjoy the whatever that show is regardless of its actual quality?
    Also, also, how can you care for Stefan and Elena being driven apart (wait, there’s a point coming lol) when we all know, for the sake of that damn triangle, it’s so likely to mean Damon’s hair will flirt with the mullet of no balls?
    I don’t believe Damon “loving” Elena no matter what is a tribute to anything but Nina Dobrev’s looks, again, no woman on earth is pretty enough to have that many man fall for her face (Tatia’s baby daddy, Niklaus, Elijah, Trevor, Damon, Stefan, Mason, Matt, Damon again…) independently of human/vamp Katerina, Tatia or human,/vamp Elena ; so since Katerina is awesome and Elena lame, whether as a human or vampire, you have to accept it’s the looks. Worst writing of “love” ever.

  5. Rona says:

    Thank u Thomas for your brilliant recap. It has definately become part of watching TVD for me. Besides for the humor you bring to it, a lot of your insights and predictions make me think about things in the show that I may have not caught otherwise.

    I am also so surprised at the comments here. There are no crazy arguments or stupid shipper wars. The comments posted here are actually an intelligent discussion regarding the show. You don’t find that too often.

    I am hoping that Damon hooks up with Katherine or chooses Katherine in some way over Elena and that it hurts Elena. Elena needs a dose of her own medicine. I know it won’t happen but I can still dream lol

  6. Pauline B says:

    Hi Thomas ! Once again, great recap :
    “Connor Jordan: Hi Professor Dumbledore! Thanks for sending me into a pack of werepire murder machines without any kind of hint or warning! Do you know how hard it is to kill one of those things?
    Professor Dumbledore: You introduce them in Act One and then wait for the inevitable, three scenes later?” Muahaha

    “Elena Gilbert: Dear Diary, I know I don’t write in you anymore, but since this show is called The Vampire Diaries, and since the whole point of this season is to get rid of all the vampires, I figured I should do my part to keep at least part of the title relevant!” Exactly what I was thinking. Please don’t turn this show into “The Folks Who Used To Be Vampires But Who Are Now Humans ‘s Diaires”

    “The Lady of the Manor: HEART RIP HEART RIP HEART RIP!” I feel your pain. I think they’re saving the heart rip for Elijah’s return. Where he is, anyway ? I guess he went to tell Kol Klaus “died” (Elijah doesn’t know Klaus is alive, right ?). May the Originals twins – Kol is a younger version Elijah with the personality of Season 1 Damon – make a glorious return by ripping the remaining hybrids’ hearts out.

    “The Lady of the Manor: Yay! Elena grew a pair of … boobs? Something girly, because Elena is awesome now but she doesn’t have testicles. Also, I’m drunk.” Dear Lady, you’re the best ! I’m hoping that Thomas will make retro-recaps of the show when it’s over, so that he can included your comments for season 1.

    “Professor Dumbledore: Oh really? Then why have you been sitting here for the last seven hours? And why aren’t you wearing underwear anymore?” Ok, Thomas, you’re the best too 😉

    Some thoughts :

    I 100% agree with you about the whole “4×04 was better but we were able to enjoy 4×05 more”. I know it was the case for me. Once again, it proves that spoilers ruin everything : if they real, no element of surprise, if not, you’re disappointed. Oh well, I guess twitter needs a downside, your tweets and the Lady’s make up for it 😉

    Faye didn’t sleep with Tyler… did I… guess something about the show ? It only happens 10% of the time, so it makes me happy – even though it wasn’t a major plot twist, it’s a small victory. Does this mean my “the cure only works on a original and it turns all his bloodline with him” theory is good too ? Or my “epic DEx happens in 4×19’” prediction is right ? #FingerCrossed #EpicDExIsRedundant

    So now Jeremy needs to buy a cheerleader outfit – I wanna see him sings “Macho Men”

    I love how Elena’s first kill wasn’t about bloodlust. It wasn’t even about self-defense. She killed to protect someone she loved, which again shows how much she and Damon are alike 😉

    And Damon & Stefan conversation about Elena ? Basically proves that what every DErs has been saying for the last 3 years – that Stefan’s love for Elena was mainly due to her humanity – was true. Also, have you noticed how every-time Stefan keeps a secret from Elena, he ends up telling it to Damon (like the coffins) ? #TeamDefan

    Oh, and Faye/Haley comment about others hybrids made me realize two things :
    seriously, why are they so many werewolves ? I mean, in the show mythology, you need to kill someone to activate the curse. Even if it can be an accident, I don’t think they’re should be so many werewolves. It’s not as if Klaus had tracked people with werewolves genes and made them kill to turned them into hybrid : they already were in pack.
    Mikael was right about saying that Klaus impulse was “the one thing keeping him from truly being great”. You know why ? Because you can’t CREATE werewolves. It’s like witchcraft, it’s genetic. Klaus focuses on Elena’s blood, but he keep killing werewolves, whom, for all we know, are childless. Wouldn’t it be fun if Klaus manages to turn Elena or Kat human but can’t create anymore hybrid because they are no more wolfs ? Unless hybrids can still reproduce with human/werewolves/witches (I’m wondering what happens if a werewolf and a witch have a baby. Is it like a were-witch ? And what if Isobel had slept with a wolf or a witch ? Can the doppelganger’s blood be tainted with other supernatural element ? And am I the only one to wonder those things ?)

    I share your hopes for Katherine. My 1st reaction was to believe she’s an hallucination, but it’s too obvious, isn’t it ? Let’s imagine the situation for 2 secs : Elena sees Kat, thinks she’s in her heard, and tells her all her dirty little secrets. Except that Katherine was back for real because she’d heard about her transformation / had a deal to make with Klaus. I think it would be pretty comical. Anyway, regardless Kat is real or not, I believe will have a “You’re a lot like me” conversation between the two Petrovas – I’m looking forward to it.
    Oh, and you know what I first thought when I saw Katherine ? “Well, it’s probably an hallucination, but it’s nice to see the actress who plays Katherine again”. It took me a minute or 2 before remembering she was also played by Nina Dobrev.

  7. Pauline B says:

    @Rona “Thank u Thomas for your brilliant recap. It has definately become part of watching TVD for me. Besides for the humor you bring to it, a lot of your insights and predictions make me think about things in the show that I may have not caught otherwise.
    I am also so surprised at the comments here. There are no crazy arguments or stupid shipper wars. The comments posted here are actually an intelligent discussion regarding the show. You don’t find that too often.” just one word : AMEN

  8. Tabi says:

    Loved this episode, but I’m sad that Connor had to die. His way of ripping a hybrid’s heart out was freaking awesome!!! 😀 But I’m thinking that Elena’s REDRUM bathroom scene was due to her killing a “chosen” vampire hunter. From the preview for next week, it looked like Klaus was saying there’s a consequence for killing one of them, so I’m guessing the hallucinations are part of those consequences. I’m so sick of Stefan though. I hate broody vampires (probably why I never liked Angel or Bill). You’d think that after a hundred or more years, they’d figure out a way to like being a vampire, but noooo, they have to annoy the hell out of everyone with their woe is me bullcrap! I’m also very happy that Katherine will be back! Maybe she can show Elena the joys of being a vampire, and also help her with her eating problem. I seem to recall Katherine being able to enjoy blood from a bag before, so if she’s a doppleganger and able to enjoy blood not from a vein, then Elena should be able to as well. Either way, Elena needs to stop the brooding! I can’t wait for next week!

  9. Roger says:

    Coming up on The Vampire Diaries (Translation: I’m making this stuff up, so if it actually happens, go me):

    Since Jeremy Gilbert is technically dead and has been brought back to life more times than I can count, the magic Hunter lineage will be all screwy. A bad girl Vampire Hunter will roll into town claiming to be the new Chosen One, and some stuffy British dude will accompany her. Then they’ll she turn out to be evil, swap bodies with Jeremy, go be a guest star on the spin off, disappear for a while, then come back in the last season to save the world.
    On a more serious note, dug this episode, totally saw the Killer coming, and the Killed. I want more Fayley but I really hope they’re giving Tonkin more to do than saving hybrids, if only because hybrids are the weak link on this show. I think I read something interesting regarding Tyler (won’t say what to avoid spoilers), so we’ll see where that goes. Still pulling for a Fayemon pairing.

  10. Wherever they go with these storylines, they have to find a way to reintroduce the danger element. They’re sending the heroes on a quest, which could fail, but the heroes aren’t going to run into any plausible danger either.

    Every time something blows up, I yawn. They TRIED early in this episode with that sad bit of exposition (Connor has werewolf toxin, and the antidote is on the other side of the Atlantic, got it dumb-dumbs?) but it was hard to get to a place where I really thought a Series Regular would go out in Episode 5, or Jeremy and Matt (and less so, April) were in any real danger before a vampire medic could get to them.

    Shit, there’s only six named human Mystic Falls natives left, and they’re ALL friends with/related to someone that can heal most anything, are wearing a MROND; AND, if Bonnie is going to go back to non-FDA approved majicking; can come back via the hated Resur-retcon Spell.

    Props to those that saw Elena being the one to get Connor this week. Ironic twist is ironic. I thought Connor was badass enough to survive to play cat-and-mouse awhile longer. But really, one of the five Seal Team Six Vampire Slayers going out like a punk at the hands of a day old baby vamp after missing her heart by a foot? Justify THAT as anything but Main Character Immunity.

    I know Elena kickboxed with Alaric, and Damon showed her the shortest way to a vampire’s heart, and Stefan’s been shooting arrows at her in Nottingham Forest, but it still doesn’t feel earned. Just, really?! I mean, Connor didn’t know about hybrids or ghost-seers when he rolled into town, by his 4th episode he’d fiugred out killing a hybrid required decapitaion or heartrip, had decapitated one last week, and purpose-built a long-range Hybrid Heart Extractor for this week! Reminds me of the last powerful black character that got inexplicably careless and went down like that – Jonah Martin.

    Credit though for a little bit of continuity. Her first shot at killing Connor was via bite; like Aunt Jenna on Greta Tucker at the ritual; before going for the Snapper Neck. Either a family trait, or common baby-vamp mistake.

    I’m TRYING to stay in here!

    I’m going to need a shit-ton of exposition (to Original John Gilbert’s Journals verily!) to buy Jeremy’s connection to the Brotherhood of the Five. He’s never been anywhere but Mystic Falls and Denver that we know of. Uncle John Gilbert the Second? OK< I'll buy that. But ACTUALLY going after ELENA?! They need to earn that.

    Except for all the secrets, which Price rightly called out, Jeremy would have an all-star Secret Service detachment protecting his tail. Hell, Klaus and Stefan would be happy to feed vampires to him to get the map back, but of course no one is talking to anyone else. Bad kind of drama. Might even save us the stern talking to/empty threats shade Klaus is going to throw Stefan's way for losing the mapbearer in-the-hand.

    The good kind of drama is having an honest-to-goodness shit-disturber in the mix. *waves welcome home to Katherine! (also wants Rebekah undaggered so they can team up and WREAK FUCKING HAVOC)::: Hey, it could happen. 500-1,000 year-olds could have enough big-picture perspective to let bygones-be-bygones and get on to the task at hand.

    (((Unspoiled Speculation)))
    I think Fayely (I'm compromising, I know), is the seed to the ultimate exit of Klaus from the show with her sire bond-breaking wolf-vagina… They've got to do something with The Shane/Bonnie/April/Connor-now-Jeremy alliance. That IS a thing right? April's connected to the Greater Evil somehow right? Is her Faerie Vagina going to talk Jeremy into trying to kill Elena? What is McQueen's contract status? How is Jeremy going to be able to tell Elena from Katherine? Will he care? Will he kill Katherine, go into a suicidal depression thinking it was Elena, then ZOINKS! Elena's alive? Fucking BET on it. Writers aren't creative enough anymore to use Katherine for anything OTHER than Doppelganger Hijinks.

    Still waiting for Season Four to find a gear and get rolling.

  11. Raven says:

    Julie Plec has almost redeemed herself after this episode. It was one of the best of season 4. Damon, you are a Prince in all the sense of the word.Your love knows no bounds and it doesn’t hurt that you’re so damn hot.He is certainly hotter than season 3, but nothing beats Damon’s hotness from season 1. The man was a walking, talking sexually charged machine.I miss that so much,the craziness in his eyes the smirk ,yes the smirk always got me.
    Still,Damon is the raison d’être of the Vampire Diaries. The most misunderstood,tragic, beautiful character of the show.Lest anyone misunderstood I’m Team Damon.

    Elena was not whiny for a good five minutes and then she resorted to her usual ways but this time I will be lenient with her.She did kill someone so that must be hard on her.I’m sure she will get over it with Damon’s help this time.

    Jeremy oh my God he is absolutely great.He is maturing in all the right places.

    Tyler was once again pathetic and Caroline, I love her, but the drama? Chill Care,Klaus is in your future.Even though I have my doubts about him lately.When Klaus first walked into the scene I was in awe of him but in these last episodes I don’t know he is not doing it for me anymore and unless something happens to change his weird obsession with the useless hybrids are love affair is over.

    Bonnie and the professor? Not feeling the whole scene. I do hope they have something good for Bonnie because even though I regard her as the second biggest cock-blocker in all Mystic Falls,Kat is a good actor and deserves some decent character development.

    Stefan oh Stefan.You are my least favorite character(I do like Paul a lot though) but today I almost felt sorry for you and your desperate attempt to reclaim the unicorns and rainbows of yesteryear.

    The “epic luv” of the “I met you outside the bathroom and could not live without you” variety is coming to a very anticlimactic conclusion.

    A fantastic episode all around.

  12. nvo says:

    Elena fucking Gilbert, ladies and gentlemen! All her haters to the left. I had to watch the scene where she kills Connor again to see how he missed her heart because he’s suppose to be a professional and all. So I might be making excuses for the writers here but it looks like he didn’t go deep enough (wow that sounds dirty). He went under the rib cage just like Damon said but it didn’t quite hit its mark for whatever reason. He was on the ground bleeding from the neck. *shrugs*

    I’m confused about Stefan. He says he’ll always love Elena and I believe hime but he doesn’t want her to be this person. Is this cure thing about him or her? Cause Elena will get over it. She’s going through an existential crisis but we’ve all been there at one point. Or at least Damon has =D

    I really loved this episode and I thought it was better than the last one mostly because I’m not that into flashback episodes. It throws me out of the story a bit. The recap was great and the post mortem described my reaction so well. I so wanted Elena to kill Connor, then she didn’t and I was bummed. Then BAM!

  13. Kelly says:

    Hi Thomas,

    Another great recap! I enjoyed this episode, and I pretty much expected to knowing that Michael Narducci had written it. He really won me over with “The Reckoning,” and while “The Killer” wasn’t as high-stakes, it was still good.

    I have to say that what stood out to me the most about this episode were all the shout-outs to Season 1: the diary voiceovers, Damon reading Stefan’s diary, Bonnie’s candle highjinks, and to a lesser extent, Caroline’s jealousy.

    I’m definitely interested in seeing where this thing between Prof. Shane and Bonnie goes. I seriously thought she was going to set his hair on fire when she was concentrating on lighting the candle. 🙂

    When Stefan and Damon started fighting in the tunnels, I expected the usual fisticuffs, but shit got real when Damon decided to have a literal heart-to-heart (or hand-to-heart, as it were) with his brother. That was pleasantly unexpected.

    R.I.P. Connor. You were badass while you lasted. I don’t recall exactly, but does Jeremy only see vampire ghosts? Any chance Connor could continue to coach him from the Other Side?

    It definitely appears that a Stelena breakup is on the horizon. Stefan doesn’t want her to be “that person,” but that’s not going to change any time soon.

    Psyched to see Kat in the preview, although it’s probably just a hallucination, especially if Klaus is back in town. I’m dying to see the inevitable Katherine vs. Elean showdown.

  14. Sara A says:

    I think Price Peterson called this one right – it was a serviceable episode, despite the fact that the entire main plot was completely ludicrous.

    Having one (very badass but still human) vampire hunter, an entire town of supernatural creatures who want to kill him and only one hapless moron (Stefan) trying to protect him from all the others was a recipe for disaster. Of course he was going to get killed if Stefan didn’t share the secret with anyone else. There was no other possible outcome.

    And Klaus had to have known that. He was introduced as a master plotter who was so far ahead of everyone else that he was on the other side of the world. Banging on about his trust issues and pretending he’d throw the sword away if Stefan told anyone was just stupid. We all know he wouldn’t. The whole premise was unbelievable and just dumb.

    Elena was her usual insufferable self, giving everyone the big watery puppy eyes while she wrung her hands helplessly, trying to martyr herself for everyone else, using Damon shamelessly and blaming him later, and generally being a soppy, pathetic twit. One necksnap does not make her awesome, especially when combined with the lameass Lady MacBeth stuff later.

    Even though Elena is a vampire now, apparently she can still manage to be the useless damsel in distress that everyone has to save.

    That girl April is annoying the crap out of me. I really can’t stand her and I vote for her to die this season.

    But we have a bright spot on the horizon in the form of Katherine! I hope she’s real, but even if she’s a hallucination I will take what I can get 🙂

  15. Eve says:

    Matt Donovan: Hey April? Can you watch the door while I inconspicuously chisel through five feet of concrete with a broken beer bottle and my shoe? Thanks.

    LOL! Will get back to other of my favorite lines of this recap. 🙂

  16. Eve says:

    This episode was awesome! Full of action and surprises. Connor is dead, really?? Just like that, the whole super hunter thing is done? I mean, I know not really done because apparently Jeremy is taking over. But why does Jeremy have that mark? He didn’t kill anyone.

    And it was Elena who killed the mega-hunter Connor! I love the irony. A brand new vampire, and one who more than anything *didn’t* want to kill someone, and she’s the one who did it. There were dozens of vampires/hybrids/whatever who were dying to kill him and they all lost out to Elena, including Damon who was busy nearly pulling Stefan’s heart out. Sheesh. We all know there is no way whatsoever that Damon would kill Stefan.

    Damon’s speech to Stefan that Stefan can’t love Elena as a vampire but he (Damon) can: I don’t think it’s true that Stefan can’t love her but certainly he is more troubled by her vampirism than Damon. Which makes sense because Elena hates being a vampire! Which also makes sense. She really isn’t cut out for it, unless she can learn to handle it as well as Caroline.

    But what was way more meaningful about that speech was Damon saying he’d help Stefan look for the cure, for Stefan’s sake. As always, Stefan and Damon come first with each other.

    Still don’t get the connection between Connor and the teacher but it’s done now. And Bonnie regained her ability to light candles with her mind. Oh joy.

    Tyler and his secret plan with Hayley to “free” other hybrids: Awesome! And awesome that he didn’t cheat on Caroline and is faking Klaus out about that. Ha! Now Caroline can go along with it and also fake out Klaus.

    Klaus in Italy, easily talking by cell phone to everyone back in Mystic Falls: HA HA HA. Have you ever tried to dial one cell phone to another from Europe to the U.S.? I have. First of all, it takes about 30 numbers. Second, a lot of American cell phones don’t work in Europe. It’s not impossible but it’s sure not as easy as it looked. Then again, they travel from Virginia to Chicago and/or Denver in ten minutes.

    So now Stefan and Damon will team up to find the Five and maybe the cure, but wait a minute, Jeremy has become one of the Five. So they don’t have far to look. And in the meantime Elena’s going nuts. Cool!

  17. Engweri says:

    I love that the’re giving Tyler a good storyline this year. Starting a hybrid rebellion will keep Klaus’s hybrid tie in while creating some real juicy conflict. I love Caroline but I don’t her being in the background for a bit to allow more development of other characters. As long as Dark Bonnie exists I like Shane

  18. Angelized_1st says:

    Just wanted to say that I loved the Pulp Fiction nod. That is all. Carry on!

  19. Jawly says:

    Elena was AWESOME this episode!

    As for freaking out after killing Connor, it’s understandable. Between Jeremy being threatened, Stefan’s deal and Damon telling her to kill him, she was the only one left to do the deed, and she does not feel good about that at ALL. She’s nothing like Damon. Crafty, yes, but not uncaring like he is. And she’s not like Stefan either. She won’t go ripper. It’s a lot to deal with, but she’s not the delicate flower that Stefan thinks she is.

    As for Connor dying from Elena, it was kind of a twist. An amoral killer being killed by a typical, hormonal teenage high school girl? That was FUN! Nobody is going to miss him either, so tee-hee bitch! XD Also Thomas, as for taking way from the audience? You’re wrong. They give us way too much and STILL manage to make it completely awesome. If Klaus and Stefan would have filled her in on what’s going on, we wouldn’t have gotten that bloody birth canal delusion for an ending. They GIVE us too much, not take away, but whatever.

    Jeremy and Elena closeness. More please? For her “only family” left, she seems to be hanging out with her idiotic boyfriends much more than her own brother. He gives her much less drama and seems to actually like her. I want her to have a REAL close relationship with someone, not that “will they/won’t they” beating around the bush crap like with the brothers. They’re also in much less scenes with each other than she is with those clowns. It was nice seeing her take care of him, even though she knew how bad the situation was. I’m glad her vampire drama didn’t get in the way of helping him out. I was wrong. She’s not like Stefan or Damon. She does what’s best for Jeremy, even if it means grandiose delusions following suit. I’m so proud of her! 🙂

    As for Hayley, she’s not cheating with Tyler. It would be way too obvious and she doesn’t seem too interested. She even said that Caroline was Tyler’s girl. She’s MUCH more mature than Caroline when it comes to relationships. I hope we find out shy she’s here. If it’s not for Tyler, then what? Klaus wants a cure, and Connor wants to know what’s the meaning of his tattoo, but I have no idea as to what Hayley wants. Freeing the hybrids? Come on. Tyler can do that since he broke the sire bond. She’s just a werewolf. With her, I have NO idea as to what she wants. I love private, mysterious characters like that. Gives me hope that she’s not going to die anytime soon. But Connor bit the big one way too early for me, so it could happen soon. Believe it or not, I’m actually holding out for the hybrids. Maybe Tyler can free them and turn them loose on Klaus after he’s done fussing for the tattoo. I’d LOVE to see THAT war.

    Again, with Jeremy and Elena, it felt a little like Let Me In (human boy, vampire girl). She’d do anything for him, even walk into a trap. I would like it if they’d actually appreciated each other more. Good recap as always.

  20. sepiriz47 says:

    4×04 and 4×05 were about evenly poor.

    Stefan’s Voice Mail was very funny.

  21. Eve says:

    Another favorite, lol!


    Castle Salvatore – Bonds of Brotherhood –

    Damon Salvatore: Hi Stefan! Thanks for leaving your diary out in the open. And by “in the open,” I mean “inside a lockbox, inside a safe, inside a locked room, in the cellar, guarded by a puma.”

    Stefan Salvatore: Hey Damon! Thanks for not ripping my heart out when you had the chance!

    Damon Salvatore: Hey Stefan! So I assume we’re going to spend the next few episodes searching for another hunter with magic tattoos, right?

    Stefan Salvatore: We sure are, Damon! It’s the one change Elena has to be happy again!

    Damon Salvatore: I sure hope the cure doesn’t involve traumatizing and / or murdering the one human left in her life!

    Stefan Salvatore: LOL that would be hilarious, wouldn’t it!

  22. Mona says:

    Hi Thomas,
    I definitely agree with you about last episode being a bit better. Mainly because I wanted Connor to stick around for a bit longer, I think. He was fun and a genuine threat.
    But I absolutely loved that moment when Elena killed Connor, though. I LOVE Dark!Elena and I hope she is able to work out how to balance the aspects of her personality now that she’s a vampire. Stefan annoyed the shit out of me in this episode – particularly the “she’s not meant to be a vampire!” crap. Seriously, accept your girlfriend for who she IS.

    Also, to The Lady of the Manor, about Elena growing a pair – I immediately thought of Joan Jett’s quote: Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up that’s all.

  23. Maddie says:

    Hey Thomas! Great recap. These past episodes have led me to come to a conclusion. Caroline, Elena, and Bonnie viewpoints make a lot more sense if you regard vampirism like sex. Caroline is the first one in the friendship to go there and after a couple rocky encounters in the beginning, she now enjoys sex frequently and responsibly. Elena is the Britney Spears of the group: she has these strong desires but also has this good girl image that she wants to maintain. Bonnie is the one in long jean skirts and no makeup who condemns the wanton Jezebels she calls her friends. Your thoughts on my analogy?

  24. SoccerMom says:

    Super Stefan douche bagging powers activate! — THIS!! Pretty much sums it up right there. Dude was pissing me off.

    Not only are the hybrids completely useless and not worth all the shit Klaus is going through to make more, they don’t seem to have enough firing neurons between the lot of them to complete a circuit. And it’s gotten to the point they may as well all literally wear red shirts, because we know what’s going to happen to them as soon as we meet them. When one actually lives through something more challenging than jumping a one foot wall or more deadly than a hangnail, then I will be truly shocked. Klaus needs better help. I have a few suggestions and they are either related to him or live in Mystic Falls…

    Bravo, sir! You were in fine form for this recap.

  25. bookliya says:

    LOVED Stefan’s voice mail, Connor’s messages and Bonnie-visits-Hogwarts. At this point i’m out of all expectations of where this show might be headed and I pretty much don’t know where I want it to head. But can please somebody explain to me why this new-discovered cure brought no light on Damon’s face, though we all remember how desperately he wants to be human again? To hell with Elena, he should be more than interested to find this new plot-device. And same thing about Stefan, why doesn’t he express any wish to get some cure being tortured by ripper-self hatred? The show lost me. Let Katherine bring some sense back!

  26. katherine_fan says:

    Hey Thomas.I have to say that I loved the scene at the Lockwood Mansion where Stefan tried to convince Damon not to kill Connor for 1 reason:Stefan was right.I expected he would have told Damon about Klaus’s plan but he hadn’t and I’m disappointed in him,but he was right about the venom. It was so funny how he was trying to convince the gang to not go after Connor (for his own selfish reasons) but he used very good arguments.
    I want to talk about sth JP said in an interview.I don’t see it as a spoiler but I’m gonna mark it as one b/c I know you hate spoilers:
    JP said that the writers can’t agree whether turning Klaus human would kill his bloodline or not.And that pissed me off.This is a thing that the writers should have agreed on before they started writing this storyline.They should have figured it out,b/c it is a potentia’, major plot twist and it would affect the lives of so many people and the rest of the season’s storylines as well. I doubt the writers have a plan as to what the season should be about, who’s to die,who’s to live,etc.
    S1 and S2 were wonderfully written .Everything fell into place:why Isobel and John wanted the tomb vampires dead,why Kat wasn’t in the tomb,why she came back,why she turned Tyler and Caroline into sup. beings. I hated s3 so much because there was no plan.They were just writing stuff that were convenient for them with little to no reasoning to back them up.I’m afraid s4 is gonna be s3 2.0.Shame.

    @Brian in Shortsville
    I wrote on another website about how I wanted Bex and Katherine to team up!Klaus can’t have a clean slate after everything he’s done.He destroyed his as well as Katherine’s family (and a bunch of other people’s too.). Bex said she took her temper from her father.I say it’s about time we saw that.Klaus won’t stand a chance against Bex’s temper and Katherine’s scheming skills!

  27. katherine_fan says:

    Oh,I forgot one thing:Why are hybrids resilient to fire?Werewolves and vampires can be killed by fire so a hybrid can be killed by fire as well.Except for Klaus,because he in an Original.Stop bending the rules,show.

  28. lacysos says:

    Damn! I thought I was going to get through the entire article without one disagreement. NOT.

    “Damon asked Stefan if he wanted the cure for Elena, or so that he could have Elena, human Elena, back. I love this idea. I said last year that it would be a delicious twist if Stefan rejected Elena because of her vampirism, and I would be thrilled to see that actually happen. Especially after she was so accepting of his minor cross-country murder spree. And I also love that Damon said he would still love her no matter what.”

    You would. And knowing that Stefan hates being a vampire, while Damon actually wanted to be one, it may well turn out that he may project on her. But to be clear he did say that ‘he will always love her’ and he told Bex that he liked the idea of them spending eternity together. I think the main reason Stefan wants her to be human though is that he knows that it’s what she wants. Regardless of what he wants, she told him she never wanted to be a vampire and she’s still telling him that. Now that there’s a possible cure, I expect he’ll do whatever it takes to chase it.

    As for the many murders Stefan committed, at least he didn’t kill anyone of Elena’s friends as your wonderful Damon has killed or abused every single person in Elena’s immediate circle. So if Ms. Elena can forgive Damon she sure as hell can forgive Stefan.

  29. Pauline B says:

    JP said that the writers can’t agree whether turning Klaus human would kill his bloodline or not.And that pissed me off.This is a thing that the writers should have agreed on before they started writing this storyline.They should have figured it out,b/c it is a potentia’, major plot twist and it would affect the lives of so many people and the rest of the season’s storylines as well. I doubt the writers have a plan as to what the season should be about, who’s to die,who’s to live,etc.”

    If there is one thing I’ve learned from JP’s interviews, is that you can’t always believe what she’s saying. For all we know, she said they don’t know because it would a spoiler otherwise.
    I’m having a hard time believing they haven’t decided about that, especially since, according to other interviews, they have some of the season plot-lines planned (like who’s going to die). Like you said, it affects to many aspects to be ignored.
    I think the main problem with season 3 was they knew how they wanted it to end (by the end of S2, they knew Elena would became a vamp in 3×22), but were trying to figure out how to get there. Hopefully, it won’t be the case this season 🙂

  30. Mey says:

    @Pauline B
    A character dying isn’t a plot line or plot at all; it’s an inevitable corollary of a plot or character arc at best or just something purposely impactful, as often with TVD. I have zero problem believing the TVD writers have already thought of who they’ll kill but are nowhere with their actual plots. That is very them on the contrary lol
    The problem with s3 was in fact so many problemS, that Elena would become a vampire one season after 2×22 is something I had called myself because back then it still made sense and was something of potential but it certainly didn’t justify putting her character in a dead end so that vampirism could be forced on her wrecking the last remains of hope of her character to actually develop character. That was an actual choice, a very poor one among others that made that season what it is.
    When I still followed Julie Plec I remember her regularly boasting about being an “emergency” person, who worked almost exclusively last minute, knowing that and mostly seeing what happens on screen I don’t know how can you doubt her when she says something critical hasn’t been figured out. Although I do give you she would totally lie to the press but she could also just have shut up, if not to spare these speculations, at least to preserve the (unbelievable) image of a writing staff that knows where it’s headed? ;p

  31. Thomas says:

    Hi Sophy,

    OR OR OR … maybe Stefan gets cured, but Elena doesn’t … leading to even more “my lover is a vampire angst”!

    Tyler is just filling Klaus’ Stefan-shaped void.


  32. Thomas says:

    Hi Rachel G,

    Yeah, Damon is like a dog with a bone … when he latches on to something, he never lets go … and he’s got forever to hold on.

    Caroline was totally justified in being suspicious of Faye. And honestly, I’m still not completely sold on Fayler being platonic. They must have spent a ton of time without their clothes on.

    Dumbledore turning Bonnie into a terminator, is only one of the possibilities. Honestly, I’d much prefer her to go over to the dark side of her own volition. But I do love the Professor. Not as much as Connor, but so far I’m on board with this plot line.

  33. Thomas says:

    Thanks Laura 🙂

  34. Thomas says:

    Hi Mey,

    I’m more of a journey guy than a destination guy when it comes to stories. An episode where the characters just sat around and talked would be fine with me as long as it was entertaining.

    Yeah, it was pretty obvious that Connor was going to be short-lived, but he was a hell of an antagonist … and set some pretty high expectations as to what Hunter!Jeremy is going to be like.

  35. Thomas says:

    Hi Rona,

    Yeah, we have some great people commenting here. What’s even cooler is that I don’t really have to do any moderating. The jackasses have all found other places to troll, of their own accord.

  36. Thomas says:

    Hi Pauline B,

    Yeah, there’s a big trend in promotional material now to give everything away. It hurts enjoyment, but if it puts more asses in seats it must be okay, right? The thing is, a recurring product like a TV show can’t afford to do that, because people will get tired of the bait-and-switch.

    I kind of want to know who Faye killed to become a wolf … and I hope she’s got a bit of killer instinct hidden inside. I want to see her cut loose.

    And yeah, I kind of assume Kat will be a figment of our very hopeful imaginations, but who knows?

  37. Thomas says:

    Hi Tabi,

    I hadn’t thought of Elena’s REDRUM being a complication of who she killed, mostly because they’ve been hammering the whole guilt train thing to no end. It would be interesting if Connor’s haunting her or something.

  38. Thomas says:

    Hi Roger,

    Phoebe Tonkin has been criminally underused so far. I agree, she needs to have something awesome to do, and hopefully soon.

  39. Thomas says:

    Hi Brian,

    I pretty much never think the Big Three are in danger (or Bonnie, because god hates me). To me, it’s more about how they get out of whatever fix they’re in than if they’ll get out. Also, something like werewolf venom adds another plausible reason Team Vampire doesn’t just run foolishly forward, fangs blazing.

    I’m torn on Elena getting the drop on Connor. Based on what we’ve seen, yeah, Main Character Immunity. But honestly, based on how physically powerful even Elena is … Connor should have been dead the minute he set foot in Mystic Falls, so … I guess it’s a question of which way you want to call it inconsistent.

    Agreed, Jeremy v. Elena needs a shitton of setup … but it will be fantastic if they pull it off. Fingers crossed.

    Rumor has it that they daggered Rebekah because the combination of her and Katherine on the same screen kept lighting the cameras on fire, but I can’t find anything on Snopes to confirm or deny.

    I’m not going to speculate on Faye’s magic wolf vagina. I’m not even going to make a joke about body hair.

  40. Thomas says:

    Hi Raven,

    Yeah, I was really happy with this episode. And I agree, if Ian Somerhardtospell ever gets bored, it’ll be time to pack it all up.

  41. Thomas says:

    Hi nvo,

    I’m going to assume Elena’s heart is on the right side of her body because doppelganger. Or something. Connor isn’t the kind of guy to play just the tip.

    And it might just be me reading my own fanfic into it, but yeah, I think Stefan wants to cure Elena for selfish reasons, primarily. Even if he doesn’t know that himself.

  42. Thomas says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Yeah, I got a definite “lets reboot this to Season One” vibe from this episode. Of course, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.

    Damon’s pre-heart-rip was pretty badass. That is a guy you do not fuck with.

  43. Thomas says:

    Hi Sara A,

    Agreed. I loved the action in this episode, but I like to think that Connor is a bit smarter than to commit certain suicide via mass text message.

  44. Thomas says:

    Hi Eve,

    I loved Connor while he was here. More importantly, I think he was used to set expectations for Jeremy now that he’s got The Mark. Badass, driven, and willing to kill the people he loves are all facets of a Magic Tattoo Hunter.

    The connection between Shane and Connor hasn’t been explained other than it was Shane who sent Connor to Mystic Falls. I look forward to learning more about the Professor’s plans.

  45. Thomas says:

    Hi Engweri,

    I think a Hybrid Rebellion would be really cool. Or it could be, if the hybrids could stop been wet napkins.

  46. Thomas says:

    Thanks Angelized_1st 🙂

  47. Thomas says:

    Hi Jawly,

    My worry is that they’ll make Elena the delicate flower Stefan says she is. They’ve been beating that drum too hard for it to be all for naught.

  48. Thomas says:

    Thanks sepiriz47 🙂

  49. Thomas says:

    Hi Mona,

    I love Dark!Elena. I need more of this and less of Sad!Crying!Stefan!Codependent!Elena. And Stefan pretty much always annoys the fuck out of me. We need the Ripper back.

  50. Thomas says:

    Hi Maddie,

    That’s actually pretty insightful. Vampirism is almost always about sex, anyway, and they three girls do react like those archetypes.

  51. Thomas says:

    Hi SoccerMom,

    Stefan’s pissing me off. Must be Thursday. And yeah, Tyler is the only Hybrid worth the screen time.

  52. Thomas says:

    Hi bookliya,

    I think Damon’s desire to be human had a lot to do with Elena being human. Now that she isn’t, I don’t know that he has the same motivation.

  53. saggie22 says:

    Hi Thomas
    Am I the only one who doesn’t think we’ve seen the last of Connor? Nobody dies permanently in this show anyway, or maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part? I really don’t want him dead -dead, he’s too awesome. Other than that, great episode, and great recap!

  54. Thomas says:

    Hi katherine_fan,

    Werewolf Venom was a good reason not to just go charging in. Still, there were plenty of ways Stefan could have explained himself that would have made everything a lot easier on everybody.

  55. je says:

    i am totally tired of stelena.

    Such a boring couple, stefan is soo lame. Elena is different when she is with damon. I hope that delena will happen this season.

    And about the cure of course elena will NOT get it…probably other….klaus…or damon like in the books….

  56. Eve says:

    Sometimes I wonder, if Stefan rejects Elena because she is a vampire (or for any reason), will Damon still want her?

    It would be very entertaining if he didn’t.

  57. Mey says:

    Hi Thomas 🙂

    It’s funny (interesting 🙂 how we seem to appreciate similar things or share some basic opinions and yet come up with very different readings and degrees of satisfaction 🙂
    My biggest problem with TVD is the journeys are either sacrificed to the glory of wow twists that only bring complications into maintaining consistency, or plain absent, in which case they’ll end up being summed up in a character’s line. The show tells a lot more than it shows and when it does show it’s still often in a very weird broken fourth wall relationship were we are conned as if we were characters, which if it can be a nice angle for a specific plot is, as a mechanism, closer to giving into a habit or retcon and plain lies.

    This said, deep and heartfelt RIP Connor, no matter how given it was he wouldn’t last the season, it wasn’t his time. He was a great opponent with tons of powerful analogies attached to him and he hadn’t even had the time to hear of the invulnerable white oak stake… I’m sad for the scariest character TVD has had since Elijah’s early days.
    I am cautious with my hopes as to his death’s impact on Slayer Gilbert as, so far, Jeremy has been equally placed on the chessboard as a badass hunter and a mere emotional tool for Elena, I’m scared he’ll either be a self loathing-ish hunter or a hypocritical one, only trying to cure his sister, or an Alaric bis who won’t live to appreciate his new dark side. I’d love a Jeremy hunter who could and would challenge Damon or even the originals but I’d be pissed off if the writers sent those to kill one another far from Elena. That show would regain my suspension of disbelief if it had the guts to kill Elena for good and work on richer plots… we’ve gathered enough of material, for a while now, to explore (whether with witches, hunters or wolves), we could afford dropping the Elena’s magic hoo ha centric arcs.