Vampire Diaries – S03E21 – Before Sunset

– Mystic Falls High – History Class from Hell –

Vampilaric Stabman’s ToDo List:

Grade papers
Smash students’ civil war dioramas
Torture Caroline
Fail Elena Gilbert
Vampire genocide

The Lady of the Manor: I think I prefer Dr. Jones to Evilaric as a history teacher.

– Mystic Falls High – Gymnasium of Jeopardy –

Caroline Forbes (on the phone): Hi Tyler! We should have all of the hot sweaty sex!

Tyler Lockwood (on the phone): Love to babe, but I have to pretend to be Klaus’ bitch for a while longer! Today I’m giving him a mani-pedi!

Rebekah: Hi Caroline! In order not to totally ruin this plot, I’m going to pretend my ears aren’t sensitive enough to hear a mosquito fart in a hurricane!

Caroline Forbes: That’s really nice of you! Almost as nice as coming over to clean up after yet another dance that you didn’t get to attend! Sorry your mother hijacked your body, wore you around like a meat suit, used you to steal the Ultimate Weapon of Vampire Vanquishment, then had Evilaric stab you in the heart with a Magic Dagger of Kinda Dying for a Little While!

Rebekah: Aw, thanks! And I’m sorry my mother turned your history teacher / vampire hunter / contributor to the delinquency of minors into a rage-driven, unkillable stab machine! He seemed really nice!

Caroline Forbes: He was! Totally not the kind of guy who would kidnap you, tie you to a chair, ram pencils through your hands, then gag you with a vervain-soaked rag!

Rebekah: That’s … oddly specific.

Caroline Forbes: You’re right! I sure hope that doesn’t come back to haunt me later!

Vampilaric Stabman: Funny you should say that … necksnap! Carolinedrag! Sunburn!

The Lady of the Manor: YOU KEEP YOUR WHORE HANDS OFF OF CAROLINE!

Rebekah: I’ll just be … over here, then …

Posted in • Recaps • Pop Culture • The Vampire Diaries • The Vampire Diaries - Season Three