TM
The Vampire Diaries – Yellow Ledbetter (S06E02)
May 10 1994
Damon Salvatore: Oh no! I’m trapped in an empty hell dimension, forced to live out eternity with no company except my own dark thoughts!
Bonnie Bennett: But Damon, I’m here!
Damon Salvatore: You’re right! It’s even worse that I imagined!
Tyler’s House of Terror
Sarah: Hi Matt! I lost my memories! And my clothes!
Matt Donovan: Jeremy, what have I told you about sleeping with the memory-charmed assault victims I bring home in order to protect the homicidal maniacs we call friends?
Jeremy Gilbert: Get it on camera?
Matt Donovan: Damn right.
Stefan’s Cabin of Carnage
Ivy: Hi Stefan! I made breakfast!
Stefan Salvatore: Yeah, this would probably be a good time to tell you that every single person who gets close to me winds up horribly murdered.
Ivy: Actually, four months ago would have been better.
Dorm Rooms of Doom
Elena Gilbert: Dear diary: God I have a lot of Damon stuff to get rid of before Alaric agrees to my totally smart plan of compelling all of my good memories away! Like I’ve got all those photos, and all those diary entries, and all those shirts that smell like him, and all those pregnancy tests, and all those police reports …
Whitmore College of Carnage
Elena Gilbert: I am so sad! I am the saddest! I cannot bear to carry these terrible memories around for one more day! I must purge my mind of all that is Damon Salvatore!
Jeremy Gilbert: Hey, aren’t you sad about Bonnie, too?
Elena Gilbert: Yeah, no, she doesn’t have a penis.
Diabolic Diner
Caroline Forbes: I can’t believe Stefan gave up on looking for Damon! We have to get Damon back so we can get Elena out of her funk so she’ll stop eating cute young couples so my mom can stop covering up for her so the town Vigilante won’t kill her!
Alaric Saltzman: Nah, it’s cool, I’m going to compel Elena to forget all about Damon.
Caroline Forbes: Awesome! Fucking around with people’s memories has never bitten us in the ass before!
Coat Check Room of Carnal Knowledge
Enzo: Prepare to be interrogated … by my penis!
Exposition Emily: Hi Enzo’s penis! You’re probably looking for the Gemini Witches! And I’ll probably be dead long before you find them!
Caroline Forbes: Hi Enzo! Would you like to help me torment Stefan into becoming the Ripper again doing exactly what I want?
Enzo: Give me five more minutes.
Exposition Emily: Tee hee!
Saltzman’s School of Witchcraft and Whatthefuckery
Alaric Saltzman: Okay, so for this to work, I need you to be completely honest.
Elena Gilbert: Damon and I used to have sex on the couch you slept on all summer!
Alaric Saltzman: Never mind.
May 10 1994
Bonnie Bennett: Wow, it sure is funny how all of these cars are from the mid-nineties!
Damon Salvatore: Yeah, that giant black disk where the sun is supposed to be is kind of distressing, too.
Bonnie Bennett: How will I live without my product placement Prius?!?
Saltzman’s School of Witchcraft and Whatthefuckery
Elena Gilbert: And then Damon kissed me and it was the best thing every and then I ran out of batteries!
Alaric Saltzman: I think you mean he kissed you and then you slapped him and then you didn’t tell me about your sex life anymore.
Elena Gilbert: That’s exactly what I just said!
May 10 1994
Bonnie Bennett: Ok, I’ve got a theory! My grams told me she prepared a safe place for me to hide in once the ~*~Other Side~*~ collapsed!
Damon Salvatore: And your theory is …?
Bonnie Bennett: This is a safe place for me to hide in now that the ~*~Other Side~*~ collapsed!
Damon Salvatore: I miss Matt. At least he talked about wrestling and stuff.
Whitmore College of Carnage
Elena Gilbert: Hi Caroline! I’m having Alaric spelunk in my brains looking for Damons!
Caroline Forbes: That sounds way more reasonable than trying to bring him back from the dead, a thing that literally done dozens of times, with far fewer consequences than memory manipulation!
Elena Gilbert: That was exactly what I thought!
Stefan’s Cabin of Carnage
Stefan Salvatore: Let’s see.. peppers, mushrooms, garlic, olives, O-positive … looks like I’ve got everything needed for a delicious date with my human not-girlfriend!
Ivy: Hi Stefan! I found some strangers wandering around town biting people and then compelling them to forget about it, and I figured since they were so weird you were probably their friend!
Enzo: Hi Stefan! I’m gonna go watch the game, be a sweetheart and bring me a beer?
Dinner of the Damned
Caroline Forbes: Hey Stefan, remember how you used to sleep with my best friend but then you murdered a bunch of people and then she murdered a bunch of people and then she started sleeping with your brother?
Enzo: Hey Stefan, remember that time I murdered Ivy to convince you to return to your search for my best buddy Damon?
Ivy: Wait, what?
Enzo: Sorry! I should have put that in spoiler tags.
May 10 1994 – This is the Day That Never Ends
Bonnie Bennett: I found my teddy bear and a book of spells!
Damon Salvatore: I found alcohol and a reason to drink lots of alcohol!
Bonnie Bennett: I’m going to teach myself how to do magic with my brain!
Damon Salvatore: I’m going to drink until I forgot you said that!
Bonnie Bennett: Would a little support kill you?
Damon Salvatore: No, but your half-assed attempts at magic might!
Tyler’s House of Terror
Matt Donovan: I’m going to strengthen my mind and body with strenuous physical activity!
Jeremy Gilbert: I’m gonna undo five seasons of character development and spark up this bong!
Sarah: I’m going to wear a low-cut top!
Streets of Slaughter
Tripp: Hi Matt! Whatever happened to that girl that was attacked by a vampire!
Matt Donovan: She’s at my house! … Wait a minute …
Saltzman’s School of Witchcraft and Whatthefuckery
Elena Gilbert:
Elena Gilbert: And then there was the Miss Mystic Falls dance, which is one of only thirteen bajillion dances I had in my senior year! And Stefan was supposed to dance with me, but Stefan was busy murdering a ton, and Damon showed up and he was handsome and dressed in a tuxedo and I wanted nothing more in the world than to tear that tuxedo off and make sweet vampire babies with him!
Alaric Saltzman: You know that’s not how it works, right?
Haley the Hybrid: Yeah, don’t listen to him on that.
Alaric Saltzman: Okay, so look into my eyes and remember that Damon never danced with you, and he never wore a tux, and in fact he dressed like a hipster and had a little beer belly and he was always talking about how he was totally into that band before you!
Elena Gilbert: This is dumb and I don’t want to do it anymore!
Alaric Saltzman: God damn it Elena we will see this dumb plan of yours through to the bitter end even if it kills dozens of innocent coeds! Which it will!
May 10 1994 – It Just Goes On and On My Friends
Bonnie Bennett: I hate 1994!
Damon Salvatore: Um, Bonnie? You’re wearing flannel, Reebok Pumps, and a fanny pack, listening to Perl Jam, quoting Forrest Gump, and you keep saying “The Juice is Loose.” I think you’re adjusting to 1994 just fine.
Stefan’s Cabin of Carnage – Dinner and a Death
Enzo: So Stefan, how long have you been hanging out here banging Little Miss Soon to Die and not looking for my boyfriend?
Stefan Salvatore: Oh, I don’t know, a few days?
Ivy: Stefan, you’re so silly! You’ve been living here with me for the past two months!
Caroline Forbes: That’s it Stefan Salvatore, prepare to be scowled at!
Enzo: Yeah, I prefer to just stab him. Handstab!
Caroline Forbes: Enzo! Ixnay on the urdermay in front of the bloodbag-ay!
Saltzman’s School of Witchcraft and Whatthefuckery
Alaric Saltzman (on the phone): Hi Caroline! I’m having trouble completing Elena’s terrible plan!
Caroline Forbes (on the phone): That’s because she doesn’t want to admit that she fell in love with Damon while she was still banging Stefan!
Stefan Salvatore: I’m right here you know!
Enzo: Throatpunch!
Stefan Salvatore: Facesmash
Enzo: Dickkick!
Stefan Salvatore: Ballsmack!
Caroline Forbes: Also, we’re about to murder a girl, so I gotta run.
Stefan’s Cabin of Carnage
Caroline Forbes: How can you just abandon your search for Damon?!?
Stefan Salvatore: Because I, unlike you, am smart enough to realize that they’re saving their escape from *~*The Other Other Side*~* for a big episode, like the mid-season finale or the third week in October!
Caroline Forbes: Okay, let’s leave Damon out of this! How have you not figured out that I have been metaphorically throwing my panties at you for the past two years?
Stefan Salvatore: Yeah, sorry. I bang brunets and make buddies out of blondes.
Caroline Forbes: Oh yeah? Well your hair is dark so you can go fuck yourself!
Stefan Salvatore: Have you seen my forearms? How do you think I get these veins?
Saltzman’s School of Witchcraft and Whatthefuckery
Elena Gilbert: Drugs! Damon! Drugs! Damon! Drugs! Damon! Drugs! Damon!
Alaric Saltzman: Elena, drugs are bad! And as an alternative, I suggest letting me root around in your brain, leaving my fingerprints everywhere, hacking out all of your hopeful thoughts and pleasant memories, eventually turning you into a soulless, bloodlusted monster who desires nothing but violence and woe!
Elena Gilbert: Oh, well when you put it that way, sure!
Alaric Saltzman: Okay, so tell me when you really fell in love with him!
Elena Gilbert: That’s easy! It was that time I was going to break up with Stefan and Damon gave me the necklace that Stefan gave me that made me vampire proof!
Alaric Saltzman: Okay! That should be easy to take away! Elena Gilbert, look into my eyes and forget that anybody ever did anything nice for you!
Elena Gilbert: Okay! Wow, I have everybody and I’m going to go on a murderous rampage the like of which hasn’t been seen since that time they canceled Secret Circle and Stefan murdered every blonde girl in cloppy shoes he could find!
Alaric Saltzman: My work here is done!
Dorm Rooms of Doom
Caroline Forbes: Hi Elena! I’m super sad because your ex-boyfriend won’t sleep with me!
Elena Gilbert: Hi Caroline! I’m super happy because I skipped class and hung out with Alaric and he turned me into a murdering fiend with nothing but hate and malice in my heart!
Caroline Forbes: So we’re having similar days then?
Stefan’s Cabin of Carnage
Enzo: Hi Stefan! You made Caroline cry, so I’m going to break the neck of every girl that even thinks about having sex with you until Damon comes home!
Ivy: That sounds like a terrible idea!
Stefan Salvatore: Okay, Enzo? You know how I kicked your ass three scenes ago?
Enzo: Yeah?
Stefan Salvatore: That doesn’t count anymore, and you’re totally stronger than I am now.
Enzo: Awesome! Necksnap!
Tyler’s House of Terror
Jeremy Gilbert: Hi Bonnie! I paid your cell phone bill again, just so I could call your voice mail, hear your voice, and yell at you for telling me you were going to die over the goddamn phone. Also, I’m having lots of meaningless sex. So there!
Matt Donovan: Jeremy! I have learned strange and concerning things about the girl you’re banging! And as a member of the Community Protection Council, I must insist she depart these lands!
Jeremy Gilbert: That’s totally not a thing.
Matt Donovan: Sure is! We’ve got a secret handshake and a vampire murdering Winnebago and everything!
Tripp’s Vampire Murdering Winnebago
Tripp: Hi everyone! My name is Tripp Fell because this show is fucking awesome! Also I’m a huge murderer. Have fun burning alive!
A Van full of Vampires: Sadface.
May 10 1994 – Some People Started Living It Not Knowing What It Was
Bonnie Bennett: Curse my lack of 90s grunge rock! I cannot finishe this crossword puzzle to save my life!
Damon Salvatore: Yes you can. Look, you wrote the answer right there. Yellow Ledbetter.
Bonnie Bennett: Oh no! Damon! That answer came from inside the house!
Fun Facts!
The solar eclipse depicted in this episode was a real event, thus averting a critical research failure. As shown in the episode, the eclipse was an annular solar eclipse, where the moon passes in front of the sun but does not obscure it entirely, making the sun appear as a ring.
I love it when a seemingly-normal, real-world event can be given a supernatural spin. One of my own stories centers around the December 2010 lunar eclipse, which also happened to occur on the Winter Solstice, December 21st.
May 10 1994 is also the day Nelson Mandela was inaugurated as South Africa’s first black president, and the day cannibal serial killer John Wayne Gacy was executed by lethal injection.
Post Mortem
This could have easily devolved into a clip show.
A clip show, for those unfamiliar, is the laziest form of all television, lazier even than starting another spin-off of Law and Order. A clip show is where you have a paper-thin frame story and use it as justification for an hour or so of flashbacks, meaning you don’t have to actually write or film much of anything. They’re universally hated.
This was not a clip show. Sure, it was a chance to relive some favorite moments of episodes past, but it earned those moments. It earned them with another patented Elena Gilbert’s Shitty Plan of the Week, but that’s kind of why we watch this show, isn’t it?
Right now, I think Enzo is a better foil for Stefan than Damon has been. Enzo has the same devil-may-care attitude Damon used to have, and he’s got a legitimate reason to be super pissed at Stefan.
Caroline’s heartbreak was very well done. She’s been carrying a torch for Stefan for a long time now, and finally realizing that its unrequited. This is much more dramatic than, for example, Damon and Elena being happy together. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: good stories are about making the characters you love miserable.
I like the idea that Damon and Bonnie are trapped in an ever-repeating cycle, one because it’s Timey Wimey, and two because it makes sense. Witches in this show draw power from astrological events, and Gramma Bennett set up a petty massive spell in one of the only ways she could: by creating a place where she would always have a solar eclipse to draw energy from.
The fact that there’s someone else trapped in there with them is not frightening, though, at least not yet. I mean, the guy’s a Perl Jam fan. How dangerous could he be?
