TM
In Which We Acquire a Corgi, And I Acquire CorgiPox
The Fiancee: We should get a Corgi!
Thomas: Well…
The Fiancee: Super Fiancee puppy eyes powers activate!
Thomas: Okay!
CorgisAreTooGoodForYou.com: Please indicate your level of commitment to this Corgi:
- I would die for this Corgi
- I would kill for this Corgi
- I would kill my first-born child for this Corgi
- I believe that this Corgi is the physical embodiment of our Lord and Savior
NoCorgiForYou.org: Please provide three character references, a veterinarian reference, a copy of your last three years’ tax returns, a copy of the deed to your house, and a DNA sample.
WeNeverHadChildrenWeOnlyHadCorgis.net: Sorry, we are only able to work with people having Prior Corgi Experience.
Thomas: I am going to murder everyone ever.
The Fiancee: Pout
FreeCorgiWithEveryCorgi.com: We have a Corgi for you!
Thomas and The Fiancee: Celebrate!
FreeCorgiWithEveryCorgi.com: Just kidding!
Thomas and The Fiancee: Harumph!
Thomas and The Fiancee: We can haz Corgi?
Pets Alive: You can has Corgi!
The Fiancee: Wishy! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?
Thomas: Hello small Corgi!
Wishy the Corgi: I’m very happy!
Thomas: Who’s a good Corgi?
Wishy the Corgi: Fluffy fluffy fluffy!
The Fiancee: You’re a good Corgi!
Wishy the Corgi: Fluffy fluffy fluffy!
Thomas: Let me just scratch your belly…
Wishy the Corgi: Fluffy fluffy murder!
Doctor Killemall: Hey, neat dog bite! Well, let me go ahead and not give you any antibiotics, and sew up all of those germs so they don’t get out!
Thomas: My vast medical knowledge leads me to agree with you!
Wishy the Corgi: This is going to be hillarious!
The Fiancee: Hey, did your arm have all those angry red streaks before?
Thomas: …shit.
Wishy the Corgi: I’m venomous!
Nurse: Well, if you’ll just come through… HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?
Wishy the Corgi: He tastes like chicken!
Another Nurse: Okay, we’re going to run roughly seventeen thousand kinds of antibiotics through you. Also, we’re giving you Vicodin’s big brother for the pain.
Thomas: I’m not really in any-
Another Nurse: Super RN narcotic drip powers activate!
Thomas: Whysh the room shpinhing?
Yet Another Nurse: So, would you like to spend the night in a hospital?
Thomas: …
Yet Another Nurse: Right! I’ll go get the admitting papers!
Wishy the Corgi: I get the house to myself tonight!
The Seventh Nurse of the Day: …and here’s your room, and this is your roommate, Cory Contagious!
Cory Contagious: Cough, sputter, phlegm!
Cory Contagious: Hey look, there’s a Bonnanza marathon! And it runs until six AM! Gurgle, cough, plague!
Thomas: …
Cory Contagious: Wait, I can’t hear anything, because I’m deaf! I better turn the volume up as high as it can go! Spasm, vomit, retch!
Thomas: Urge. To. Murder. Rising.
Cory Contagious: And the volume on the TV in the hall! Bile, wheeze, gurgle!
The Woman Down the Hall: Help! Help me! Help help help help help!
The Nurse: What can I do for you?
The Woman Down the Hall: …nothing.
The Nurse: How are you doing, Mr. Contagious?
Cory Contagious: I want to die! Twitch, ooze, decompose!
Thomas: I’ll help!
Doctor Badnews: So… looks like the infection is doing the exact opposite of healing, and we need to pump you full of enough antibiotics to drown a child. Can I interest you in a no-expenses paid vacation in one of our luxurious contamination bays?
Wishy the Corgi: I’m very expensive!
Cory Contagious: We can keep each other company! Pus, leak, infect!
The Woman Down the Hall: Help! Help me! Help help help help help!
Cory Contagious: I can’t sleep! Necrosis, fever, contagion!
The Nurse: That’s okay. Since there’s no one else in the room trying to sleep, I’ll just turn on every goddamn light in the place, and blast another Bonanza! marathon at 287 decibels. Would you like a strobe light, too?
The Woman Down the Hall: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!
The Fiancee: Say, can we go for a walk?
The Nurse: Sure!
Twenty Minutes later…
The Nurse: I meant down the hallway, not around the block.
Thomas: 0:-)
Doctor Badnews: Well, the infection looks like it’s pretty well gone, so you can go-
Thomas: Super Thomas getting the fuck out of this hellhole powers activate!
Doctor Badnews: -home.
Wishy the Corgi: I’m emotionally unstable!
Thomas: …goddammit.
The Plot: Thickens.
In which we relinquish our corgi to a better place
This one is sad, so if you’re here for vampires and dick jokes, head ye to the archives.
Wishy, the Corgi we picked up seven days ago, has been returned to the shelter we adopted him from.
You’ve probably read the story of how he gave me corgipox and put me in the hospital. We had hoped that this was just caused by the stress of moving, but his behavior has gotten steadily worse over the course of the week.
He went after AJ – The Fiancee – the other night, and I was so afraid of something happening to her that I actually broke down in tears. But we were still hopeful… we wanted to talk with a veterinarian and a trainer, and see if they could offer us any advice on how to help him. But on the way to the vet, Wishy bit me again – much less seriously this time, because AJ yelled when she saw him bear his fangs, but not for lack of effort on his part.
At this point, even the vet said that we might be in over our heads, and I was on my way to agreeing with her. But the final straw came later that night, when Wishy came running in from the other room, growling and lunging at me. At this point, we were both so afraid of him that we wouldn’t even go near him to remove his leash; we just put a gate up in front of the kitchen and let him alone.
I spoke with the shelter that night, and we all agreed that it was best if Wishy went back home.
We found out later that we’re actually his second adoptive family, and that the first people that adopted him also returned him because he bit people… something that we definitely should have been informed of ahead of time. I suppose I should be angry about that, but honestly, I’m just kind of sad.
None of this is Wishy’s fault. His first family left him alone – we suspect locked in a cage – for sixteen hours a day. He was never socialized, and he never learned to trust. He’s afraid, and he’s reacting the only way he knows how. And as much as we want to help him, we just don’t know how.
Fortunately, Pets Alive is a no-kill shelter, so we at least know that he isn’t going to be put down. Maybe they can find someone with the experience Wishy needs to finally be socialized. And if not, they’re willing to work with him for the rest of his life, giving him as much attention – and as much space – as he needs.
Goodbye, Wishy. Despite everything, we’ll miss you, and we hope your new-old home makes you happier than we could.
