The Vampire Diaries – S02E10 – Sacrifice

Damon Salvatore: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Stefan Salvatore: What, are you kidding? This is a great idea! Now help me move this rock.

Caroline Forbes: You mean the rock that I was able to move all by myself last episode?

Stefan Salvatore: Anyway, Katherine, we’d like to make a proposition… You give us the Moonstone, and we’ll…

Damon Salvatore: Be really grateful?

Katherine Pierce: Or, you could get Bonnie to let me out of here!

Stefan Salvatore: …That is something that we could do, yes.

Damon Salvatore: ..And then Stefan was all like “sure we’ll let you out of the tomb, because you’ve displayed absolutely no sense of vengeance or misplaced rage at all!”

Stefan Salvatore: Did not! I just told her I wanted to magic moon rock, so I could make you safe!

Elena Gilbert: And how do you intend to do that?

Stefan Salvatore: Well, Slater said that… it’s… possible… and I’m kinda not clear on the details exactly, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem?

Elena Gilbert: And what happens when Klaus murders everyone I care about? Including you two?

Damon Salvatore: Elena said she cares about me! Score!

Team Dalena: Squee!

Bonnie Bennet: I’m a witch! With nosebleeds!

Luka Martin: You’re trying too hard… have you ever channeled another witch before?

The Girlfriend: Is that what they’re calling it these days?

Luka Martin: And have you ever done it in public?

A Bunch of Leaves: Go swirly.

Jeremy Gilbert: Wow, that guys weird, huh? Like, a complete looser. Totally not the kind of guy you’d date, right? Tee hee?

Bonnie Bennet: Wow, I never thought I would ever be relieved to get a text from Damon Salvatore.

Rose: Damon! It’s not nice to walk away from a naked woman! Oh! Hi Elena! Sorry, no one’s home…

Elena Gilbert: Actually, I came to see you…

Rose: Oh! Well then I’ll go get naked again…

Elena Gilbert: Um, to talk to you. Not… you know. Anyway, how do you feel about helping high school girls commit suicide by elder vampire?

Rose: I don’t think the Salvatores wold like that…

Elena Gilbert: There’s a Magic Ring of Not Exploding in the Sunlight in it for you…

Rose: Let’s get you dead!

Matt Donovan: Hi Tyler… so, about trying to goad you into killing me, and getting that girl dead… dick move on my part. We cool? Cool.

Caroline Forbes: Hi Matt!

Matt Donovan: Bye Caroline!

Tyler Lockwood: Hey babe! Wanna see my wolf den?

Bonnie Bennet: Tomb spell? No problem! I have a boyfriend! He’s a witch!

Jeremy Gilbert: Or, I could use my Magic Ring of Not Dying to go steal the moon rock.

Damon Salvatore: Or, you could stop being an annoying little douche.

Rose: Creep creep creep… gentle knock. Well looks like no one’s home time to go oh well bye bye!

The FedEx Guy: Wow, you take off even faster than we do!

Elena Gilbert: Stern look.

Rose: Oh fine… Super vampire ripping the doors apart powers activate!

Slater the Hipster Vampire: Hi guys! I’m dead!

Elena Gilbert: Why, whoever attacked you in the coffee shop must have tracked him down and killed him to step him from helping us!

Rose: You think?

Alice the Hipster Girlfriend: Hi guys! I’m terrified!

Bonnie Bennet: So I take this picture of Katherine, and sprinkle on some Magic Water of Burning, mutter so pseudo-latin, and make a Magic Powder of Katherine Weakening!

Alaric Saltzman (If He Had Been There): Should we take some stakes, too? How about some chains? Or maybe a squirt gun full of anti-vampire pot? No, just gonna hope the Katherine Dust works? All right then.

Tyler Lockwood: So, you and Matt are having trouble?

Caroline Forbes: Yeah. I think the writers want you and me to hook up, instead.

The Fans: Booo!

The Writers: Yaaaay!

Tyler Lockwood: Anyway, the family farm comes equipped with a convenient slave pit wolf pen.

Caroline Forbes: And a… Vampire Werewolf Diary.

Stefan Salvatore: I’ll go get the torches…

Damon Salvatore: And I’ll go get Alaric’s stake gun, since he’s used up his thirty seconds of screen time for this week.

Bonnie Bennet: I’ll get a container for the Katherine Dust.

Jeremy Gilbert: And I’ll concoct an asinine plan that will put everyone in danger and confirm their suspicions that I’m completely useless!

Elena Gilbert: Hi Alice! Sorry about your boyfriend. So, do you know his passwords?

Alice the Hipster Girlfriend: Really? You’re asking me that now?

Elena Gilbert: Yes. Yes I am. Now talk, or I’ll have the writers do something nasty to you.

Alice the Hipster Girlfriend: Fine. His password is “Kristen Stewart”.

Millions of Girls Around the Nation: Squee!

Elena Gilbert: Oh, and can you get a message to Klaus? Tell him that I’m on a suicide mission?

Rose: That… was not part of the plan.

Jeremy Gilbert: Hi Katherine! I’m here for the moon rock!

Katherine Pierce: :-p

Jeremy Gilbert: Stake gun! Katherine dust!

Katherine Pierce: That was mean! Nom nom nom tasty stupid Gilbert nom!

The Girlfriend: And he didn’t load up on anti-vampire pot because…?

Jeremy Gilbert: I’m an idiot!

Thomas: My girlfriend knows what anti-vampire pot is! Single tear.

Rose (On the Phone): So Damon… funny story…

Katherine Pierce: Hi Salvatores! Thanks for the snack!

Stefan Salvatore and Bonnie Bennet: Facepalm.

Elijah: So how does this spell work?

Jonas Martin: Same way every spell works! A little bit of blood, a little bit of squinting, and a whole lotta pseudo-latin!

Elijah: Hi Elena! Best. Out of body. Experience. Ever.

Bonnie Bennet: Squinty face! Nose bleed!

Jonas Martin: So… did you make friends with the Bennet witch like I asked?

Luka Martin: Yeah, I showed her my wand, all right. And I taught her how to steal my powers telepathically.

Jonas Martin: Facepalm.

Caroline Forbes: Look what I found! Torture porn, starring your wolf-uncle. Wow, that looks painful!

Tyler Lockwood: D-:

Damon Salvatore: Hi Elena!

Elena Gilbert: What are you doing here?

Damon Salvatore: What are you doing here?

Rose: Innocent whistle.

Damon Salvatore: Okay, let’s go. Out the door, into the car.

Elena Gilbert: No! You and Stefan make all of my decisions for me! And I’m sick of it! I’m going to make my own choices now!

Bella Swan: …?

Thomas: Standing ovation!

Elena Gilbert: And I chose to die at the hands of an ancient, evil vampire!

Bella Swan: Now that I understand!

Thomas: Well I’ll just sit back down then.

Bonnie Bennet: Squinty face! Nosebleed!

Luka Martin: Constipated face! Headache!

Jeremy Gilbert: Bonnie! No! It’s too hard!

That: Is what she said.

Katherine Pierce: Super vampire elbowing the annoying Gilbert into unconsciousness powers activate!

Stefan Salvatore: Super vampire rushing into the Vampire Tomb of Not Escaping to protect the annoying Gilbert powers activate!

Katherine Pierce: Hi Stefan! Kisseyface!

Caroline Forbes: Hey Tyler! I don’t think you should read this! This right here! This page that I marked! And this paragraph that I highlighted! The one about unimaginable pain and suffering!

Tyler Lockwood: …Am I getting pity sex out of this?

Caroline Forbes: Quite possibly!

The Doorbell: Rings.

Caroline Forbes: Hi Matt!

Matt Donovan: 😀

Tyler Lockwood: Hi Matt!

Matt Donovan: D-:

A Bunch of Random Evil Vampires: Hi Elena! We’d like to talk to you about doppelgangers!

Elena Gilbert: Hi guys! I’m-

Damon Salvatore: Going to have a broken arm if you don’t shut your mouth.

Damon Salvatore: Is kinda more badass now that he’s boning Rose.

Elijah: Hi guys! Heart rip! Heart rip! Heart rip!

A Bunch of Random Evil Vampires: Die.

Damon Salvatore: Okay, two things. First: that’s totally my move. Second: why the hell aren’t you dead?

Rose: Super vampire getting the hell out of here powers activate!

Elijah: That’s a great idea! Super vampire getting the hell out of here powers activate!

Damon Salvatore: 0_o

Jonas Martin: So, you left them all alive because…?

Elijah: Duh. They’re main characters. And also some crap about the Salvatores being the perfect protectors who will keep the Doppelganger safe until I’m ready to have my way with her.

Jeremy Gilbert: You’re bitchy!

Bonnie Bennet: You’re stupid!

Jeremy Gilbert: We should make out!

Bonnie Bennet: You should find an age- and race- appropriate love interest!

Elena Gilbert: Hi guys! Why is everyone…

Elena Gilbert: Weep!

Stefan Salvatore: Martyr!

Damon Salvatore: Eyeroll!

Katherine Pierce: Grin!

Stefan Salvatore: So Damon… while I’m locked away in this magic tomb, do you think you could keep an eye on my hot young girlfriend, toward whom you have shown considerable romantic and sexual attraction?

Damon Salvatore: Yes. Yes I can.

Katherine Pierce: Well that’s not going to backfire on you.

The Plot: Thickens.