Vampire Diaries – S03E14 – Dangerous Liaisons

The Producers: Hi, Caroline? Yeah, come on in. We need to have a talk. So you know the whole overarching plot thing we have going on for this season?

Caroline Dries: You mean the whole Delena cock-tease?

The Producers: Yep!

Caroline Dries: And the idea that Elijah might be around for more than an episode or two?

The Producers: Yeah, exactly. And you know we never planned to give the fans what they want, right?

Caroline Dries: Haha, of course not! I mean, I don’t know about you, but I started writing television scripts because my deep-seated hatred for humanity demanded an outlet, and it was either this or join Blackwater International and kill civilians in small island nations!

The Producers: Right? I mean, we’ve all had the killing innocents fantasy, right? Anyway, speaking of our complete and total hatred for all things good and pure, it’s time to rob our fans of their hope, joy, and reason to live.

Caroline Dries: Awesome! WHo gets to do the honors?

The Producers: Well, Julie and Kevin already hit their death threat quota for the month, so we were figuring you might want to take this one?

Caroline Dries: Oh God, really? And I thought Smallville was the biggest “eff-you” I was ever going to be able to give fans! This is the happiest day of my life! I bet Twitter is going to be one big suicide party!