Egypt - 3,600 Years Ago

En Sabah Nur: Okay, time to take over this new body, gain a mutant healing factor, and rule the world forever as an immortal god!

Ridiculously Competent Egyptian Guard: Time to enact my clever plan, which will destroy your massive temple and bury you beneath several millions of tons of rubble!

En Sabah Nur: But wouldn’t this plan require that you somehow modify the very structure of the pyramid I built with my mind in the after credits scene for X-Men: Days of Future Past, then quarry several multi-ton missile-boulders, and secretly position them on the missile-boulder-launching tubes you would have also needed to construct under my omnipotent nose without my noticing?

Ridiculously Competent Egyptian Guard: How about you shut up and take a nice long nap?

En Sabah Nur: Whatever.

Wolverine and Sabertooth: fight in literally every American war ever. Despite being Canadian.

Deadpool: is an uber-sarcastic mercenary with katanas. This is going to be awesome.

Deadpool: disappears for the next 85 minutes.

Sabertooth: likes the killing a bit too much.

Wolverine: peaces out.

Many Many People: get stabbed.

Wolverine’s Girlfriend: also gets stabbed.

Wolverine: So, about that metal skeleton…

Wolverine: OW OW OW OW OW WHY GOD OH WHY OW

Many Many Other People: get stabbed.

Wolverine’s Girlfriend: Surprise! I’m not dead! But I was lying about being in love with you! Except I really wasn’t!

Wolverine: buys that.

Deadpool: is back. His mouth is sewn shut. The Merc with the Mouth’s mouth was sewn shut. Because:

The Script Writer: is an idiot.

Many Many Other Other People: also get stabbed.

The Movie: mercifully ends.