Black Tape S02E04 - Voices Carry

“I … can’t do this.”

Alex hit the wall at the exact same time I did. I was this close to writing the episode off. I’m glad the opening was just a joke.

“The coroner ruled it a suicide!” “What about the buckets of blood sprayed liberally across the south-facing wall, as if painted by a demon-possessed Lowes Home Improvement Specialist using a brush formed from the pelvic bone of a virgin and the fine hair of twice-murdered children?” “That sometimes happens in suicides!”

“What about the missing family, who reported feelings of looming dread, had video tape showing their home might have been invaded, and had documented evidence that the nanny was going to sacrifice their child to Marad Al Marad, known to his friends as”He Who Slays Innocents Whilst They Slumber!" “Probably just on vacation!”

“I’m still having trouble sleeping! Mostly because I keep waking up and finding Amalia standing over my bed, clutching a butcher knife, her eyes glowing with the dull fires of some long lost hell dimension!”

“The … Song of the Oompa Loomps?” “Close enough. Here’s an excerpt: Oompa Loompa doopity do! I’ve got another demon for you! If you are wise, you’ll listen to me! Do not repeat his name times three!”

“Hi Alex! Richard Strand here. Would it be cool if I dropped by the office and throttled Amalia until she revealed where my wife is? Thanks!”

“Squarespace dot com! You should! Sell your soul to Malkezidek!”

“Knock once for yes, twice for no, there is no hope of escape and I should just consign myself to the sure and certain doom set to befall me!”

“Hi, is this Tannis?” “Yes!” “NICK! HOLY SHIT NICK! I FOUND TANNIS! ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED!” “No, Alex, that’s Tanis with one ‘n’. I’m looking for Tannis with two ’n’s. I know, right? What are the odds? A mysterious, oddly capable prophet and the mysterious, oddly cloudy prophecy share a startlingly similar name?”

“Hi Alex! Richard Strand here. Fuck this whole Scully routine. Let’s go find some demon-worshipping, wife-kidnapping, baby-eating, and most importantly, spooky-recording-on-your-cell-phone-leaving, devil-cult monks!”

“Hey Alex, I think you might have a small typo on page fifteen of your–” “GO FUCK YOURSELF NICK YOU LECHEROUS DEMON POSSESSED RUSSIAN SPY FUCKING ASSHOLE.” “–script.”

“Um, Amalia? Why are you standing over my bed chanting while I sleep again?” “Not to be worrying, Alexandra! Am certainly not whispering incantations selling soul to devil! Back to sleep now!”

“Hey Richard? About this tape labelled”Cheryl?" “WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT MY PORN COLLECTION? I mean …”