Step-Up 3D

Amber: Hey, do you guys want to go see Step Up 3D tonight? We totally know the hair dresser!

Thomas: Let me ask The Girlfriend. Hey, Girlfriend, do you want to go see Step Up 3D tonight?

AJ: Yes… but do you?

Thomas: Sure, I’m game.

Thomas: Is an idiot.

Sophomore Tour Guide: …and here’s the park, where we strongly suggest you don’t go after dark, and here’s where you can buy stolen watches, and here’s the guy that will steal your watch, and here’s where they have the battle dances…

Moose: Score!

Moose: Is really called “Moose” in this movie.

Captain Douchebag: Man, you were incredible! No one’s ever beaten the Samurai in dance battle before! You need to join our team!

Moose: Sweet! What’s your house called?

Captain Douchebag: The Ass Pirates!

The Twins: Hi! We’re the Twins! We’re funny, because we’re foreign! Also: gay!

The Black Guy: Hi! I play the role of Yoda in this film!

Everyone Else: Hi! We’re extras!

A Day-Glo Ninja: Follows Moose into the bathroom.

Moose: Oh no! I’m about to be mugged / raped / tickled!

Day-Glo Ninja: No one battles the Samurai just once!

Moose: Oh no! He has a boom box wrist watch! And he’s going to dance at me! Help! Runs.

The Black Guy: So… we’re like a hundred thousand dollars behind on rent, and the bank is totally going to take our club from us.

Captain Douchebag: I don’t have time to worry about that! There’s a hot girl downstairs!

The Hot Girl: Is hot. And spastic. But mostly hot.

Moose’s Best Friend: Hey Moose! It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. Also: will you get a clue and do sex to me please?

Moose: Sorry! I’m a dancer now!

Moose’s Best Friend: Oh… well, in that case, there’s a cute guy on floor three…

Captain Douchebag: I’ve got a plan to save the club!

The Black Guy: We all get jobs and contribute to the rent?

Captain Douchebag: No, nothing crazy like that! We’re going to win Ass Jam!

The Black Guy: You mean Dance Jam?

Captain Douchebag: That too!

Captain Douchebag: Moose, we need you to win tonight’s battle! It’s at 8pm!

Moose: No can do! I have a physics exam at 8pm!

No Teenager in the History of Ever: Has signed up for a class at 8pm on Friday night.

Captain Douchebag: Come on! No one’s ever made a career out of this “electrical engineering” thing! Come and dance with us! That’s where the real money is!

Moose: Ok!

Captain Douchebag: Ok, time to train!

The Hot Girl: Ok, do you want to go over moves, or choreography, or…?

Captain Douchebag: Nope! Parkour!

Captain Douchebag and The Hot Girl: Run all over the rooftops of New York City.

Captain Douchebag: Wow, you sure are hot! I hope you aren’t related to my arch enemy or something wacky like that!

The Hot Girl: Innocent whistle.

Shao Kahn: Round One… Fight!

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Act like dogs.

The Ass Pirates: Are legitimately athletic and skilled.

Thomas: Gives credit where credit is due.

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Loses.

Captain Douchebag: This is horrible! Someone videotaped our routine and posted it on YouTube! Who could have betrayed us like that!

The Hot Girl: Guiltyface.

Captain Douchebag: Moose, we need you to win tonight’s battle!

Moose: No can do! I’m going to a party with my bestest best friend in the whole wide world ever! And I’ve been a real dick to her, so I can’t miss this!

Captain Douchebag: Forget her! It’s not like she wants to sleep with you or anything!

Moose’s Best Friend: Actually, yes I do.

Captain Douchebag: …see you at the club!

Shao Kahn: Round Two… Fight!

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Dance.

The Ass Pirates: Also dance.

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Loses.

Captain Douchebag: Sneaks into the party, kinda like Romeo.

Everyone: Is wearing masks, kinda like Juliette.

More Dancing: Happens.

The Arch Enemy: Hi Captain Douchebag! Hi… my sister!

The Hot Girl: Sadface.

Captain Douchebag: Angryface. Poutyface. Angryface

Captain Douchebag: Is a master thespian.

The Black Guy: Hey, you know how I said we were really behind on the rent? Well, they’re kicking us out.

Captain Douchebag: Don’t worry! I’ll take care of this!

Captain Douchebag: You can’t take our club!

Mr. Moneybags: Why not?

Captain Douchebag: …because I said so?

Mr. Moneybags: Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Captain Douchebag: I can’t believe that didn’t work! Now our only chance is to win Ass Jam, so we can pay our rent!

The Audience: Is on the edge of their seats. Really.

Moose and Moose’s Best Friend: Do a Fred Astair / Ginger Rogers routine.

New York City: Is conveniently set up to accomodate this.

Shao Kahn: Final Round… Fight!

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Dance.

The Ass Pirates: Also dance.

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Dance better.

The Hot Girl: Shows up, dances with the Ass Pirates, and contributes absolutely nothing of interest to their routine.

The Ass Pirates: Dance with light up track suites or something. I don’t know. The rage-filled haze was kind of blocking things out at this point.

The Teams That’s Going to Lose: Loses.

The Ass Pirates: Win enough money to pay their rent!

The Audience: Is relieved.

The Hot Girl: Is going to California.

Captain Douchebag: Is also going to California, despite his insistence on keeping his club in New York.

The Ass Pirates: Are glad to be rid of him.

Captain Douchebag and The Hot Girl: Smootch!

Moose and Moose’s Best Friend: Smootch!

The Credits: Mercifully roll.