30 Days on Night - Dark Days

The Blonde Chick: I used to live in Butthole, Alaska, which, as you know, doesn’t see the sunlight for thirty days at a time. And as you also know, everyone in Butthole was killed last winter, except for me. Now, I know the official story is that a rabid polar bear ate everyone, but I’m here to tell you the real story. It was vampires. The end.

The Audience: Laughs.

The Blonde Chick: Yeah yeah, laugh it up. But I have proof! A couple of vampires always show up to these talks, so I brought some bajillion-watt tanning lamps!

The Vampires in the Audience: She’s bluffing.

The Blonde Chick: Bajillion-watt tanning lamp power activate! Literally!

The Vampires in the Audience: Burn, screech, die.

The Audience: Screams, runs, calls the police.