Vampire Diaries – S03E13 – Bringing Out The Dead

Elijah: Hi Klaus! I can see from the look on your face that you’re not the one who set me free, so I’m going to assume it was Damon, since he’s the only one that ever gets off his ass and does anything in this town. And speaking of Damon … do you remember all those scenes where the Salvatore brothers got angry at each other and smashed up their library? How much do you think the fans would love to see us do that?

Klaus: But I just finished redecorating!

Elijah: Supermanvamp punch! Doorsmash!

Klaus: Chokeslam! Tablecrush! Daggeryonk!

Elijah: Really? You’re going to pull the dagger out of him and use it on me? You would really rather deal with someone who … well, let’s not give the fans too much info at once.

Klaus: Right you are! Oh by the way, I murdered Dad with his Enchanted Slaughter Stick and the Salvatores have our mother. That last bit’s supposed to be a secret, but it’s all over Twitter.

Elijah: Wow, some people are real dicks.

Klaus: Right? I mean sure I’ll have a hybrid bite barbiepire on her birthday and then storm in like a boss and give her a wrist job and a thousand-caret bracelet, but eve I wouldn’t spoil the biggest TVD mystery of the season!

Elijah: You have truly grown noble in the years months days I have slumbered, brother.

Klaus: You know it! Hey, speaking of noble, remember how you made a promise to stand by my side forever and always? Well Taylor Swift totally stole your catch phrase. Also, remember how you forgot to add an “unless you turn out to be an utter bastard who murdered our mother and then our father and then leaves our entire family to rot for decades at a time” claus? Well I’d like to capitalize on that oversight!

Elijah: Okay!