Alex: Remember how I said we uncovered some interesting information about Dr. Strand, but how it wasn’t relevant to our investigation, and we therefore would not air that material? Well guess what, kids? Alex changed her mind again! Turns out that Dr. Strand was married, his wife mysteriously disappeared in 1997, and the prime suspect in her vanishing … and her presumed murder … was Dr. Strand himself.

But never mind the fact that I am using a possible killer as both the subject and expert in this podcast, which is like radio for the internet! Because Richard Strand has offered to share with me yet another Black Tape, and like a crack addict jonesing for a fix, I need me some of that sweet supernatural mystery.

Nic Silver: Before you go running off, don’t you think it’s kind of odd that this deeply private man, who has called into question both your integrity and your intelligence multiple times in just a few short days, is offering to open up his research to you, when he was at first so fast to hide it from you?

Alex: Nope!

Nic Silver: Isn’t it possible that he has an ulterior motive, that he is planning to use you, and this podcast, which is like radio for the internet, and me, who is like a producer for podcasts, to further his own nefarious goals?

Alex: Of course not! There is absolutely no way that Dr. Strand has any personal connection to the supernatural, or that the disappearance of his wife will factor in to our investigation, or that I will find myself in personal turmoil and danger because of this story.

Nic Silver: All right then! Good talk!

Alex: So this Strand guy is really weird, right?

Nic Silver: Totally.

Alex: And his story would make for a fascinating podcast, right?

Nic Silver: What’s a podcast?

Alex: Goddammit Nic, you’re a podcast producer! You know what a podcast is!

Nic Silver: I know, but I want to make sure the audience knows!

Alex: Nic, they’re listening to a fucking podcast! They know it’s like radio for the internet!

Nic Silver: There, was that so hard to say?

Alex: Okay, fine. So about all of these mysterious happenings, scandalous revelations, and dark omens surrounding Richard Strand …?

Nic Silver: Eh, I don’t think they’ll factor into the story. Let’s not talk about them on the air, except maybe for a few casual mentions to drive the audience’s imagination wild.

Now, about the way you lied to Dr. Strand in order to trick him into sharing his Black Tapes with you. I’m just a little bit worried that you’re walking a thin line, ethically speaking.

Alex: That’s going to be a theme.

Alex: Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

Hapless Passerby: Um … sure?

Alex: Do you believe in ghosts?

Hapless Passerby: I guess. I mean, I never really thought about it, but … hey, is that a microphone?

Alex: What about goblins? Poltergeists? Demons?

Hapless Passerby: What are you on about?

Alex: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?

Hapless Passerby: I’m not trying to become a ghostbuster!

Alex: What about life after death? Reincarnation? The immortality of the human soul?

Hapless Passerby: I … don’t know?

Alex: IS DEATH THE END OR JUST A GATEWAY TO SOMETHING ELSE?

Hapless Passerby: Please don’t hurt me.

Black Hole Sun (S06E04)

May 10 1994 – Again

Kai: And then I went to Disneyland and peed on all the robots! And then I went to Chuck E Cheese and pooped in the ball pit! And then I went to the White House, and got all the way to the Oval Office, and then I–

Damon Salvatore: If you say one word about a cigar, I will murder you with my eyebrows.

Bonnie Bennett: Damon, no! We need this guy to escape the perpetual hell that is your plaid shirt and my skorteralls!

Damon Salvatore: …You are so lucky that I experienced so much personal growth last season.

Welcome to Paradise (S06E03)

Greaser Joe’s Grim Garage

Stefan Salvatore: Hi Greaser Joe! I need a few days off, and someone to take my recently-murdered girlfriend into the woods, bury her body, and leave his fingerprints all over the crime scene!

Greaser Joe: Yeah, no, that doesn’t sound like something I want to do at all!

Stefan Salvatore: ~~~look into my eyes~~~

Greaser Joe: On second thought, Holy fucking shit did you just admit to murder for no good reason?!?

Stefan Salvatore: Of course not! I have a very good reason. That reason is exposition for everyone who missed last week’s episode. Also, I’m kind of lonely and you’re the only person I have to talk to.

May 10 1994

Damon Salvatore: Oh no! I’m trapped in an empty hell dimension, forced to live out eternity with no company except my own dark thoughts!

Bonnie Bennett: But Damon, I’m here!

Damon Salvatore: You’re right! It’s even worse that I imagined!

I, uh … huh. Hmm. Let’s see. Elena and Caroline went to college, and so did Ghost Bonnie? And Elena’s roommate got murdered super quick, because being anywhere around Elena is terribly dangerous? And I guess the college was run by Elena’s adoptive daddy’s bad-guy buddies, and they went around torturing vampires and stuff? And Damon got turned into a bigger monster, but then he got better? And he also found his long-lost best friend, who then killed himself by getting fisted by Stefan? And Katherine was aweseome went to Hell? And then there were a bunch of Gypsies Travelers who did a whole Invasion of the Body Snatchers thing and took over Mystic Falls? And then they used Elena’s and Stefan’s blood to make magic not a thing anymore? And then everyone died? Except Blondie the Albino Witch did a spell, and Bonnie brought them all back? Except Damon, because he was super tired of this shit? I guess?

Whatever. Alaric is back, so your argument is irrelevant.

Camp Ground of Chaos

Cute Young Guy: Hey there cute young girl, can I interest you in some underage alcohol, followed by some illicit sex!

Cute Young Girl: You sure can! But first we should totally go check out that strange noise!

Cute Young Guy: That sounds like a totally reasonable and not at all dangerous plan!

Cute Young Girl: I sure hope it isn’t a vampire or something! Tee hee!

Sheriff Forbes: Nope! It’s just me, the friendly neighborhood murder hider!

Cute Young Guy: Awesome! I thought we were in real trouble!

The Shadowy Form of a Fanged Former Cheerleader: Rawr!

Sheriff Forbes: Oh well, you guys are on your own! Tee hee!

The Gotham pilot was a great hour of television. It introduced a raft of interesting characters, dropped them into an interesting situation, and lit the whole thing on fire. It didn’t have the awkwardness of most pilots; I didn’t feel like anyone was still trying to figure out their character, and the cast all seemed to work comfortably with each other.

Gotham has a great premise. The whole city is corrupt; the politicians and the cops are all on the take, there’s a mob war brewing, and the best that people can hope for is that the more restrained, less violent crime boss comes out on top. Our protagonist is the only good cop in town, new to the city and too righteous to become a part of the status quo. The inciting incident is the murder–probably an assassination–of the city’s wealthiest couple, beloved icons and philanthropists. The series arc is the ripple effect caused by these deaths. The police, the criminals, the politicians, and the people of the city will all be affected in one way or another; these murders are the straw that breaks the city’s back.

It’s a great story. There’s just one problem, and his name is Bruce Wayne.

Jim Gordon is a fascinating character. Tough, moral, and too stubborn for his own good. He’s a knight in shining armor, a man who believes in the law and in justice. He’s a man who hasn’t yet given up on the system, and watching that crumble, watching him become a man who can accept a guy dressed up as a bat and beating criminals to a pulp, will be a hell of a ride.

Unfortunately, the show feels like a tease. Because as interesting as Jim Gordon is, he will always be overshadowed by the Batman.

As far as I know, no one has ever inspected Bruce Wayne’s early life. Like Jesus, he’s the focus of a childhood tragedy, and then he disappears until early adulthood. The opening half of Batman Begins, following Wayne’s progression from would-be killer of killers into the Dark Knight, was the best part of the movie, and I would gladly watch a series about that.

I’m less convinced about watching a series about thirteen-year-old Wayne. It makes sense that this is where Batman really got his start. He’s supposed to be one of the best athletes in the world (Dick Grayson, currently Nightwing and the original Robin, is acknowledged as a better pure athlete, although Bruce is still a bette brawler), and Olympic-level athletes almost all start their training very young.

It makes sense, but it isn’t very compelling. I understand that Bruce Wayne would have to start his preparations at a young age, but I don’t particularly want to watch a thirteen year old every week. That, of course, is why Jim Gordon is the focus of the show. But whenever Jim Gordon is on he screen, I can’t help but wonder what Batman would be doing in his situation.

And, like most of these origin stories, the world of Gotham feels too small. The Penguin works for Falcone’s rival, who has the Joker up on stage. The Riddler works in the police’s CSI division. Catwoman watched Bruce’s parents get shot, and will eventually teach Batman parkour. Poison Ivy’s dad gets framed for the crime. I get that they’re exploring how the Wayne Murders affected all of these people, and made Batman’s villains as much as they made Batman himself, but it feels just a little too forced, especially all within one episode.

Gotham is a good show that is, I think, hampered by the fact that it’s also a Batman show. I think I’d be able to enjoy it more if I wasn’t waiting for a cape and cowl that will never appear.

I love how often this show starts with all of the main characters talking about how much smarter Katherine is than any of them. They hate her, and they hate themselves for never being able to beat her.

There was a lot to like about this episode. It’s nice to see the fangs making a comeback on this show (and The Originals). For too long, this show has forgotten the first word in its title. Tyler is adorable when he pretends to be good at things. The moment he walked into that cell, it was only a matter of time before Damon kicked his ass. Jeremy is on the fast train to Threewayville. And it’s cool that Bonnie is still a repository of magical knowledge, even if she can’t use it.

I love what’s happening with Damon. He’s always been a few steps over the crazy line, and his infection has pushed him ever further into badass, chaotic territory. He could have just ripped the good Doctor’s heart out, but no, that wasn’t quite enough. Damon has a long memory and an overdeveloped sense of poetry.

It’s cool to see Katherine occasionally, genuinely rocked by emotions she can’t handle. She does generally care about some people. She loved Stefan, in her own twisted way, and she genuinely felt the loss of her daughter. I wouldn’t say that it redeems her, but it does humanize her.

And that was her downfall. She’s survived for five hundred years by shutting off her humanity and doing whatever she needed to do. The moment she walked back from that, the moment she let her compassion for someone else trump her sense of self preservation, it was all over. The Gilbert Gang defeated her by making her like them.

Katherine walked into Castle Salvatore like the boss she is, and she went out the way she always had to: confronted with how terrible she’s been for the past five hundred years. No sympathy, no support. She doesn’t need that. She’s Katherine Pierce. She just reminded them that she was the best, worst thing that ever happened to them, and then …

And then Stefan reminded us why he, more than anyone else on this show, is not to be fucked with. Because when you take away the hero hair and the honor and the self control, when you take away his mask, Stefan is the Ripper. There’s already a bucket of blood on his hands, and yours won’t trouble him at all.

But Katherine got the last laugh. Even when she loses, she wins. It might be a pyrrhic victory, she may not have won, but she prevented her enemies from winning. Always bet on Kat.

It was fantastic storytelling, a perfect set of character moments. It would have been a fitting end to the legend of Katherine Pierce.

But Katherine’s story? It isn’t over yet.