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The Vampire Diaries – S05E11 – The Devil Inside
All hail the queen.
Katherine has long been the best character on this show, and it’s fantastic to watch her steal Elena’s life.
She’s one of the few characters who isn’t critically blind to the weak spots in her plans. Matt is a former Traveler-host, and knows about body jumping? Bang, he’s compelled. Elena is fighting for control of her own body? Boom, Kat imported an actually competent witch to shut that whole thing down.
Watching Katherine destroy Damon was beautiful. It’s no secret that I love Damon, but as I’ve said time and time again, drama comes from making the characters you love miserable. And that was proven true when Damon left the party and went right back to his old, murderous ways. This is the Damon I want to watch, the fun-loving bastard who’ll kill you as soon as talk to you. He’s been neutered for at least a season now, and its great to see him back in form.
To all those who’ve asked, no, Bonnie hasn’t mentioned that Katherine didn’t pass through her, but I am 100% certain that she will bust out that information at a plot-appropriate time. Another thing to note; Elena hasn’t passed through Bonnie yet, either, so she’s still in play. Sadly.
Because Elena really is too dumb to live. Huh, I just woke up in the Magic Tomb of Not Leaving, staring at Katherine’s corpse, while her daughter looks on and a Traveler mutters Romanian death curses over me? Well, they’re probably not trying to steal my body from me, so I’d better let them all live!
Seriously, Elena has killed plenty of times in the past, and she knows how dangerous Katherine and Nadia are. There is absolutely no reason for her not to off everyone in that room and then burn Kat’s body. Except for the fact that that would be the end of the best character on the show.
I’m curious to see if and how Katherine let’s Stefan know that it’s really her in Elena’s body … and if Stefan will fight to keep Katherine around rather than Elena. Katherine is his One True Love. Even fate wants them together. It’d be a shame to pass up that opportunity.
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It was also fun to watch Katherine wreck the S.S. Cyler. Okay, sure, Klaus murdered Tyler’s mother, but Tyler seems to have forgotten that time he let Oliver Queen lock her in a cage and torture her.
That’s the thing about this show: there is absolutely no room for anyone to take the moral high ground, because all of them have done terrible things. And that’s part of why I love this show.
Vampire Diaries – S05E11 – 500 Years of Solitude
I said god damn.
That felt like a mid-season finale, not the first episode off of a hiatus. It was without question the best episode of the season, and for one single reason:
Katherine Fucking Pierce, ladies and gentlemen.
The latest TVD drinking game, “take a shot when Katherine Pierce was awesome,” is a microcosm of what makes this show awesome. On the one hand, we have a vulnerable girl being comforted by her rejected and reconciled lover, and in the living room … everyone is talking shit about her.
“Katherine pretended to be stuck in a tomb!” “Katherine murdered my sister!” “Katherine murdered me! But I Guess it kind of worked out.” And you know what? They’re right. Katherine is a terrible person. She’s a bitch, a backstabber, a schemer, and a murderer.
And that’s why we love her.
Let me tell you a little secret, friends. TVD isn’t about heros. It’s about bad guys that makes us love them anyway.
Damon is the first person to admit that he’s evil. He’s a goddamn serial killer! And his sometimes girlfriend jokes about it! And Saint Stefan, he of the Hero Hair and Martyr Misery? He’s killed so many people other vampires think he’s off the rails!
The vampire legends have always been about forbidden desires and shameful indulgences, and that’s what TVD gives us. But unlike a lot of past vampire tales, TVD doesn’t stop with dirty, dirty sex.
Anyone who’s ever stood in line behind someone that can’t figure out how to work the goddamn self-checkout has wanted to snap a neck or two. Who hasn’t wanted to tell their boss, or the cops, or anyone in authority, to fuck off? Who wouldn’t want a pair of hot [insert your preferred gender here] fighting over you?
TVD lets us indulge all of those fantasies. Our “heros” can skip class, do all of the sex, and murder their way through college, and they never face any consequences.
Damon used to be the epitome of this self-indulgent fantasy, but that crown now firmly belongs to Katherine Pierce. This episode was a celebration of that fact, and it was entirely appropriate for the rest of the cast to reminisce over how she’s done that wrong.
And it was entirely appropriate for Katherine to once again fuck over Elena Gilbert.
This is what TVD was meant to be. Who cares if Klaus should have been in New Orleans and Stefan should have broken every Traveler neck in the old Witch House. It didn’t make sense, but it was fun.
Vampire Diaries – S05E02 – True Lies
Bonnie Bennett: Dead diary: today I learned that being a non-corporeal spirit isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be, especially when you’re watching your father get murdered.
Jeremy the Vampire Slayer: I’d totally give you a hg right now, but you know, non-corporeal spirit and all.
Katherine Pierce: Wow, running through the woods wearing nothing but a slinky bathrobe is way less fun now that I can actually get hurt and run out of breath.
Tessa Tattle Tale: Hi Katherine! I’m gonna give you to Silas! Pepper spray!
Katherine Pierce: Hi Tessa! I’m going to pound your head into the asphalt! Asphalt!
Matt Donovan: Hi Katherine! I have a shotgun and a death wish! Make my day!
Vampire Diaries – S05E01 – I Know What You Did Last Summer
Once again the Dark Times came, and joy fled the land like a Bulgarian princess fleeing the wrath of a Jewish Viking angered that her suicide prevented him from murdering her himself.
Not that joy was a constant, nor even common, companion in the enchanted Falls. No, this was a land where a single year stretched out across four seasons, and the bonds of love and loyalty stretched to the breaking point and beyond. A place where motives were murky, sympathy was a switch, and evil enticing.
Once again a villain rose to challenge our heroes, and once again the Teachers spun a tale of bravery and cowardice, of heroism and treachery, of life and death and all states in between.
And that was just Katherine.
The battle raged as fierce as the howling winds. Champions fell and villains were vanquished as the war rocked the ever-dwindling community. The price paid was steep. Immortals fell from grace. Hunters bowed their knee. Progenitors fled to New Orleans. Sorcerers succumbed to the siren song of death. And a lover spurned learned that his unrequited was not the only creature entangled with a soul from the past…
Darkness closed in and air grew scarce, until finally, there was nothing.
But once again the Teachers spake, bidding us to heed the lessons of the past, reminding us of what happened…
Vampire Diaries – S04E23 – Graduation
Before we begin, I’d like to mention that my latest Vampires of St. Troy novel, Scion is now available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords, with Apple iBooks and paperback versions coming soon. You can read the first chapter here. A huge thank-you to everyone who’s already bought it, and if you liked it, please leave a review on Amazon for me.
And now that we’ve gotten the shameless self-whoring out of the way …
Kol: Hey, anybody else realize that the so-called “heroes” of this show kind of do terrible things on a regular basis and risk ending the world all so they can get laid? Just me? Okay then. But we can still gang up to kill them, right?
Damon Salvatore: Hi Stefan! Ready to graduate for the seventeenth time?
Stefan Salvatore: You bet! Right after I get done hanging out with my best friend slash sober sponsor Lexi … you know, the one you murdered in cold blood?
Damon Salvatore: So I guess it’s up to me to stop the world from ending?
Vampire Diaries – S04E22 – The Walking Dead
Stefan Salvatore: Elena, if you want to get through your hategrief, you have to focus on one single thing!
Elena Gilbert: I tried, Stefan! I tried focusing on smashing these concrete blocks, I focused on smashing those wooden boards, I focused on doing pullups, and I even focused on the awesome CW soundtrack! But the only thing I can get happy about is my idiotic quest to murder a vampire five hundred years my senior!
Stefan Salvatore: Yeah, so when I said “focus on one single thing,” I was kinda talking about Little Stefan.
Elena Gilbert: …I’m gonna go take a shower.
Stefan Salvatore: Need help? :-)=
Elena Gilbert: No.
Stefan Salvatore: :-(=
Vampire Diaries – S04E21 – She's Come Undone
Caroline Forbes: Hi Elena! I’m valedictorian!
Matt Donovan: And I got a full ride college scholarship!
Bonnie Bennett: And I have an actual, interesting plot line!
Elena Gilbert: Huh. Back at school. Yep, the Salvatores have finally resorted to torture.
Vampire Diaries – S04E20 – The Originals
previously, on The Vampire Diaries…
Damon Salvatore: Man! I can’t believe it’s been five whole hours and Elena still isn’t doing exactly what we want!
Stefan Salvatore: This sucks! It’s almost like the world doesn’t revolve around us anymore!
Katherine Pierce: Hi guys! Since Nina Dobrev is currently playing a desiccating corpse, I figured I’d drop by and wreak vastly entertaining havoc!
Stefan Salvatore: That’s great Katherine!
Damon Salvatore: Except we aren’t in this episode!
Katherine Pierce: :-(=
Vampire Diaries – S04E19 – Pictures of You
previously, on The Vampire Diaries…
Bonnie Bennett: Okay, thanks for filling me in on all of the past week’s wacky shenanigans, Stefan! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run an errand in the most popular spot in town!
Stefan Salvatore: The Grill? The High School? My living room? We don’t really have a whole lot of other sets.
Bonnie Bennett: No, silly! The cemetery!
Jeremy the Vampire Slayer: Hi Bonnie! I’m dead, but it’s all right! You can make all of this better by ending the world just a little bit!
Bonnie Bennett: That sounds like a great idea!
Jeremy the Vampire Slayer: Also, this is a dream! Also, you may have set your house on fire in your sleep.
Bonnie Bennett: Wow, it’s almost like I’m slowly losing control of my powers, posing a danger to myself and everyone around me!
Vampire Diaries – S04E18 – American Gothic
previously, on The Vampire Diaries…
Rebekah: Elena Consuela Gilbert, you get your pert little butt back in this car right this instant!
Elena Gilbert: Chill out, Rebekah! I have to pee!
Rebekah: Okay, two things. One, we stopped at a gas station just ten minutes ago, and you could have peed there. Two, you’re a vampire, and you don’t even pee.
Elena Gilbert: Okay, so be “pee” I meant “tear out an innocent bystander’s throat in the middle of the sidewalk in broad daylight in front of dozens of witnesses, thereby demonstrating exactly how many shits I do not give.”
Rebekah: And I suppose you’ve forgotten all about our plan to track down Katherine, steal the cure, preserve your immortality and get me pregnant?
Elena Gilbert: Hey, maybe we’ll find a clue to Katherine’s whereabouts here in town!
Rebekah: Oh come on, the odds of running into someone who even knows who Katherine is in this random podunk town are about a million to–
Lanie: Hi Katherine! Good to see you again! Would you care for a quick sip from my cephalic vein? Have you picked up any other supernatural trinkets you’d like me to hide in my sock drawer? Any dastardly plans I can assist you with and then immediately forget?
Rebekah: …Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.
