Review - The Incredible Hulk

Shut up.

I don’t care that your boyfriend is dating a skank. It doesn’t matter to me - or anyone else in the theater, I dare assume - home many babies she’s had, or by how many different men. If I was interested in that little drama, I’d turn on Springer. But I didn’t. I came here to watch Hulk smash.

Also, for the love of all things Holy, close your mouth when you chew.

The Incredible Hulk - 30 Second Review

Ed Norton: learns how to meditate.

William Hurt: is a jerk.

Liv Tyler: can’t act.

Tim Roth: mutates.

Abomination: angers Banner.

Hulk: smash.

The Incredible Hulk - Slightly More Than 30 Second Review

A reviewer had called The Incredible Hulk a sequel to a movie no one has seen. This is an accurate description: Hulk begins en media res: Banner is already the Hulk, and has spent a considerable amount of time both searching for a cure and running from General Thunderbolt Ross. If you don’t know the origin of the Hulk, you will probably be lost. The opening credits do play over flashbacks of the original Gamma Radiation experiment (a series of scenes which strongly evoke the 70’s TV show), but that’s about all the time spent on exposition.

But here’s the thing: everyone does know the origin of the Hulk. Although the Ang Lee film from a few years ago never happened in this continuity, the film banks on people’s familiarity with it, and even with the TV series, to fill in the gaps.

And even if you don’t, you’ll be able to pick up enough along the way. Here’s a Little White Guy, who turns into a big green guy when he gets angry. Here’s a Military Guy, hunting the Green Guy. Makes sense. Hey, turns out that Military Guy supervised the experiments that turned Little White Guy into Big Green Guy. Hey, Liv Tyler couldn’t hold a teaching position at a major university if you put it in a basket for her. Uh oh… Little White Guy’s angry. Hey, look, Hulk Smash.

I think this direction is the best that Marvel could have taken with this film. It uses the awareness built by the first film, but also admits to, and corrects, the mistakes the first film made. In this film, there are no Hulk Poodles, and Hulk does, indeed, smash.

Iron Man is still the best Marvel movie ever made, but The Incredible Hulk is a worth addition to their cannon.

Also, The Avengers is going to have to be about five hours long in order to do all of these guys justice.