The Lady of the Manor (reading my manuscript): You have a dangling preposition there.

Thomas: … I don’t think the vampire sexpot cares about her dangling preposition.

The Lady of the Manor: And that’s why I’m not a vampire sexpot.

Thomas: Want to go pick up our photos? I think it’s been eight minutes. It feels like it’s been eight minutes.

The Fiancee: We’re in Wal Mart. It might just feel like it’s been eight minutes, but it’s really been like thirty seconds.

Thomas: Like some sort of hell dimension.

The Fiancee: Would it really matter if time moved more slowly in a hell dimension? I mean, eternity is eternity.

Thomas: Yeah, but you can have more eternity.

The Fiancee: That’s… stupid.

Thomas: No, it’s totally real. Like, there’s an infinite amount of numbers between 0 and 1, and there are infinite numbers between 0 and 100, but there are more numbers between 0 and 100, because it includes all of the numbers between 0 and 1, and more.

The Fiancee: …Math is also stupid.

Thomas: So I was looking at three-ways-

The Fiancee: What?!?

Thomas: …so I was looking at three-way valves, for the sink we’re replacing…

The Fiancee: Oh.

Well, here we are, in the midst of a TVD-free summer. I figured I’d set up a post where you can talk about your wish-list for season three.

Please keep this discussion Spoiler Free: let’s talk about what we want to happen, not what the script notes our cousin Larry stole from the set says will happen.

To get you started, here are a few of my desires for Season Three:

The Fiancée: I had really weird dreams last night.

Thomas: I dreamed we got hit with a tornado.

The Fiancée: That’s not really surprising, with all of the tornadoes and tornado warnings lately.

Thomas: Would it be surprising if I said I punched the tornado until it went away?

The Fiancée: …not really, no.

@iansomerhalder: Poor Damon…
   Retweeted by @MrsSalvatore22 and 1,634,749 others

@FangBanger101: Oh no! #DontDieDamon RT @iansomerhalder Poor Damon…

@VampiresFTW: Poor Damon… #savedamon #asilaydying #tvd finale

@Sexyhalder69: We have to save Poor Damon!

@ih8weres: I can’t believe what Tyler did to Poor Damon!

Thirty-two million tweets later…

Damon Salvatore: Wait, you think I’m going to die? Ian’s just sorry that I’m surrounded by idiots.

Damon Salvatore (in the Mirror): So, Bonnie’s really good eulogy. Let’s see: Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today, to celebrate mourn the loss of that bitch our friend Bonnie, who was pretty much useless a very powerful witch, and who always put the plot other before herself. And she was… fuck, I don’t know, really pretty, and not at all annoying, and we’re really sad to see her go. Whisky.

The Producers: Last week was fantastic! People loved Elijah, and the Great Retcon of Lame Ass Curssitude went was a huge hit!

The Writers: Pat themselves on the back.

The Producers: There’s only a couple of things we want to tweak this week…

The Writers: You want us to get Elijah naked?

The Producers: No… well… but first, we want Elena to actually be the strong, smart girl that everyone’s been saying she is for the last few months.

The Writers: Got it… Elena needs to stop eating paint chips. And?

The Producers: Well, let’s make Stefan kind of a badass in this one.

The Writers: …now you’re just effing with people, aren’t you?

The Producers: Kinda.

The Producers: Okay, team, we’re in the final stretch. It’s time to bring our A-Game!

The Writers: You mean?

The Producers: Action! Mythology! Crazy eyes! Questionable parenting! And…

The Writers: Yeah?

The Producers: We have a little bit of cleaning up to do, with a certain Lame Ass Curse…

The Fiancee: So what do you want to do tonight?

Thomas: Well, Vampire Diaries is on, and then Grey’s , if it isn’t a rerun, then I’ll probably write my recap, and by that time I’ll be ready for bed…

The Fiancee: Oh… you know, your recaps are usually funnier when you sit on them for a day or so.

Thomas: …

The Fiancee: You know, to give it time to percolate…

Thomas: …

The Fiancee: They’re still awesome!

Thomas: …

The Fiancee: They’re just… awesome-er… when you wait.

Thomas: …harumph .