Vampire Diaries – S05E11 – 500 Years of Solitude

I said god damn.

That felt like a mid-season finale, not the first episode off of a hiatus. It was without question the best episode of the season, and for one single reason:

Katherine Fucking Pierce, ladies and gentlemen.

The latest TVD drinking game, “take a shot when Katherine Pierce was awesome,” is a microcosm of what makes this show awesome. On the one hand, we have a vulnerable girl being comforted by her rejected and reconciled lover, and in the living room … everyone is talking shit about her.

“Katherine pretended to be stuck in a tomb!” “Katherine murdered my sister!” “Katherine murdered me! But I Guess it kind of worked out.” And you know what? They’re right. Katherine is a terrible person. She’s a bitch, a backstabber, a schemer, and a murderer.

And that’s why we love her.

Let me tell you a little secret, friends. TVD isn’t about heros. It’s about bad guys that makes us love them anyway.

Damon is the first person to admit that he’s evil. He’s a goddamn serial killer! And his sometimes girlfriend jokes about it! And Saint Stefan, he of the Hero Hair and Martyr Misery? He’s killed so many people other vampires think he’s off the rails!

The vampire legends have always been about forbidden desires and shameful indulgences, and that’s what TVD gives us. But unlike a lot of past vampire tales, TVD doesn’t stop with dirty, dirty sex.

Anyone who’s ever stood in line behind someone that can’t figure out how to work the goddamn self-checkout has wanted to snap a neck or two. Who hasn’t wanted to tell their boss, or the cops, or anyone in authority, to fuck off? Who wouldn’t want a pair of hot [insert your preferred gender here] fighting over you?

TVD lets us indulge all of those fantasies. Our “heros” can skip class, do all of the sex, and murder their way through college, and they never face any consequences.

Damon used to be the epitome of this self-indulgent fantasy, but that crown now firmly belongs to Katherine Pierce. This episode was a celebration of that fact, and it was entirely appropriate for the rest of the cast to reminisce over how she’s done that wrong.

And it was entirely appropriate for Katherine to once again fuck over Elena Gilbert.

This is what TVD was meant to be. Who cares if Klaus should have been in New Orleans and Stefan should have broken every Traveler neck in the old Witch House. It didn’t make sense, but it was fun.